Talk to me
April doesn't answer his question, knowing it's a rhetorical one. She walks back to the car, feeling life is about to get harder but cannot bring herself to care or think.
Maybe in a day or two, it will all make sense, but right now, all she knows is there is a solution for all of this. She just has to get her foggy brain to find it.
When they come back to the car, they find Harriet and Ruby crying and holding onto each other. They look at April and Jackson, and Harriet says.
"Their mom and dad go on a trip and never come back." Too tired to even speak, April pokes Jackson so he can take over, and he does, since he was the one who made them watch frozen.
Maybe they understand Matthew is gone now? He wonders what understanding this would mean to them and holds them in his arms, caught between a rock and a hard place.
His desire for them to understand he's gone and will never come back, so they can take it from there, but he also wishes they would hold on to their innocence a little longer and live in hope, that Matthew will either come back or, they can visit him in heaven. April came back to them when he prayed for her, and it brought him joy, but his father never did, and that didn't bring anything good.
Remembering how he blamed himself for his father not being there for years, he turns to them. "Hey, both of you, your father, Matthew loves you." He says, looking at them. "And if he could be here, he would be, it's never the child's fault when the parent isn't or can't be there, okay. And if they aren't there, you are still the most beautiful lights in their lives, a gift."
Wanting to say they will see him again one day but worried they might think one day will be as soon as tomorrow he stops himself, he hugs them to him again.
Not sure what tomorrow will bring for them, afraid it will separate them, and doesn't know how he will get it back if it does. He holds on to them today.
Jackson has always been one who knew how to put one foot in front of the other when things come, but for once he wishes time could pause and capture this moment a little longer. He doesn't want tomorrow to come, he doesn't want to find out what it will bring them if it means taking them away.
What he and April did years ago is coming back to haunt them today. He looks at Ruby's sleeping face wanting to give her many apologies.
The woman who spoke to him and April reminds him of his mother.
And if she is anything like her, he is worried that nothing will stop her from trying to take Ruby away. She wants blood, their blood, and in particular, his.
He also knows all too well that if he doesn't do something soon, Ruby will be the collateral damage, she never sees coming.
He hugs her tighter, wanting to fix this for her. Whatever it takes.
April watches all of this happening and says nothing the whole trip to the airport, treasuring the picture of him holding Ruby.
Knowing he needs this silence as she observes his fear over Ruby and not his impending destruction...
In the private jet, Harriet and Ruby sleep while Jackson and April are restless.
"She-" April starts, and Jackson stops her with a hand.
"She is right about Matthew. I shouldn't have been there, but not about Ruby. She needs to be with you."
"But-"
"April, could we talk about this later when the kids aren't around." He says, gesturing to them with his head.
April holds her peace, knowing he's right, but itching to say something, anything, as he looks out the window with his eyebrows etched in worry.
She knows she shouldn't have defended Jackson for the sake of peace but is not able to find any peace with the idea of letting them speak like that to him.
April takes out Matthews' phone that she had got from his hospital items. She had put it in her pocket so she can later read his messages.
She starts looking through it to find something she could use to draw comfort from and distract her from her thoughts and mainly from Jackson's silence that has become as loud as a gunshot since they came into the jet.
Contemplating, making plans, finding solutions. She knows his brain is probably running a mile a minute.
Tired, she decides to distract her thoughts from today's mess too, a mess she cannot fix, because truth be told, she probably should never have brought Jackson with her. In the back of her head, she knew, but she also knows she needed him.
It's not easy to get someone who is willing and able to help during a pandemic. And Jackson was willing and able.
The family was willing to, but due to many factors. Were not able to come to Seattle and would have probably had no funeral if not for Jackson.
They had arranged everything, so the family didn't have to travel to and from. The family had chosen the casket by using a catalog they had emailed, and she and Jackson had made sure it was delivered, precisely like they wanted and on time.
They had negotiated with and fired crooked funeral directors, using the pandemic for their own benefit, thinking they were easy prey.
They had made sure everyone going to the funeral was tested and had safe transportation to travel to Matthew's hometown. As well as accommodation and means to travel to the funeral while sending letters of regret to other people who couldn't make it.
They had arranged for a virtual memorial service where everyone who cared for Matthew could make a video saying a few things about Matthew and what he meant to them.
Jackson had worked all night while she had visited the grandmother with the kids.
He worked with an editor through skype to make sure that the family gets it on their emails after the funeral because he thought it would be a good idea for them to have something like this after, so they are not completely swallowed up by grief.
Instead, they would have a little comfort in knowing the kind of life Matthew had lived and the lives he had touched. April can't help but think, even with all of these things he did, she knows that all of that does not make up for losing a son.
In the car, Jackson had been making sure that everything went smoothly, keeping a critical eye on the event, wanting to make sure that he can be there as a second doctor if needed. Or if she was somehow compromised.
His intentions are not what they think she knows this but can never put into words without sounding guilty.
Scrolling down Matthews's phone, she comes across a random folder named Jackson. Going into it, she finds voice notes, curious she clicks on one of them and hears Matthews's voice echo in the plane.
"You know these colors at night are depressing. Are you trying to oppress the patients mentally? Please change the colors and have something written on the walls that will help the patients concentrate on something other than their fears or impending deaths."
Write something inspirational like 'Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream to wake him up in the morning. What dream wakes you up? No matter what the world tells you, the most extraordinary things started with an impossible dream.'
"A hope-filled mind is better than what your walls are promoting. if you are wondering why I am complaining to you, it's because your family owns this hospital, and therefore you can make changes, and I am going to take full advantage of that..."
April scrolls down and finds note after note addressed to Jackson, and feeling like she is invading on a private conversation, she gives the phone to him. With a smile on her face as she knows that this is exactly what Jackson needs.
Matthew had told her that he had intended to help Jackson navigate his family to peace. After he and Jackson had signed legal papers of becoming the legal guardian of either Harriet or Ruby upon one of them dying, one late afternoon.
Knowing his family would heavily object to this, and he wouldn't be around to help, he had intended to help Jackson make peace with them before he died.
For a moment, she had thought he never had the chance to, but she may have been wrong, maybe within these voice notes. Matthew had given Jackson solutions to their current problem.
And together, they could one day tell Matthews family that she is Ruby's adoptive parent, and Jackson is Ruby's legal guardian.
