It's ok to cry

Catherine feels her body relax, realizing just how tense it had been. Between the hospital, the news, and her own life. The endless meetings-

"I left him behind to go looking for a hose pipe, not believing him when he said he was only going to look for help, but thinking he would at least have help when he went into the building."

April says as their laughter dies down, interrupting Catherine's thoughts.

April recounts that night to her, and Catherine listens, finally happy to be getting somewhere.

"I understood that that is who he was. He was the type of man who would go looking for the missing lamb. He would never have let those kids wait for the firemen. We both knew it." April continues looking at the roof.

"I found the hose pipe torn and wasted time trying to find something else I could use. The buildings that surrounded the shelter were empty because of lockdown and the hour of the night."

April says, talking about it taking her back to that night. She can still smell the fire, feel the heat.

"The kids he saved said he went back in for one more... When I saw them, I took the kid and ran, leaving him behind. The firemen arrived just as..."

"His screams."

"I..."

April narrates her entire journey of Matthew and his treatment while taking breaks in between. Catherine listens without interrupting, letting her speak at her own pace.

Catherine's lost in the vivid picture April paints. A picture of what she has been going through these past couple of months.

After April gets to the part where she went to the hospital, they keep quiet and stare at the ceiling. Catherine thinks about all these things. The death toll at the hospital. Aprils' loss.

Not able to give her anything but her ear and company, she doesn't say anything.

"I went back to my old habits for the last couple of days, didn't I? Running away. Last time it... I can't do that." April says abruptly and sits up, taking away the momentum she had built with her storytelling, taking Catherine out of it as well.

Feeling lighter now that she has let it all out, she wants to get back to her family. "The kids need me. I need to tell everyone-" she tries to get up, and Catherine stops her. They sit up together.

"Now and then, it's okay to lie down on the floor and let others take care of you, or do nothing for longer," she says.

"Says Catherine Avery, the most powerful woman I know personally." April answers, laughing. "Besides, I need to-"

"Okay, I will give you that." Catherine interrupts her, "but you are not me, and I not you, and right now, you need help." Catherine says.

"And how many times have you ever needed help? Besides, Jackson helps with the kids..." she answers, and Catherine ignores her. She instead puts her hand on her shoulder.

"Use Jackson, use him, yes, but you don't just need help for babysitting..." she says, touching her hand again.

"The only reason I do things alone is when Jackson was a child, I had no choice, and I didn't know better. I didn't choose the right people in my life, but you did. Jackson and I saw Matthew are nothing like Jackson's father and especially nothing like his grandfather. You have had two good men in your life that you can count on. I know I raised my baby right."

"Besides," she says, withdrawing her hand. "Richard and I are also here if you need anything. Let Jackson drive or at least accompany you around until someone else who is your family gets here. Leave the kids with Richard and me if you need to."

"I don't think that you were aware that your car was towed away."

"What?"

"You are capable of doing anything on your own. I know that, but you don't have to. We are here. Trust me. It's not as easy as I make it seem to raise a child, let alone two alone. You need to take care of yourself too."

She says, touching her cheeks. "No matter how hard you try, your kids will have a mind of their own, and you need to be able to keep up."

"They need you present and whole. Remember what happened the last time you kept on taking the strain. Running away by keeping busy." April nods, remembering walking around the hospital with a banana bag.

"So promise me, this time, you will ask for help, therapy if you have to, talk to your pastor, whatever you need, just don't run. Instead, let a friend help. Let people who love you help you. The children need you to. If you do, you will be able to pull yourself together."

April looks at Catherine. She had realized on her own, she had gone back to her old habits when she went to the hospital instead of being with her kids, but Catherine's words make her realize just how much she could hurt both them and herself if she doesn't manage her need for flight and to be on top of things.

"Thank you. I will do better, I promise." April says the picture of what could have happened terrifying her and doing it simply because she needs it. April hugs Catherine seeking comfort, and Catherine hugs her back.

"Oh honey-" she says, and Jackson walks in with the kids interrupting them.

"Mommy!" Harriet screams when she sees April and runs to her.

Never one to be left behind by her older sister Ruby follows, getting down from Jackson's arms, running as fast as her tiny feet can carry her, giggling the whole way.

She hugs Harriets' back while Harriet hugs April. "Missed you," she says, smiling happily.