I am super pleased to be able to give you another chapter today!

Chapter 14: Heartbreak and Hope

A few days after my quiet Christmas in London with Georgiana, Bingley came to see me. He was not his normal good-humored self. I was curious as to how he had enjoyed his recent stay at Netherfield and what the result had been. I had expected a letter announcing his courtship if not engagement, if I could make it out from his blottings and unfinished thoughts, not the man himself and certainly not the troubled man before me. I longed for any intelligence about Miss Elizabeth, no matter how slight, but needed to wait and discover how I could help him first.

Bingley sighed several times before he began his tale. "At first my return to Netherfield was everything it ought to be. The servants were happy to be of service, the neighbors called, and I returned their calls. I had a family dinner with the Bennets and their relatives, the Gardiners. This was most pleasant as Mr. Gardiner knew my father; I recalled he supplied my father with the materials for his carriage seats. Miss Bennet was everything proper and appeared happy to see me.

"The next time I called, it was too cold for walking in the garden. Mrs. Bennet made sure I was left alone with Miss Bennet save for Miss Mary who was playing the piano which muffled anything we might say. Miss Bennet inquired after my sisters. She told me they wrote her upon my last departure and again from London. She asked about you and told me that my sisters seemed to anticipate a closer connection between me and your sister."

I found myself becoming a bit agitated; Georgiana had not yet had her come out and Bingley had never been anything but brotherly toward her.

"Do not fear," he told me, "I corrected her misapprehension. But then she stated, 'I am most happy that you returned alone.' While explained she was certain the intelligence that Mr. Wickham had shared regarding you in his exchanges with herself and her sisters must be exaggerated and the result of misunderstandings, she told me, 'I was uncertain as to what Mr. Darcy's welcome would be if he returned as well.'"

He sighed then, loosened his cravat a bit from his neck and took a deep breath. "I thought then that she was simply grateful that you had not returned as well to face an uncertain reception or possible derision from the ignorant but what she said next was very troubling." He took another deep breath, rubbed at his eyes and unfolded and refolded his handkerchief.

"She said, 'I am glad your association with that man,'—imagine she reduced you to 'that man' just as you might refer to the man who mucks manure out from a horse's stall, or the man who begs on the street, a phrase with no dignity—'is not as close as I believed.' She told me, 'Mr. Bingley, I know you are generous of spirit and have attempted to help that man achieve normalcy. But surely you know such attempts are bound to fail. I am most concerned that a close association with such a man could hurt you.' She then laid a hand on my lower arm, I believe in either an attempt to comfort me or to demonstrate her regard, but I removed it with my other hand. I quickly made my excuses and left. I was a coward not to defend you immediately and I hope you can forgive that."

I made all the proper assurances and absolved him of that guilt, and he continued his account.

"As I had no hostess, I could not invite Miss Bennet's family to my home and at that moment I was glad that propriety in such a circumstance would also prevent her from calling on me. I knew I needed to talk to her once more without heightening her expectations as might happen if I called soon again."

Again, he paused before proceeding. I wished in that moment that I might understand what he was feeling.

"I had my opportunity at a dinner hosted by the Lucases three days before Christmas. Besides the Bennets and I, the officers were invited as well. I believe I glared at Mr. Wickham and, thus, he knew to avoid me the best he could. After the meal we played lottery together and Mrs. Bennet out maneuvered Mrs. Lucas, who attempted to seat me with the remaining Miss Lucas. In addition to Miss Bennet our table had Miss Mary and Mr. Denny. Our table finished before the others when Mr. Denny learned Sir Lucas was serving port and left.

"Once again Mrs. Bennet conspired to give us privacy, while others were present, to speak. Miss Bennet told me, 'I am glad to have a moment with you, Mr. Bingley. I must apologize for any offense I may have given you in speaking of your friend, Mr. Darcy.'—it seemed that then you were elevated to Mr. Darcy again—'Mr. Bingley, you are a very kind person, it is clear. You see only the best in others; it is an admirable characteristic to be sure.' I think by doing this, she thought all would be forgiven, that I would warm toward her once more."

"But you did not," I commented.

"No, I did not. What was more telling was what Miss Bennet did not say; she did not apologize for how she thought about you and she did not seek to find out more about you from me. When I looked at her in that moment her beauty remained unchanged, but any desire I had to bind myself with her had vanished. If she could not see your value as a person, she would be no wife of mine."

I nodded but made no comment, just gave his arm a brief squeeze to thank him for his unwavering support.

"Later, she stood beneath a kissing bower located above a window at the Lucases. She looked at me and subtly beckoned, but I pretended to be oblivious. She stood there so long that eventually Mr. Denny, who had returned to our table a bit inebriated, noticed her presence. He told me, 'Do you see where Miss Bennet is standing? I will give you first crack, but if you will not claim a kiss, I will be happy to do so in your stead.' Before if any had expressed interest in her, I would have felt jealousy, but just then it did not matter in the least to me.

