I know that Dad and some of the others aren't as trusting of our new home as I'm pretending to be. I hear them whispering. I see their side eyes. I'm still doing my job. I'm taking care of Judith. And I'm sure Daryl is around, somewhere, and he'll find me eventually.

Dad and the others want to walk around the community and check it out, but I beg off. I can feel their eyes on me, but I can't care. Not really. The shower helped me feel something, but not enough, not really. And I don't want to keep my mask in place. At least give me a break, I think, a minute where I can stare at the wall and just not.

Carl takes Judith and I lay back on the bed in my new room. Alone, I think, but then my door opens and Daryl steps inside. He's still wearing the clothes we arrived in. He's still sweaty and dirty. And there's a part of me, deep inside, that sounds suspiciously like the old me. The one from before, that wanted to shoo him out. Tell him to take a shower and change his clothes before he ruined my new bedding. She's inside of me, though, and doesn't break through.

I think I must smile when he sits beside me. I must have, because he pulls me into his side and kisses my forehead and for a moment I remember how I feel for him. That I love him. That this type of casual touching and intimacy is normal for us. I know it's there, and I can almost grab hold of it, but it flits away and I still feel empty.

Everyone has a job away from or for the community. Everyone except me. Deanna tells me simply that my job remains what it always was, caregiver for Judith. And I accept it. The role I'd taken on when Lori died. One that I don't have to even think about doing. I just do. And I think that even Judith is fooled. That she doesn't see that the games and stories are just an act. That I love her, and that I know, but I'm not here. Not really.

Dad's the new peace officer. Michonne is his second. Daryl is resistant. Glenn, Tara, and Noah are supply runners. Carol is the community cook. And I'm me. Or I look like me, I must because no one pays attention or mentions any differences. So I slip back into my own little part of nowhere, and I go about the motions of life.

Deanna visits to lay out more information about the new roles and jobs everyone has been given. Dad's role as security. Maggie's position as Deanna's assistant. A new government, here in this tiny unprepared community. And that there's a welcome party tonight to welcome us all.

I don't want to. I don't want to mingle. I don't want to pretend. I want to simply be. And I can see that Dad's going to insist. And I'm going to agree.

It's a party. And it's just as I feared. My mask is firmly in place. Judith is in my arms, and I have to go through the motions of being grateful and hospitable. I have to smile and play the perfect older daughter to the new head of security. I have to stay aware, say the right things, play the role that I've been given. Seeing the smiling faces, the nods, I know I've succeeded.

Later, as I put Judith to bed in her crib and then tuck myself in my own bed, I wonder if Daryl was there. Was he at the party? Had he mingled too? Had he worn his own mask? And would he come to bed and sleep beside me tonight? He hadn't the night before. He said he wanted to keep watch. He said he was too tense. He said so many things. What didn't he say?

A run for parts to keep the lights on. And another loss. One for us, and one for them. That's how to tally it now. The losses. Us vs Them.

Noah, the one who'd been with us the shortest time. The boy that replaced Beth, in a way. Gone.

It's clear, as I rock Judith in the living room as Glenn recounts how Noah died, that these people are not prepared for the reality of this new world. Dad seethes. Not simply at the loss, but at the entitlement of thinking they know best, when clearly they don't. Glenn wants to teach them. I'm not sure we'll be allowed.

The next time I'm around for a confrontation, I witness Dad brawling with the community doctor. It reminds me of a school yard brawl, the crowd, the noise and then the good doctor strikes and hits his wife. What's her name? Jessie. God, I had to think about it, and it's my fucking name. I shake myself free of the stupor I prefer. In time to see Dad show the crazy side of him that he'd buried. And then Michonne, thankfully, knocks him out before we all get thrown back to the wolves.

Dad's got some explaining to do. Or actually, a trial of sorts. Deanna is planning on passing judgement. On him and his actions alone. I'm sitting at his bedside, listening as Carol advises him of what to do, how to answer, and I find myself smiling sincerely. She's done what I did. Say what they want to hear. Give them a bedtime story fit for Judith, and then put on your mask.

I see Dad's focus shift to me and for the first time in a while, I feel like he actually sees me. When the others leave, he takes my hand to stop me from going. I sit back down and meet his eyes.

"You're different." He says. Not a question, but still a revelation.

I shrug, ready to make a joke about my new wardrobe, but I stop. He's trying. "Aren't we all?" I offer instead. The truth, but not too revealing.

His blue eyes are squinting at me. "Not you, not-" He sighs, hand holds my hand. "Jessi? You'd tell me if you, if you needed help wouldn't you?"

I nod. Sure. If it were killing a walker breathing down my back, I'd yell up a storm. "Sure." I'm ready to try to leave again, but his grip on my hand tightens.

"I mean HELP, Jessi. Real help." And I know that he's seen more than I guessed. That the mask had slipped too far.

I sit back in my chair and smile. "What kind of help would I possibly need, Dad?"

And he stares at me. At the way I sit. At the way I'm dressed. And then, he refocuses on my face. My eyes. And I can see him taking stock. "Why didn't I see it?" It isn't a question for me. And I don't answer it. "God, I failed you."

That's enough. "I don't know what you mean, Dad. You've been the best dad a girl could ask for." And I finally stand, pull my hand from his, and kiss him on the forehead. Enough show and tell, I think, and I give him one more glimpse, if only to keep him here with us in Alexandria. "Listen to what Carol said, Dad, give them the story that a child would like to hear. It works." And waving a goodbye, I walked out.

Dad comes home later. I hear him greeting Carl downstairs, but I stay in my room, playing with Judith. Carol comes to my room, the day winding down, and tells me that I have to attend the meeting. I nod with a smile and she gives me a look that makes me wonder if I'd lost my mask totally.

I'm with Carol, Maggie, Abraham and Eugene at the place where the meeting is supposed to happen. Maggie's asking for a delay until Glenn and Dad show up, but our new leader insists on going forward without them. The charges, the excuses, Michonne's attempts to fix it. Carol takes a turn. Abraham gives his try to explain Dad and the world beyond the gate. Maggie's turn comes, and hearing her talk about Hershel makes my heart clench. Everyone focuses on me, his daughter, when it finally happens.

Dad, coated in blood, carrying a walker corpse walks up and throws it down in front of them. And I hear his speech. I hear the conviction in his words as he explains the reality of our world. Of the danger. And of his absolute belief that he can teach them to survive. And I feel parts of me come back, not nearly all of them, not nearly enough, but some.

And then, the good doctor arrives drunk and kills Deanna's husband with Michonne's katana. As Reg, her husband bleeds out, she finally gets it. She understands, and with a nod, Dad finishes it. Pete's dead. Reg's dead.

And Daryl is back, although I'm not sure I knew he was gone. And another man has arrived. The elusive Morgan. The man who had saved Dad at the very end of before, and who had given up all of his weapons and ammo to us. And I can feel myself thawing a bit more.