Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, from the Harry Potter Series, just the ones I make up.
Harry Potter
Until Always
Chapter 4
Severus lay in bed that night with every scenario of what could go wrong, coursing rapidly through his mind. He stays awake for hours and listens for any sound that would indicate that Lily is up moving about. Finally, he sits up when he hears the door to Lily and Harry's room slowly squeak open.
Had he told Lily where the bathroom was located? He continues listening and frowns when he hears her soft footsteps beginning to descend the stairs. He waits for what feels like an eternity before he rolls himself out from beneath the comfort of his warm, cosy covers. He wants to give it a few minutes before he crosses the room toward his bedroom door.
He opens the door as quietly as possible but this door also has a slight squeak and he doesn't want to risk waking the sleeping child. Harry had awoken once previously and it took Lily a long time before she managed to get the boy to go back to sleep. It took so long that it made Severus want to go in and try to help her. Or at least offer her a sleeping draft that might help, but he felt like that would be crossing some sort of line. So he waited. Just when he started to get up, he noticed that the child was starting to quiet, so he returned to his position on the bed; Severus could only assume that it was the environment inflicting the small child.
This time, he tiptoes down the hall and down the stairs in search of Lily. She is easy to find because the kitchen light is on over the sink. Severus moves closer as Lily's quiet sobs float to his ears.
"Lily?" Severus blinks rapidly as his eyes try to adjust to the light's sudden intrusion.
Lily grips her steaming cup, which she made magically in the hopes of keeping as quiet as possible, startled. Inhaling a ragged breath she turned her face toward the window so Severus could no longer see the tears trickling down her cheeks. "Severus. I'm so sorry, did I wake you?"
"No." he says matter of fact as he crosses the kitchen, grabbing the kettle off the stove and running water into it from the faucet. He does his best not to acknowledge Lily's tears, their very existence abrading across his soul without clemency.
"Would you like another cup of tea?"
Lily sniffles as she wipes her tears away with her arm. "Please. This cup is atrocious. I don't know why, but every time I magic myself a cuppa it never quite tastes right. "
Severus got a cup out of the cupboard and cast a wordless muffling charm over the kettle so that when it whistles it will not wake the sleeping child. He scoffs a little at Lily's words.
"What?" A small laugh came from Lily's lips. It warms him ever so slightly. "Do you think it's all in my head?"
Severus places the two tea cups on the table in front of Lily and drops a single tea bag in both. "Oh, it is."
Lily couldn't stop the next laugh that escaped. "What? Are you serious?"
Severus can't look at her as the corners of his mouth turn slightly upward. "Eminently so. "
Lily folds her arms playfully, "Oh really? Well, Mr. Cheeky, why don't you taste it and then you tell me what you think?"
She pushes the still full teacup toward Severus.
"Do I have too?" Severus says as he places the milk and sugar on the table.
"Yes. Mr. Know-it-all." The playfulness in her voice reminds Severus of the old times.
Severus rolls his eyes as he slowly lifts the cup to his lips. The second the amber liquid passes through them, he can't stop the visible recoil of disgust from scrunching his face.
"See!?" Lily states matter of factly as she extends his arms out toward him.
"It's atrocious! That's what I was trying to tell you!"
Severus let out a short laugh, "It's far too sweet. "
"What?" Lily takes the cup from her male companion and looks down at it
"You've always liked your tea disgustingly sweet, Lily. It tastes the same as I remember."
Lily rolls her eyes as a smile touches the corner of her lips. "Is it? Or do you just like yours bitter?"
Severus chuckles, "Is it bitter or is yours drowned in sugar?"
"Touche," Lily says with a laugh. "Water is done."
Severus turns, flipping off the burner and grabbing the kettle off the stove just as it starts to whistle.
Once the tea is done, Severus gingerly places a cup in front of Lily, who reaches forward and pulls it toward her. Clutching his own mug, he circles the table to take the seat across from her.
The silence quickly drifts over them. Severus watches as Lily grips the steaming cup in both hands as she gazes down at the slowly darkening liquid.
"Lily?" Severus says slowly as he watches the stray tears trickle down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away as she looks up at him with a forced smile. Severus' heart twists violently in his chest, somehow removing the oxygen from his lungs.
"What's up, Sev?" she says as cheerfully as she can.
"Lily… are you… I mean…" Severus' words fail him as he tries to find a way to comfort his only friend.
"Thanks for letting us stay here, Severus." Lily interrupts as she glances around the room. "It doesn't really look like it's changed since we were little."
Severus shrugs, "It's the way my mother liked it."
Lily nods slowly, "I remember."
She isn't quite sure what to say then, shifting her eyes away from him as she slowly sips her tea. The moment the liquid touches her tongue she pulls the mug away quickly and makes a face.
"It's still hot."
"Don't be smart." Lily chastised him playfully.
The corner of his mouth turns up as he starts to reach over the table before he stops and pulls his hand back.
"Lily," he says slowly, waiting for her green eyes to meet his black ones.
"Yeah, Sev?"
"You know, you and the boy, Harry, can stay here as long as you want to, right? You won't be in the way, you could never be an inconvenience."
