Thank you for all of your kind reviews. It felt like I received a record number for the last chapter. I am also sending a shout out to NosyPopcorn for getting me to 200 favorites. NosyPopcorn check your messages for info on your reward.
Chapter 29: Informing Georgiana
I was pleased to see Georgiana was the only one who remained at the table when I finally descended and she must have felt the same, as she cried out, "Oh, Brother, I have been waiting for your company and I am so glad to see you!" She stood up, wrapped her arms around me for a quick hug, resting her head against my shoulder for a moment. I could not help but wonder how I had come to be blessed with such a dear sister.
However, when we parted I briefly pondered what an embrace from Miss Elizabeth would be like. Her head would only reach my mid-chest. I could almost picture her there but could not really imagine what she would feel like in my arms, except that she would be soft and warm.
"I am delighted to see you as well," I told Georgiana. I pulled her seat out and after she seated herself, pushed her chair in. These simply movements helped me try to hide all the underlying turmoil I still felt by trying to speak cheerfully and hide behind a forced smile. "So many things happened yesterday, and I am eager to tell you about them all." I seated myself next to her, on her right side, and she turned to look at me.
"I think I know part of what you wish to tell me," she said, grasping my arm and smiling up at me, "Lady Catherine told me, 'I have given Darcy my permission to court Miss Bennet' . . ."
Georgiana did her best to imitate our aunt's formal imperious tone and most stern face when quoting her words and I could not help but chuckle. Georgiana somehow always knew how to lighten my mood. And how silly, really for Lady Catherine to believe that she somehow had the right to grant me permission as a full grown and independent man, though it was true that I was staying in her house.
" . . . but I understand this means the end of our morning walks as she has determined that 'any courting Darcy shall do be properly supervised' under her auspices or those of Mrs. Collins; apparently I am not a proper choice as a chaperone." Her second imitation was wonderful as well.
I responded, "While you make a most charming chaperone, I suspect our aunt is right. I shall miss our early morning outings but the opportunity to court with her approval is worth the loss. It sounds like she has told you much, however, Georgiana, you have yet to hear the best of news as our aunt does not know it and I do not plan to tell her. It is far too precious of a thing to share with anyone but you."
"What, Brother, what?" She bounced slightly in her chair and I anticipated that she might squeal when she learned my news. At that moment I felt only joy remembering what I had gained.
Slowly I pulled Miss Elizabeth's yellow ribbon from my pocket and held it up between us. Georgiana's eyes grew wide. "Oh, Brother, how wonderful!" Instead of squealing her eyes grew bright with tears. "I have been praying it would be so. Mayhap soon, if God so wills, you shall gain a bride and I a sister." I nodded, for the moment unable to speak as I felt deeply. I continued to hold her ribbon in my hand, although by now I had lowered my hand to just above my lap so that the ribbon would be more easily concealed should anyone come into the dining room. The silky smoothness of Miss Elizabeth's ribbon was very unlike my more fibrous string.
After a long pause in which we each savored our joy, Georgiana spoke again. "Could you tell me how it happened?"
I nodded, wrapping the ribbon around my fingers and then unwrapping it. I would have never dared to do this if anyone else was about. As I did so, I was very aware of how different the ribbon felt compared to my string, but I was certain I could become used to the substitution. As I wound and unwound, I tried to think about how best to give the sequence of events.
"Edwin tried to dissuade Miss Elizabeth from considering my suit. I came upon them during this conversation, when she was defending me to him. Then, later, I went to see her. We had a moment alone outside and she offered me her token. It was the most wonderful thing to finally be worthy of her ribbon. Perhaps I got a bit carried away, but I offered her my string and she accepted it."
"Oh, how romantic!" Georgiana exclaimed. She clasped her hands together. "I cannot imagine you trusting your string to anyone less worthy."
"I am not worthy of her," I told my sister, swallowing hard as I felt my own eyes grow wet. As I was a man, I would not let myself cry. "But I am a selfish being; even if I do not deserve her, I will marry her if she will have me."
Georgiana leaned toward me and squeezed my arm three times. She gazed up at me and declared, "No one else could ever love her as you do." Then she hugged me again, resting her head upon my left shoulder as she did so.
After she broke our hug, I brought the yellow ribbon to my lips and kissed it, before tucking it deep into my pocket. I looked back at Georgiana to see her grinning.
A bit embarrassed, I got up and collected some toast and jam. When I sat down again, I was more composed.
"Do you know that Edwin left this morning?" Georgiana squeezed my arm lightly as she often did when she thought I needed reassurance.
"Yes," I replied, "he left me a letter." I omitted that I told Edwin to go.
"It was odd," Georgiana told me, straightening her napkin upon her lap, even though she was already done with her breakfast. "I had believed he meant to stay another week and he did not explain his leaving now, only saying 'I must go.' I cannot account for it, but perhaps the explanation was unfit for my innocent ears." Then she laughed.
I said nothing but added in my head: You are more right than you know.
