Dear Qui-Gon,
Beru came to my hut today. Evidently she has created some kind of secure harness for Luke in the backseat of their speeder, and I am impressed by her ingenuity. The boy seemed to love the ride, for when I first saw them pull up he was waving his arms wildly, his soft blonde hair windswept and a look of pure joy on his face. I can see he has inherited his father's love for speed.
"I thought we would drop by and see how you are doing," Beru told me with a smile of such kindness as she unfastened Luke from his harness and I let her inside. "We haven't seen you much lately."
"I did not wish to impose," I told her somewhat lamely; a comfortable lie she was kind enough not to contradict.
"I worry about you here all alone, Ben, with no one to talk to." She held Luke close to her as she walked a circle around the small main room of my hut. I cringed at the state of the place, remembering her immaculate homestead and the pride she took in it. My beard had grown far too long, but I still tugged at it nervously and asked her to take a seat. I did not tell her about you, Qui-Gon, nor Yoda. The woman already thinks of me as some crazy wizard, telling her that I do in fact have two others to talk to, but one is dead and the other is halfway across the galaxy may not improve my standing.
"How are things at the farm?" I asked as I prepared the tea, noting that I was running short of leaves. I will have to make a run into Anchorhead soon.
"We are doing very well," Beru said, although I did not miss her pained smile. "It is harvest soon, which is always a busy time of year."
I put down the tea in front of Beru and took Luke gratefully from her arms when she offered him. The boy has grown so much since I last saw him – is it possible for infants to develop so quickly, or have I been secluded longer than I thought? He is already sprouting his first teeth, white caps peeking through his gummy grin, and his language has improved from grunts and giggles to words, however nonsensical.
"Ba, ba," he said as he patted my face. "Ba."
"That's right, Luke," Beru smiled over her tea. "That's Ben."
"Ba." Luke tugged on my beard hard, which made me hiss through my teeth.
"Luke!" Beru admonished him, but the boy seemed to find it absolutely hilarious and tugged again.
"It's alright," I assured her, giving Luke my best 'stern Master' expression. "Yes, little one, it is attached," I told him, extracting his sticky fingers from my beard. Luke only laughed again, leaning back against the table and clapping his hands together. His joy was infectious, and I could not maintain the air of discipline.
He looks well, I am happy to report. Chubby, rosy cheeks, bright eyes, and a cheerful disposition. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said of Beru.
She looked very thin. Her cheeks were gaunt and hollowed, her skin was sallow and there were stress lines around her eyes.
I wonder, Qui-Gon, if the farm is doing so well, why does she look so ill? Perhaps it is the stress of the upcoming harvest, or the rearing of Luke which is causing her undue anxiety. I am aware that young mothers often feel overwhelmed at such a time, and I can see that whilst Luke is a good baby, he is clearly active and it would be quite a task to watch him constantly. I feel guilty for not being there as much as I should to help her, for failing in that simple task. What kind of guardian have I made, dwelling on my own pain and sadness when my charges have clearly been struggling?
"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask, bouncing Luke on my lap. "I confess I know little of moisture farming, but I can learn. Perhaps I can assist Owen with the harvest."
Beru took several moments before answering, calmly sipping her tea before putting it down and folding her hands in her lap. She looked up at me, although her smile did not quite reach her eyes.
"My husband is proud," she told me. "He would not allow you to give us assistance without paying fairly for the work, which I know you would not accept."
"Indeed I would not," I agreed with a grimace. I understood her meaning – if they could afford to hire another hand they would do so. As my work would be pitiful compared to an experienced day laborer, if I forced my help on them it would do more harm than good.
"I have found your visits helpful," Beru assured me. "It is good for Luke to see you."
"Do you honestly think so?" I asked her with a desperate kind of hope.
"I may not agree with your desire for him to be a Jedi," she told me firmly. "But I know you care for him, and in this harsh world he needs love more than anything."
I do not disagree with her per se, although my treacherous thoughts claim that love is what got us into this mess – Anakin loved Padmé too much and he turned to the dark side trying to save her, I loved Anakin too much to kill him and now he is Darth Vader. Love can be dangerous – look what happened to Satine, killed by Maul to hurt me, all because I loved her.
But I do not voice any of these thoughts to Beru. Instead I promised to visit more often, and offer to care for Luke if she needs to run errands or help Owen on the farm.
"Thank you," she told me, reaching into the cloth bag and withdrawing a small jar of what I guessed was baby food. "In fact, you can help me now, and feed him? I must use the 'fresher."
"Of course," I told her, juggling Luke in my lap and reaching for the jar as Beru disappeared into the back rooms of my hut. Luke became very excited when I unscrewed the jar, hitting my shoulder repeatedly in excitement.
"Alright, youngling," I told him with amusement, settling him in the crook of one arm so I could use the other to spoon. "You've got a healthy appetite I see."
"Ba," was Luke's response, his gummy grin wide as he grabbed my hand and helped the spoon towards his mouth. His eagerness made me laugh, and I let him show me how he liked to be fed.
"Is it good?" I asked, and Luke seemed to understand, because he grinned, some of the goop dribbling down his chin. Luke smeared it with his fingers then put them in his mouth, sucking happily away. I thought it best to finish feeding him before cleaning him up, and gathered another spoonful. It didn't look appetizing to me – a thick brownish mush I couldn't identify by smell. Feeling brave, I dipped my finger into the jar and tasted it, finding it actually not too bad. I could identify stewed bantha, which had obviously been pureed with some kind of root vegetable, no doubt by Beru herself. Such produce was not cheap, in fact perhaps the only meat the family could afford - but of course it was important for Luke's growth and his health took precedence. I resolved then to find some other way to help Owen and Beru – whatever she said they were clearly having difficulties.
"Ba!" Luke seemed to take offence to my theft of his lunch, pulling on my beard again to get my attention.
"Alright," I chuckled, spooning him another mouthful. "I'm sorry, my boy."
I was halfway through feeding Luke before I realised Beru had not returned, however when I listened closely I heard the spin of my washing unit, then the clatter of dishes from the kitchenette along with the sound of a woman humming. Gathering Luke in my arms, I headed towards the source of the sound, only to see that Beru was at the sonic sink, cleaning the pile of dishes I'd left neglected on the counter for a week. She was humming a jaunty tune to herself and studiously ignored my entry – in fact I felt as if I was intruding on her so retreated.
I went next to my bedroom, which I found spotless, the pile of robes and clothes which had been piled on the floor put into the washing unit. Unsure of how to react, I went back to the living room and resumed feeding Luke. I told myself I should stop Beru – it was embarrassing to have a grown woman with a house and child of her own to look after cleaning up after me. But she had evidently set her mind to the task, and it felt rude to interrupt.
I finished feeding Luke and then played with him on the floor – he's getting quite adept at crawling and seemed to enjoy the game where he was a Tusken Raider and I his bantha. It was the happiest I've felt in a long while, his mere presence enough to keep the gloom at bay.
Eventually, Beru appeared again, once the hut was spotless and smelling vaguely of cleaning solution. I was embarrassed to mention anything, or even thank her for such kindness. However, she acted as if she hadn't done anything as she gathered Luke and said her goodbyes.
"It has been lovely to see you, Ben," she said, leaning up and kissing my cheek. "I hope you stop by the homestead soon."
I watched dumbfounded as she sped away in the speeder, utterly touched by her compassion. I had felt welcome before in her home, but this was the first time I had felt wanted.
Perhaps life here isn't going to be so bad after all.
Obi-Wan Kenobi