Severus focuses on Lily's hands as she grips the cup tighter. "You know you can talk to me…" Severus could not stop the falter of his voice as he saw her hands beginning to shake. "About how you are feeling, right?"
Lily pauses for a moment as her eyes drift down to her cup once more, her heart unraveling at its edges. Her words won't seem to come to her, she can feel herself drifting away from her consciousness at the thought of her James.
Severus watches the steadily growing trimmer in Lily's hands as it edges his brain into panic mode. He didn't stop himself this time when he reaches over and carefully envelopes her smaller hand into his larger one. "You don't have to answer me or anything Lily. I mean I would like for you to confide in me but only when you are ready or if you even want to. I don't want you to feel obligated or anything...I just want...I mean….you're not alone is all. You have someone to talk to if you need to...that's all."
Lily gazes at the larger hand that covers hers and for a moment the warmth swells within her chest. Her eyes slowly shift up to meet the hazel eyes across the table. Lily's breathing ceases instantly as she gazes into the eyes of her husband. Her heart does a leap within her chest before it plummets to pieces at her feet. Lily closes her eyes and takes in a gasping breath.
Severus rubs his palms nervously over his pant legs. He has royally botched this whole conversation. Why did he think he was capable of showing any sort of empathy? He is on his feet quickly, he needs to remove himself from the situation before he somehow causes more irrecuperable damage to their relationship. He did already destroy it once at the age of fifteen.
"Don't worry about cleaning up." Severus says hastily. "I'll do it in the morning…."
"I…. I don't really know how I feel…" Lily says slowly, barely loud enough for him to hear her. His feet glue themselves to the floor the moment he hears her words.
"It's like I can't wrap my head around it, or feel much of anything. I keep waiting for him to come get us. For James to tell me that it's all going to be okay. It's like I'm mad at him for running late and then I have to actively remind myself that he's gone… he died and he won't be coming back… he can't come back. Then I suddenly remember and it feels like I'm dying. Like it's not possible for me to feel anything. My heart has been ripped out of my chest and I just want to scream."
Tears leave trails along Lily's cheeks as they slide down her face. "And then I think, why us? Why did it have to be our family and not someone else's? Which makes me feel sick. How can I wish this on another family? I can't! If I did I would be no better than that monster who ruined our lives. We had a fight you know… James and I… we fought… we fought, and me telling him that I loved him wasn't the last thing he heard me say. It should have been the last thing I ever said to him, but it wasn't. I need it to be and it wasn't. We fought over something trivial and I was so mad… over something so stupid! It wasn't a big deal, but at the time it felt like it was! It was a cup. Just a stupid cup. He always left the damn thing wherever he wanted and never put it in the sink and now I will never see that stupid cup again because my husband is gone. He left Harry and I behind and I did absolutely nothing to help him… Nothing. I left James on his own to die! I left him to die by himself, Severus! What kind of wife does that? What kind of person does that?"
Lily swallows hard. "I should have died with him, Sev. I should have been down there with him but instead I had to listen to him die. I heard him hit the floor! While I ran away… I ran away while my husband was murdered!"
Lily covers her ears with her hands as she fights the urge to scream, "He hit the floor and I did nothing! Then I think of Harry and I'm glad he has one of us. It's the wrong one… but at least he's not on his own, right?"
Taking in a deep breath she slowly comes back to a dazed reality. "I… I… I'm sorry, Sev." She wipes the tears from her face as she stands, snatching up her cup and hurriedly placing it in the sink before fleeing the kitchen in tears. "I'm so sorry."
Severus' heart seizes at her distraught expression as she hurries past him. It takes a moment for his brain and his body to make the connection that he needs to move. He turns and hurries after her. "Lily, wait! Lily, please." But by the time he reaches the top of the stairs, he can see the door to her and Harry's room closing behind her.
Lily covers her face with her hands as she cries and leans against the door that conceals her and her son away. Once she collects herself as best she can, she walks on shaking legs to the crib. She gazes at her sleeping son as her need to hold him intensifies. Slowly she reaches in and lifts the slumbering child into her arms, carefully trying not to wake him, though she wouldn't mind if he did. In that moment she needed him more than anything. She gently places him on the bed and crawls in beside him.
She curls herself around her son protectively. "Harry… My sweet Harry. Do you know how much I love you? I promise I will do everything that I can for you.."
She carefully runs her fingers through his hair as she kisses him on the head. "I'm sorry that you ended up with me love. I know your daddy could have protected you better than I could but I'll be damned before I let anything happen to you. I promise…"
Severus stands in front of the door that keeps him away from his distraught friend. He raises his hand to knock but can't bring himself to do so. Instead he just leans back against the wall in frustration.
"Lily," Severus murmurs as he slides down the wall until he finally makes contact with the floor. Her words keep echoing in his mind.
Severus rests his head against the wall with a sigh. He closes his eyes as her muffled sobs float to his ears. "I promise you Lily… you're not the wrong one."
There you go everyone! I hope you enjoyed the new chapter! I would like to think my beta WrathofMacy for all her work on this chapter! Until next time everyone! Please review and have a great day!
