Chapter 15: Dreams and Wishes
After hearing from Bingley the message Miss Elizabeth sent for me, I began to hope that I might yet have an opportunity to gain Miss Elizabeth's regard. My hope needed an outlet, to have a physical manifestation, but for a time I did not yet know what it should be. But then, one morning without really thinking about what I was doing, I found myself retrieved Miss Elizabeth's yellow ribbon from where I had secreted it in a drawer.
I put Miss Elizabeth's ribbon in my pocket with my twine and began carrying it with me everywhere just as I did with my twine. Sometimes when I was alone, I held both strands in one hand while I twisted them together with the other hand, and then let them go and watched them unwind; I would do this over and over again. I wished I was bound to her, if she was as I hoped she was. Our lives could then be intertwined. My eyes began seeking out all things yellow: a thin stripe on the wallpaper in the hall, three fuzzy chicks my sister drew with crayon, the first opening dandelion spotted on a walk, at breakfast the butter I slathered on my toast and the eggs beside it, the bright sun. Every time I saw yellow items my mind flashed to the image of her yellow ribbon stirring on the thorn like a butterfly beating its wings.
During this time, I had several vivid dreams. In one, a woman who I knew to be Miss Elizabeth was wrapped from head to toe in nothing but ribbons, twine, string and rope that I was unwinding, an elaborate present, a gift to me. But as I freed her form, she changed into Aunt Matilda and the ropes and such came alive, turning into snakes and worms and began to strangle me!
In another, Georgiana was playing a lively tune as I led off a set with Miss Elizabeth, with only a few other couples in attendance. She smiled and laughed. I knew she was my wife and that later that evening we would enjoy the pleasures of the flesh as is good and proper in a union blessed by God. Thus, every touch and look reminded us of what was to follow. Then the dream shifted, and I was a servant looking on as the master, George, danced with his wife. When she turned, I saw that Mrs. Wickham was Elizabeth!
In these first two dreams the endings woke me in a fright, my body sweating, my heart racing, and I could sleep no more that night.
In a third dream I was a small boy yet in the nursery. I was singing with Nurse Storey as a nursery maid tidied up. I did not really understand most of the words I was singing, though I knew exactly how to sing them. While we sang my mother entered the nursery as well and her voice joined in our song. We sang together, our voices clear and bright. This dream had no horrible conclusion and I awoke well rested with a smile on my lips.
Somehow, I remembered part of the tune and tried to pick it out with uncertain fingers on Georgiana's piano as she watched and listened. With a few tries I had pieced together the basic melody and then the proper lengths to each of the notes. Georgiana exclaimed, "Brother I know this tune! But I do not know the words that accompany it." She replaced me on the piano and as the notes swelled as brought to life by her nimble fingers, I began to sing without knowing what my words would be, only each next sound I would make. As I sang each word my mind made sense of what to the boy were just sounds.
Georgiana played the song again and again. She began to join in singing as she learned the words. The song told the story of a pretty maid who a farmer's son found walking about the countryside. He greeted her and then shared his worries about her safety, singing "I think too bold you are, to range these fields so fair." Then he told her that he loved her and wanted to marry her but she rejected him because she did not want to work hard all day as a farmer's wife. She explained she would rather "range these fields so fair, to take the pleasant air." He decided that he would also prefer to range these fields so fair with her and then she agreed to be his wife and they took the pleasant air together.
We sang the song for a good long time until we had it firmly fixed in our minds. It was a piece of our mother that we had gained back. When I sang the words I both thought of the love of Nurse Storey and my mother, but also whether I loved Miss Elizabeth. I knew she was fond of walking and I longed to be the one accompanying her.
In March I received word from Mr. Collins, who had become my faithful correspondent, that his guests had arrived. I skimmed his letter but paid more attention when I read the following paragraph:
Lady Catherine's condescension and care knows no bounds. We were so honored when, on the very day of their arrival to the parsonage, she immediately inviting my new father, sister Maria and Cousin Elizabeth to visit for tea.
Upon reading the name "Elizabeth" my heart soared and I felt myself rocking my head and upper body forward and back in excitement. My sister was in the room with me and noticed my movement.
"All shall be well, Brother," she attempted to reassure me, believing me to be upset by the motion she observed.
"All shall be well indeed!" I cried, grinning with excitement and anticipation. I ran to her then, hugging her and picking her up as I had when she was a young child. "Do you still wish to aid me and undo Mr. Wickham's interference with Miss Elizabeth's regard?"
"Oh yes Brother, I will do all I can." She bounced a bit herself as I set her down. "I will help you win her!"
I then read her Mr. Collins's letter and she immediately knew my plan. "I must join you and Cousin Edwin in your visit to Aunt Catherine."
I immediately sent correspondence to Aunt Catherine requesting the addition to our party of Georgiana and her companion Mrs. Annesley, anticipating no difficulties.
I then immediately wrote a most genuinely grateful letter to Mr. Collins. Extending simple courtesy to him had benefited me indeed.
Thank you for being a faithful correspondence and the efforts you made on my behalf in Meryton. I am writing my aunt on this same day to ask about my sister Georgiana being one of the party for my Easter visit, so you need not pass on my greetings to Lady Catherine and Cousin Anne, but I pray you convey my greetings to Mrs. Collins, Sir William Lucas, Miss Lucas and Miss Elizabeth. I look forward to introducing my sister to your family and guests, especially Miss Elizabeth who I imagine could help Georgiana learn to become livelier.
Lady Catherine's reply was rapid, though not as fast as Mr. Collins's. He wrote:
I am deeply humbled that you, Mr. Darcy, would take an interest in me, a lowly parson, and my small, modest existence. Your kind condescension has further convinced me that though your father's family is untitled it must be seeped also with noble blood. I expected no particular recognition for my family and guests by one such as you, but we are all deeply honored by your attention. Mrs. Collins asked me to invite your party to call upon us for tea when Lady Catherine might spare you, but we will understand if once you are in the presence of Lady Catherine and Miss de Bourgh that we might well fall beneath your notice and if that shall come to pass we will take no offense.
Lady Catherine's message stated:
Darcy, I am glad Georgiana will be joining us this year at Rosings. It is my fondest wish that she might choose to stay longer with me and Anne when you must return to Pemberley.
Lady Catherine had often mentioned such a desire, but I had no intention of letting my sister remain behind for a more protracted visit. Our plans now approved, I made all the arrangements for us to depart the next day.
