Chapter 26: Dishonorable Intentions
The day after Easter dawned bright if cold. I arose with the sun, went outside and waited in the rose gardens for Georgiana. After waiting impatiently for a good long while, I had just resolved to go back to the house to look for her when Edwin walked up to me.
"Whomever could you be waiting for Darcy?" He asked me, cocking one eyebrow. Although the eyebrow movement was different from how Miss Elizabeth had raised hers when inviting me to sing the lyrics of Miss Bailey's Ghost, I felt there was a similarity in the purpose of the two movements. Last night I had felt in on the joke and this morning I felt like a joke was being played on me.
My mask was firmly in place when I answered, hoping desperately that he did not know what I now suspected he did. "Just Georgiana. We have become fond of a morning constitutional. Have you seen her this morning?"
"Lady Catherine found a task to keep her busy and you know what a dutiful niece she is." His voice was conversational and unhurried. He added, "Fitz, you have realized, have you not, that your jaunts have not gone unnoticed by us. Last night Lady Catherine suggested that if you are determined to keep seeing Miss Bennet every morning that I should accompany you instead of Georgiana." Then he smirked.
Despite my best efforts I felt my face get hot and began to sweat despite the coolness of the morning. I knew I was caught but made no answer. One thing that I knew for sure was that I would not be taking Edwin to see her.
"I understand as I have cast my eye on her as well." Edwin talked nonchalantly in the same manner as if he were discussing the weather or the state of the roads.
I said nothing. He continued, "There are not many maids who have so much spirit. She is attractive enough if on the small size and has reasonably good teeth and hair."
I felt myself becoming angry. He was talking about Miss Elizabeth much as he would talk about a horse he was interested in purchasing, but I remained silent, naming to myself the roads I would pass on an intricately complicated section of London.
Edwin scratched his chin and then rubbed the side of his nose with one finger. His eyes then looked up at mine until the look was a steady stare. I felt he was daring me to break eye contact, to look away to let him claim some sort of supremacy over me, to put me in my place. Although my eyes almost burned with having to hold his gaze, I was determined to not give him the satisfaction.
He broke our gaze, looked over Rosings fields to the trees that lay beyond it, almost as if he was trying to see the place where I had met with Miss Elizabeth. Edwin said calmly, as if discussing something of no importance, perhaps a small stain he wished his valet to address, "If I thought Miss Bennet would be willing to give me a tumble, I would freely enjoy such entertainment. To think, even now I might be meeting her and enjoying her favors under the cover of the trees, feeling her tremble beneath me. I imagine she has a passionate nature that I might enjoy again and again if I but could persuade her to accept my protection."
Then Edwin turned back to me and smiled. It was a terribly smile, one that made something deep inside me clench and tense. I felt my hands ball into fists, my teeth press tightly against each other. How was it that mere hours earlier I had considered making way for him if he could make her happy as his wife, and now I was hearing how he did not respect her, would just use her for his own amusement? I began to feel very sick indeed.
Edwin must have seen something in my look for he clarified, "I believe Miss Bennet to be too virtuous to be tempted by me with my meager coffers, I hardly have enough scratch to keep the woman I have and could not afford fancy bobbles or a luxurious manner of living for another left-handed wife, but that is no reason that you should not see if she will lift her skirts for you and perhaps be amenable to a longer-term arrangement."
He tapped a finger against his lips several times before giving a little nod and adding. "However, if seduction is what you want, you need to stop bringing your sister when you meet. You do not want her to think you are too honorable before you make your offer. It would not do for her to think she might be wife when that role will fall to Anne."
I am not particularly violent by nature since I have become an adult. I carefully control myself and think things through before I act. But at that moment I felt myself begin to shake and heard a roar in my ears. Edwin was still talking, at least I judged he was because his lips continued to move and flash his teeth, but it was as if I were under water. I could no longer hear his words. In my rage (for a tiny, rational part of me judged that I was enraged before it was snuffed out), I wanted to pummel him to the ground or challenge him to a duel.
Somehow, I was able to exert some control, but my recollection of what happened next was disjointed, fragmented, as my rationality, the thing that makes me man and not beast was overcome by my emotions. I knew that like a child, I ran away but how exactly I found myself back in my chambers was unclear. But once there, I began pacing back and forth like a confined wild animal and saying to myself over and over "How could he, how could he, how could he!"
As time passed, I did not fully calm down but began to think more clearly. I hoped Miss Elizabeth would not be too disappointed that Georgiana and I did not meet her as usual, but what if Edwin had sought her out without me? I crept quietly from my room to try to discover his whereabouts. I breathed a little easier, less tightness in my chest, when I heard his voice and that of Lady Catherine. I could not make out what they were saying until I was almost to the door. I only heard him say, "I think you indeed have cause to worry."
I let my steps fall a little louder before I opened the dining room door. He fell silent.
