When Dad, Carl, and Michonne returned from gathering guns, I realized that my little brother had ulterior motives for going on the run. They unloaded the car and I chuckled when I saw the crib box. And then Carl came over to me, Judith in my arms, and held out a framed photo. Tears sprang into my eyes. It was a photo from our favorite place to go out to eat during better times. The owner had taken it as our family sat our regular table and put it over the bar, along with his other regulars.

"I wanted Judith to have something that we could show her to tell her about Mom." He smiled, and I hugged him to me, squishing our baby sister in the process. Carl chuckled and pulled away. Kissing Judith's cheek, he rushed back to help Dad and Michonne with the weapons, ammo, and the crib.

I turned to go back inside, but Dad's voice calling my name stopped me. "Jessi," I waited. "Could I have a minute?"

He sounded uncertain. And I waited until he was confident that Michonne, Carl, and the others who came out to help had the unloading and moving of the supplies inside under control. Dad tilted his head toward a quiet spot away from the others.

"I, Jessi, I-" He stopped and rubbed his hand down his face, trying to collect his thoughts. "I know you've been worried about me. I know I've been acting strange lately."

Strange? More like completely ruined by grief, but OK. I shrugged, thinking about Daryl being left behind for sticking up for his family. A family, I might add, that Dad had left handcuffed to a roof in Atlanta.

"It's just-" His blue eyes watered as he looked down at me. "I've been seeing HER." I watched his eyes pinch closed, either fighting his tears or trying to force the image away. "Lori-" his pain was so heavy that my heart clenched. "She shows up, and I can't focus on anything, but her. And how I failed-her, Carl, you."

Shit. His guilt. All the guilt he was feeling was piling on and breaking him. "Dad," I touched his hand and he met my eyes again. "You never made peace with her. Not really, not before she-" my own eyes burned with tears and I kissed Judith's head, causing his eyes to flicker to my sister. "You need to let it go. The guilt? Aren't we all guilty of not doing everything we can in this shitty world? You can't keep letting it run you."

"I didn't want to leave Daryl behind, Jessi." He whispered, and I saw him swallow hard. "He's too- The two of you are too important for me to do that. But I didn't think-"

I shushed him, much as I had Daryl. "I don't agree with what you did, Dad. That's his family, his only blood family left." I bounced a newly agitated Judith, clearly picking up on the strain of the atmosphere around her. "But, I do get it. Somewhat. Merle isn't the easiest person to trust. But, he is someone with experience, not just with the Governor, but with other tactics." I was thinking of his military service.

Dad wrapped me and Judith in his arms. I felt him kiss the top of my head, and when he pulled back, he gave Judith her own bit of affection. I offered her to him to hold, but he shook his head. "Not right now, honey, I should help them put everything away." He smiled, a rarity as of late. "And I think I have a crib to assemble with Carl."

As the day went on, I watched the way Carl interacted with Michonne. They seemed at ease around one another, playful. I was smiling, arms free since Carol and Beth had commandeered Judith away from me, when Daryl's arms came around me. He propped his head on top of mine and watched with me.

"Seems like he likes her." His voice rumbled over the top of my head. I nodded, and allowed myself to relax into the strength of his arms. "Don't got lil Shitkicker with ya right now." It wasn't a question, but I knew where his mind was heading.

I turned in his arms and tilted my head to look up at him. "Sounds like you may be thinking of something, Daryl Dixon." His smile told me everything I needed to know.

Daryl led me back inside, through hallways, until he found the destination he was aiming for, what used to be the prison laundry. It was private, and as he pulled me through the doorway and shut the door behind us, I realized that he'd put some effort into the room. He'd tossed a few of the cell mattresses on the floor, and a blanket or two to soften the "bed".

I drew him to me and our lips met. Daryl's kisses were always surprising to me. Soft lips, urgency, even all the passion in the world was in each one, but every single time it was different. We took our time, like we hadn't been able to since our first night together as a couple. Taking one another's clothes off. Touching every inch of the other. Relearning the things that made him gasp and moan, while he reminded himself of every spot that earned him my lips uttering a prayer that sounded like his name.

By the time we fell, completely naked onto the bed that he'd created for us, all of the strain of not being able to have this, one another was falling away. When he finally joined us together, I knew without a doubt, that this man was the only future that I could be certain of. He and I, together, and we could face whatever hell that unleashed next.

Hours later, when Daryl and I emerged from our hideaway, Carl met my eyes and I knew he needed a moment with me. Kissing Daryl as he moved to talk to Dad, I went to my little brother and saw that he'd taken a turn keeping Judith occupied while I was taking a break. I reached for her and he handed her to me with a smile.

"How was the trip back home?" I asked, as we walked to a quiet spot letting me sway with the baby in my arms.

"Weird." Carl answered and I thought I understood. "Met that guy that Dad kept trying to reach by walkies." I raised an eyebrow, wondering why Dad hadn't mentioned it. "He's not in great shape, but he gave us the weapons and ammo." He shrugged, clearly not interested in this unknown element. "I wanted to talk about Michonne."

