(You're kidding,) I told her, flatly, not daring to move.

I felt her...nudge...at my mind. Having never experienced something like that before, that's the only way I could describe it. Like my Yeerk was giving me a gentle prod, without hurting me. Not forcing me, because she'd given up control. Just...a mental kind of encouragement.

I remained motionless.

(Tom. It's all right. I won't hurt you. I promise,) she urged, softly.

Somehow, I believed that, at least at that moment, Liliss meant it.

She wanted me to move on my own.

At first, I almost fell down. Even though I'd been in control less than an hour ago, it had just been in a cage, and I sure as hell wouldn't walk on my own to and from the cages. I'd given up, but I wasn't going to put in that kind of effort to make things easier for the pool guards.

Except, now, I felt out of practice. Worse, my body suddenly didn't feel like mine. I felt perplexed, almost scared. I knew I had given up, was broken down, but I never wanted my body to betray me like this! Not when my Yeerk was actually using it! I felt Liliss took back control, and I was sure her little experiment was over, but after she steadied my body, she let go once more.

(I'm sorry,) she apologized. (I should have given you a warning. I mean, like a countdown, to prepare you.)

(Was that what it was?) I wondered, my feet still firmly planted on the ground.

(Yes. Especially when a host isn't used to being allowed control by their Yeerk,) Liliss explained, softly.

(I...I don't know if I can,) I admitted.

It was, after all, nothing that she didn't already know.

(You can, honey,) Liliss encouraged.

(If I can't?) I asked. (If I'm still standing here in five minutes?)

(I'll wait as long as you need to,) she promised. (Take your time.) After a pause, she added, (It might help to take a deep breath. To steady yourself.)

Since there was no reason not to, I followed her advice. Okay. Deep breaths were still within my ability range.

Now, I just needed to make my feet obey me.

Even as I stood there, I became aware of all of the ways I was already using my body again. I was breathing on my own. I was choosing where to focus my eyes. I was even moving my hands-kind of.

Reassured, I took another deep breath. Then, cautiously, I put one foot in front of the other. And again. Okay. I was walking. Sure, my movements felt strange at first. Not that I should have been surprised. You can't move much in a cage, and the guards had essentially dragged me to and from them since I had been infested.

Still. I was walking. Moving my legs. One in front of the other. I stared at my feet, almost mesmerized. I was the one moving them.

(Good job, honey,) Liliss praised me.

I didn't answer, except to wonder if she'd choose to take control now, when I'd just gotten a small part of my body to work.

(I won't,) she promised.

Momentarily convinced, I kept walking, kept looking at my feet. Even though I wanted to run, I wasn't sure that would be a good idea, with my eyes focused on my feet. No. One thing at a time. I was glad that no one seemed to be nearby. Of course, that also meant that if I tried to fight, to shout a warning about the invasion, no one would hear. Provided that the Yeerk didn't grab control, first.

She'd probably punish me, too. Even if it might not be as bad as what Temrash would have done.

Had done.

I finally got the hang of walking again on my own after about twenty feet. Enough to move my eyes from the ground to the world around me. If I kept on like that, I'd give myself a backache. Not that I'd feel much of it, because I was sure that Liliss would take full control before long, but if she kept up this loose control, then I'd be aware of every part of my body, even as I sat motionless in my mind. Anyway, better to look ahead than at the ground.

Another minute, and then I realized how the rest of my body was rigid, motionless, because my whole attention was on walking. I tried moving my arms a little, and they worked, but it was more effort to do both at once.

(Tom, honey. Try to take it slowly,) Liliss spoke up.

At first, I flinched, but I realized that my new Yeerk was just chiding me, probably, but not reprimanding me. Not threatening me with "host discipline" if I disobeyed her.

At least, that's what it felt like. I could detect her emotions as well as my own, and they were a mix of concern and pride. Not anger, or contempt, or any of the ones from Temrash I'd been so used to.

Still, like a good little broken host, I apologized.

(Sorry.)

(You have nothing to be sorry for,) Liliss reassured me. (Nothing at all, Tom.)

(Okay.)

I kept walking, looking straight ahead. It seemed to take all of my focus.

(It must have been months since you did this on your own,) Liliss observed.

