Chapter 3 – Odd Things

Kisa turned off the projector, and the screen went white. Then he turned to the big crowd of students, one hand in his pocket, one on the table.

"Any questions?"

Distinct chatter was all he heard, but nobody put their hands up or said anything clear.

"Come on, every good question wins."

"Wins what?" someone asked loud.

"One million yen?" Kisa shrugged with a half-smile. "More knowledge that you can use on finals? Whatever."

Now a girl in the distance put her hand up, looking quite excited. Kisa picked her.

"Do you have a girlfriend, professor?"

"That's not a very appropriate question," Kisa chuckled, his face slightly blushed.

"Of course he's frickin' married, girl, shut the hell up!" someone said in the crowd, and the chatter between the students got louder.

Kisa rolled his eyes, sighed, and knocked on the table to get everyone's attention.

"Silence," he said quite softly. "Just so everyone's satisfied and you won't be rolling around in your bed thinking if I have a girlfriend or I'm married. Neither. Can we move on?"

"If I ask a question about it in English, will you answer?" another girl asked, and once again, Kisa rolled his eyes. On the other hand, the question made people laugh.

"No, I'm not going to talk about this," Kisa shook his head. "Enough talk. Any questions about any of the poems and poets I've shown you just now?"

Everybody went silent. As if they weren't chatting cheerfully just a minute ago. Kisa could have sworn to god that he hadn't raised his voice at them. He wasn't even mad, he just felt… frustrated. Irritated, even. He had never really liked to be asked about his love life. Not after what happened between him and Yoshida.

"If you have no questions, then see you all tomorrow!"

People began to slowly leave the classroom, and Kisa began to pack his stuff, too. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that girl who asked if he had a girlfriend. It was the same girl that invited him to drink out yesterday.

"Everything okay?" Kisa asked her, and her face went all red.

"Professor, I just want to say that I'm sorry," she mumbled, tugging her sleeves. "I shouldn't have asked inappropriate questions."

"Don't worry about it," Kisa shook his head with a small smile, hoping it was comforting enough for that girl. He honestly didn't want to hurt anyone, just tried to avoid the topic. And he definitely never had to comfort anyone once during his career.

"Are you sure?"

She looked so concerned that Kisa almost laughed. She was almost overacting this whole thing. It was just a simple question, Kisa closed the topic, that's all. Why is she so… concerned now? Kisa sighed and shook his head.

"Yeah. Make sure you go through the previous lessons once again."

The girl nodded with a smile and left the classroom. A minute later, Kisa left too. He let out a long sigh, and walked back to his office. He didn't have any class in the next period, so he took a seat at his table, stretched, and for a few minutes, he did nothing but spacing out.

"Good morning," a sharp voice said, and it suddenly dragged Kisa back to reality. In fact, he almost jumped out of his seat.

"Oh, for god's sake, you scared me!"

Takano laughed softly, and smiled a little, and somehow, it didn't fit in the picture Kisa had about him in his head. He thought he'd be a forever poker face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

Takano sat down to one of the tables, writing something in a thick and quite creased notebook. Kisa watched him for a while. During his university years, he had taken psychology classes, learning about basic psychology, how to treat students, how to handle different situations, and people with different skills. And he was sure Takano learned way more than that. Because what Kisa had learned was only the surface.

And despise he had taken these classes, he couldn't cope with his past properly.

He sighed. Here we go again, he thought. The past.

"How's your first day going?" he asked Takano to avoid thinking.

The man looked up, thought for a second, then nodded.

"Quiet. Only one person sought help so far. I don't mean to complain. Hopefully, it means that the others are in a good mental state."

Kisa nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. That's good."

But he knew. They both knew, that some of them probably need help and they just can't find the courage to seek it. And it made Kisa quite sad. He knew that people who need help should seek it. For the sake of themselves.

"So then why did I not seek help?" he mumbled under his breath, and Takano looked up with a small frown.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

"Nope, nothing," Kisa shook his head. "There will be days when your schedule will be full."

"I bet," Takano nodded. He flipped a few pages in his notebook, highlighted some lines, then flipped the pages back and wrote some more on the still half blank page.