I schooled my face and joined them for breakfast, endeavoring to not show my feelings. I was largely silent as my thoughts were full of Elizabeth.
Georgiana joined us several minutes later bearing a full sheet of paper written in her close hand. She walked up to me and lightly squeezed my fingers as she went by. That was her way of trying to reassure me. I wondered if it was about her missing our walk or if she could tell something else was wrong.
"Madame," Georgiana waited for Lady Catherine's acknowledgment, here a slight nod of her head, "as you requested, I have assembled a list of the places that Anne wishes to go on our tour. As we previously discussed, she has not forgotten about your promise. Indeed, this morning she awoke early and was pestering Mrs. Jenkinson in asking, 'Are we going today?' And as soon as she saw me, she did the same. She is clearly impatient for plans to be made as now Easter is passed, even though she has a bit of dropsy (likely yesterday was a bit much for her). She wanted to discuss other areas we may tour, but I did my best to keep her focused on the nearest locations in Kent. I do not think she will insist on seeing all of them at one time, however this should be a good start in making plans and you should expect her to look further afield to London in the future."
Lady Catherine took the list, giving Georgiana another slight nod and looked past Georgiana in my general direction. I found Lady Catherine's silence odd. Usually she was all too free in giving us her wisdom whether it was desired or not.
Lady Catherine then pressed her lips tightly together, which I remember my tutor explaining could mean someone was angry. I wondered if she was angry that Anne was ill yet again, though at least Georgiana had not mentioned any problems with her breathing or pain in her chest.
I remembered that it was common when we were children for Anne to be ill, usually with a very sore throat and fever. Sometimes she got a rash and had trouble breathing. I remember my mother ending one visit to Rosings after only one week when Anne developed the red cheeks and rash of scarlet fever. My mother was certain something was very wrong when she told us months later that Anne's hands and feet were moving in St. Vitus's dance. But since we were adults, she had never seemed that ill, but she had to be kept from over-exerting herself.
Perhaps, though, if Lady Catherine was angry it had nothing to do with Anne. Perhaps she was angry at me. I wondered what exactly Edwin and Lady Catherine had been discussed. Could he have been discussing my intentions or interest in Miss Elizabeth? Then I had another thought. Could it be possible that his remarks on this morning were a test?
I ate something as I thought, but I am not sure what it was. Perhaps toast? I drank a couple of sips of bitter coffee and then could stomach no more. Still, I did not want to leave the table, to not know where Edwin was.
I desperately wanted to talk to Miss Elizabeth alone or with Georgiana but was not sure how that could be accomplished. I felt that my aunt would repeatedly contrive tasks to keep Georgiana from walking with me in the mornings.
While Lady Catherine would be unlikely to try to command me as she did my sister and I could undoubtedly set off for a walk myself, I dared not try to meet with Miss Elizabeth alone in the grove. I would never risk her reputation with that type of an assignation.
Additionally, I feared that Edwin really did intend to join us. I pictured setting off alone on foot only to hear the pounding hooves of his stallion as he quickly caught up and passed me while astride his horse.
There was always the possibility of seeing Miss Elizabeth if their party was invited to Rosings but I could not say what I needed to in a room filled with listening ears. I had no doubt any practice on the pianoforte would be closely guarded by Mrs. Jenkinson and I could not enter Mrs. Jenkinson's chambers where their practices were to be held.
There was always the option of calling at the parsonage. Perhaps Mrs. Collins would have some sympathy on my plight if Miss Elizabeth had shared with her particular friend. While Mr. Collins presented a challenge, I understood he was often occupied with his garden and other duties. I resolved to approach the parsonage during visiting hours and hope Mrs. Collins proved to be an indulgent chaperone.
After a while, confident that Miss Elizabeth had long ago returned to the parsonage after her morning walk, I excused myself from breakfast and announced, "I believe I shall go and read in the library." Indeed, I read there for the better part of an hour in case anyone checked. It was not unusual for me to spend a portion of a day inside the library occupied by books. When I was certain it was late enough that the Collinses would be prepared for visitors, I carefully escaped the house for the parsonage.
It would have been a pleasant walk if I had not been anxious about being observed. I kept glancing about, startling when a squirrel dropped from a tree and caused a slight crunching of moldering leaves, but I saw no one. However, just in case I had missed a stealthy spy, for misdirection I first set out for the village before turning and taking a longer but more secluded path toward the parsonage.
Luck was with me when I observed Mrs. Collins and Miss Lucas, but not Miss Elizabeth, exiting the front door of the parsonage. I was far enough to one side that Miss Lucas did not observe me, the edges of her bonnet undoubtedly helping to conceal me from her view. I could tell that Mrs. Collins saw me as we nodded at each other, but as if by mutual agreement we did not voice our greetings. It was as if both of us were eager to not alert Miss Lucas to my presence.
