Grief

When April finally makes it home. She watches Jackson playing with Harriet and Ruby and can't bring herself to tell them the news. She watches them tickling Jackson on the floor and working together to make sure he stays down while he pretends to be subdued by them.

Jackson notices her after a few minutes, and she tells him she is headed for a shower, buying herself time.

When she comes out, Jackson struggles to get Ruby to let him go and only manages it when Harriet tickles her.

He goes to April and leaves the girls on the floor, giggling and arguing about who has the bigger feet.

"Hey, Jackson, could you Uhm, take care of them for a day or two. I have to... do something. I would... Could we tell them after I come back... I have to... take care of this," she says while walking to the door, practically running from the house.

"Okay, but..." April slams the door and takes a moment to breathe because her children's' happiness suffocated her, knowing what will come after.

She gets into her car, and while driving, She recalls what happened that night.

He insisted they go back to check on the shelter as Matthew had a feeling that something was wrong when no one picked up the phone, and she had insisted on coming with him.

She ran to meet him by the door, and he had looked exhausted, covered in soot.

Without thinking, she had grabbed the kid he was carrying and ran to safety, thinking he was coming behind her.

Not long after, the building had collapsed behind her. Looking back...

April stops the car, tears streaming down her face, and lets her head rest on her steering wheel.

She had intended on going to the shop to buy black clothes for the funeral. The kids don't have black clothes. It's important they have black clothes...

Unable to drive any further as tears block her sight, she stops the car and rests her head.

When she looks up again, she realizes she is not far from Grey-Sloan. She looks at the hospital building, and the longer she looks, the angrier she gets, remembering all the people it had taken away from her.

April gets out of her car, walks up to the building. At the entrance, she stops, remembering her first day into this building, how much she had dreaded coming in, fearful that she would get fired.

Now she realizes that her fear was misplaced. She should have feared going in and not coming out.

When they had fired her the first time, she should have moved on and realized that more death would come knocking at her door, because she has lost more people than she has ever known to lose in this one building.

The kids' mom, her friend Reed, almost everyone she had come here from Mercy West within one day... Samuel, Matthew's wife, and Matthew.

She walks in, stumbling into the ER. She looks around, trying to pinpoint the source of death in the hospital, what she has to fight to make it right.

What to blame for the loss in her life because it all took place right here and what she finds angers her.

The place is in complete disorder. She sees things out of place that shouldn't be out of place. April walks up to the reception and gets to work without saying a word.

She starts putting things back to where they belong. Not able to believe the level of disorder around her and decides to start making a change. "This must be the root," she whispers to herself.

The man working there tries to stop her, but she shuts him down, in no mood to be interrupted, "Doesn't he see that I am trying to help!" she mumbles to herself, in between lecturing him.

When he finally leaves her alone, she works in peace.

When Richard comes and goes, she does intend on staying for an hour, but the hour's tick by, and she finds more things that need her attention, not able to leave them for someone else because that could mean another death on her watch.

She has to finish what she started...

When Richard comes back, she resolves to go to jail if she has to. April has decided she is not going anywhere before her work is done. What if her kids come here for treatment? Doesn't he see that she has found the root and cannot leave until it's all destroyed? Doesn't he understand that no amount of threats will work?

He goes away, making a phone call.

Good, it gives her enough time to work before the police come.

After a while, she feels a familiar presence coming behind her and ignores it, not wanting to lose her concentration, her time running short, she has to...

"April baby, what are you doing?" Says a motherly voice behind her, and April feels herself start to cry again, something she hasn't done in a couple of hours.

Catherine's voice makes her feel vulnerable. It reminds her of a mother's voice. A voice too soothing for the task she has to complete. She ignores her, trying to keep working.

"You know this isn't going to help. So why are you doing it.?"

She carries on, making April cry harder, biting her lip. April keeps on working through the tears.

"Honey working yourself to the bone won't take away the pain," Catherine says, coming closer.

"Working so hard will not bring back the dead." She says, touching her shoulder, and April feels herself losing the battle as her whole body starts to shake, and she drops the files she was holding.

"It's all my fault. What am I going to tell the kids? I, I didn't see it coming. I should have never let him go that night. I should have, I should have, I should... What am I going to tell the kids?" She barely manages to say the last words as she faints from exhaustion in Catherine's arms.

Wondering where her instincts had gone, how she had not been more fearful that day, that something would happen to him? How had her hope risen after Jackson took over, thinking he was in good hands?

How had she not realized that bad things happen in this hospital, no matter who is in charge? The kids' mom, Samuel, her friends, Matthew's wife, now Matthew. She should have known!