(Yeah. Over six months,) I recalled, not without some bitterness.

(Yes. Even if you had been voluntary, that would have been much too long to be without control outside of your Yeerk feeding, Tom,) Liliss agreed, quietly. (You may not believe me, but I would say that you are doing well.)

It had been six months and five days, to be exact. Just like Temrash had predicted, I had broken completely at six months. The average for involuntary hosts.

Funny. I hadn't considered how this would translate to using my body. Or, hadn't wanted to. Granted, I hadn't believed that I would ever be freed, so what had been the point? I was destined to be a host until I died. Either at the hands of the empire, or the Andalite Bandits.

Anyway, I'd be fooling myself if I thought I was anything close to free, now. Sure, Liliss wasn't replaying my worst memories, and I was currently in control, but she was still there, wasn't she? She could take over at any time, and never give me control again.

I felt a lump in the back of my throat, and forced myself to swallow it. I wasn't going risk crying in public. I wasn't four.

(I want you to have control, Tom,) Liliss spoke up. (It's your body. I need to be here, because I can't free you without getting both of us killed. But, that doesn't mean you will be my slave.)

Lots of thoughts went through my head, but nothing concrete.

In the end, I didn't say anything.

After about five more minutes of walking, I felt ready to collapse. It wasn't so much that my body tired, but more like my brain. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and sleep.

Liliss knew this, of course.

(Tom? Would you like me to take control?) she asked me, softly. (Just for a little while. You can rest. You must be exhausted.)

(I-) I began.

No. I didn't. Not really. I'd rather fight this exhaustion, even curl up in the middle of the road, than give back control.

At least, I thought I would.

I was so tired. Really, as the seconds passed, I could hardly think straight. What would be worse? Tell Liliss to take control, or fight her and make a complete idiot out of myself?

Face it. Either way, she'd have the upper hand.

Before I could make a decision, I felt my legs buckle, myself fall forward.

Immediately, Liliss was in charge, preventing me from falling flat on my face.

I guessed I could have thanked her for sparing me a black eye or even a broken nose. Instead, shame filled me. I mean, I couldn't even make up my mind before my body failed me.

Worse, I was back in the corner of my mind. Sure, she hadn't muted my senses, but I was still her slave.

Despite what the Yeerk had said about that.

I couldn't even manage to stay in control of my body for-what? Ten freaking minutes?

Anyway, I didn't believe she'd keep her promise. No. She'd never give me control again.

(I will,) she assured me, softly. (Later today, if you want. After you've had a chance to rest.)

I didn't answer, but she could tell that I was having trouble believing her.

Liliss walked my body around the path for awhile. We were quiet, or at least, she not speaking to me, and I wasn't directing my thoughts at her. Being prone to her emotions, I was relieved to see that my Yeerk wasn't gloating at my failure to use my body.

After awhile, I felt...I wasn't sure. Something not like tension, but more, expectation. On Liliss' end, as much as mine. It almost seemed seemed...like she was waiting for me to talk.

Even if it was to rage about what Temrash had done to me.

After about a half an hour, I spoke up.

(Look, Liliss. You promise that you're not going to torture me or hurt me or anything?) I asked, almost harshly.

I wasn't sure I would believe her either way, but maybe it would help if she reassured me.

(More than that, Tom,) Liliss answered, immediately, her voice very gentle. (I want to heal you. Well, I want to help to the best of my ability as you heal yourself,) she self corrected.

I just sighed. Mentally, of course. (But...why? You've got to see that I'm already a good little broken host. If I got better, I could cause problems. Anyway, it's a ton of work on your part, to fix me.)

That wasn't entirely true. The second part, at least. Sure, a broken host would be easier to control than one who fought, but it wasn't like I had any real power.

Unless she wanted to make me voluntary. Except, the empire knew that involuntary hosts rarely turned voluntary after the first couple of weeks.

Liliss sighed. (Oh, honey. I know you wouldn't know it, from your previous Yeerk, but there are many of us who care about their hosts as individuals, not just bodies to infest. Who believe in a symbiotic relationship, instead of a parasitic one.)

