Chapter 21: Georgiana Gathers Flowers

While I waited to see how Miss Elizabeth would react to my treasures, I felt a curious churning sensation in my belly and a tightness in my chest. She absently took my offered hanky with her right hand and wiped beneath her eyes, still bent forward studying what her left hand held.

Then she looked up and said in a soft, uneven tone, "I don't remember giving you a token." Her tears had stopped. For the first time since greeting us that morning, I felt I was now her focus but that was not exactly pleasant. It was as if I were a butterfly, pinned to a board, still alive but unable to get loose.

I did not say a word; I did not know what to say and was afraid of saying something that would make it worse. Miss Elizabeth studied me as if trying to decide something; I forced myself not to look away. Her eyebrows raised and lowered, she pursed her lips, flattened them again and then lightly bit her lower lip, her nose twitched, and she rubbed at her right temple with my handkerchief. I did not know what any of these things meant. But then she smiled at me and finally I had hope.

I knew then just what to say. I would play the gallant. "Miss Elizabeth, your token was claimed by a thorn. Believing it unworthy to keep your ribbon I liberated it, but I shall return it if you wish."

There was a moment of silence before she asked, tilting her head slightly to one side, "And the string?"

I tried to decipher her movement and tone. I dearly hoped she was not about to make merry at my expense.

I answered, "It is merely something I have been fond of since childhood."

"An unusual choice." Her voice was a slightly higher tone at the end, not quite high enough to mean she was asking a question, but not simply a statement either. I was not sure what that meant, but I hoped that rather than judgment it might be curiosity.

"Yes," I paused and hoping it was right to do so asked, "would you like to hear about it?"

"Yes, I would." She nodded, her head bobbing up and down thrice. "I have a feeling it intersects with Mr. Wickham's tales. I want to know the truth."

Georgiana walked up to me and gave my arm a gentle squeeze and smiled her normal Georgiana smile. It was a nice smile that showed some teeth and I knew it was a real smile as her ears rose at the same time as her lips. When it was just a polite smile, her ears did not move at all. "Brother, I should like to gather flowers."

In that moment, those words were the best ones anyone could have told me. Her signal told me she thought all was well and I could tell Miss Bennet what she needed to know.

"Certainly," I told her, smiling back at her. I exhaled, feeling some relief, a loosening of the tightness across my chest. I watched Georgiana as she picked up the basket and walked perhaps twenty feet away before she bent down to retrieve something.

I turned back to Miss Elizabeth and words began to tumble from my lips, haltingly at first and then more easily. The longer I spoke, the more I relaxed and the more frank I became. She mostly just listened but the comments she had were well thought out and kept me talking.

Although I had never told Bingley about my worms and snakes, somehow it did not seem so odd to share about them with Miss Elizabeth. I started by telling her, "As long as I can remember, I have always been fond of anything long and thin."

She nodded and kept listening as I told her about what it was like when I was young and being cared for by Nurse Storey and then how Governess Hayes replaced her and tried to take all my worms and snakes away. Miss Elizabeth was so kind then, commenting, "How horrible that governess was to a young boy who needed his items of comfort; it is almost inhuman, inhumane really, how she acted."

Miss Elizabeth listened as I told her about Mother and what she did to thwart Governess Hayes, but I did not tell her nearly all the horrors that Governess Hayes did, or how I reacted. She asked me, "So, I expect your governess could only act the way she did because your father let her do so."

I nodded, "He wanted me to be made like other boys, thought Governess Hayes could change me into the son he wanted. But I do not really want to talk about him." The pain I still felt when thinking about my father was too unsettling and was not something that I was ready to share.

Perhaps Miss Elizabeth saw some of it, for she handed me back my handkerchief. Having no need of it then, I absently tucked it in my pocket.

Then I told Miss Elizabeth about when Governess Hayes was finally replaced by my tutor Mr. Stowbaugh, and about being tutored along-side George Wickham. I told her about what George's role had been in my life, how he was meant to be my friend and example but tormented me instead. I also told her a bit about what George did to me at school and university, though of course I did not reveal the worst of his proclivities or the humiliation of being lured to the Suckling Room as those stories were not fit for a woman's ears.

I told her how my mother was never unwavering in her support even when it could not have been easy for her. In example of this, I told her about Georgiana being born and coming into see my mother who was abed, with my sister snuggled beside her. It was something I do not believe I had ever told another person about save for Georgiana, once; it was a treasure I had stored up for only me.

