Authors note

now that we are all caught up. I will try to put up one chapter a day if I can't. Then by the next day, as sometimes I have to work on some writings for longer.

Thanks for reading, liking, and commenting. I appreciate it, even to the comment that is not showing here yet, thanks.


Say goodbye to the night.

Matthew looks outside the window, thoughts weighing on his mind, and Jackson lets him, also lost in his thoughts.

"Look, Matthew, I'm sorry-" After a lot of effort and thought, Jackson tries to say, but Matthew interrupts him.

"We have already had that conversation at my second wedding with April, remember... " They go back into comfortable silence for a while longer with Matthew still looking out the window.

"'I will never leave nor forsake you.' It is possible to be physically present, but still not be present emotionally, so, work on being present emotionally, and to do that, you have to start by healing..."

Matthew says, still not looking at him, catching a silent Jackson by surprise.

"What quote is that?"

"Never mind..." he answers, looking back at him. "I already said this, between you and me. I love April, but I also really miss my first wife and my two dads."

"I want to stay alive for my loved ones who are still here too. I feel pushed into two different directions. Both are worth living and dying for.

"I really can't wait until we can all be together in heaven again, so I don't have to make a choice, and I also can't wait to see what God has in store for us here..."

Matthew and Jackson fall silent again. Matthew in pain but doesn't want to tell Jackson because he will give him strong pain meds that make him sleepy.

Matthew doesn't know what Jackson did to get more. At some point, they had run low on them, and he had got used to living in lower dosages, finding ways to distract himself. As much as he enjoys being completely pain-free, he wants to spend a little more time awake.

"Okay, I know you believe in God now, but... I usually start the day with a prayer and song. And I do it with my family, but they aren't here. I didn't want to ask it of you before, but it will make me feel closer to Harriet and Ruby."

"I want to pray and sing out loud, do you mind? I would wait until you were gone, but I also don't want to be alone. This hospital is..."

"You can close your ears if you want. I won't mind. Just don't leave the room. I'll be quiet."

Taken by surprise, Jackson answers. "Of course not. You pray all the time anyway."

"Oh, I do, when?"

"Usually, when you are in pain and don't worry. I have never been able to make out what you are saying."

"Oh."

"But I do think I know just what prayer and song you are referring to. I will pray and sing it with you since you usually do it with family."

Jackson takes his hand in his. Matthew looks at him, shocked. "Sorry, do you mind? Harriet usually insists that we are not doing it right if we don't hold hands, just habit."

"No, no, I don't mind," Matthew says, realizing that teachings to his kids are bringing him comfort when he misses them and needs it the most.

"We need to work together for our family, you're right, let's start here... I used to get jealous of this, now that seems so..."

"Kind of like how I just got jealous when Ruby wouldn't come to me hmph."

Matthew thinks this over. "Our daughters are going to give us grey hairs too soon if we don't watch out, from now on. We work as a team. We are going to need each other when they are teenagers. They are not even trying to pit us against each other yet..."

"Yes," Jackson says, laughing.

They close their eyes and pray together.

"Our Father,

who is in heaven.

Holy is your name.

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread

and forgive us for our sins

as we forgive those who sin against us

and lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

For the kingdom is yours,

the power and the glory,

forever and ever

in Jesus' name, amen."

After the prayer, Matthew knows that Jackson was the right person to ask to take care of his family if something ever happens to him because halfway through when he couldn't go on, Jackson prayed the rest of the prayer alone while Matthew watched.

Thinking about meeting his wife in heaven one day and knowing that should anything happen to him. Through Jackson and April, God will take care of his baby girls.

"Goodnight, April, Harriet, and Ruby. I will see you soon," Matthew says, closing his eyes as he feels the presence of God and peace about the people in his life. He falls asleep.

Seeing this and since he promised to sing after prayer, Jackson sings while Matthew sleeps with a silly smile on his face, thinking of how Harriet would be clapping along to the song.

"Jesus loves me,

this I know,

for the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong;

they are weak,

but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

Yes, Jesus loves me!

The Bible tells me so."

Feeling awkward about praying children's prayers and singing children's nursery rhymes. Yet not so awkward that he doesn't realize that the prayer and song that was one of the many things Matthew and his daughter did together has become something he is part of, finding his place within the family.

Truly knowing they can get through anything together and knowing that he never wants to be the one to break this family.

Jackson realizes that even if he and April never get together again, this family they have is worth it. Matthew and Ruby are part of his family now.

"Thank you, Matthew, for teaching and taking care of our family when I'm not there," Jackson says and feels Matthew squeeze his hand in acknowledgment.

He also falls asleep by Matthew's side.

Matthew breathes his last and dies peacefully in his sleep. After months of being in almost constant pain, he sleeps for the last time.