Carol's return marked a turning point of sorts for our group. I will forever equate that moment to Dad coming at least partially out of his grief. Her return will be linked with the first time we met Michonne. Her return will be put on the same page as the day our safe place, a prison, was on a scale between "can we make this work" and "danger will forever follow us".
Dad came out of the room he'd been talking to imaginary people on the phone, if I were to believe Hershel. And I did believe Hershel. Dad had plenty to get through. High among them was definitely Mom's death before they could find peace between one another.
We were eating, OK, I wasn't eating. I was holding Judith while everyone around me ate. Dad looked gaunt and tired, and honestly a little shitty. He took in the baby in my arms and came to me, holding out his arms. I smiled and handed him the tiny bundle. Watching as he cradled her to him after taking the time to lift her carefully so he could take in her small face. I gulped, and felt Daryl move from his spot on the steps to sit next to me. It wasn't that I didn't trust Dad, it was simply that he wasn't himself. And that did scare me.
I followed him as he walked outside, taking Judith from him when he tried to give her to Carl. I watched as he walked toward the fence, eyes on something that I couldn't make out. Carl rushed along with him, and I finally see, another survivor fighting the walkers that mill around outside the fence. Together, Carl and Dad manage to rescue this new person, taking out the dead that are bearing down on them as they pass out.
Carrying her inside, because once he's closer I can see that it's obviously a woman, Dad and Hershel look over her wound. Carl, I notice, has a shopping basket full of formula, which makes my heart clutch with fear. Dad managed to get her awake, and asked her for her name. Silence. And so a locked cell is what she receives.
Dad had a moment with Carol, and of course Daryl, like a proud papa had to let him know what a badass she had been. I smiled, watching the three of them. I realized that Carol hadn't met Judith yet, so I walked over to show her. Her eyes filling with pain made me wish I hadn't for a moment, and my heart nearly broke all over again when she apologized to Dad, when she realized that Mom hadn't made it.
While we're reconnecting, I realized that we had an audience. The total badass katana woman was watching intently from her cell. I nudged Dad and he walked back to try again with her.
Her name, we finally learned, was Michonne. And she confirmed the churning fear building in my stomach. Glenn and Maggie had been taken. They were kidnapped by people from another group. A town of 75 that lived in a place called Woodbury, run by a man who fancied himself "The Governor" and who Michonne confirmed was more than a little like Jim Jones. She offered Dad a way in, to find and rescue our missing members, but I could tell she had more that she wanted to finish there as well.
And so, Dad, Oscar, and Daryl (of course) decide to take her up on the offer. Carl, along with me and Judith, accompany them outside as they load up a car with weapons and supplies. Dad, taking Carl and I away from the others, instructs us to keep our group safe (Carl's job) and to keep the peace (falling on my shoulders once again). It's easy to agree. It's what we do, the Grimeses. Then Daryl takes a turn, Dad taking Judith from my arms, and leaving us a tad bit of privacy.
"I know you're worried, Jessi." His arms wrap around me and I let my head settle over his heart. "Don't, please, I promise I will always find my way back to ya." I feel his lips on the top of my head and tilt my head back, offering my lips instead. A long, slow good-bye kiss and I promise to try to keep my worry down.
"Come back to me, Daryl Dixon." I plead, and his smile almost tears me in two. Everything we've experienced seems to be together, and only bad shit happens when we're apart. "I love you."
"Love ya, too, Jessi." He hugs me tight and then he's gone. Along with Dad and Oscar, and this new woman, who I pray isn't leading them where they won't return.
They've barely left out sight when I'm with Carol inside the prison discussing Judith and her sleeping arrangements. She's taken a turn holding my little sister and I can see her perking up from just that tiny bit of contact. Her attention is redirected, behind me, Axel, the other prison survivor is 'flirting' with Beth. Beth, a child compared to this moron. Matching Carol's steps, together we confront him. And then he bemoans the lack of available women.
"Maggie's with Glenn, you're with Daryl," he jerks his head in my direction, "and you're a lesbian." Another jerk, this one at Carol.
I have to hold back my urge to laugh. Carol informs him, with a large dose of snark that she is NOT a lesbian, and then I can't hold back my laughter, at him when he attempts to charm her. Watching Carol stalk away, Judith secure in her arms, I turn back to the poor man.
"Not the best way to get the tiny bit of available female attention there, asshat." Shaking my head, I follow Carol back to the common area.
I should be shocked when my brother turns up with five new people. I should be, but somehow I'm not, even before Hershel and he explain that they heard screaming coming from the tombs and he chose to investigate ALONE. One woman, apparently the wife of one of the men, the mother of another, has been bitten. Carl and I insist that she must be taken care of, in the final and definitive sense. Their leader, a large man who may have intimidated me in the past insists that they take care of their own, so shrugging, we lock them in a room on their own. Fine, I think, then take care of it.
When it's done, Hershel insists on taking care of the new widower's wound. I stand by, leaving Judith in the care of Beth and Carol for a moment, and listen. The leader asks for permission to bury their dead, and Hershel gives them good warning. Telling them that not all of us are so trusting of newcomers, and that they shouldn't get comfortable. As he leaves, I step forward to relock the door.
I watched, from a careful distance, with Judith in my arms, as much later I gave the go ahead for them to bury their dead. Realizing that I didn't offer any implements to help their gravedigging, I tell Axel and Beth to take some shovels to them.
When Dad returns, I can hear the gates being pulled open and shut by Carol and Carl who took guard duty. I rush forward as he comes in, and takes Judith from me who begins to scream. Looking behind him, I see Glenn and Maggie, then the warrior woman, but not who I want to see. Where the hell is Daryl? And my heart, nearly the end of it's fine tether, almost shreds when Dad tells us he didn't come back with them. That his death isn't confirmed. That he may be alive, but out there, makes my one shred of hope flay.
Dad won't meet my eyes when he tells me. He won't look at me when I take Judith from him, holding her to give and take what comfort I can. He won't meet my eyes when he talks to Hershel about our new survivors. He won't look in my direction, and it makes that same fear that was growing almost explode out of my chest.
