I change into a dark green pair of pajamas and settle into my plush bed, relishing the feel of the silky sheets against my toes. Somehow, this whole ordeal is a lot more pleasant when I'm not the one on display. Not the main one, at least.
That knowledge doesn't help me sleep. The nightmares are back. I watch the brutal deaths from my own Games in my head every time I close my eyes, and I wake up screaming so much that Haymitch comes to tell me to shut up before he tips me out the window of the train. But Peeta stays away. Is he also having nightmares? Is he dreaming about losing me? What does he do when he can't just look out the window and see my house, look across the bed and see me?
Peeta's eyes, the next morning, are bloodshot, and there are bags underneath them. I peer at my own reflection in the shiny silverware on the breakfast table and realize I don't look much better. We don't say anything to each other and focus only on our food, at least, until Haymitch comes in. He looks pretty bad as well, though in his case, that probably has more to do with heavy drinking than lack of sleep.
Haymitch ignores all the food, instead grabbing a glass of juice that he dilutes with liquid from a bottle hidden in his jacket pocket. "Hair of the dog, hair of the dog," he mutters while he does this, completely ignoring Peeta and me.
"Are you feeling all right, Haymitch?" Peeta asks politely, but receives no answer. He repeats his question, louder, and Haymitch winces.
"No need to yell," Haymitch mumbles. "I heard you the first time." He gulps down half the glass at once, then turns to me. "The kids all showed up to my room last night, scared you were getting murdered," he says. I assume "kids" refers to the tributes, even though Rose and Ash are older than Peeta and I.
I ignore him, instead reaching for an orange and peeling it.
"Didn't you say you were going to be sober to help with training?" I ask, nonchalant, as I cut the orange into quarters with my knife.
"Training technically hasn't started yet," Haymitch says. "Besides, I won't be much help if my hands are shaking."
Peeta speaks for the first time. "I think we should all spend today getting to know the tributes—their strengths, weaknesses, that sort of thing."
"Great idea," Rose says, flouncing into the room and grabbing a plate. "Maybe if you get attached to us, you'll be more likely to help us when we actually get into the arena." She serves herself some eggs and fruit and sits next to Haymitch. "Particularly you," she says, nodding at Haymitch. "You're the one in charge, aren't you? I suppose you outrank the others."
"There are no ranks here," Peeta says. "We are all mentors to all of you. But we will focus attention more individually to ensure everyone is taken care of."
Ash slinks in as Peeta is finishing his speech. "G' morning," he mumbles, ignoring the food and sitting down.
"You should get some food," I suggest. "It's important to build your strength."
"I'm so queasy I don't think I could hold anything down," Ash says. "Even the elevator that takes us down to the coal mines in Twelve makes me nauseous. I'll eat when we get to the Capitol."
I frown, but let it go. Ash is Peeta's responsibility, whatever he might have said earlier to Rose.
"Where's Lucy?" Haymitch asks. "She should be up by now."
"Katniss, do you want to go check on her?" Peeta asks, looking at me nervously, directly addressing me for the first time since the Justice Building strategy session.
I roll my eyes, but stand. "Fine," I say, then turn to the Avox who's been attending us. "I'll be back for my food, so don't take it away."
Lucy is being kept in my old room. She's still in bed, turned away from the door.
"Lucy?" I call, hovering in the doorway. She doesn't move.
I go closer, this time standing right at the edge of the bed. "Lucy?"
She finally rolls over. Her face is tear-streaked, her eyes are bright red.
"I was waiting to come out until I'd had a chance to compose myself," she says. "I knew I was going to do this almost from the moment the Quell was announced. Better to be killed quickly than to starve to death in Twelve. Better to let the kids who might actually be missed have a chance at life. I thought that since I'd lived with this for so long, I would be able to be strong now. Somehow, now that I'm actually on the train to the Capitol, it all feels so much more real."
I think back to the previous day, when Haymitch had expected me to identify with Rose or Ash. He could not have been more wrong. Lucy's sacrifice was noble, perhaps even more noble than mine had been. I had volunteered to save Prim, the kindest, sweetest soul to ever exist. Lucy had volunteered to save hundreds of kids who probably teased her just because she was from the group home. I didn't expect to care so much, but in that moment I vow to do everything in my power to bring Lucy home to Twelve.
