Lisa
"You're pretty quiet, everything okay?"
I try to ease into the conversation, resting my hand on Jennie's leg across the console. Maneuvering my truck with one hand, I steer us towards my apartment, a rare night spent at my place while Lily has a sleepover with DK at his hotel.
She doesn't look at me, my gaze seeing nothing but long brown hair as my girl looks out the window of the truck at the dark night sky.
"Babe?" I shake her leg a little, needing for her to talk to me.
Her ex-boyfriend showing up today was a surprise, one that tilted our perfect little world off-kilter, leaving the status of what we were and who I was to Lily up in the air.
"Sorry, I'm just … digesting." Her smile doesn't reach her eyes when she looks over at me in the dim light of the car.
The day had a tenseness about it, an undertone that I couldn't joke away. Normally, I'd have laughed it off or played some goofy prank, anything to keep from getting too serious about everything. But with DK dropping in, I knew this was serious. And I seriously didn't like that guy. What kind of father didn't see his child for close to six months, and then just waltzes in unexpectedly to claim glory and her love. I saw how hard Jennie worked to parent Lily, to love her and provide for her.
My fist clenched on the wheel, a streak of anger I didn't know I had in me overwhelming my system. If that guy would have taken one step out of bounds today, I would have clocked him in the nose.
I give her some space, letting her think during the rest of the ride, until we reach the door to my apartment. As soon as we walk inside, I wrap her in a hug, needing to feel her just as much as I want to comfort her.
"Don't worry about it, babe. Give it some time. He may be serious in wanting to be a more active part of her life … which is a good thing. Or this may be a fluke, and he could be gone tomorrow."
I bend down, letting my lips take hers, trying to smooth away the stress I know is vibrating through her.
She breaks off, walking across my apartment. "Don't worry about it? I can't just not worry about it, Lisa … this is my child we're talking about."
I hear the annoyance in her tone. "That's not what I meant—"
"I get that you don't have to bother yourself with such serious matters, but this could have some disastrous complications on my life."
I can feel the wheels of anxiety start to turn in her head, and all I want is to wrap her up in my arms. But instead, I try to reason with her, and let the backhanded comment about me slide off my shoulders. "I know that, babe, but you can't go into panic mode just yet. Let's take a breath, calm down."
She throws her hands up. "Calm down?! Did anyone ever tell you not to tell a woman to calm down? This is my daughter, Lisa! He's threatening to take her away from me, and you're advice is to breathe! Like some horrible fortune cookie or something."
"He threatened to take her?" The sentence blindsides me.
Jennie stomps across the apartment, her coat and purse still on. "Yes! He said that because I was gallivanting around with you, that he was going to go to the courts about custody."
The accusation smacks me in the face, and guilt roils in my gut. So I put her in this position. "He can't do that, can he?"
She faces me, the look on her face saying that I must be the dumbest son-of-a-bitch alive. "Of course he can. We never had a formal arrangement, had always said we'd work it out between us. But now … now he could make this a legal battle. I don't know what the hell I was thinking, putting her security in jeopardy like that."
"Putting her security in jeopardy because of what … me? That's bullshit and you know it, Jennie. I love that little girl." Now my temper came out to play, reacting like gunpowder to a match as she lit me up.
Her eyes fill with rage, and I know we are only lashing out because of DK showing up, but we can't stop.
"Oh come off it, Lisa … you told me that you didn't want to be that girl's parent. You don't want the responsibility of being in her life, in our lives! I knew from the start that you were just here for a good time, and I should have stuck to that notion."
My heart burns with fury, and for the first time I know what it feels like when they say love hurts. "That's fucking bullshit, Jennie! I'm here, I've been here. Sure, at the beginning I was a little spooked, but I love you. And I love Lily. Don't take this out on me, when all I'm doing is supporting you and trying to help you in any way I can to get through this. Don't push me away, I love you."
I'm saddened that I'm saying those words out of anger. Before now, they've only been said in perfect situations. In the middle of vineyards, in front of the Lincoln Memorial with the sun setting. But life wasn't perfect, and God knew we were far from it. This was real. This was the real shit that Jennie was always talking about.
My confession seemed to make her stutter, her hand fisted in her hair as tears blinked in her eyes.
"I should go, I need to be alone tonight. To clear my head. If DK is serious about this, then we should spend some time apart anyway."
She crosses the room, and I reach out, my arm catching the softness of her jacket. "Don't do this, you don't mean it. I'm going to be here whether he takes things to court, whether you want to run away from me, whether you think that we can't get through it together. Don't go."
Her brown eyes shift, her lip trembles. "I have to go."
I release her arm, knowing that there is no getting past the blowup tonight. She's wounded and scared, and I know in this moment that she's not going to listen to reason. She went from zero to sixty in under a minute flat, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. She'd probably been brewing since the park, since her and DK sat on that bench and talked. There was no way I could have prevented this.
"I love you, Jennie. And I'll be right here when you realize that."
All I get is the slamming of my apartment door.
I gave her four hours.
Four hours of pacing my apartment, almost ripping my hair out. I even contemplated cleaning the oven, something Rosé always tells me makes her feel better, before I decide to go over there.
I love her, dammit, and I love Lily. I'm not going to be an outsider during this, and if I have to give DK a piece of my own mind, I surely will. She may not want to be smothered right now, but too bad. That's what I was here for, to be her punching bag and pillow to cry on.
Walking into her building, I wave to Jerry at the front desk.
"Hey, Lisa." He gives his usual salute, and I remind myself that he wasn't the guard on duty this afternoon when DK had come in.
