All her faces

When he finds her, before he says anything, April turns to him. "I know, I know I am too emotionally involved. I do trust you with him. It's just..."

"Tell me the news. I can handle it, I promise," April says, looking up at him with trust. Jackson looks away, having a hard time looking at her under normal circumstances, but today...

He tries looking at her again and cocks his head towards her like he doesn't quite understand, but he does...

The words needed don't come, and he instead finds himself taking her hopeful face in. Having allowed himself to look at her properly after a long time, he soon regrets it.

At the same time, he allows himself to look for longer because he knows he may not see this particular expression on her face for a long time after he tells her.

He knows her different faces and has seen all of them a million times before.

Anger, sadness, happiness, determination, joy, and grief, he knows them all.

Her joyful, laughing face is his favorite. The thought brings an involuntary smile, and her grief-stricken face is not one he ever wants to see again after Samuel. Her sorrow, not a sight he likes.

He takes one more moment to look at her and looks away again. The fear of her reaction grips his heart, and out of habit, he reminds himself that she's married...

Wanting to take the pain, he knows she will feel away, but not knowing how or if he can, or if he should. Not knowing how he's going to explain to her that while Matthew was dying, he was sleeping.

He exhales and folds his arms, trying to speak again. " Matthew... Matthew, he Uhm." Jackson clears his throat, feeling his throat close up.

"Matthew, what? Jackson, what is it? Is he being difficult again?"

"mhm?." Jackson asks, his head spinning.

"Is it another setback? I knew Harriet and Ruby sleeping on his side would be a problem, but I think it made them all happy. Is it an infection?"

He doesn't answer and pulls on his clothes, feeling hot. "You know Jackson. You don't have to look like you killed him every time he..."

Jackson slides onto the floor. Not able to stand or breathe and almost rips the mask off but just manages to hold himself back.

Instead, he looks up at the ceiling, counting to 10 in his head.

April sits next to him, worried. "Hey, I, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

Feeling bad, she tries to apologize.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have made that joke. I know you have been working day and night with little time taken off. Maybe after Matthew is better, you should take some time off, I will be here, and I promise to call if something happens. Since some of the-"

"He's gone," Jackson says in a rush interrupting her not able to keep listening.

"What? Whose gone, and where did they go?" she asks, a little laugh escaping her.

Jackson looks straight at her now. "Matthew is gone, April." He says, almost touching her but manages to hold himself back at the last moment.

The world stops for April. What he's saying sinking in, she stands up abruptly. "What? What do you mean he's gone. I don't understand what are you-?"

Jackson also stands up and holds her elbows as she starts trying to head back to Matthew's room. "April, Matthew died during the early hours of the night. I'm sorry."

April disentangles her elbows. "What do you mean he's dead? He, he was fine. When, when, when? I can't, I, I, the kids."

"April!" Jackson helps her to sit down again.

Everyone nervously keeps looks at them, wondering if they are infected as they keep looking like they are about to faint, or if something else happened and try to steer away from them.

Since the people there are juniors, respect Jackson and don't want to upset him too much as most of them have come to understand more lately that he and his family own the hospital.

"The kids are..." April says, "I can't. They are with. She. I, I need to..."

"I can take care of them for you," Jackson offers.

"And if you don't mind, I can be there for when you tell them." He says, his shock decreasing as he falls into a position he knows. Taking care of others.

Wanting to be useful and knowing from experience that April needs a little space when in shock or grieving.

And also knowing and hoping she will come back once the shock has settled.

"Yes, that will help. I need a minute," she says, April lets her head rest on the wall, and Jackson mimics her movement.

While the world passes by, they silently sit on the hospital floor for a few minutes and let it.