Chapter Fourteen
Lotta tried sneaking into our room to get pajamas that night, but she failed, since Erik and I came around the corner as she came out. She gave a falsely cheery smile and tried to slip around us, but I grabbed her arm before she could. "I'll check on the boys," Erik said quickly, leaving the two of us girls alone.
Lotta sighed and followed me back into the room, and I didn't have to see her face to know she was rolling her eyes. But frankly, I was simply glad she was coming along without kicking up a fuss.
She settled on the bed, while I stayed standing, or pacing, really. I'd always been terrible at apologies, and I wasn't really sure even where to start. But she took it out of my hands by saying, "I already know you talked to Alex about me."
I looked to her sharply. She just shrugged. "We don't have any secrets from each other."
I laughed a bit incredulously. "Well, that's an incredibly healthy way to have a relationship. I have no idea where either of you got that."
"Mostly from watching Moira and Charles," she replied dryly. "Definitely not from either of our parental figures."
I winced, but couldn't deny that our family wasn't terribly good at open communication. "I'm sorry," I finally said, so quietly I wasn't entirely sure she would hear. "I'm sorry, Lotta, for leaving you in Atlantic City, for not bringing you with me, for not seeing just how much you needed me. And when you came to the school, you weren't the adorable little girl who hung on my every word anymore, and I didn't stop to think why. I just- I failed you, Lotta. I failed you, over and over and over, and I'm so sorry."
She stayed quiet for a long time, avoiding my eyes by staring at her clasped hands. "I know the boys needed you, B, but how could you not see that I did, too?"
The sharp pang in my heart had me squeezing my eyes closed. "Because I'm an idiot."
Lotta snorted, which gave me just a tiny bit of hope. "You could say that again."
"I'm an idiot," I repeated, feeling like it might be safe for me to try to sit next to her now. "You'd always been such an easy child that I- I thought you were okay, Lotta. I'm so sorry I didn't see that you were hurting. I was so wrapped up in my own hurt that I couldn't see past it. I'm sorry I hurt you even more. I'm not asking for forgiveness, because I don't deserve it, and I haven't proved that I mean it. But I would like a chance to prove to you that I mean it. Can you give me that?"
She looked at me for a long moment. "You're the closest thing I have to a mother, you know," she said quietly. "My own mother couldn't handle the fact that I accidentally charmed her whenever I needed something, so she abandoned me. At seven months old. And now, she has a whole new family, with three completely normal daughters. My dad, well, Dad never knew what to do with a girl, so he all but gave me to Nonno. And then when he married Natalia, she didn't want anything to do with me. I wasn't hers, so she basically pretends that I don't exist."
Her words cut deeply, but I knew she needed to get them out. And honestly, I deserved the pain it brought me. I wasn't responsible for Zio Lorenzo's actions, but I knew my own part was coming up. So, I simply took Lotta's hand and let her continue.
"Nonno tried, of course, and he's pretty great," she laughed. "The zietta all helped, for the most part, but they all had their own kids and grandkids to worry about. And then there was you. My cousin, the famous siren, the only other person who knew what it was like to have this sort of power over others. And you took me under your wing, gave me music lessons, and took me shopping. You took more interest in me than my own father did. You spent time with me, and actually seemed to care about me. And then, you found a new family and dropped me, just like my mother, just like my father. And once again, I was left out in the cold."
There really weren't words to say how sorry I was, and I knew only time would show her that I meant it. But that didn't mean I couldn't try to start mending that bridge. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to me. "I'm sorry, la mia piccola. I should have been more aware, should have seen you needed me. And I should have known that your anger at me was because I had hurt you. I should have known that, but I was too wrapped up in my own heartbreak to see that I was breaking yours. I'm sorry, and I will do my best to change from here on out. Please let me fix this."
I didn't really deserve another chance, but I desperately hoped she would give it to me.
Lotta didn't answer right away, instead, she stared forward for a long moment. Until she suddenly melted into my arms, burying her face in my neck. "I missed you, Tatina," she mumbled.
"Ah, la mia gioia, I'm so sorry," I murmured, smoothing her hair back, just like I had done when she was little. "I've missed you, too."
I held her, rocking and humming without thought. It wasn't terribly surprising, though, that I found myself humming Seta Moneta, and she joined me after a verse or two. Once we sang through it softly to each other, she sat up, pulling herself from my arms. But she did immediately take my hand, which stitched another part of my heart back together.
"So, tell me all about Erik," she demanded, surprising a laugh from me. I shouldn't have been surprised, though, since it was completely in character for her. She'd always wanted to know everything about my love life.
I squeezed her hand, feeling my heart nearly burst with happiness. "Only if you tell me about Alex. Except the gritty details. Don't need those."
"Oh, I want them about Erik," she said, a teasing smirk lighting up her face. "He is molto bello."
I laughed again. "Yes, he is. And he's finally mine." I could barely believe it, but I wasn't allowing myself to doubt it.
"Okay, details please!" Lotta demanded again. "I'm dying here!"
AN: I haven't made you wait another year for the next chapter! I know, I'm a bit surprised myself, but Lotta demanded to be heard, so you guys get another chapter! Thanks for reading, and a big thanks to FluffyKittyKat2 and brigid1318 for your lovely reviews. They mean the world to me!
Oh, and translations! Zietta- aunts
la mia piccola- my little one
Tatina- nanny/affectionate term for a woman who's like an aunt but isn't biologically an aunt
la mia gioia- my joy