Kisa just opened a textbook, and spaced out again. He chewed on the corner of his lips, reading lines after lines in the book, but it didn't really sink in his head. He just… didn't pay attention to the world around him anymore.

Now that he thought about the possibly high number of students that probably wouldn't seek help, he started wondering why he never did.

Why had he never seen a psychologist after Yoshida?

Probably because he couldn't find the courage back then. How could he sit down with a complete stranger, and tell them that his lover left him without a word and a possible reason after three years of being together? How could he tell them that this lover was a guy? Because Kisa was sure that a professional would ask this, too. Or would want to know, because they would need to know.

And what would have they said? 'Get over it, it will be alright, he probably wasn't the right person to you'?

It would have been draining, and a pain in the arse.


Kisa yawned loudly as he was standing at the bus stop, waiting for his bus to finally arrive. He felt extremely tired, and it didn't help that Yokozawa kept him in the office for an hour to discuss Yukimura-sensei's absence. Apparently, she's going to be away for a while, according to Yokozawa. And that meant that Kisa got to lecture her class, which leads to him seeing Yukina more than usual.

Yukina was one of the reasons Kisa felt tired – the fact that every time Kisa ran into him and thought it was Yoshida was extremely exhausting. Acknowledging that Yukina is not Yoshida every single day at least two times a day wasn't exactly a fairy tale.

Kisa hated it. And god knew how long Yukimura-sensei would be away.

He just wanted this to end. He'd been having this seemingly endless pain in his chest, as if someone or something was scratching it from the inside.

When the bus arrived, Kisa hopped on and walked to the back of the vehicle, finding a seat next to the window. Before the bus departed, an old lady sat down next to him, slowly placing her little bags on the floor carefully. Kisa watched her from the corner of his eyes, then he turned his gaze towards the window to stare at the lights in the night. She was the same lady he had ran into the other day.

But then his gaze had fallen on the last person that got on the bus. He never noticed Yukina at the bus stop, and then, as he saw that he was panting, he realised that Yukina might have ran to catch the bus.

Kisa's face went all red as he was staring at him, not being able to get his eyes off of him. Yukina didn't notice him, though. He just sat down on a seat near the door, and the bus finally departed. Kisa slid down in his seat so Yukina wouldn't see him.

And just then, from the corner of his eyes, Kisa saw the old woman staring at someone. Following her gaze, Kisa realised that she was staring at Yukina. Did she know him?

It has nothing to do with me, Kisa thought then. Why would he care who knows Yukina and who doesn't?

Just a few stops later, Yukina got off the bus, and Kisa watched his every step. Weirdly enough, so did the old lady. Kisa wanted to know the reason why she was staring at Yukina all along, but he knew it was absolutely none of his business. But as the bus departed again, the old lady sat back slowly, letting out a heavy sigh.

Kisa turned towards her.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. There's nothing wrong with asking this, is there?

"Oh yeah, don't worry about me, young man," the lady laughed weakly. "Just a silly old woman staring into space."

"I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but it didn't seem like that to me," Kisa replied, truly concerned.

"You know..." The old lady sighed as she slowly turned to face Kisa, and Kisa felt like his heart just broke into millions of pieces. The lady's face was sorrowful. "Sometimes the ones you love leave you. And people around you remind you of those people."

Kisa gulped. It was now obvious that someone who was once close to this lady had passed away. Kisa didn't say a word, just turned his gaze down. He couldn't picture what that old lady might have felt like, he had never lost someone close to him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered after a few seconds of silence. "I truly am."

"Oh, young man, you don't have to be," the old lady smiled weakly. "It's been years."

Kisa slowly nodded. He still felt sad for her.

"May I ask who-"

"My son," the lady whispered with teary eyes, and Kisa knew he shouldn't have asked that.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be," she smiled at Kisa again. "My cheerful, beautiful son."

Kisa smiled sadly at the old lady.

"I bet he was an amazing man, ma'am."

Before the bus arrived at the next stop, Kisa waved bye to the old lady, and got off the bus. The lady waved through the window, and Kisa did the same, smiling. He still felt awful for her – a mother losing her child must have been the worst kind of pain.