Maybe, it was true. Or, it could be an act. I knew which I wanted to believe, but Liliss did, too, which had to make it easier for her. Tell her new host body what he desperately hoped to hear.

Except, I would have almost seen a promise to refrain from hurting me and my family if I didn't fight or anger my new Yeerk as the best I could hope for. A vast improvement over Temrash.

She knew this.

She was offering me more than this.

(Maybe,) I allowed, (but there aren't nearly enough of slugs who...)

I trailed off.

(No,) she agreed, almost sadly. (Not even remotely.)

The thing was, maybe, I would have believed Liliss' words outright had I not been infested by Temrash for over half a year. Or heard the relentless screaming from the Yeerk Pool every time he took me there. Either a lot of people were acting, or most Yeerks didn't share Liliss' viewpoint.

If she's been telling me the truth, had I essentially won the lottery with my second Yeerk? I had a hard time believing anything else.

Anyway, even if Liliss was as decent as she claimed to be, what happens after she gets promoted or reassigned? I was glad that Temrash moved on after six months, but what if Liliss had to do the same and I got stuck with another Yeerk like Temrash? Or even worse? He mostly just ignored me during that last week, except for his celebration at my expense. I knew that he couldn't possibly be the worst type of Yeerk in existence.

For one thing, he only tried to convince Jake and my parents to join The Sharing. He didn't kidnap them. That kind of thing happens, if your Yeerk can convince their higher ups that their host's family is causing problems. I didn't know how often, but I had heard other Yeerks talk about it during full members meetings.

Jake might not want to join The Sharing, for whatever reason, but if he gets kidnapped and infested...all I could hope was that he would figure out a way to end it.

(You don't need to worry about that, honey. I won't accept a promotion that causes a change of hosts,) Liliss promised, still walking.

(Can you do that?) I wondered.

(Of course. Anyway, you have to work for a promotion in order to receive one,) Liliss pointed out, with a mental smile.

Yeah.

That was probably true enough.

We-she-continued to walk for about twenty minutes. I didn't speak to her during this time, and she didn't speak to me. While there wasn't peace or a mutual understanding between us, since I still didn't believe her, I realized that I didn't feel the same sense of hopelessness I had whenever Temrash was in my head.

Like, however awful he was being, it could be worse, and he knew that it could be worse. For him, kindness was only a half an hour of going through my worst memories-when I hadn't done anything wrong-instead of most of the day.

Liliss was...leaving me alone. Kind of.

Well.

She wasn't hurting me, anyway.

Right now, I just sat back in my mind and tried to enjoy feeling the sensation of walking again, of the wind on my face. Liliss' hold on my mind felt so loose that I could even feel the gravel under my shoes.

I wished I could walk again, but I was still so tired, I'd probably pass out even if I could convince her to give me control.

(Do you want to rest? In your mind?) she asked, quietly.

(How?) I wondered, genuinely curious.

Liliss paused, and even though I couldn't read her mind, I could imagine that she was trying to figure out what to tell me.

I hoped, anyway.

(You sort of...drift off,) she explained, finally. (You can doze, or sleep more fully. I will still be able to access your body, but you will experience a level of sleep ranging from a light doze to full REM, depending on how tired you are and how long you sleep.)

(Okay, but how?) I repeated. (Don't I need to close my eyes in order to be able to sleep?)

Not to mention, be in bed. Or, at least, on a comfortable chair. Preferably a couch.

From what Liliss told it, this was all mental. As tired as I was, I wasn't sure I could manage it.

(Well, yes, I can close your eyes for you, or give you control again, and you can do that,) Liliss explained. (But, it's not essential for mental sleep.)

(What is?) I wondered.

(Being tired,) she explained, with a light laugh. (It helps, sometimes, for the Yeerk to ease their host into it. If both parties wish it, I mean. With Meg, my former host, I would replay pleasant memories and give her mental hugs.)

I really, really didn't want Liliss to go rifling through my memories. Good or not. Of course, she couldn't avoid it forever.

I focused my attention on the second part. (Mental hugs?)

(A hug that a Yeerk gives their host, within their mind,) Liliss answered, oh so helpfully. (There are various levels. If you were to permit me, I would only use the lowest one.)

(No!) I almost shouted.

