A/N: Just a little one-shot, centering around Decker and Jenny's friendship, set after Jenny leaves Gibbs in Paris. One-sided Jibbs, hope you enjoy!
As she rinsed the conditioner from her hair, Jenny Shepard tried to ignore the way her hands were shaking. She'd originally thought that the whiskey she'd consumed before getting in the shower would have steadied her hands, but she'd had no such luck. She was trying her best to ignore the pain that had been building within her chest as the week had drawn on, and though she'd managed it for the most part, she was failing miserably now.
She slowly sat down on the floor of the tub, trying to pretend that the tears she felt on her face were a result of the shower, and when she heard the soft knock on the door, she quickly looked up.
"Hey, Shepard...got a minute?"
She frowned, more than a little confused, and shook her head slowly.
"Decker?"
"Yeah. I know you're in the shower, but I wanted to talk to you."
She stayed where she was, allowing the water to flow over her long hair, and laid her head on her knees, knowing he wasn't through.
"How are you doing? I know that this week is rough for you, and..."
"Will, I'm fine. Really."
She could hear him moving around the small room, and when he sat down next to the tub, she could see the outline of his body through the shower curtain.
"Don't lie to me, Jen."
The nickname was enough to stab her through the heart, and she immediately tensed, her eyes closing tightly.
"Don't call me that."
"Thought you were fine. If you were, it wouldn't bother you. Talk to me. I know what tomorrow is."
She sighed, blinking the water from her eyes, feeling suddenly cold in spite of the hot water, and she reached out to turn up the temperature. She'd have been lying if she'd said that she wasn't feeling nostalgic for her relationship, if the anniversary of the day she'd left wasn't weighing on her like a brick, and she shook her head again.
"I just...where do I start?"
"At the beginning is usually a good idea."
Jenny nodded, taking a deep breath, and nearly choked on the thick steam circling her.
"Did I make a mistake? Leaving him? I mean, I never intended to stay on his team forever, but...I never intended to fall in love with him, either. He saved my life, so many times, so many different ways, and..."
She paused, unsure of where she was going with her thoughts, and Decker shifted, reaching for a towel to put behind his head in an effort to be more comfortable.
"Jenny, he was an ass. Yes, he saved your life, yes, he cared about you. Hell, he may have even loved you, but did you forget all the shitty things he did? He put you through hell during that entire op. Any time you made a mistake, any time you weren't absolutely perfect, he called you out, made you feel worthless, and when you told him you loved him, he laughed at you. He's so damaged that he couldn't even admit that he felt the same way."
Jenny shook her head, the liquor making her more emotional than she was used to, and wiped her hand furiously under her eyes.
"I know. But that's just it, Will. I know he loved me. Even if he couldn't say it, he showed me, every day. He always had my back when it counted, he took care of me when I was sick, he held me when I fell apart..."
"So did I, Jenny. So did Burley. We love you, too. Not enough to sleep with you, but...honey, you deserved better than that. You deserve someone who isn't so broken that they can't admit they love you. Someone who can let themselves be vulnerable with you, and who would give you the world. I'm not saying Gibbs is a bad man, I'm saying that he needs to work on his own issues before he tries to be with anyone. Love isn't the only thing that makes a relationship work. It takes trust, communication, both of which Gibbs sucks at. He tries, but it isn't enough."
Decker frowned when she didn't answer immediately, and when he heard her begin to cry, he ran his hand through his hair.
"You don't understand, Will. I know you're right, but...I don't want anyone else. I...I've never loved anyone the way I love him."
"I know, honey," Decker said gently, "But you have to remember all of it. Not just the good. Don't you remember how he made you feel like shit every time you made a decision he didn't agree with? It was his way or nothing. You can't live your life for someone else. You have to do it for yourself."
"How...Will, how do I move on? Obviously he didn't love me as much as I loved him, but...I can't just pretend that he meant nothing to me."
"You don't have to pretend he didn't matter, Jenny. Don't ignore the pain, but don't drown in it, either. It's obvious how much you loved him, and that's okay. You don't have to pretend it wasn't an important part of your life, because it was. He was. I know he loved you, but if he couldn't even admit it, he doesn't deserve you. He never did."
Jenny reached for the shower curtain, pulling it back just enough that she could see Decker's face, giving him a weak smile.
"Hey, Will? Can I ask you a question?"
He smiled, nodding at her slowly.
"Fire away, Shep."
"Why are we having this conversation while I'm in the shower?"
He laughed, looking at her seriously.
"Because you can't run away from me in here."
Jenny nodded, standing carefully and turning off the water, squeezing the water from her hair.
"Hand me a towel?"
He did as she asked, passing her a towel through the curtain, and after she had wrapped it around her shivering body, she stepped out of the shower. He steadied her with a hand on her shoulder, and he looked at her seriously.
"You remember the last time we were in a bathroom together?"
The memory of Decker carrying her from the Parisian bathroom, her blood dripping onto the floor, was fresh in her memory even a year later, and she nodded.
"I remember," she answered quietly.
She moved past him, thankful that he was considerate enough to give her privacy as she changed into her bathrobe, and when she returned to the bathroom, he gave her a smile.