"Before I could decide whether to make a response or let my silence speak for itself, Miss Maria Lucas suggested, 'Will you not claim a kiss from Jane?' I shook my head in negation and then saw how quickly Miss Bennet moved from her spot when Mr. Denny approached her. Many young maids received kisses that night, including Miss Catherine and Miss Lydia. The officers were very free in claiming kisses, though most limited their kisses to the maidens' cheeks, all but Mr. Wickham. But I had no regret in not claiming any."

Bingley seemed calmer now, but I had no idea what he was feeling.

"I remained long enough to time my departure with that of Mr. Wickham and Mr. Denny. I confronted Mr. Wickham and told him, 'Lieutenant Wickham, you need to quit telling lies about Mr. Darcy and properly respect the virtue of the maidens of Meryton.'

"Mr. Wickham tried to make a joke of it saying," (and here he imitated Wickham's voice, rising high as he was wont to do when making fun of me), "'Does Bitsy have his breeches in a bind? What young miss here caught his eye? Should I retreat it would not improve his chances! No woman of quality would want to be bound to that imbecile.'

"I told Mr. Denny, 'You had better remove the lieutenant from my sight. It is only my respect for king, country and the uniform he wears, that is sparing him from my fists. I doubt the ladies would like him half as well with broken teeth and a busted nose.' Mr. Wickham quickly retreated, showing that he is a yellow-bellied cur.

"I was not amused and resolved to myself to do what I could to correct the misapprehension of the townsfolk on my final day in Meryton. I had already met with my staff to remind them, 'As you well know, Mr. Darcy is a man worthy of the utmost respect. I will not retain anyone spreading gossip about my friend. I am depending upon you all to do your best to discredit misinformation concerning Mr. Darcy with your accounts from having known him.'

"On that final day I visited several shops to buy small items to brighten my staff's holiday before releasing them for Christmas. In each shop I made sure to spend some time in conversation with the owner or a prominent customer and mention something to improve your reputation or sink Mr. Wickham's. I commented upon your aid in managing Netherfield, I commented on Pemberley's success, I spoke of the generosity as a friend. Nothing I said was untrue.

"I do not believe your reputation to be in as much jeopardy as you may have feared from Mr. Collins's letter. Many times, someone approached me to tell me that they did not believe the idle gossip and thought ill of Mr. Wickham for attempting to deride the private dealings of the family who had employed his father." He paused once more but this time it seemed to be the contented pause of someone who has just completed an arduous task.

"One more thing I need to tell you. At the last gathering I attended at the Lucases, I had a most interesting exchange with Miss Elizabeth. When she approached me, I expected she would be bearing a message from Miss Bennet (whose eyes time and time again rested upon me). But instead Miss Elizabeth told me, 'I regret not having a final conversation with Mr. Darcy. Would you please convey my best wishes for Mr. Darcy's health and happiness?' Of course, I told her I would. Mayhap you will have more luck with her then I with her sister."

I pondered the meaning of Miss Elizabeth's words to me as passed on from Bingley many times, but came to no definite conclusions. Sometimes I get stuck on something, my mind running in an endless loop and that is how it was for me with this. I imagined many times how we might have that talk but each scenario for how I could arrange to meet with her seemed more outlandish.

I had no reason to go to Meryton. Bingley was absent and would most probably give up the lease and either leave purchasing an estate for the next generation or try again elsewhere. I had naught but indifferent acquaintances there.

If I made the trip merely to call on Miss Elizabeth (whom I had never called on before, I had not so much as ever visited Longbourn, could claim no real acquaintance with Mr. Bennet), I would cause unwelcome talk and perhaps be viewed as even odder than before. I had no real reason to believe Miss Elizabeth had any more interest in me than to clear up her confusion as to my character. While I did not see her, I could have hope that she returned my regard rather than receive confirmation that she did not. Thus, I did not act but hoped for God or providence to provide a solution.

My wishes seemed to perhaps be gratified through the receipt of another letter from Mr. Collins in late January. After the usual salutation, it began:

After Mrs. Collins and I returned to Hunsford on the occasion of our wedding, I was most gratified to immediately be invited for a dinner at Rosings before we had yet spent even one night in our abode. We have both benefited greatly from Lady Catherine's diligent instruction and interest in our affairs. She instructed us on the proper way to care of our cows and poultry and encouraged Mrs. Collins to bear me a son before the conclusion of 1812. We are most grateful and gratified for her interest in her lowly rector and his wife.

I skimmed through his many flowery phrases to see if he had anything significant to tell me. I was rewarded by finding that just before the conclusion of his letter, the following information:

Mrs. Collins and I have the expectation in March of receiving visitors to our humble abode. Sir William Lucas with my new sister and Mrs. Collins's friend shall be visiting in March. We hope to exchange many happy returns with you when you visit Lady Catherine and your betrothed at Easter. I also look forward to becoming acquainted with another one of my esteemed patroness's nephews as I understand that Colonel Fitzwilliam shall be joining you.

I wondered but had no way of knowing who the friend might be. As Miss Elizabeth was Mrs. Collins's particular friend, I dearly hoped it would be she.