Like the memories, it felt too invasive.

Not that I really had a choice in any of this. I was just this Yeerk's host, and she could do anything she wanted to me. Even asking was a courtesy beyond what Temrash would have given me.

(Okay. That's fine, Tom,) Liliss soothed. (I won't do anything you're not comfortable with. Well, as much as I can,) she added, probably realizing that she was in my head, taking control, and I sure wasn't comfortable with either.

Used to, yeah. Comfortable-never.

We'd arrived at home by now, and I wondered what time it was. Liliss checked my watch-an hour or so before Mom would make dinner. It was also a Wednesday, so Liliss would be spending the evening doing my homework. At least, that was one small benefit of being a Controller. My Yeerks were stuck with my schoolwork. They were responsible for keeping my grades up.

(I could let you lie down,) Liliss began, (but I'd rather you learn how to sleep just using your mind,) Liliss told me. (Associating it too much with real sleep can make it difficult when beds aren't available. Do you understand?)

I did. (Yeah,) I agreed.

(Now, for today, I'll have you sit down at your desk and close your eyes, and you can try to rest in your mind,) Liliss explained. (Would you like to try?)

I had a feeling there was another reason behind that. Liliss hadn't searched my memory yet, or, not fully. She needed to, if she was going to play me with any degree of success around my family. If I was unconscious, I wouldn't be aware of her prying through my mind.

It was, as much as such an invasion could be, a sort of kindness.

(Yeah. Okay,) I agreed.

She walked me up the stairs and into my room, leaving the door open. (Is there anything you want me to...skip over in your mind?) she asked, gently.

(Everything in the last six months?) I sighed, again. I considered. (I don't know. You might as well see all my memories. You'll probably need it at some point. Just, don't...)

I knew that Yeerks could bypass certain memories, but I was pretty sure this was a rare gift bestowed only on voluntary hosts. By now, I was so tired that I wouldn't even be able to think of embarrassing or painful memories that didn't involve Temrash that Liliss could skip over. Anyway, if she ever used memory torture on me, what would it matter if she hadn't viewed them when I was unconscious?

I also knew that a full memory search didn't take very long. Maybe, if I'd been eighty, it would have been a few hours, but I was just sixteen. She'd probably be finished before a half an hour was up. Memories didn't take long to view. Or review.

(Honey, I won't ever use your memories to hurt you,) she murmured.

Once again, I didn't answer.

Liliss walked me over to my desk, and returned control to me. I could have started screaming, but...what was the point?

Instead, I shut my eyes, focused on my bed, and wrapping myself under the covers. Being a slave, I hadn't even been able to put myself to bed in over six months.

How sad was that?

I wasn't sure if Liliss was helping, but I could feel definitely myself relax in my head.

Slowly, I felt myself doze off.

When I regained consciousness, it was at the dinner table. We were eating dessert, so I must have been out for almost two hours. I was aware that I felt a little better, at least in my mind, but still groggy. The memories of the afternoon returned, and being taken over by a new Yeerk. One who considered herself to be more decent than Temrash. Who wanted to help me.

(Tom, honey,) she greeted, loosening her hold on my body. I could actually smell the brownies and ice cream that were on my plate. (Did you sleep well?)

She knew, of course, but...I guessed it was nice of her to ask?

(Kinda,) I replied, truthfully.

Liliss gave me a mental smile, as well as a mental nod. (I'm glad you had a chance to rest. Don't worry. I'm nearly finished with your homework, and we can go to bed early. I promise, I will give you control for that. It shouldn't be as difficult as walking on your own.)

Before I could stamp it out, I felt a small amount of gratitude towards the Yeerk.

(Thanks,) I answered, before I could stop myself.

Well, she knew, either way.

Liliss gave me another mental smile, and continued to eat my dessert. Slowly, so that I could enjoy it.

It had been over six months since I'd been aware enough of my senses to be able to savor the taste of something. Let alone something as amazing as ice cream and brownies.

I was almost glad she was in control. I would have devoured it without being able to enjoy it.

Once we/"I" was excused from the table, Liliss walked my upstairs again and planted me in front of my open textbooks.

(It's just the math assignment that's left,) she explained.