"Did I ever really thank you for that?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Might have. Once or twice. Usually while you're under the influence of Jack Daniels."
Jenny laughed, hugging him gently.
"Still. Thank you, Will. You and Stan really came through for me that night."
He smiled, walking with her as she made her way back into the main part of her hotel room, and when he glanced around the space, he frowned at the bottles strewn about on the bed. They were unopened, save for the one she'd taken a drink from before her shower, and he looked at her sternly.
"Planning on getting wasted?"
She shrugged, looking at the bottles disinterestedly.
"Thought about it."
He nodded, sitting on the edge of her bed and searching her eyes.
"Let's do it, then. Let's get wasted."
"Really?"
"Really. You and me, Red. Let's spend the night getting drunk off our asses."
She laughed, sitting down next to him, picking up the bottle and unscrewing the cap. She tipped it back, letting the liquid burn down her throat, giving Decker a smile as she handed it to him. This wasn't how she'd imagined this night going, but she sure as hell wasn't going to complain.
Though she wouldn't have thought it possible when the night began, Jenny found herself laughing as Decker finished his story of his and Burley's antics while Gibbs and Jenny had been in Italy.
"Seriously, Will, I don't know how you two didn't kill each other. You were always at each other's throats."
Decker polished off the last of the bottle, handing another to Jenny as he nodded.
"I know, but...Stan's a good guy most of the time. Infuriating and stupid, but a good guy. Hell, he's saved both of our lives. We owe him."
Jenny nodded, taking a long drink from the fresh bottle, not even flinching as she swallowed.
"Hey, Deck?"
"Yeah?"
"How...how did we get here? Me, drunk and crying over a man that didn't even love me enough to stop me from leaving and you, drunk and trying to keep me from jumping from the balcony."
Decker frowned, looking at her seriously.
"Shep...don't...don't joke about that."
"I'm not," she whispered, shaking her head, "I—God, Will, it...it hurts so much that I can't fucking stand it. I just want it to stop. I can't even say his name!"
Moving closer, Decker wrapped his arm around her, pulling the bottle from her hand. She was crying so hard that she made no move to stop him, and as he set it on the floor next to the bed, he held her hand.
"I know it hurts. And as much as it kills me to say this, Gibbs did love you. I'm not trying to defend him, because he didn't treat you the way you deserved, but maybe he let you go for a reason. Maybe he knew, deep down, that you were doing the right thing for yourself. Maybe he let you go because he loved you."
Decker pulled her closer, holding her tightly, and when Jenny threw her arms around his neck, he smiled sadly. It wasn't until she was about to pull away that he let his lips brush over her cheek, framing her face with his hand.
"I love you, Jenny. You're the sister I never had. And if Gibbs was too much of an idiot to tell you how much you meant to him, that's his own stupidity. You're worth so much more than that, and you deserve someone who will give you the world."
Jenny gave him a weak smile, laying her head on his shoulder as she reached for the bottle he'd left at their feet.
"You sure you're not just saying all this because I'm wearing nothing but my underwear and a robe, Deck?"
He laughed, shaking his head as she swallowed her whiskey, and pulled the bottle from her grasp.
"Nah," he said, taking a long drink as he combed his fingers through her still-damp hair, "I just don't want to lose you. You're the best friend I have, especially now."
She leaned closer, kissing him gently, and as she took the bottle back from him, she gave him a rare genuine smile.
"I love you too, Will. And thanks. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."
He hugged her again, his voice warm in her ear.
"Just so you know, you might want to tighten the robe. I'm dangerously close to being able to see your—"
Laughing as she pulled away from him, she smacked his arm, tightening the robe as her hair fell over her shoulder.
"Better take a long look, William. These are the only ones you're going to see for months."
"You offering, Shep?"
"Only in your dreams."
He laughed, giving her one last hug as he stood, making his way to the door.
"Hey, Jenny?"
"Yeah?"
His eyes were serious as they met hers from across the room, locking onto the emerald slowly.
"You're gonna be okay...right?"
She nodded, though her smile was slightly sad.
"I'll be fine, Will. And thanks."
The door shut slowly behind him, and though she'd told him she would be fine, Jenny didn't think she'd ever told such a blatant lie in her life. She set the bottle on the bedside table, letting her tears fall, blinding her so that she could hardly see her own hands in her lap. When the door opened again, Decker twirling the room key between his fingers, she frowned, staring at him through the haze of her tears.
"You didn't really think I was going to leave you alone like this, did you?"
"Will, what—"
"You're a mess, Jenny. And I know you."
He made his way to her bed, holding out his arms, and when she realised he wasn't going anywhere, she crawled up the mattress. Decker pulled her closer, her head resting on his chest, and as she cried into his shoulder, he kissed her hair.
"Shh...it's okay, Jenny. You'll get through this. I know you will. And I love you."
She didn't answer, having passed out from a combination of alcohol, pain, and pure exhaustion, and as Decker felt himself fighting the pull of unconsciousness, he held her tighter, kissing her hair one last time. They woke in the late hours of the morning, still in the same position, and though Jenny could still feel the lingering pain, for the first time, she felt strong enough to handle it.
A/N: Hope you liked it! Let me know what you think!
