When I returned to my hut on the edge of the Dune Sea Rooh was waiting in her usual spot outside the door. She stared at me with her big black eyes and whined pitifully, nudging my hand as I passed.
"It's alright, girl," I soothed her as I crouched down, rubbing the soft skin of her neck. "I'm not mad." I was thankful to see no outward sign of mistreatment by Jabba's goons, although I noticed someone had set out some aloki stalks for her to munch on. "They're here, aren't they?" I asked the animal, although of course she did not answer. Sighing deeply, I entered my hut and was unsurprised to see Owen and Beru waiting for me. Luke was on the floor happily playing with a stuffed bantha I had bought for him, for once oblivious to the tense emotions of those around him.
"Kenobi," Owen nodded to me without displacing the scowl from his face. "Why don't you take a seat."
I bristled at being directed in my own home and remained standing, folding my arms. "I suppose you are looking for an explanation."
"At the very least."
"Owen." Beru put a hand on her husband's arm, and he exhaled harshly and looked away. My ire rose slightly – had I not saved them from Jabba's filthy clutches, protected Luke's secret and improved their financial situation? I do not expect gratitude…or perhaps I do. Perhaps it is not much to ask in return for all I have sacrificed.
"You must have spent I lot of time on that ruse," Beru said evenly. "How did you know?"
I relaxed slightly and gave her a smile, spreading my hands. "Once I realised that Jabba was involved, I knew it was only a matter of time before they found me. I forged the midichlorian test results and wrote a new diary – and I apologise for the...less than flattering things I wrote about you both and Luke. I'm sure you understand it was necessary."
Owen's jaw visibly clenched, and Beru gave me a tight smile as she fiddled with the tight bun tied at the nape of her neck – a nervous habit of hers. "Of course," she said. "Where is the real one?"
"Safe," I assured her, not quite prepared to give her all my secrets. "Trust me, it will not be found."
Owen cleared his throat, although he was still looking steadfastly at the wall. "So Luke has the Force after all?"
I realise now that my ruse had perhaps given Owen a moment of wild, desperate hope – that Luke wasn't in fact Force sensitive, but a normal child he did not have to constantly worry over.
"His midichlorian count is far higher than 3,000," I told them, which only made Owen grimace again.
"What is his count?" Beru asked, leaning forward and ruffling Luke's hair slightly. At her touch the boy turned around and beamed at her, and Beru smiled back at him with as much love as any mother would.
"Well…" I was reluctant, but perhaps it was best that they understand. "Luke has 20,000 midichlorians per cell."
Beru's mouth dropped open and she put one hand over her throat in clear surprise. This was a reaction Luke did not fail to notice, using Beru's knee for leverage as he pulled himself up off the floor and reached out to her. She enfolded him into her tight embrace, her shoulders shaking with slight sobs as she pressed her face into his hair. Owen reacted as well, turning to her and rubbing her back lightly.
"It will be alright, Beru," he whispered to her, his usual gruffness absent. "I will make things right."
"I had no idea," she sniffed. "How hard this will be for him."
I felt rather like an intruder, and shifted my stance uncomfortably. "It is high," I conceded. "Higher than myself, certainly. But with the proper training-"
"There it is," Owen's voice was razor-sharp. "Did I not tell you, Beru? You think him so brave, but he is self-serving."
Beru wiped the tears from her eyes with some help from Luke, his chubby fingers patting her cheeks. This made her smile, taking his small hands and kissing his palms. "But he saved Luke today," she argued, turning back to Owen. "He took away our debt."
"No, he simply transferred it," Owen spat out, shooting me a venomous look. "We owe him now, and no doubt he will collect – force us to let him corrupt Luke with that Jedi nonsense."
There is no emotion, there is peace, there is no emotion, there is peace. I repeated the mantra until I no longer wanted to throttle Owen in a most uncivilized manner. The lack of gratitude is bad enough, but to insult my character so? It was not to be borne, and I was about to explain to Owen in detail why when Luke started screaming.
"Oh, Luke," Beru tried to soothe him, rocking him in her arms and kissing his head. "I think he needs to be changed Owen, can you do it please?" Without waiting for his response Beru plonked Luke down in Owen's arms and shooed him in the direction of the 'fresher. "Ben had some supplies in there," she assured him, giving him a little nudge in the back.
Owen was not happy, but acquiesced to his wife's instruction and took Luke into the 'fresher. Beru sighed and turned to me, her forehead creasing in distress.
"Why can't you boys get along, for Luke's sake?"
"The problem is not with me," I defended myself, shaking my head in disbelief. "All I am trying to do is protect Luke."
"As is Owen," Beru said as she approached me, touching my arm lightly. "You just disagree on how best to do that. I appreciate all that you are doing for us, Ben – so does Owen, even if he doesn't realise it. He is a proud man, and the thought that he cannot protect his family without assistance wounds him deeply."
On reflection, I can see Owen's point – yes of course I am protecting Luke for his own sake, and yet I cannot deny that he is one of the last hopes for the Jedi. I do want to train him, Owen was right about that, and perhaps my eagerness to come to their aid was in part to curry favour. I keep thinking that eventually I will wear Owen down, and he will see why Luke needs to be trained in the ways of the Force.
The Lars family left soon after, and Owen apologized for his outburst – although he almost choked on the words. I know Beru worries about me working for Jabba and what I might have to do to earn his good grace, but I am resolved not to concern myself with that until the time comes. Although I did not tell Beru about dispatching Jabba's goons - perhaps I have proved myself to be of lesser character than I thought. The ease in which I made the decision to end their lives was as quick as any bounty hunter might have done with someone who came between them and their prey.
So, Qui-Gon, do you approve? You were always fond of the unconventional, and the ends justifying the means – would you have done the same? I have killed before in battle which did not trouble my conscience, and is not my life here on Tatooine a battle of a different kind? Jabba respects power and strength, so my actions served me two-fold and will go a long way to ensuring I can continue to protect Luke. That is, after all, why I am here.
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Oh Qui-Gon, why don't you speak to me? It has been hours since I wrote the above, and you have not come.
Do you disapprove after all, have I breached some kind of moral fabric of the universe which prevents you from appearing the counsel me? In the war we had rules of engagement, and my opponents went into battle knowing death could be the outcome – this was not so at Jabba's Palace. I murdered those two men in cold blood, violating the mind of another, and I told myself it was the right thing because of Luke, because of Owen and Beru, because of everyone how had suffered at their hand. But that does not make it right, and now it can never be right again.I can never be right again.
I despair, and regret, and I am a Jedi no longer.
