A/N: Sorry for the delay; I kept going back and forth on a bunch of different sections; not sure about the final product but I think it's okay. I know you're probably tried of me saying I think this chapter stinks but oh well. Thank you to everyone that made this story their favorite or is following it; it really means a lot and is so awesome when I see that someone else added it to their list. Feel free to post ideas and what you want to see happen to certain characters and what not; sometimes I draw blanks. I was listening to the song Say Something by: A Great Big World when I was writing this if any of you want to listen to that song, it's pretty awesome. Please review that means the world to me as well!
Chapter 12: Say Something
Riley felt as though the world around her stopped moving. She could no longer hear what was going on; she saw Loris lips moving but couldn't hear the words. 'Because of you my wife is dead'. Tunnel vision had kicked in and Riley shut down.
It wasn't until Lori gripped her forearm did she snap back to reality. Riley looked at Lori blinking a few times.
Lori looked between Carl and…and her daughter, before focusing on Riley alone.
"look at me Riles." Riley glanced up from the small puddle of blood that was forming on the floor underneath Lori, it was seeping into Riley's jeans as she kneeled between her legs
"Riley Dixon…focus; look at me" Riley took a quick look over at Carl…her brother, then back to the eyes of the woman who showed her the love of a mother.
"you can do this" Riley shook her head tears forming in her eyes 'no you don't get to cry' she thought 'you put that crying shit away or I'll give you a real reason to cry'.
"Rye, your strong, stronger then you think, look what you been through even before the world feel apart." she smiled at the girl tears filling her brown eyes.
"You…you are going to be fine. You'll beat this world, you'll be the last one standing. Riley bowed her head. Willing the tears to stay at bay. She noticed how much more blood there was. She looked back up when Lori spoke.
"Learn to let it go, free yourself from the fear, the pain, the blame. I know how hard it will be but I believe you can do it. This..this is not your fault, you hear me" Lori gripped her hand. The tears started to fall. "I love you. I love you so much, thank you for letting me in, thank you for letting me be your mom, to give you that gift." Lori then glanced at Carl who had his head lowered. Looking back at the fragile broken girl before her she continued
"please take care of them. They'll need you, you'll need them. Watch over them, stay close don't let this world break you." Riley leaned over the woman and embraced her, as Lori held onto the back of Riley's head she whispered into her hair "I love you baby" Riley pulled away "I love you too…mom" Lori gave one last weak smile before turning her attention to Carl.
Riley zoned out as she watched Lori speak to her son. Carl was crying now and Lori's tears came quicker. Riley was thrown back into her nightmare when Carl handed her his knife. It was a better choice then her hunters knife.
Lori told Riley to go right over the scar, not to deep and then to reach in and get the baby.
"Lori…I can't…you'll..you'll die" Riley spoke voice laced with unshed tears. 'Cause of you my wife is dead'
"you have to...you have to save this baby…my baby. It means so much to so many…its hope"
Riley looked over to Carl whose eyes were glued to his mother
"Riles…it has to be now" Lori whispered; hating that Riley was going through this.
Riley nodded. She gripped the knife and brought it over the scar. With one last look at Lori, she sliced into the woman. Lori screamed out in pain, as Riley went the length of the scar. Suddenly the screaming stopped and Lori lay still. Riley dropped the knife and reached inside, feeling around, once her hands felt the baby, she gently pulled it out.
Riley's vision was getting blurry but she still refused to let them fall. Once the baby was out. She reached for her clean knife and cut the umbilical cord. Carl handed her his vest and she wrapped the baby…it was a girl…inside of it. Carl then stood followed by Riley. He made eye contact and both knew, they couldn't let her turn. Riley walked a few paces away still gripping the baby; Carl kneeled one last time by his mothers lifeless body and embraced her. He then stood, wiped his face raised his gun and fired.
As Carl walked by, Riley pushed the baby into his arms. When he looked at her she spoke so quietly he almost didn't hear it "there's something I have to do" with that she pushed him from the room. Carl stared at the door for a moment, knowing that this was just as hard for her as it was for him. He took a deep shaky breath and headed towards the block, in hopes that the rest of his family was intact.