"You are strong," I say, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "It took strength, what you did. And you have more of a chance than you think. The important thing is to not count yourself out."
"The tributes from One through Seven are all monstrous-looking." Lucy reaches for a towel and wipes her face.
"But you have to remember there are only fourteen of them. District Eleven alone outnumbers them. The odds may not be in your favor now, but that doesn't mean you can't change that. And you start by eating and keeping your strength up, so wash your face and come have some breakfast."
I return to the table with a bounce in my step. Maybe I won't be a bad mentor after all.
Rose and Ash elect to be coached together, but Lucy wants to be mentored separately. Fine by me—honestly, the less time spent with Peeta, the better.
After breakfast, I lead Lucy into the small sitting room in the back of the train. We settle into the plush seats. "So why did you want to be coached separately?" I ask. "Is there some sort of special skill you want to keep hidden from the others?"
Lucy shook her head. "It's people like Rose and Ash that always make me feel bad for not having parents. I only have a few days left and I'd rather not spend them reminded of unpleasant things."
"Fair enough," I say. "So tell me about yourself. What subjects are you good at in school?"
Lucy and I talk for the greater part of the day. We have lunch delivered to us, and it's only at dinnertime that I see Peeta and Haymitch again.
"Lucy is taking a shower before she comes to eat," I say as I enter the dining car alone. "Where are your tributes?"
"No idea," Haymitch says, cheerfully adding a clear liquor to his glass of juice. "That means I can drink."
"I don't know what to do," Peeta says, resting his head in his hands. "Katniss, wait until you hear about the day we've had."
When I go to bed that night, I feel relieved. Lucy, at least, is receptive to my suggestions. Rose and Ash, on the other hand, listen to Peeta and Haymitch, but are more concerned with sorting out their relationship—namely Rose's feelings of resentment for having been reaped into the Games.
My relief is short-lived. I've barely fallen asleep when I'm plagued by new nightmares. I'm back in the Games, hiding from mutts with Lucy's face; I'm dodging fireballs launched by Haymitch; Peeta and I are back in the cave by the river, and we are about to kiss when his face morphs into President Snow's; I'm—
"Wake up!"
It's Haymitch.
"If you don't stop screaming, I'm going to drop you off somewhere and have another train come for you," he growls. "No one else can sleep with the racket you're making."
"I can't help it!" I protest. "I don't choose to have nightmares."
"You found a solution during the Victory Tour," Haymitch reminds me.
I throw a pillow at him and roll back onto my side, annoyed.
"You need to remember that this trip isn't about you, sweetheart," he says. "Whatever happens in the Quell, you will be coming out of it alive. That's not the case for any of the tributes. Don't torment them any more than necessary."
Haymitch leaves, closing the door loudly behind him, but I lie awake for ages. I'm not going to ask Peeta to sleep here. That's not an option.
I'm late to breakfast the next morning.
"—doesn't make sense, Rosie," Ash is saying as I blearily fill a cup with chocolate.
"I don't care. I'm still mad at you," Rose huffs, folding her arms across her chest.
"This way I get to spend more time with you," Ash says. "In a way, it's a good thing."
Rose throws her plate on the ground and it breaks into dozens of large shards. "Ash, that's enough!" she says. "I shouldn't have been here at all. If you were going to volunteer, why didn't you do it before Effie pulled my name out of the bowl?"
Right on cue, Effie Trinket joins us in the breakfast room, a shocked expression on her face. Peeta stands up and pulls her aside. "They've been like this for ages," he explains.
"But I wasn't going to volunteer," Ash shouts, throwing his arms into the air. "You know that. I would have told you if that was my plan. I only did it because of you."
Rose opens her mouth to shout back, but I lose it first. "Rose, you need to stop complaining!" I say, slamming my cup on the table so hard that chocolate splatters everywhere. "There are far bigger things to deal with than your pathetic love lives. It's not Ash's fault you're here, it's just bad luck. You weren't reaped because of Ash. That blame lies with every single boy in District Twelve who didn't volunteer when they were asked. That blame lies with the stupid Quarter Quell. That blame lies with the Capitol and President Snow. Get over it."