(Well, you're a Yeerk. Should be easy to do dumb old human math, right?) I wondered.

(You're hardly dumb, Tom. But yes, I can do the work sheet without consulting your textbook,) Liliss admitted.

I'd have rolled my eyes at her, had I been able. Temrash thought all of human school was a waste because the subjects were either too primitive or completely irrelevant. He hadn't been completely wrong, from the Yeerk angle. Why would he care about human wars, or works of literature, or even learning another language when, if the Yeerks won, all hosts and Yeerks would speak something called Galard? As for math and science, we were probably light years behind the Yeerks.

Still, he'd had to play my part, which meant doing my homework and studying for tests. Probably because he was a slug and had better access to my memory than I did, plus his own slimy intelligence, what would have taken me over two hours took him less than half the time.

Sometimes, for entertainment, he'd make me live through some of my worst memories while he suffered through my homework.

(I'd never do that,) Liliss reassured me, in response to my unspoken thoughts.

I just let out a mental sigh.

Liliss continued, tentatively. (Tom, as you might have guessed, I viewed your memories.)

(I figured,) I answered, without malice.

After all, I had no way to prevent her from this, and she'd had the decency to wait to view my memories until I fell asleep. Anyway, since I wouldn't be in control for a long time, if ever, Liliss had needed to do this in order to play my part.

You can't really get mad at a slug for trying to show you some decency.

Or, act like it, anyway.

(Tom,) Liliss began, kindly, (I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can see how much you've been hurt, and I know it will take awhile for you to trust me. But I do want to help you.)

(Since you've seen all my memories, you have to know it's gonna take awhile before I even start to believe you, let alone trust you,) I shot back, angrily. (Sure, you might be acting nice now, but you're a parasitic slug, same as him. You can still hurt me.)

Liliss sighed. (You're right. Of course, you're right. But I hope that, in time, you will come to believe me and trust me.)

I didn't answer, or not directly.

It didn't occur to me that I was already starting to. In spite of my efforts to keep my guard up, Liliss had managed to break through. Well, a little, anyway.

What could I say? I was broken. And, maybe, when a broken host gets shown any amount of kindness by their Yeerk...they tend to let it get through to them. Because any act of kindness is better than nothing, or worse, being hurt again.

Liliss did my math homework. Usually, I zoned out, or endured Temrash's jabs or memory torture. Now, Liliss sort of hummed to herself in my head, which was kind of...nice. I found myself following along with her as she completed the problems. Even though I was six months behind, I could sort of follow what she was doing. When she caught me paying attention, she spoke up, again.

(Do you want me to show you what I'm doing?) she now asked me.

I did a mental shrug, but my emotions betrayed me.

I was a little curious. Mostly about how much I'd missed since I'd been infested. With a Yeerk doing your homework, and there's no chance of being freed, it's a waste of time to bother paying attention and learning the material.

So, she took me through each step, and then let me work on the next few in my head. I didn't ask for control, didn't want it for something as menial as math homework, and besides, my writing would probably be awful. But, I got the right answers, and that's what counted.

Finally, we were finished, and she packed up my books in my bag, setting it down next to my desk.

(Good job, Tom,) she told me, sending me a mental smile.

I gave her a mental shrug. (Yeah. Thanks.)

Liliss glanced at the clock near my bedtime table.

(Ready for bed?) Liliss asked me.

(Yeah.)

I was still tired, after all. It had been a very long day. All of my days felt unending, though, since I'd become Temrash's host.

Liliss walked my body to the bathroom I shared with Jake. The door was wide open, and he wasn't inside. So, Liliss went through the process of closing the door before she emptied my bladder-which had long since stopped being overtly humiliating, and now just another item on the long list of indignities I'd endured from my Yeerks-before washing my hands, my face, and then brushing my teeth. She opened the door, again, and Jake was waiting outside.

I felt a pang as soon as I saw him. At dinner, I'd been either asleep in my head, or focused on dessert. Because, honestly, thinking about my family hurt.

Especially Jake. He was still just a kid. Barely thirteen years old. If it had been me, I would have thrown my arms around him and made him promise to stay as far away from The Sharing as he could. Not to trust anyone, because they could be Controllers. To enjoy his freedom, being able to move on his own, to think what he wanted without fear of punishment.