I took a seat and he sat down next to me. "What about her?" I cradled the quiet and napping Judith in my arms, but kept my focus on Carl.

He took a breath and started to confirm what I'd seen with my own eyes. Carl and Michonne had grown close during the run. She was a badass (which I never doubted), but she was also caring. She had been the one to fetch the photo, after he'd dropped it during a horde situation. They clearly bonded, but he worried that Dad would keep his word and send her away.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, glancing down at Judith's tiny mouth sucking in her sleep. "I'll talk to him, if you want?"

Carl grinned and hugged me without jostling Judith too much. "Yeah, that would be great, Jessi!" I patted his arm with my hand, careful not to drop the baby and answered his smile with one of my own. He almost looked like the little brother he'd been before this entire mess, almost.

I wasn't happy. I wasn't feeling safe or content or fucking happy with the situation at all. Andrea, clearly unable to kill her Jim Jones clone boyfriend, had informed us that she'd managed to convince him to have a sit down with Dad to negotiate the situation.

What's to negotiate? He did something terrible to Maggie, we all knew that, even if we didn't know the particulars. He tortured Glenn, using Merle as his implement, and then doing God knew what to him as well. He tried to have Merle and Daryl fight to the fucking death, for ENTERTAINMENT. Let's not bring up the attack on our safe place. Hordes of zombies aren't the best "welcome to the neighborhood" present, but who I am to feel that way? But sure, let's negotiate.

"Jessi," Dad sounded pained, as though I was the one who wasn't thinking logically. "I have to at least try." No, I thought, you really don't.

And then, because he didn't think my fear was at a high enough pitch, he decided to take Hershel and Daryl with him. Of course, Dad, just take the man I love and our ONLY healer on this run because fucking Andrea can be trusted. Absolutely.

Daryl put his arms around me and tried to calm my nerves. He tried, but he knew he'd fallen short when I kissed him like I was saying goodbye to him. I realized, after the last time, every single time he had to go I would have to do this. Because he wasn't safe, none of us were, but right now he definitely had more danger in front of him than behind.

"Don't say goodbye," he ordered, showing the first signs of fear I'd seen from him ever. "Don't, Jessi, don't jinx us."

I looked down at my feet and sighed. "If I don't-" I swallowed the lump that had rushed back into my throat at the first mention of this meeting. "Then one of us may not feel peace if the other doesn't come back, or if the other person comes back to even worse."

It sounded hard put, not worded right, but I couldn't say the words. I couldn't tell him that if he didn't come back to me alive, I would become worse than Dad had when Lori died. I couldn't remind him that he wasn't the only one in danger. What if they left and the Governor took the distraction as an opening and came in to kill the people left behind? What if he came back to me, but I was dead? Goodbye isn't a dirty word, not anymore. It was simply a precaution. Dad hadn't said goodbye to Lori, and look at what he's going through, I wanted to say, but I couldn't. Saying it out loud, giving actual credence to it outside what Hershel and I talked about would make it really real.

Daryl was going to fight me on this. I knew it. He'd prefer to NOT consider one of us at the wrong end of a bullet, walker, or any other multitude of ways we could die. Yet, I saw what happens to those who put on rose colored glasses and pretend that they're safe. Yes, I felt we could face the dangers side by side, but we weren't. We haven't for some time been facing them together. He was Dad's soldier, friend, and second. And I was the caretaker, the calm-keeper, and that put a wrench in our ability to keep one another safe. I knew he wouldn't want to hear my fears, not now, but one day, very soon we'd have to face it. All of it.

This was why, when they were ready to leave, I said goodbye, but Daryl didn't. He wouldn't. Dad, understanding my fears, hugged me tight and offered me his own. We knew, better now than just about anyone, what not saying it to someone you love could mean. I even hugged Hershel, this man who kept saving my family and who had become family too.

As I walked back inside, I smiled as Glenn took charge. And then I had to step between him and Merle, something I had the feeling I'd be doing frequently. Of course I thought, hearing Merle say we should ambush the meeting to kill the asshole and his cronies.

"We can't, Merle," I try, still between the two of them one hand held up in front of each man. "It's too fucking dangerous."

Merle starts to argue, but Glenn chimes in reminding him that Daryl is there. That Daryl, Dad, and Hershel could be lost in crossfire. I can see Merle's about to argue, the consummate attack first, worry later soldier. Merle stomps off, and I share a look with Glenn. He wouldn't give up that easily.

Sure enough, we caught Merle filling a duffel with weapons. He and Glenn clashed again, things were said, things that weren't great to witness, but there was a part of me that completely understood where he was coming from even if I didn't agree. I let Maggie and Michonne deal with the two of them when it comes to blows. When it looks like they aren't going to be able to talk them down, I take the gun that Dad had started requiring each of us to carry from my waist, and fired one shot into the ceiling. Shocked, by the noise, by the action, everyone stopped. I stared them all down, and then walked away, because Judith had begun to cry.