Lying together, having put our clothes back in place, I felt Daryl sigh. My head was in its natural place on his chest as he took my hand and linked our fingers together. I could tell he was content, but I'd be lying if I said his sigh didn't scare me.
"That wasn't smart," he whispered, gruff and almost as though he was speaking to himself. "Shouldn't have let go like that with ya, Jessi."
I tightened my hold on his hand. "It was one time, Daryl." I tried to scoff at his concern, but Lori's current condition came rushing to the forefront of my mind and sobered me. "It's not like-"
He groaned above me, cutting me off. "Only takes one time." His other arm was wrapped around me, and I calmed down when I realized he hadn't noticed that he'd interrupted me. "Can't risk it, sweetheart." I felt his lips brush the top of my head. "No matter how much I wanna."
I smiled and looked up at him. "I'm glad we did, at least once." I hoped he understood that I wasn't ready for parenthood. I wasn't sure I would ever be, between how my mother had reacted to me and the world turned to what it had.
Daryl's smile was soft. "Not that I don't dream about it." I raised an eyebrow, and he unlinked our hands and brushed my cheek with his thumb. "Almost every time I close my eyes I can see it. A family with ya, babies that have your eyes and smile."
He'd thought about it, I felt my heartbeat lurch almost painfully in my chest. Even in the madness of our reality, he dreamed of us and our future. I bit my lip. If this place, Hershel's family farm, without the barn full of dead, could become a refuge could there be more? More safety and more security.
I could almost believe it could work. With Daryl by my side, couldn't we make it work? I leaned into his touch and watched as his head tried to lean toward me to kiss me again. Scooting up, so we were face to face, I leaned into him. Our lips met and that fire that was always burning between us flared up.
I felt his hands move back to the hem of my tank top and raise it to settle under my chin, so my bra was bared to his hands. The rough pads of his fingers glided over my skin, building the passion we'd sated mere moments before. His thumb teased the curve of my breasts spilling over the top of my bra, and I gasped. Feeling the curve of his smile against my lips, his hand moved lower, brushing against my bare stomach, and landing at the waistband of my jeans. He made quick work of the button and zipper, but just as his fingers were sliding beneath the denim, we heard the jingle of his early warning system outside.
I groaned into his mouth and he chuckled. "Fuck," I whispered, when he pulled away from my lips. I was on fire, and we were interrupted. My dad cursing outside the tent had me pulling down my tank and buttoning my jeans.
"Guess not," Daryl's voice sounded twisted with longing and humor. "At least, not right now." He raised an eyebrow and lay back down.
"Ugh." I gave a disgruntled growl. I unzipped the tent and stepped out. Dad was standing entwined in the rope of metal things that Daryl had placed around our spot and he was trying, without success to untangle himself. "Let me help you," I offered with a giggle, stepping forward and working to unravel him.
Once he was free, Dad ran a hand through his hair. I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to seeing him without his hat, but I was happy he and Carl were sharing things. "Jessi," he sighed, and I knew he'd come to tell me about Lori.
I sat down with my back against the tree that Daryl had been sitting against earlier. Patting the ground next to me, Dad sat. He slid his arm behind me and pulled me closer. I felt his kiss against my forehead and waited. "Lori's pregnant, baby girl." He sighed, "and Hershel is adamant that we have to leave once everyone's all healed up." I nodded, he needed to vent and he chose me. "You know how hard it was when she had Carl." Yeah, Lori had to have a C-section, and there had been complications leading to the decision. "That was when we had hospitals and real doctors." His grip tightened and I knew he was struggling. "I need you to understand, Jessi, that whatever happened while I was gone, this baby, they're OURS." I smiled, my dad would always be THAT guy. The one who wanted to do what was best for his family.
"Of course the baby is ours, Daddy." I whispered, looking up and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Who else's would it be?" I arched an eyebrow, daring him to mention Shane to me.
His blue eyes were locked on mine and I waited. "Jessica," I gulped, rarely did Dad use my full first name. "I need to know. What did Shane do to make you hate him?"
I shook my head and started to pull away. No way was I going to have this talk now. Not after he just told me about my new sibling to be. Dad startled me by not letting me go. He tilted my face back to look at him and I could tell that he could see the pain in my eyes. "Baby, I NEED you to tell me. Please?"
I fought the tears that were burning with the threat of falling. "Why does it matter now?" I asked, wanting, no needing to delay the tale.