As Carl got closer to the outside common space, he heard his father
"we need to go back in. Daryl your with me. Glenn go and.." he went silent when he heard the sound of a door being pushed open. He looked up and saw his son holding a little bundle of joy.
He quickly walked forward with a smile on his face "Where is she still with Riley; Rick stopped turning to look at Herschel his smiling growing "Herschel let's get going…" Rick then turned again and looked directly at his son something in the way Carl stood and the vacant look in his expression made Rick's heart stop and a shudder of dread ran through his body
"Carl" he spoke voice starting to tremble. He then dropped to his knees "Carl…"
Daryl watched his mind going immediately to his sister 'no no no no' he thought 'Carl is just traumatized from seeing his mom give birth. Rick's right Riley is waiting with Lori for Herschel to come check things over and have someone carry Lori back to bed'
Riley paced the room, every now and then glancing down at Lori's body. "not again, not again, not again" she repeated 'cause of you my wife is dead' "such a stupid girl" Riley spoke out loud. "your fault, your fault, all your FAULT" she screamed holding her head in her hands.
'you little bitch. Cause of you my wife is dead' seven year old Riley lay curled in a ball as her father beat the crap out of her. He had come home drunk and pissed off. Merle and Daryl were out and she was alone. It got to the point where she could just zone out, not feel the pain, until it stopped then it all crashed down on her. Her father lifted his foot 'why couldn't you have died you stupid girl' he spoke as his foot came down on her chest. Riley lost her breath and thought she might pass out but no she wasn't that lucky. Her father stopped for a moment and looked down at her. He then spit in her face 'your fault…your fault…all your FAULT' and with that he walked out of the room and up the stairs slamming the door to his bedroom'
Riley slumped to her knees cradling her head in her hands "come on baby girl, you know this isn't your fault"
Riley looked up and came face to face with Merle.
Carl had yet to move from where he stood. From the corner of his eye he saw his father slumped down on his knees mumbling "no no no" over and over again. He didn't blink or raise his head until he heard the voice of Herschel
"show me the baby" the old man spoke out beckoning Carl over to him. Carl looked down at the baby then back up at a man that had become everyone's grandfather. He walked briskly over to him. Herschel removed part of the vest and smiled "she looks healthy" Carl waited for the but there was always a but "but she needs formula and soon or she won't survive."
Daryl's eyes snapped from Rick towards where Herschel stood "no, no way" the hunter spoke "not her, I'm going on a run". As Daryl started to jog towards his motorcycle he heard Maggie shout out after him, that she would help; she remembered seeing a daycare center not to far from here her last time out. Daryl nodded and together they reached they bike. Glenn had followed and when Daryl noticed he stopped; he glanced up towards Carl and Rick and then all thoughts went back to Riley
Daryl looked at the Asian "Glenn…" Daryl started looking over Glenn's shoulder towards his broken and torn apart family. Glenn followed his eye line and nodded "I'm on it, I'll…" Glenn trailed off unsure of what to say exactly "I'm on it" he finished finally. Daryl patted the man on the back
"think maybe you could look for Riles too; make sure she is… ya know" Glenn shook his head
"of course no problem" Daryl knew that Riley and Glenn got along well. Maggie, Glenn and Riley had become like the three musketeers. Riley was the first one to be told that the two were actually dating.
"thanks" Daryl replied quickly jumping on the bike and starting it up. Maggie gave Glenn a quick kiss and jumped on behind Daryl. Glenn ran down and opened the gate, and then rushed back to the court yard hoping to somehow put the pieces back together in this crumbled and torn puzzle that was his family
"Merle" Riley spoke with a tremble in her voice. She wouldn't let her brother see her cry
Merle looked over at his sister with concern filled eyes. "Rye bread" was all Merle was able to say before Riley had thrown herself into his arms. Merle embraced his tiny sister worried for how fragile she not only felt but looked.