For that person would surely know something weird is going on. I send up a little thank you to the big man upstairs that Jerry didn't see the awkward family reunion just hours before, because he might have some questions before I was allowed up to see Jennie. Or worse, make a call up to her before letting me go up. She might say no, and surprise was the only thing working in my favor right now.
As I ride the elevator up, I think of everything we've been through thus far. That disastrous first date where I weaseled out of replacement-dad duty. One hot fucking night at the bar that ended up in my apartment. Jesus, thinking about Jennie naked under me for the first time almost distracts me from what I need to get done. Working hard to keep our relationship going, to even make it exist between our hectic schedules, her daughter, and both of our inabilities to fully commit. And then finally committing, giving in to the feelings and seeing where it went.
Which brought us here, to me standing in her elevator like some white knight climbing the castle to save her from the dragon. Only we were living in two thousand seventeen, and I wasn't climbing a rope made of her hair, and the dragon was a metaphor for her own heart standing in the way. Hell, I have been reading way too many fairy tales to Lily.
The elevator dings as it hits Jennie's floor, and I take my keyring out of my pocket, flipping to her key. She'd given it to me two weeks ago, dropping it in my morning coffee cup like some kind of romantic comedy movie. I'd joked with her, making up nicknames for what the movie of us would be called. But deep down, the gesture wasn't lost on me. It was an advance of our relationship, and it meant she trusted me with her most precious belongings.
I don't knock, if she knew anything about me by now, she should know I was bound to come over here anyway. Unlocking the door, I walk in, the apartment quiet and calm without the little rugrat running around before bedtime. It ticked me off that DK had shown up, a flickering candle of fury had been lit in the back of my mind since he'd walked across her lobby this morning. He had no claim to be a father anymore. Not when he had missed so much, for so long.
"Babe?" I call out quietly, not wanting to wake her if she fell asleep out of exhaustion.
"Why am I not surprised?" Her face is makeup free, and I notice my extra-large T-shirt hanging off of her as she walks into the kitchen.
I don't give her a minute to start the argument again. Instead, I cross the room, my body quickly finding hers, and sweep her up into my arms, covering her lips.
"Sto—" she protests, trying to turn her head.
The dominant in me comes out, forcing her mouth to mine. Jennie wants to put up her walls now, and I want to do nothing but smash them. I use my tongue to coax her aching heart to trust, my teeth to nibble at her stubborn pride. My mouth acts as my reasoning tool, talking to her mind and heart when I physically can't.
After thirty seconds of trying to push me away, she melts into the kiss, sighing in a relieved way and letting me take control. I assault her mouth in a slow barrage of kisses, only pulling away when I feel that she won't fight me any longer.
"You don't get to walk away, okay? If you want to use me as a punching bag, do it. But you don't get to leave." I press my forehead against hers.
"Okay," she whispers, her fingers tangling in my shirt.
I move us to the small table in her kitchen, realizing neither of us has probably eaten since this morning.
"I'm sorry, baby …" She chokes it out and then clears her throat. "I just … what if he files? I can't lose her, Lisa. I can't do the joint custody, shipping her back and forth. And maybe I could if I knew he was sincere, but this is DK. God, I know I haven't talked about him much, but he doesn't care about her. That's a horrible thing to say about the father of my child, and I know deep down he loves her in some way, but he doesn't care about her. He doesn't want the responsibility. How could you not fucking want that?! Just look at her!"
Jennie buries her face in her hands, and I let her bang a fist on the table in frustration.
"If she were mine, I'd be calling her every single night to see how her day went. No, actually I wouldn't. I would fucking be here, move my life so that it could include that little girl. I'm furious he's here, you don't know how hard it was to keep my fists by my side while I watched him play with her in the park."
"I know that, you don't think I know that?" she whispers, and I can hear the tears in her throat. "Seeing him again … it isn't pleasant, babe. I don't feel the way I once did, but it doesn't mean there aren't feelings of regret or resentment there. When I was with him … I thought I was defective. Like if he hadn't asked me to marry him in all of those years, there was something wrong with me. With her. That we weren't enough, that we couldn't be loved enough to warrant that kind of commitment."
That flicker of fury turns into a burning torch, and I want to pick up my pitchfork and go hunt the bastard.
Grasping the sides of her face, I make those chocolate eyes look straight into mine. "And you know that's not fucking true. I love you, and I love Lily. He's an idiot if he can't see how good he had it. How good he still does, because clearly that little girl holds no grudge against him."
"What am I going to do if he takes this to court?" Her eyes plead with me for an answer.
"We are going to fight. Hell, I'll fight him colosseum style to the death. He's not going to win, babe. Honestly, the guy has shown no balls thus far. He's probably bluffing because he's feeling neglected and wants attention from you. Because you gave it to him for so long without him having to give any back. And that's not on you at all, I'm just saying that it's his MO."
She nodded, still not looking convinced.
I scoot my chair so that her legs are positioned between mine, and hold her hands. "I promise you, everything is going to work out. And have I ever lied to you?"
Those gorgeous cherry lips give me a half-smile. "One time you said that you liked my chicken Alfredo, but two weeks later when we were out to dinner you said you hated Alfredo sauce."
I tickle her hip lightly. "That was a white lie. And if I'd eat Alfredo for you, bleh, you must know that I love you?"
"I guess it must be true." Her hand traces my arm.
"Now that that's settled, I'm going to feed you. Not Alfredo sauce, because I'm not sure why the people of Earth love that cheesy unflavored mess so much, but I'll whip something up."
I go to stand, but Jennie's hand catches my belt. "What if I'm not hungry?"