I considered carefully and then I spoke aloud, trying to carefully parse my words to say what I could without untruths. "I think we will see less of Edwin in the years to come. He plans to visit his father and discuss, perhaps, his own desire to seek a bride. His letter was a sort of goodbye. When he mentioned you, he told me you are dear to him as a sister."
Georgiana responded, "I worried he might be growing a bit too fond of Miss Elizabeth and might stand in your way and seek to promote his own interest, so though he is dear to me as well I cannot regret his absence for now." I felt relieved that, apparently, she had no questions about his departure, but I promised myself that I would not leave her in complete ignorance as I had with George Wickham.
She surprised me with her next words. "Edwin was trying too hard to match you with Anne. I suppose you finally stood up to him and I am glad."
"Yes, that was a part of it. His conduct and his words of late have not been those of a proper gentleman." I considered what more I should tell her.
Perhaps she saw signs of the indecision that I was feeling as she wrinkled her brow and said, "I'll let you keep your secrets, Brother." Then with a lighter tone asked, "Now would it be too much if we were to call on the Collinses this morning, then see Miss Elizabeth when she comes again to play the pianoforte this afternoon and then persuade Lady Catherine to invite them all for dinner?"
"Perhaps, just a bit, Georgiana," I answered, "although I would spend all day with her if I could."
"It will happen, Brother. I am certain it will." We smiled at each other.
"I do not know if Lady Catherine told you about it, but part of her willingness to not interfere with my marital plans is that I shall do all I can to help Anne. Naturally, I can only commit myself, but I hope you will continue to want to help her as well." I told her.
"Have I not been doing so? Naturally, I plan to continue." Georgiana responded.
"I never doubted that you would, but it will not always be easy. The display she made at the table will not be the last time she lashes out, I am sure."
Georgiana looked down, "I cannot pretend to like her doing so, I found it a bit frightening, but I can be brave."
"Of course, you can," I responded, and Georgiana looked up again. As if my words made her stronger, she straightened herself up.
"I suppose I ought to get a fresh start at it then," she told me, placing her napkin upon the tablecloth and making as if to get up. I stood up and helped slide her chair back. After she arose, Georgiana added, "Likely I should have already met her, but I so did want to talk to you."
"I thank you for doing so," I told me sister, leaning in to give her a light kiss upon her forehead. "Getting to share what happened with you makes it all seem more real somehow. Tell me, have you made further plans to practice the pianoforte with Miss Elizabeth?"
"Yes, we have. We have resolved that she shall come here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, weather permitting so long as it does not interfere with any of Mrs. Collins's plans."
As it was a Tuesday, that meant that I would not see her that day. My sister must have seen some of my disappointment in my expression for she laid a hand upon my arm and said, "Have you not heard that absence maketh the heart grow fonder? Surely you can go a day without seeing her."
I considered the matter, "I hope that means that my absence shall have that effect on her."
"Surely it will, Brother. Surely it will." She smiled at me, leaned over and rubbed my arm reassuringly.
"Do you suppose, do I ask to much, to suggest that you might choose to practice in the parlor so I might be present?" I asked Georgiana. "I should like to hear you practice together."
"I am afraid not. You know how much I dislike having Lady Catherine observe me. Additionally, we decided yesterday to use the time to plan a musical surprise for Lady Catherine. We have agreed it would be amusing for you to be surprised, too. But do not worry, Brother, I have arranged matters to make sure you have some time to spend with Miss Elizabeth tomorrow. I secured Lady Catherine's permission to invite Miss Elizabeth to partake of tea after we practice. You shall be invited of course. While it will be supervised at least you shall see her."
I had to be content with that. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, with more harmony than discord.
On Wednesday, I made sure to be present when Miss Elizabeth arrived as I wished to spend as much time in her presence as possible. Lady Catherine was pleasant even if she watched me most intently during those few minutes I was able to spend in Miss Elizabeth's company before she and Georgiana went off to practice the pianoforte. Miss Elizabeth barely met my eyes and I felt she was, perhaps, bashful about the change to our relationship. I hoped she was not regretting our exchange of tokens. It difficult to remain so far away from her when all I wanted to do was to cross the room, kiss her lips and pull her into an embrace.
While I anticipated teatime, it failed live up to my expectations and I expect Miss Elizabeth was disappointed as well. Although I dearly wanted to appear normal and worthy of Miss Elizabeth, to play the confident suitor, I failed miserably.
Question after question was asked of Elizabeth by Lady Catherine. I am not sure if Lady Catherine dominated the conversation just because it was what she usually did, or if it was an attempt to help me. While this was not all bad as, occasionally, I learned more about Miss Elizabeth, it seemed impossible to court her while I was uncomfortably aware of Lady Catherine's presence. Even when she was silent, I was not confident enough to jump into the breach. Even when Georgiana tried to facilitate things, I could hardly put two words together. I knew I was far too quiet and withdrawn, but it took all my efforts to not rock and sway to soothe myself. Oh, if only we could have our walks again!
Afterward when we were alone Georgiana told me, "This will never do, Brother. You must speak to her even if it must be before others. Tomorrow you must certainly call at the parsonage; perhaps away from our aunt it might be easier."