"I did it again Merle" she whispered into his shirt. Merle's eyes widen and he squeezed her tighter
"your talking nonsense girl" he started as he slowly pulled away, making Riley look him in the eyes
"none of this was your fault, not then and not now" Riley looked into Merles eyes and shook her head looking down at the blood covered floor
"I failed dad and now Rick and Ca…Carl" Riley spoke she looked back up at her brother "now another little girl will grow up without a mother" Riley pulled away from Merle
"I should have done something…I read the books cover to cover" Riley was beginning to pace back and forth "I studied, I listened in when Carol had small lessons with Herschel. I failed Merle…I failed; this" Riley spoke looking down at the dead woman at her feet "is all my fault" Riley was breathing heavily now and when she turned around to hear what Merle had to say in his place stood a Walker making its way towards her. All Riley saw was red; it was these stupid things that put her in this position. She grabbed her knife and walked forward with rage in her eyes and slammed the knife through the Walkers eye socket over and over again.
Glenn was slowly approaching the group trying to figure out what to say what to do. He made eye contact with Herschel who looked over to Carl who was staring at Beth as she held the baby, the old man gave a nod and then looked in Rick's direction. Glenn turned towards their broken leader, took a breath and walked over.
Glenn kneeled next to Rick placing a hand on his shoulder. "we're all here buddy, whatever you need"
Rick's head snapped up and his eyes met Glenn's. Rick then shocked everyone by standing up picking up his discarded ax and headed into the tombs.
Daryl and Maggie were able to locate the daycare pretty easily. Once the bike had stopped Maggie jumped off followed by Daryl; she approached one of the windows and hit it with the palm of her hand, she waited a minute then did it again. Once no Walkers were discovered. Daryl picked up a rock and broke the glass. The two climbed through, and the search began.
Once inside Maggie and Daryl headed in opposite directions in order to cover more rooms. Daryl headed towards what looked like a play room, scattered on the wall were paper balloons each with a different child's name written across it; Daryl stopped and looked two of the balloons catching his eye 'Sofia' and 'Riley'. He looked down at the floor, his mind going back to when Sophia exited the barn and what Riley had to do, then fast forwarding to what had just transpired at the prison and once again what Riley had to do. He shook his head mumbling to himself and continued on his way.
Maggie had found the kitchen opening up a cabinet she smiled in delight when she saw two jars of formula and a few bottles. She shoved them both in her bag and was about to make her exit when a sound got her attention. Daryl was just approaching the room; Maggie held a finger to her lips and pointed to the doors. Daryl nodded and raised his crossbow. Maggie threw the doors open and Daryl let an arrow fly hitting a opossum right in the eye. He smirked "dinner" he spoke out "that can go in your bag" Maggie replied grabbing another bottle from the floor.
As Maggie stood she looked over at Daryl who was biting at his thumbnail
"you got everything" he spoke seeing her staring at him
Maggie nodded "yeah…you know she'll be fine"
Daryl looked over at the green eyed girl. Maggie and Riley had become fast friends; the two often taking watch together. Daryl also liked the girl, she gave Riley something else she never had; a sister
Daryl nodded his head "yeah…I just" He trailed off never being good at emotions
Maggie sensed this and nodded understanding what he was trying to say "I know…let's head back yeah"
The hunter nodded and two headed back towards the bike, ready to get home to their family and help the rebuilding process.
Glenn had followed after Rick keeping a little bit of distance.
Rick was just walking, he had no thoughts in his head at this current moment, he just needed to act no thinking. He turned corner after corner, and one corner lead to a hallway full of Walkers. Rick gripped his ax and marched forward
Glenn turned the corner a minute after Rick and saw to his horror Rick taking out a small herd all on his own with only a ax. Glenn was about to help when Rick turned and took out the last two Walkers in one slicing motion.
Glenn slowly approached the man
"Rick…lets head back okay; we need to find Riley"
Rick locked eyes on the young man before him, blood covering most of his face
"what do you think I'm doing"
Riley finally stood up; flinging the blood and muck off of her knife and shoving it back into her boot. She then picked up her crossbow and threw it over her shoulder. She turned looking at Lori "not you" she spoke into the silence.