Even now, I couldn't do this. I could only sit back in my mind, helpless, as Liliss gave him my standard smile. Affection laced with big brother teasing.

"Don't worry, it's all yours, Midget. And I didn't stink it up too badly."

Humor laced with just the smallest amount of bathroom humor. Yeah, Liliss already knew me well.

Jake made his standard "you're gross" face, but he couldn't fight the laugh that came with it. "Thanks."

He was only thirteen, after all. I felt a familiar ache at being trapped in my mind, unable to talk to him. I watched as my kid brother headed inside the bathroom and closed the door. I was not exactly a literary scholar, but I couldn't not miss the symbolism, there. Liliss let my eyes stare at the door for a few seconds, then walked me to my room, and shut the door behind me.

(You will be able to talk to him, soon,) she promised.

Somehow, this didn't help. If anything, it emphasized the fact that I was still a slave. I just-maybe-had a nicer master.

Mistress.

Whatever.

(Yeah, right. It's not like I'll ever be able to say anything to him. Not as long as you slugs are here,) I retorted.

Liliss, to her credit, didn't seem to take offense to this. (I know, and I promise you, I won't try to infest your brother, Tom.)

Which basically meant that he might have anywhere from a couple of months' to a couple of years' of freedom. Until I got reassigned to a Yeerk who was more ambitious.

Well, if Liliss could stay in my head until I was eighteen, maybe she could move out and we could spend less time with my family. Protect them more from what I was, or, what was living inside of me.

And, if, somehow, she managed to stay in my head until Jake was eighteen...an adult, and unable to be forced to join by our parents-not that they'd shown any indication of doing that.

Well. Maybe.

Liliss didn't say anything in response to my "what if" musings. A dark part of me thought that she was already sick of the fact that I wasn't acting like a good little host.

Probably, I should just shut up and be grateful that she hadn't tortured me yet.

(Would you like control again?) she asked, instead, once she'd exchanged my clothing for an oversized t-shirt and shorts.

My standard sleeping attire. I'd stopped wearing PJs years ago, even though Jake still liked them.

I was almost surprised by her offer, even though the Yeerk had promised to give me control again later.

Not that Yeerks were known for keeping their promises.

(Yeah. Sure,) I agreed, trying not to let myself get too worried about being able to move.

Liliss let go, then, and I took a deep breath before moving the rest of my body.

Really, it wasn't as hard as before, but then again, all I had to do was walk a few feet to my bed and pull the covers over my body. Turn off the light on my bedside table. Then, shift myself into a comfortable position-my right side-and close my eyes. It didn't wear me out, which meant that I was getting better at this, or it was a lot easier than walking more than a few feet. Still, I'd used more of my body just now than I had before, right? That was something?

(It is,) Liliss answered, gently. (You're improving, Tom.)

That was a pretty big statement for what I'd done, but I felt a little pleased with myself all the same. At least, I could move a little. Maybe, it would get easier.

Well, if she gave me control again.

(I will,) she promised. (Every day. We'll work up to sharing control whenever possible, Tom, but I don't want to tire you out. We'll take it slowly, and at your pace.)

(Okay,) I agreed. If she was telling the truth, it sounded reasonable enough. I closed my eyes, pulling the blankets tighter around me. I didn't feel safe, exactly, but I felt safer. Maybe, I'd actually get some real rest, too. How long had it been since I'd slept without nightmares, or even just the overpowering sense of fear and dread? I didn't want to believe that Liliss cared about me, but it was becoming harder to believe it was just some elaborate way to torture me.

I yawned, then turned onto my right side.

Then, before I could stop myself, I added, (Night.)

(Good night, honey. Sleep well,) Liliss answered, gently and easily.

While it could have just been because I was so tired, I did sleep well, and without any nightmares. With Temrash, nightmares were pretty much a regular occurrence. Not daily, but more than half the time. It always amused him, and he took great pleasure in replaying them and picking them apart for me. Which, of course, only made them worse, and harder for me to sleep.

That night, though, I didn't have any dreams. I just slept deeply, soundly, and when I woke up the next day, I was still in control.