Tense. That's what the world was like outside our bubble. Every person in our group seemed shrouded in some form of tenseness. I could almost smell the tension between Shane and Dale, of all people. I mean, how horrible of an asshole could you be to get irritated with a semi-hippy dude? The tension between Dad and Shane, well that was expected, it grew daily. Glenn was a bundle of nerves, rarely making eye contact with ANYONE, even Dale and me, which I took as a sign he and Dale hadn't told Dad about the surprise in the barn yet. Of all those coils and tendrils of tension, however, the one that was strangest was between Andrea and Shane.
One glance between the two and I nearly gagged. Dear God, did Gun-toting Barbie actually crave Shane? Just fucking kill me so I don't have to watch her make goo-goo eyes at that imbecile, I was thinking to myself. I mean, gross. There was so much ew going on between them that I had to almost clutch at Daryl to keep myself centered.
Luckily, with all the stress being stretched taut amongst our group, Daryl and I were no longer the object of attention. Not that we would have paid attention before, but still, it was nice to NOT be ogled at. So one good thing in a sackful of shit. Looking at Lori across the campfire, I corrected myself. Two good things.
As dinner was being finished up, she gestured for me to come with her away from the group. Once we were away from prying eyes and ears, I noticed how truly tense she looked. Before she could speak, I tried to calm her down. "Don't stress. It's not good for the baby." I was smiling at her, hoping that she understood I was alright with the news.
"I can only imagine what you must think, Jessi." Apparently I hadn't calmed her at all. She did know that Dad had already told me, that was obvious. "I know that you and Shane don't get along."
I snorted and she looked startled. "Sorry, Lori, but 'don't get along' seems pretty mild for how I feel about him." I sighed and didn't feel like rehashing my talk with Dad earlier. "Look, Lori, Dad and I already had this conversation. As far as I'm concerned, that baby is my little brother or sister. Just like Carl is. No matter what." She grabbed me in a bone crushing hug. "I'm serious though, this stress isn't good for the little peanut." I was hugging her back, realizing that we hadn't shared this type of affection with one another for far too long.
"I know," her whisper brushed through my hair. "Gonna be stressful enough without adding more." Lori pulled back and cupped my cheek. "How'd I luck out having you as my first?"
I grinned up at her. "Probably a combination of my biological uterus ditching me and you finding my dad irresistible." She chuckled, a sound I heard so rarely from her that it made my smile grow.
She nodded and kissed my forehead. "Thank God that the uterus ran." She smiled down at me. "I don't know what I'd do without you, baby girl."
"Well, you're in luck." I took her hand and pulled her back toward the others. "Because you'll never have to find out."
Daryl and I retired to our tent not long after. The darkness was hugging us as we walked hand in hand back. Unzipping the tent and stepping inside, I could feel the tension I picked up from the others fall away, along with my clothes. It was too hot to sleep in our zipped together sleeping bags, so I fell on top of the extra cushion. I hadn't noticed how quiet Daryl was, he was usually quiet after all.
When I looked up, I found that in the small lantern light that he'd turned on, he was staring at me. The same stare he'd given me on our first night under the moon. The same stare he'd given me this afternoon. Hungry and hot, and I felt my mouth go dry.
He took his clothes off, as fast as I must have, and then he was there. Over top of my body, starting what we hadn't had a chance to finish when Dad had interrupted earlier. And before the lantern was turned off for the night, I watched his gaze never falter, the love I felt for him reflected with every touch. When we parted, careful to not make the same amazing mistake that we'd given into earlier, we clutched at one another. Never wanting to feel any space between us. Never wanting to not feel the other's heart beating close by. Knowing that we'd give everything for the other. As our breathing leveled out and sleep took us away, we still clung to each other.
THE NEXT MORNING: A REVELATION: DAMN IT GLENN DON'T BRING ME INTO IT
Breakfast was interesting. Yes, that was sarcasm. No, I didn't enjoy the look I got from the two men in my life who I loved the most. Fuck, Glenn, why'd you have to glance at me and Dale when you broke the news?
Of course the news that the barn was filled chock full of undead badness went over about as well as expected. While Dad and Daryl shot me that look of 'you knew and didn't fucking tell us, how could you?' The others were split. Shane, paragon of 'let's kill them all and fuck the Greene family if they don't like it', was the loudest voice. Because of course he was. Dad, always more interested in keeping the peace than fucking it up, tried to argue that Hershel gets to make the rules on his own fucking property, while still shooting me looks that made me feel like I'd regressed to seven years old when I didn't fess up to breaking Grandma's ugly, but favorite vase.
The others were arguing, as though they had a choice. Dad was right, even if it burnt Daryl's ass to hear it. Hershel's home, Hershel's rules. And when I agreed with Dad, Jesus, the look that Daryl shot me nearly made me sink through the fucking dirt and want to hide. Rock, meet hard place.
Dad went off to discuss the situation with Hershel, and he asked me to keep the peace while he was gone. Thanks a fucking lot, Daddy. Daryl was glaring at me. Shane was glaring at me, Glenn, and Dale. And I thought that Dad had far more fucking confidence in my abiltity to keep them in line than I did. Dale disappeared. Then Shane. So at first I felt like I had a chance to actually make that order Dad gave me work. Almost.
Then I couldn't figure out where Hershel and Dad went off to. Shane returned, with every weapon we had, which made me wonder what the hell had happened. Then, as I'd feared, all hell started breaking loose. Thanks, Dad.
Shane stalked to the barn, his new toy egging him on. Daryl, sadly, was along for the ride, as were the majority of our group. Whether bystanders or fucking angry villagers I couldn't decide. Before Dad could come back, I found myself chest to chest with Shane. Arguing why it was a stupid fucking idea.
"You ain't the boss here, little girl." He said, slamming the butt of a rifle against the lock of the barn.
"No, my dad is," I hissed up at him. "And that just fucking burns your ass doesn't it, Shane?"
It almost stopped him, but even Dad rushing back with Hershel and Jimmy doesn't work, if anything it eggs him on further. Before I can blink, the lock breaks and they start coming out. Then there's gunfire. More and more and more. And Shane's taunts, and piles of corpses, truly dead now. Dad must have pulled me back from the doors, because I'm standing beside him, just as shocked as the Greene family when one final walker comes out and there she is, Sofia.
I see Dad's arm come up with his gun, but all I hear is static, and I don't even notice that my own bow is raised. I don't blink as it's my arrow that shoots first. I don't understand as Sofia falls. It was automatic. It was muscle memory and completely natural. Not only to kill the walker, regardless of the face it wore, but also to save my dad from having to kill a child who Carl was growing close to. And then, the static breaks and the silence is almost as deafening.
Arms wrap around me, but I don't know whose. My bow falls from my hands, and then I'm in the dirt, and the darkness overtakes everything.