Riley walked towards the door and propped it open with a brick she then walked back down kneeled by Lori "I'm sorry" she mumbled as she used all her remaining strength to pick the woman up
Rick had stormed past Glenn pushing him into a wall. Glenn slid down bringing a hand to his head "son of a bitch" he spoke. He got to his feet but at that point Rick had vanished. Glenn shook his head and made his way back to cell block C
Rick started out walking but that slowly turned into a jog, he searched hallway after hallway until he came to a door that was held open by a brick. Rick stood staring at the brick and then walked into the room and slowly down the steps. When he got to the bottom, he knew this was it; this is where his wife died. There was a puddle of blood on the floor as well as some that was already starting to dry. Where was she though. Where was Riley. Rick walked further into the room, looking around, it was then he looked more closely at the floor and noticed little droplets of blood that started at the biggest puddle and headed up and out of the room.
Riley was almost there, she could see the last remaining light of the day. She summoned all her will power but at this point she was pretty much dragging the woman. She reached the door and was thankful to see that it lead right out into the field. She pulled herself together and with one last ditch effort picked Lori up. She slowly carried her to a spot under a tree and placed her there. She then looked around and spotted a shovel leaning against the fence. She picked up the tool, looked back over at Lori took a breath and got to work.
Rick followed the trail of blood until he reached a door. He pushed it open and with his hand still on the knob, saw the heartbreaking sight before him. Riley was burying his wife.
Riley had just finished the hole and was lowering Lori inside of it when she heard the sound of footsteps behind her, she stopped all movement. All of sudden their were another pair of hands helping her lower the woman. She took a chance and glanced up into the blue eyes of Rick. Riley quickly lowered her head. She reached for the shovel and handed it to him. Rick took it and then started to cover the woman he loved with the soil. Riley stepped back and watched for a moment, but once Rick started to cry she couldn't take it and she turned from the scene she took one step and then stopped she could feel Rick's eyes on her "I tried…I…I'm so sorry" she whispered out
It was nightfall now and Daryl and Maggie had returned, they rushed inside Beth quickly got to work preparing the bottle, while Daryl walked over and took the crying baby from Carl's arms. Once done with the bottle Beth handed it to Daryl, who looked around noticing how many of his group were missing. He smiled at the baby however and watched as she greedily took the bottle.
"she got a name yet" he asked glancing towards Carl
The boy looked down "I don't know" he replied looking around the room "I was thinking maybe Andrea, Sophia, Carol…or Lori" the boy ended as the room got even more silent.
It was the first time all the names of the people they lost have been spoken aloud Daryl again looked around and noticed T-Dog was nowhere and like Carl mentioned Carol was also missing; Rick and Riley were still absent as well
Daryl looked at the baby bringing so much hope but also sadness into their world, his thoughts going to his sister once more
'The Dixon brothers watched as their father walked away from the doctor and out the doors. The doctor stunned that the man actually left not wanting to see his own daughter or even his wife one last time glanced over to the two young boys. He kneeled down looking them both in the eyes "do you two understand what is going on" the boys looked at one another and nodded. Before the doctor could reply Merle spoke up "can we see her…our sister I mean" the doctor stood up "of course" he smiled, he then led the boys towards the room where all new babies were held. "she's right there" he spoke pointing to the one wrapped in a cozy looking yellow blanket. The name card read 'DIXON' Merle smiled looking down at his little sister. He then looked over at Daryl, who was staring at this little human being. Daryl didn't understand if he were honest; how could something so small kill someone. Merle poked his brother in the ribs. Daryl looked at him and smiled as well unsure though of if he was truly happy. "you know she doesn't have a name yet" the doctor cut through their thoughts. Daryl looked to Merle and shrugged his shoulders. Merle looked at the small girl wrapped in yellow that was his sister. He already wanted to protect her shield her from the world, let's face it she was already wrapped around his little finger "Riley" he spoke and nodded his head. The doctor smiled and placed a hand on Merles shoulder "Riley it is then" and the doctor walked away. "Riley Dixon" Merle mumbled with a small smile gracing his lips.