Dad pulled me tight against his chest, holding me and letting me hear his heartbeat. Like Daryl's it managed to calm me down. "Because, Jessi, you and I both know that the baby-"
"Is OURS, remember, Daddy?" I whispered, shaking my head, unwilling to let a baby carry the burden of who their father was.
I felt another kiss land on my head. "Yes, but Shane's reaction to that may be-"
I sighed, understanding. "I know it hasn't been the same between the two of you since you got back." Understatement of the year, I thought. "But Shane was never who you thought he was, Daddy." My voice was still quiet, as though Shane were lurking in the woods and would hear me. "The night I graduated?" I felt Dad's arms stiffen around me. "He tried to-" Telling Daryl had been hard, but this? This was nauseating. "I stopped him, but he did try." I wasn't going to give details, it wasn't necessary, in my mind.
"How far did he go, Jessi?" His voice was strained, but his embrace was soft and comforting around me.
"He kissed me, but he wanted more." I whispered. "I fought, and he said he liked that, me fighting." I felt I needed to give Dad something to lighten the intensity. "He didn't like it when I punched him in the dick." I shrugged and felt the harsh, dark chuckle come from him.
Dad sighed and pulled back to look into my face. I'd failed at stopping the tears, and a few had slipped past my careful boundaries. His thumb brushed one away. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked, and I could see the pain of my keeping the secret from him on his face. "I would have-"
I shook my head and cradled my head under his chin. "It wasn't you, Daddy. I just-" I thought about all my time working in a womens' shelter, of volunteering with the victims of violent crimes. "I felt like maybe it was my fault." I hated that, the feeling of shame that I'd done something, said something to make Shane think it was alright to try. "I know that it wasn't. I know that it's typical for someone to feel that way, but it didn't stop the shame." I felt Dad's arms tighten around me again, holding me together. "I knew you'd hurt him, or you'd tell someone, and he'd lose his job or you'd lose the one friend you'd had since you were a child." I sighed. "You lost so much, Daddy, just by being my dad. I didn't want you to lose anything else."
Dad pulled me back, holding me far enough away so I was forced to look up at him. "I have lost NOTHING in my being your Dad, Jessica. NOTHING. You are everything to me. You, Carl, Lori, and this new baby? You were the first person to show me that unconditional love was an ability every single one of us could have." His hands framed my face. "I have NEVER regretted having you, baby, NEVER. Losing Shane from my life wouldn't even make a dent in my world, but YOU? You, I can't lose. EVER." I was crying when I heard the tent unzip.
"What the fuck are ya doin' to her?" Daryl bit out, rushing forward to my side. "Damn it, Rick. What happened?"
I felt Daryl's hand touch mine and our fingers linked. I was sobbing and Dad looked startled by the ferocity of Daryl's reaction to my upset. "She just told me about Shane." Dad whispered, releasing my face and letting Daryl tuck me into his body. He watched as Daryl soothed me, bringing me comfort and calming me down.
"Daryl?" I whispered, holding out a hand to my dad. Dad took it and waited for me to explain to Daryl that it was alright. That I was alright. "Daddy asked about what happened with Shane, and I told him. He wasn't hurting me." I pulled away so he could see my smile. "These were cathartic tears, baby, not traumatic ones." My hand that Dad wasn't holding cupped Daryl's face. I kissed him gently and felt him relax against my touch.
I felt Dad's hand squeeze mine as he cleared his throat. Daryl looked at him with a squint, daring him to say anything against him holding me. "I think I was wrong about you, Daryl Dixon." My dad's eyes crinkled with a smile, the blue lighting up. "You're good for her." He pulled his hand from mine and stood up. "Just don't screw it up. She's my baby girl, no matter how old she is." He said the last with a hint of his usual overprotective dad voice. Smiling, he carefully stepped over the rope he'd tangled in when he arrived and left us alone.
Daryl's gruff chuckle vibrated through my body. "Thought he was gonna shoot me when I grabbed ya from him." He whispered into my hair. "Wanted to hit him when I saw ya crying." The last he said as he clutched me to him. "No one's gonna cause ya pain if I can help it, Jessi."
I pulled back to look into his face. "I love you." I brushed my lips against his. "And we should probably go see what the word is, if Dad is back, then so are the rest." I sighed, leaning my forehead against his.
"Love ya so much it hurts," he whispered, staring into my eyes. "Course that could be cause my stitches got strained earlier." Seeing my glare, he chuckled. "Kiddin', let's go see what the rest got into without us."