Mrs. Collins kept walking, though she subtly pointed behind herself at the closed door before turning her head toward her sister and saying, "Ah Maria, do you see over there what a bright color of green the new leaves are?"
"Yes, yes, Kent right now is remarkably green," Miss Lucus observed, seemingly without much interest in the foliage.
Once they had passed my position, I slowed down my place, stopping to admire some trees. I waited until they were out of sight and presumably out of earshot before approaching the front door.
I knocked and to the answering servant, their maid of all trade, asked, "Are the Collinses accepting callers?"
The maid, a woman with red hair and so many freckles that it was unclear where some began and ended, responded, "Come with me," and showed me to the parlor, saying, "Mr. Darcy, go right in," before scurrying away.
When I entered the room, I observed Miss Elizabeth putting away what appeared to be some correspondence. If only she could write to me! She looked up at me and gestured to a seat. "Good morning, Mr. Darcy." She smiled and I felt myself smiling back, the worries from earlier fading away.
"Why good morning Miss Elizabeth, I must apologize for my intrusion; I thought all the ladies were within." I knew I would have to be careful to guard what I said in case the maid decided to listen. I began, "Miss Elizabeth, I understand you are fond of walking."
"Indeed I am." She glanced down at her shoes which were sturdy walking shoes with still a hint of mud even though they must have been wiped clean earlier. I saw a bit of mud on the bottom edge of her petticoats. It reminded me of when she had walked to Netherfield to care for her sister. She looked back up at me and I observed that her eyes were bright. It came to me that she seemed happy, happy to see me.
I asked, "Were you able to enjoy a walk this morning?"
She smiled again and responded that she had, but stated, "I did not enjoy it half as much as those I took in the previous week. Something was lacking."
I smiled back, "Georgiana and I are also found of walking, but I fear we were detained from the pleasure this morn."
"Perhaps you may walk again tomorrow?"
I vigorously shook my head no and did my best to make my face show sadness. I was glad that she seemed to miss me. "Lady Catherine needs Georgiana's help. Fitzwilliam offered to accompany me," again I shook my head no, "but he has different ideas of how I should occupy my time."
"I understand." She smiled at me again and I wanted to bask in her smile like a cat in the sun. If there was a map to earning her hand, how close I was to reaching my destination?
I recollected the purpose of my call. While I had reassured her of my regard, explained our absence and that we would not be able to continue our morning walks, the most important purpose of my visit was not yet accomplished.
How was I to warn her about Edwin? Would he act as he had suggested? I had always believed him to be a man of honor, even though we might have different ideas about what was honorable when it came to women. I could not imagine ever keeping a mistress as he did, but I did not think him so low as to intentionally set out to seduce and ruin a gentlewoman. He was deliberate in all he did, much less impulsive and mean spirited than George. I hoped that the cousin I loved, the companion of my youth, the older boy who was patient and kind, would never be capable of such a thing, but I also knew he had seen too much from his time in the cavalry, had seen the worst of the human condition.
How might a man who had lived through war change? How might his actions be altered? I had enough self-awareness to know that I was not the best at predicting other people's behavior. Therefore, if there was even a chance he might act wrongfully toward Miss Elizabeth, it was important that I warn her about him.
I wondered; how could I accomplish this goal? Then I thought of a way, if only she could recall our conversation from that dance at Netherfield when George Wickham was the topic of conversation.
I told her, "Fitzwilliam is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure him making friends but . . . ." I paused, straightened up and looked at her, waiting.
Miss Bennet tensed her brow for a moment, but it was as if I could see the moment that she understood, for her forehead relaxed, her eyebrows raised, her eyes gleamed and she finished, "He will not retain mine."
She had understood! We exchanged nods which acknowledged what we had accomplished.
There was so much more I wanted to say to her, but I settled for asking Miss Elizabeth, "Tell me, what do you think of Kent?"
I did not pay much attention to her answer, instead let myself relax a bit and simply breathe. Thus, were we safely occupied by discussing a mundane topic when Mrs. Collins and Miss Lucas returned.
I made sure to tell them, "When I came to call, I had no idea that all the ladies were not within. We have merely been exchanging a few pleasantries while waiting for your return."
Although I knew Mrs. Collins knew better, she said nothing about seeing me earlier. Instead she said, "Mr. Darcy, you are always welcome in our home. Please feel welcome to call as often as it would please you to do so. We must all take advantage of the time when dear Eliza and Maria are here."
I thanked her but said nothing much after that. After I had been there for a few minutes, Mrs. Collins mentioned, "Mr. Collins should be back soon, so if you have other plans for your morning you might well be away." I thanked her for her kindness, made my regrets and left before I might be entertained by Mr. Collins.
I wondered for not the first time how Mrs. Collins coped with being married to that buffoon. I resolved yet again that I would never be yoked with someone that I did not love as I loved Miss Elizabeth.