Daryl was brought back to the present when the baby in his arms started to fuss
"hey now shhh, its okay…lil' ass kicker" Daryl smiled as the baby settled down and looked up at him
"hey you like that...lil' ass kicker, pretty good huh" he asked looking up; everyone around chuckled a little at that.
A few moments had passed before Maggie broke the stillness
"whose on watch" she questioned looking around
Everyone glanced around. It was a logical question even more so after what happened. Daryl handed the baby back to Beth and hitched his crossbow up on his shoulder "I'll go" he replied and headed out towards the guard tower.
As Daryl opened the door, the only light that led his path came from the moon. As he walked his mind drifted towards the whereabouts of his sister. He stopped short however when his foot crunched down on something that wasn't rocks. He bent down and picked up what looked like pages of a book. The ones in his hand held passages that were highlighted in bright yellow. His eyes quickly skimmed the words and he knew exactly whose books these were and what they contained. Daryl looked around and his eyes caught someone in the guard tower. He dropped the pages and rushed forward
As he climbed the stairs he stopped short of the door listening first. Inside was quiet so he took a chance and pushed the door open walking inside. Riley sat on the railing of the tower, crossbow in her lap, and her eyes fixed on the ground below her. Daryl knew she knew he was there; still he walked and approached her slowly
When Daryl reached the railing he too climbed up and sat down beside her. He peeked at her from the corner of his eye and noticed that she was more focused on a certain spot rather then the whole land. He followed her line of sight and saw a figure sitting beside what looked like a grave.
"I couldn't leave her there" he heard the broken voice of his sister.
Daryl looked back out eyes finally adjusting and he could tell it was Rick who sat there. Daryl waited not wanting to rush her to say what she needed to say
"Everyone kept telling me mom wasn't my fault, that I had no control over that situation…this…this though I had control. I failed" Riley spoke eyes still locked onto Rick
"Riley you know that's not true. Everyone knew the risk, even Herschel wasn't sure how the delivery would go." Daryl tried to explain. He knew he was failing on trying to get her to see no fault was hers. 'If only Merle were here he would know what to say'. Daryl thought. Riley sighed and shook her head, bringing her hands up and rubbing at her eyes. Daryl noticed then that she still had dried blood covering most of her hands and forearms.
He watched as Riley climbed off of the railing and headed towards the door "goodnight Daryl" she spoke before she disappeared down the stairs. Daryl knew the only reason Riley left was because he would have to stay and keep watch. She was avoiding the subject not wanting to talk or deal with it. Daryl knew that she too wasn't good with emotions; it was never a big topic in the Dixon household if you showed feelings it usually spelt more trouble then they were worth. He made a vow though that come morning Riley would deal with these feelings before they ate her alive
Daryl watched as Riley came out from the bottom of the tower and headed towards the prison. He then returned his eyes to Rick who had looked up and was also watching Riley as she headed inside. Rick then looked up at the tower and saw the shadow of Daryl. Rick stood and walked towards where the hunter was located.
Rick made his way towards the guard tower watching as the prison door closed behind Riley. As Rick climbed the steps he thought about what he might say to Daryl. He pushed open the door and stood for a moment watching the angel wings on the back of Daryl's vest. Rick took a deep breath, wiped his face and walked over to railing climbing over and sitting where Riley had been
They sat side by side for a few minutes before it was Daryl that broke the semi awkwardness.
"today sucked" Daryl spoke. Rick let out a low chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck
"understatement of the year" Rick replied "I want you to know I don't blame Riley, and once she can stand to be in the same area as me I'll let her know that as well"
Daryl looked over at Rick confusion on his face
"she leaves the room every time I walk in; scared…she feels guilty Daryl, for something she had no control over." Rick paused for a moment "you know I love that girl like a daughter, she has no reason to feel guilt or blame. I can understand after the life she lived but Lo….Lori loved her as well and wouldn't want her feeling this way"
Daryl looked back out over the land. "she loves ya too, which makes it even harder. You are the father she never had the father she always wished she had; now she feels like she disappointed you" Daryl could see Rick nod from the corner of his eye.