I explained, "My mother had not yet left her bed I suspect, as my sister was only perhaps an hour old; I was next to see her after my father. I did not know what to think of the baby, large, somewhat conical head, small body, thin reddish skin, large dark blue eyes, only a bit of fuzz upon her head. 'Come here Fitz,' my mother said, 'and hold your baby sister, Georgiana.' She then instructed me as to how to hold her."

Miss Elizabeth nodded, "I remember holding my two youngest sisters when they were babies."

"You may have known how to hold them, but to me it felt very awkward. I did my best to do it right, understanding the trust Mother was offering me, me who others did not trust. I slid one hand beneath my sister's neck and the other below her bottom. My baby sister was wearing a white dress that was too large for her, that my mother had trimmed with lace; I had seen my mother stitching it when she was confined to the house and was growing large with child. I held her out like this," I demonstrated, elbows bent against my sides, forearms out at an angle, hands palms side up, cupped around my invisible baby sister's neck and bottom.

"So, you held her out away from her," Miss Elizabeth commented.

"Yes, and she did not like it, she was squirming and making a little mewing noise. I was ready to plop her back on the bed, but my mother said, 'Not like that, Fitz, not away from you but toward you, against you. She craves the safety of being cradled securely. It shows her that she is loved.' I pulled her close and Georgiana settled, gave a little yawn showing her gummy mouth and then closed her eyes.

"My mother told me, 'That is just right. You will be a good brother to her. She will need her older brother to protect her and take care of her when she is little and later you shall both be a help to each other. Someday Father and I will be gone, but you shall always have your sister.' My mother was right, but the older she gets the more obvious it is to me that Georgiana is more of a help to me than I am to her."

As if me speaking of her summoned her, Georgiana returned, her basket filled with flowers. "Brother, we must go, Lady Catherine must have missed us by now."

When I looked over at her, I was suddenly aware of how high the sun was in the sky. "Yes, we must," I said with regret.

"Until tomorrow," Elizabeth said with a smile that seemed directed toward the both of us.

I was unwilling to leave just then, as she still my string intertwined with her ribbon. I very much wanted to have them back, but I was also afraid to ask for them.

Miss Elizabeth must have seen my eyes looking at her closed gloved hand which I knew held them. She brought this hand forward, opened it up and struggled to untie the ribbon from my string. It was not an easy endeavor, especially with gloves. Finally, she stripped off her gloves, handing them to Georgiana to hold.

I stared at Miss Elizabeth's bare hands, which were small but with relatively long fingers, while she worked. I noticed a small scar upon the back of her right hand. She had more success when she was able to use her fingernails. When she finally undid the knot, she gave a little sigh. Then she unwound her ribbon from my string.

Miss Elizabeth told me, "Mr. Darcy, I shall keep my token for now, but you may earn it in time." She then tucked the ribbon into the sleeve of her pale gown and held my string out to me in her open, still bare hand.

I felt Miss Elizabeth was inviting me to touch her hand in not simply extending the end of the string to me. I spread my gloved fingers out, dearly wishing I had a reason to remove my gloves as she had hers, and lightly touched her hand as I grasped the string. I held it a moment before I tucked it deep in my pocket.

Feeling bold I told her, "Tomorrow is your turn to share with me."

"I shall," Miss Elizabeth responded, inclining her head. I did my best to memorize the gentle smile on her face, how her dark eyes sparkled, the curve of her cheek as highlighted by the sun.

Georgiana handed Miss Elizabeth back her gloves and then each of us said, "Good-bye." We turned in opposite directions and walked away. I dearly wanted to turn to watch her, but I mostly resisted the impulse, only turning once, to see a quick flash of her, light against the dark trees, before she disappeared behind some trees.

As I walked back to Rosings with Georgiana, I had trouble restraining my stride. The exchange with Miss Elizabeth had gone so much better than I could have hoped, and we were going to continue to further our association!

I felt like trotting, jumping, waving my arms about and shouting in joy. I forced myself to walk as a gentleman should, but there was an extra bounce to my stride. However, my happiness still needed an outlet. Without my own volition, I found myself humming the tune to Good Morning, Fair Maid. Before long, Georgiana began to sing along.