Chapter Twelve
After hours of flying, Hank wearily landed us at the same airstrip we'd used on the way to Vietnam only the day before. Charles hustled us to the house he'd rented, though there were a few more people than he'd expected. We got food for everyone, then settled the injured down for the night. "I think we should stay here tomorrow," Charles suggested, "to give everyone a chance to heal a bit more, and for Hank to recover from so much flying in such a short time."
The man in question shook his head. "I'm fine, Charles. I can-"
"He's right, Hank." I cut his protest off with a knowing grin. After all, nobody knew better than I did how much he would push to prove himself useful to others. "And besides, the boys need more sleep, on solid ground. One more day won't hurt anything."
He smiled, a little sheepishly. "Alright, Mom. I'll go check on Alex and Sean," he said, giving me a quick squeeze before heading back inside.
"And send Lotta out, would you? Nonno would kill me if she spent the night in there with Alex, even if he is too exhausted to do anything," I called after him.
Hank simply waved in acknowledgement, never pausing in his journey back to the house. I caught Raven watching him, rather wistfully, and had to hide a viciously triumphant smile. That's right, Raven, I thought with glee. He's moved on, and you missed out on the best thing that could have ever happened to you.
Charles, of course, sent a censuring look my way, but I ignored it. I had gotten quite good at that over the years. Moira simply smirked, knowing both of us far too well. "I know Lotta's not going to listen to Hank, so I'll say goodnight. Especially if we're spending tomorrow here. I'm planning on enjoying this lovely beach we've got all to ourselves tomorrow, so I need sleep tonight," I told the others, heading inside, as well.
Inside, I checked on Sean and Alex, chuckling to myself when I saw Lotta curled up next to Alex, completely asleep. I left her there, since she was already asleep, and it's not like she was going to rat herself out to Nonno. And it meant that I got to sleep in my own bed, since originally, we'd meant to share one between the two of us. No, if she wanted to squeeze herself onto Alex's tiny twin bed and leave the queen for me, I was more than happy to oblige her.
I was just unbuttoning my blouse when the knock I'd been expecting sounded at the door. Erik was on the other side, I knew it, and I hesitated to open it, for just a moment. But, just as I was tired of being angry, I was also tired of hurting, tired of being alone, so I opened the door, letting him in without a word.
His heated look when he realized my state of dress raised my internal temperature, as well. But he shook himself after a long moment and then pointedly looked at my face only. Which simultaneously raised my respect for him and disappointed me. "We need to talk, schatzi."
"Alright, so talk," I said, folding my arms over my chest. I may have been permitting this conversation, and mostly wanting to be over the hurt, but I was also stubborn. And I really wanted to see him sweat. And I'd never been good at talking about my own emotions, anyway.
Erik sighed, shaking his head at me. "I want to make this work between us, Bianca. I want to make us work. I don't want to just kiss you at one moment and then turn around to find you're still angry with me the next. I know I made a mistake leaving you, leaving all of you, but will you at least give me a chance to make it up to you? Allow me to show you how I've changed."
But I didn't know if I could do that. I'd already given him my heart once, and he'd completely crushed it. Could I survive if he did it again?
"Meine Liebe," he said, cupping my face in his hands and making my heart melt as he did so, "I love you. I want to be with you. What do I have to do? Tell me what you need me to do to trust me, trust that I'm not going to leave you again."
I had no idea. I didn't know if that was even possible. There was no answer I could give him, and the longer I stood there, trying to come up with something, the more it was hurting him. I could see that, and I was tired of hurting him, of punishing him. So there was really only one thing to do. I stepped forward, pressing myself into his arms. I kissed him, pouring every emotion I couldn't label into it, trying to express just what I was feeling without words.
Erik's response was instantaneous. His arms banded around me, pulling me closer as he kissed me in return. We clung to each other, pressing as if we couldn't possibly get close enough. His touch was electrifying, calling my power to every inch he touched as he caressed my skin with his hands and lips. I dug my hands into his hair, knowing he loved it just as much as I did.
But after several long moments of kissing, he pulled back. "Do you remember that night? Before Cuba?" I nodded wordlessly, not sure where he was going. "That was the best night of my life, and all I did was hold you. Could I- Could we repeat that night?"
I stretched to kiss him again. "I would like that," I whispered against his lips. It was probably best, anyway, if we didn't go further than that. I was still slightly terrified that I would wake up and find Erik gone.
