R.M. RENFIELD'S JOURNAL
19 August. – I was visited today. Not, as I inwardly hoped, by the eminent Dr. Seward, but instead by an attendant to whom I am usually pleasant. He commented on my seated position, telling me I was comparable to a dog. Fighting the urge to howl at him I simply turned away haughtily and looked up at the silvery moon hidden behind thick black clouds. He kicked the cell door which is pathetically padded out and insisted that I talk to him. I could feel my contorted body over-heat and said sharply to him:-
"I don't want to talk to you: you don't count now; the Master is at hand." The man narrowed his eyes through the sliding window in my door and threatened to call down Dr. Seward.
"Blasted religious mania." Said he, and walked away from me.
10pm. – An hour ago Dr. Seward finally descended from on high to visit me; the common man. For the next half hour my excitement grew to a stronger degree and Seward merely stood and silently observed me. I saw and have always seen the look in his cloudy eyes, the look of fear and fascination. He is enamored with my mind and longs to experience what I experience, to feel what I feel, and to think what I think. I, on the other hand, simply want him to know what I know. It took him only a moment to notice the absence of my pets, with which he had hitherto paid close attention to. He said to me:-
"Where are you pets, Mr. Renfield?"
"Bother them all!" I ejaculated. "I don't care a pin about them!"
"What?" said he with a genuine want of an answer. "You don't mean to tell me that you don't care about spiders?"
"The bride-maidens rejoice the eyes that wait the coming of the bride; but when the bride draweth nigh, then the maidens shine not to the eyes that are filled."
Seward pressed me for an answer but I obstinately refused and sat in the corner of my cell, gazing through the black barred window. Oh! How I wish I could run along the black clouds and vault the yellowing moon! The doctor's impromptu visits often excite me yet tonight I felt a presence, another presence… a familiar presence. I shall be patient; the Master is at hand. I must be patient for my salvation depends on it.