"she never could… the things she has done for me and my family…I…she is a great kid" Rick ended with a smile on his face.
"you know Riley Dixon sure is something else isn't she" Rick looked over at Lori as they sit outside their tent, watching as Riley showed Carl the ins and outs of gutting a squirrel. Riley started to laugh as Carl looked on the verge of throwing up. Rick smiled and looked over at his wife throwing in arm around her shoulder. "the Dixons are something else" Rick began looking back over at his son, Riley was explaining were to cut in order to not pinch any of the organs. "Riley though" Lori started "she's a great girl, wouldn't expect it after seeing how her brothers act. Carl seems to like her, she was talking to me the other day, and she seemed so…so fearful or maybe sad I couldn't really tell." Lori took her eyes away from the two children and Rick saw a look of pain that only a mother could feel "I promised myself to help her get over whatever it is she's feeling that fear over. There's enough to fear in this world already. She's too sweet to be walking around scared of thing in the past" Lori ended looking on the verge of tears. Rick pulled her in closer kissing the top of her head. From that day forward Riley was a Grimes whether she knew it or not
The sun was starting to rise and Daryl and Rick made their way inside. As they entered the common space they saw the remaining members of their group all there.
Beth and Maggie were busy fixing something for everyone to eat. Glenn was sitting by Herschel as the man read something from the Bible but the sight that caught both men's attention was the two people leaning against the wall. Riley sat cross legged with Carl to her left, his sheriffs hat was covering most of his face but you could see a faint smile gracing his lips, and sitting nestled in Riley's arms wrapped in a yellow blanket was the baby.
Riley's head was down with her hair acting as a shield, but when she raised her head to look over at Carl, Daryl and Rick could see she too wore a faint smile. It looked a little forced but still it was there.
Riley hadn't sleep that night; she stood outside of Carl's cell where the baby was asleep in a mailbox carrier. Once she heard Carl starting to stir she quickly walked to her cell and then peeked out, when she saw Carl emerge she too exited and walked over. Carl spotted her rushed towards her pulling the older girl into a hug; Riley wrapped her arms around the boy and the contact said everything words couldn't. 'they weren't alright, but they would be and the love was still there and always would be' Carl walked back into his cell and came out a moment later with the baby in his arms. Together the two walked into the common area where members of the group were starting to gather. They walked over to the wall and slid down
"want to hold her?" Carl asked
Riley looked over and then down at the baby and she slowly nodded her head. Carl kneeled and then carefully placed the baby into her arms. Riley was a natural and Carl smiled at the sight. His big sister holding his little sister. In this moment everything was okay.
Riley looked down at the baby placing her forehead against the small infants. 'maybe you can help look after this one too' Riley smiled at the memory of that day. Lori had been so happy and excited. Riley look at the baby, the baby found Riley's eyes and two blue eyed girls stared at one another. Riley murmured "nothing will ever hurt you, ya hear me…never again…never again" she then smiled as the baby grabbed some of her hair. Riley glanced up looking over at Carl.
She then heard Maggie announce that breakfast was ready. She glanced up and saw Rick and Daryl staring at her. She got to her feet and walked towards the table still holding the baby. When she was about to sit down she changed her direction and walked around the table sitting in the middle of Rick and Daryl. She glanced over at her brother and gave him a small smile. She then turned her attention to Rick. She looked down at the baby then again at the man. Rick placed his hand on the back of Riley's neck pulling her into him slightly. He then kissed the top of her head; he then leaned down and kissed his daughters forehead. When he sat up he whispered in Riley's ear
"love you kiddo"
Next Chapter: we finally meet Michonne, big brother Merle will finally show up...for real this time and the man you love to hate the Governor
Should Riley go with Maggie and Glenn on the run? How do you want to see that reunion played out? Let me know Thanks!
