I had a flicker of fear, as Negan took me back upstairs, that he'd make me stay with his harem. If he still thought I was a risk to myself, then would he make me sit with them and play nice? A laugh threatened to erupt from me at the thought of his dolls being my babysitters.

Luckily, for my sanity and his women, he took me to his apartment. Inside the room where I'd spent the majority of the time I'd been at the Sanctuary, Negan closed the door behind us and gave a long sigh. I turned to him, where he was leaning against the door, eyes closed, Lucille propped beside him. He looked far more tired than I'd ever seen him. And we just woke up. As though he could feel me staring, his eyes opened and locked on mine.

"Jessica," he breathed my name, pushing off the door and rushing forward. Like he could finally see ME. The one he's been working so damn hard to uncover. And then, before either of us could make another sound, process another thought, his hands were cradling my face and his lips met mine.

I couldn't think, not of a reason to stop him, or of a reason that I was leaning into him. My hands slid up and were holding his head in place, keeping his lips in place. I knew, a quiet nagging voice was trying to remind me in the back of my mind, that this wasn't something I should want. That he wasn't someone I should want or touch. Or need. But I did. I needed him. I needed Negan because he'd been the ONLY person I'd met that saw straight through me, forced me to face the world that I couldn't stand to live in, and make me open up.

When my mouth opened under his, I felt him sigh into my mouth, and then his tongue flicked mine and I moaned. I felt the loss of his mouth so deep inside that it shook me. His forehead was pressed against mine and when my eyes opened, he was waiting.

"Shit, Jessi," his breath fanning my wet lips. "Who wouldn't I kill to finish this right now?" He pulled back and placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. Taking a fortifying deep breath, he stood up, but kept my face in his hands. "I WILL be back, Jessi, and we WILL finish this." His fingers traced my face, and then with a small grin, he left.

My stomach was clenching in desire. And even when I could think clearly, once his heat and scent were gone, it didn't go away. Not even a small bit.

When Negan returned, I couldn't guage his mood. He seemed lost in thought, and so, I didn't push. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know what Sasha had chosen. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what Negan had learned.

Eventually, after eating, he pulled me from my chair and onto his lap. A new, but not unwelcome development. He nuzzled his face into my neck and shoulder, and I realized, with a bit of surprise, that he wasn't being cocky or as egotistical. He was taking his time to let me adjust to this new situation between us.

When he spoke, it wasn't about what he'd promised before he left me earlier. And what he said was more shocking than him slowing everything between us down.

"Sasha?" I turned to look into his face as he leaned back into the sofa. "Is she true to her word?"

I considered what he was asking me. Sasha had been with Tyrese's group. The group that Dad had scared off at the prison. The group that had ended up with the Governor, but who hadn't fought against us in his war. She'd lost Bob, then Ty, and then she lost Abraham. Since he was asking if she could be trusted, then I had to assume she'd chosen Negan's side. Yet, would she?

When Tyrese and Sasha had rejoined us at the prison, she hadn't gone through what she'd survived through until now. And I was sitting on the lap of the man who personally inflicted the final loss. I heard what she'd called Dad. I knew she felt that Dad had failed and given in to Negan, which she found inexcusable, would she side with NEGAN the man who she felt caused all of it?

"I think, from the look on your face, Jessi, I have my answer." He sighed, and leaned forward again, to press his face against the skin of my neck. "Fuck. I really hate this." I waited, clearly Negan felt like sharing more than pleasure. "I want to get lost in you, Jessica Grimes. I want to take you over there to that fucking bed that I've laid with you in for over a fucking week, without touching you, and finally get lost in you." Guess he hadn't slept as soundly as he'd pretended. "Instead, I have to go down and call a meeting to make backup plans."

I turned to face him again when he pulled back. I let my fingers trace his face, as he had so often done to mine. Who was he? Negan? Really? My fingers traced his lips, and I found myself leaning in, brushing his with my own. His hands, which had been resting on my hips, found the back of my head and held me to his mouth. Building the need I'd felt with our first kiss, and this time I took a more active role. My tongue tempted his, my teeth grazed his bottom lip, and I pulled away first.

His eyes, the ever changing colors, were nearly blown black with lust. I heard him groan, and I stood up. He had work to do, but I wanted him to understand, we were waiting to finish it, but I was fully committed to it. To him. To whatever we were heading toward. Because, since I stood in front of him, willing to let him kill me, to take away my misery and let my people live, I knew that I could trust him. Negan had the power to truly destroy me. To take my life, literally, in hand and squeeze it from me. Yet, he'd done the opposite. He brought me back. And while I wasn't completely sure I was happy to be back, I knew that he'd done it. And I owed him, not a debt, but I owed him for being the one person who saw and helped. Without, actually in spite of, me not asking.