Everyone is frozen for a moment before Rose storms out. The door barely swings shut behind her before Haymitch starts guffawing.
"Sweetheart, I forgot how much I like having you around," he says, grinning widely.
Effie frowns. "Katniss, I'm not sure it was entirely appropriate for you to shout at a tribute like that," she says.
"Effie, trust me when I say that was needed," Peeta says, smiling at me. "Maybe now they will actually listen to the advice we have for them."
Effie nods slowly. "Well, as long as that isn't a regular occurrence, I suppose it's alright." She turns to me. "By the way, Katniss, we need to do something about you screaming at night."
I fold my arms across my chest. "What do you mean?"
"You've woken us all up two nights in a row. It's inconsiderate." Effie sighs. "I'm sure you don't mean to, but we need to find a solution."
Now I'm frowning too, but before I can say anything, Haymitch interjects. "Effie, I'm working on that. Don't you worry about it."
Rose finally reemerges from her room around lunchtime. She's more subdued than she was before and she looks like she's been crying. I feel a little guilty, but the feeling passes.
"We arrive at the Capitol tomorrow morning," Effie announces. "Lucy, Rose, and Ash, you will go directly to see your prep teams."
"Do whatever they say, whether you like it or not," Haymitch adds. "You probably won't like it."
"What should we work on today?" Peeta asks.
"General stuff. Like what to expect at the Capitol and what to do when official training before the Games begins. But before we do that, I need to speak to you and Katniss alone," Haymitch answers.
After lunch, Haymitch, Peeta, and I go into my room to talk. Haymitch makes himself comfortable on the bed immediately, but Peeta is more hesitant to sit down.
"You two need to understand the realities of being a victor in the Capitol," he says.
"Like acting like a couple?" I say. "We already do that in front of the cameras."
Peeta frowns but doesn't add anything.
"There's more to it," Haymitch says. "In fact, you two might be spared because of the whole star-crossed lovers thing, but just in case I'm wrong about that, I need to warn you."
A half-hour later, Peeta and I are both in shock.
"You mean to say President Snow has been running this victor prostitution ring for years?" Peeta's more outraged than I've ever seen him.
"Yes," says Haymitch.
"And if we don't agree to participate, he has our families killed?" I add. An image of Prim swims to the forefront of my thoughts and I swallow uneasily.
"Yes," says Haymitch.
Peeta sinks his head into his hands. "I don't understand how people are okay with this."
I think back to all the gifts we received from sponsors during our Games—the food, the medicines. At the time, I'd wondered how much someone must have paid to help us. I never thought that they would one day hope to collect from us.
Haymitch stands up and leans against the wall. "President Snow doesn't go around advertising this racket," he says. "It's all done through secret conversations and threats. Comply or die."
"So we have to play into this game then?" I ask, thinking about faceless strangers pawing at my body and feeling nauseous. I don't even let Gale near me like that, so how am I supposed to let this happen?
"Like I said earlier, I think you two might be lucky and not have to participate. The Capitol ate up your star-crossed lovers story, and the kinds of people that would buy into something like that are most likely not going to expect those types of favors. But you never know. I recommend talking to Finnick Odair or Johanna Mason if you want to know more."
"Finnick Odair…" I murmur. Finnick was a beautiful man from District Four who had won the Games about ten years ago. Rumors of his affairs with various Capitol women had traveled all the way back to District Twelve. So he wasn't a womanizer after all?
"Yes, he certainly doesn't play it that way," Haymitch chuckles.
"Johanna Mason is the girl from Seven, right?" Peeta says, his face screwed up in concentration.
"She's the one who pretended to be a sniveling, incapable brat a few years ago and then turned the tables," I elaborate, thinking to myself that it might not be the worst strategy for Lucy.
"The mentoring never ends, eh Haymitch?" Peeta quips.
"If I'd known this time last year how much trouble the two of you would cause, maybe I wouldn't have bothered," Haymitch retorts.