Erik chivalrously turned his back so I could change into sleepwear, then stripped down to his underwear to climb into bed. "What is it with men and their distaste for pajamas?" I asked, grinning at the marvelous sight in front of me.
But he instantly frowned. "What other men do you know who dislike sleeping in pajamas?"
I felt my eyebrows raise in disbelief. "You can't possibly think you're the only man in my life. Discounting any romantic relationships, I've lived with Charles, Alex, Hank, and Sean for years. Charles is the only one out of the four of them who actually owns pajamas, and only because his wife buys them for him."
Looking a bit chagrined, Erik laughed a bit ruefully. "Sorry, Schatzi. My jealousy got the better of me for a moment. I'm sorry."
"Just remember, no one likes a caveman," I told him, climbing in bed next to him. "Least of all me."
He laughed again, far more sincerely. "I'll keep it in mind."
…
I woke early the next morning, panicking when I saw Erik's face next to mine. Somehow, I managed to get out from under his arm and out of the room without waking him, shutting the door just in time to see Alex slipping out of the room he'd been sharing with Sean, Hank, and Lotta.
"Hey, B, wanna watch the sun rise with me?" he asked me with a slightly crooked grin.
"That would be great," I sighed, accepting the hug he gave me.
We made our way to the beach carefully, making sure not to wake the rest of the house. I settled on the sand, just out of reach of the water, and Alex sat next to me, grimacing slightly as he did so. But I knew better than to ask how he was doing, he'd outgrown the need to be coddled years ago, so I simply went for a bit of humor. "I'm glad I packed something other than a nightgown to sleep in."
He laughed. "Somehow, you would have still made it work. Even sweating in a Vietnamese jungle with someone else's blood on you, you still looked beautiful. I don't think it's possible for you to not look like one of the most beautiful women I've ever met."
"You flatter me," I teased, bumping my shoulder into his, even as I tried to tug my pajama shorts down a bit. After all, sand in intimate places is never comfortable.
Alex simply snorted. We watched the waves lazily roll in under an ever-lightening sky, tangerine and salmon soon coloring the puffy clouds on the horizon. "How are you dealing with Erik being back?" he asked me, knowing me all too well. And knowing me enough to keep looking at the ocean, instead of at me.
"I don't know," I replied honestly, also keeping my eyes on the water. "He says he wants to stay, make something of us, but…"
"But you don't know if you can trust him not to break your heart, even though you love him," he finished for me.
"Did you gain another power since you left for boot camp?" I joked, trying to deflect his all-too true words.
"No, I've just talked to Lotta about how she feels about you," he said simply, finally turning to look at me.
His words hit me like a bullet in the heart. I gasped, hardly able to draw breath, but Alex wasn't done. "I know Hank and Sean and I needed you, after Cuba, still do, in fact, and she understands that, most days, anyway. But what she can't understand, and me, either, for that matter, is why you didn't bring her with. She needed you, too, and you left her, for a whole other family. After her mother left her as a baby, and her father passing her off to you and your Nonno, and her step-mother ignoring her at all possible moments, she's had enough abandonment in her life, and you just never saw that. You, one of the most perceptive people I've ever met, couldn't see that she needed you. You're not just a mother to us boys, B, you've been hers, too, and you broke her heart."
I'd always known Lotta had been angry with me for leaving Atlantic City, but I'd never stopped to consider it from her side. I'd always brushed it off as teenaged angst, a silly anger at adults. "I should have seen that," I said lowly. "How did I not see that?"
"Because you were so focused on burying yourself in taking care of us to avoid even thinking about your own broken heart," he said, softly to soothe the hurt he'd caused. Needed to cause. "And she understands that. Usually, anyway. But she's had a lot of people abandon her, and it's hard for her to let you back in. But I think she desperately wants to have a real relationship with you, but she's terrified that you'll let her down again. Does that sound familiar to you?"
A wet chuckle burst its way from my throat, and I brushed tears away. "When did you get so smart, Summers?"
"I've had a lot of time on my hands," he said, wrapping an arm around me. "Lots of time to think the past couple of weeks."
"Thank you," I whispered, "for everything." I rested my head on his shoulder, and we watched the sun finish its debut for the day in silence.
AN: I know this is forever in the making, but I've been struggling with a lot of things the past few months, writing being the least of these. But I won't leave Bianca. She's far too much fun to write! But I do want to thank you all for sticking with me, and a big thanks to brigid1318 and Amelia Claw for your lovely reviews! They always make me smile!