But he couldn't shake off the feeling that the lady was familiar.


"Good morning!"

Kisa sat down at the table with a sigh. Takano smiled at him.

"Good morning, professor."

Kisa glanced at him, then turned his gaze back at his backpack, jut to glance at Takano again. Takano noticed him doing this, and he frowned in confusion. Kisa opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, and Takano seemed like he was going to ask what Kisa wanted, but he didn't. He just seemed to be waiting patiently until Kisa decided to talk.

And then Kisa did.

"Look, I'm not very good at this topic, but how do you, psychologists treat someone who's grieving?"

Takano elbowed on the table, gently scratching his chin as he was thinking. Although he looked confused about why Kisa would suddenly ask such a thing.

"Well, there are different stages of grieve, so you probably want to find out which stage the individual is in. Denial, anger, bargain, depression, and acceptance."

"Uhuh..."

"So," Takano went on, "it might sound weird and half-arsed, but… we try to get the individual to develop new daily routines, set new goals for the future, so they have something to look forward to. It can help them adopt a new sense of identity. Which helps them moving on in their life without the lost one."

Kisa nodded while thinking about the lady he talked to last night on the bus. She said it had been years since she had lost her son. Which stage she might have been in?

"Why do you ask, though? Have you lost someone?"

Kisa shook his head quickly.

"No, not at all. It's… Sorry, it was a silly question."

"It wasn't," Takano smiled. "The more you know about it, the more it increases the chance that you can help someone in need."

Kisa nodded. Takano was right. He might need to help a student anytime.

He quickly put his notes together, and walked to his first class. He couldn't stop thinking about that old lady and her loss, and Takano's words. Especially, because that old lady's son might have been extremely young when he died. The lady didn't seem that very old herself. What if her son was Kisa's age? Or younger? It was awful for Kisa to think about it.

He couldn't do anything affectively that day. He was constantly spacing out while his student were taking notes, he kept stuttering, zoning out while talking, and soon enough, his students noticed him being weird. At least that's what Kisa assumed, judging by their questioning faces, or them frowning at him.

During his last class, he was in the middle of a presentation, and he got lost mid-sentence. He tried to snap back to reality quick, and smiled at his students.

And he'd seen that Yukina was looking at him worried. Kisa slightly frowned, and Yukina smiled, then turned back to his notebook.

Kisa's heart skipped a beat.

After class, Yukina slowly wandered towards Kisa while he was packing his stuff up. Kisa saw him coming closer from the corner of his eyes, but pretended he didn't notice Yukina.

"Professor?"

"Yeah?"

Yukina didn't say anything for a long moment, and Kisa lifted his glance at him. He couldn't really read the boy's face, but he could tell that something was off.

"Would you be interested in a coffee with me? After class or tomorrow?" Yukina finally spoke, asking his question slowly with a small smile.

Kisa had to take a moment before saying anything. His chest was aching. He didn't want to get any closer to Yukina, but the boy kept drawing Kisa to him. Life has a weird sense of humour, Kisa thought.

"Sounds like an invitation to a date," he said jokingly, and Yukina suddenly took a step back. Kisa was about to apologise when the boy rolled his eyes, and threw a huge grin.

"Sorry if it came off as that, I'm just quite worried about you."

Kisa shrugged.

"You should be worried about yourself, or your friends. Not me."

But Yukina seemed persistent.

"I'm fine. They're fine, too. But you," the boy pointed at Kisa, "you don't seem fine, not a bit."

Kisa narrowed his eyes. The whole situation was odd.

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about it here," he said quietly, then left the classroom, but Yukina followed him.

"So?"

Kisa sighed heavily. Maybe there would be nothing wrong with going to get a coffee with Yukina. Or maybe it would be a giant mistake.


A/N:

Hi there! Okay, I know, it's been 2 months. But I was kind of in an existential crisis + I was trying to get my YOI Fluff Bang fic together (which is going to be posted on AO3 in 3 days!)

Anyway, the new chapter is ready, I hope you liked it! Don't forget to leave a review, and if you do so then thank you! It's always appreciated!

Ricchan