The next morning, I called at the parsonage with Georgiana. However, luck was not with me. As soon as we arrived, before I had even so much as exchanged greetings with Miss Elizabeth, perhaps by some arrangement with my aunt or perhaps just because of his own sentiment as to what was due me, Mr. Collins burst out of his study and spent almost the entire fifteen minutes of our call to rattling on about the condescension I was paying them by the visit.
I had even less of a chance to say anything to Miss Elizabeth there (as compared to when we were in Lady Catherine's presence), until finally when the call was almost over Mr. Collins asked, "Mr. and Miss Darcy, would you do me the very great honor of accompanying me out to my garden? I should think that Mr. Darcy as a diligent landlord of a great estate might have advice for me as to how best to grow parsnips."
We dutifully followed Mr. Collins out, to the garden. I held back, gesturing for the ladies to proceed me and Mrs. Collins, her sister and Georgiana went out in front of us, with Miss Elizabeth the last of them. In a brief moment, she paused, turned and looked at me with her dark eyes. I felt she was trying to communicate something with her glance, but I knew not what it was.
She lightly groaned, smiled and then extended one of her hands back toward me. I extended my own hand forward and I grabbed her hand. She pulled me forward, hurrying me, laughing softly as we ran a bit to catch up. I managed to hold Miss Elizabeth's hand for a few moments until we reached the others, but then she released my hand.
It was none too soon as Mr. Collins was asking, "Mr. Darcy, what do you think I can do to improve my parsnips?"
I came forward and glanced down toward his garden patch. Perhaps my father would have known what to tell him, but I knew nothing of parsnips save that they looked like large whitish carrots and often appeared in soup. So, I asked him, "Tell me of your methods."
When he began speaking in great detail, Mrs. Collins sent her sister and mine inside saying, "Maria, why do you not show Miss Darcy your latest sketch." Maria quickly agreed and I nodded at Georgiana to communicate my permission (although certainly it was not needed in this instance). Doubtless neither of them had much eagerness to listen to Mr. Collins.
Once they went inside, Mrs. Collins glanced back at us and then walked forward and to the left, placing herself in front of us and closer to her husband, roughly between the two of us (I was half behind and to the left of Mrs. Collins and Miss Elizabeth was to the right). As I was much taller than Mrs. Collins, I could easily look over her shoulder and down to see the leaves of the parsnips seedlings, but I doubted that Miss Elizabeth could see much as Mrs. Collins was larger than her.
Mr. Collins was talking very rapidly now, his attention mostly focused forward on his plants, gesturing wildly and with apparent enthusiasm, although he would occasionally turn and look over his left shoulder past his wife and at me. He was saying, "I have worked very hard at improving my soil, Mr. Darcy, and I dare say it has been working fairly well although of course my efforts can yield but a poor crop compared to my betters." In the middle of this statement, a large drop of spittle from his lips landed upon his shoulder, but he seemed not to notice.
I cannot say that I was paying him any mind (even though I had intended to do so) for I was very aware of Miss Elizabeth's presence beside me. Miss Elizabeth looked over at me, gave a little smirk and tilted her head toward the left. It seemed to me that she was trying to indicate something, so I looked down and toward her, noticing that she had extended her left hand once again. It took me a moment to realize that based on how Mrs. Collins was positioned, and the fact that she had not once looked back at us, that I could grab Miss Elizabeth's hand once again. I took up her hand.
While I dearly wished to only look at her, I knew I should try to keep my focus on Mr. Collins who was now squatting down, tracing a gloved finger by a parsnip top with slightly smaller leaves and saying, "I plan to thin my crop next week so that my parsnips will grow to an adequate size." But perhaps because I was not looking at her, I was even more aware of her presence in other ways, all of my focus was to my right even as my eyes looked forward.
Too, it was as if all sensation of touch was focused upon my right gloved hand which was feeling the warmth and pressure of holding Miss Elizabeth's gloved hand even to feeling how a seam of her glove pressed into mine. The warmth of the sun contrasted with the slight coolness of the shadow Miss Elizabeth cast upon me as a distinct sensation.
While I could smell Mr. Collins's sour sweat, the dirt (which had a manure smell) and the odor of the air outside which included the plants and early flowers, and even something that must have been Mrs. Collins, still I could catch a whiff now and again of Miss Elizabeth's soap and sachet on the soft breeze.
I could also separate out the minute sound of her breathing (I had learned it well from our walks, when it was slightly louder) from Mr. Collins impassioned monologue on his parsnips which was periodically interrupted for a quick loud gasp, followed by Mrs. Collins's inserting of a small complimentary sentence such as, "Mr. Collins is very dedicated to his garden" and "I quite encourage him to engage in such a healthful pursuit" while he took a few quick breaths before resuming. Although ostensibly Mrs. Collins was speaking to us, she never turned in our direction, kept her focus on her husband who seemed to straighten proudly with her acknowledgment.
As Mr. Collins is rather long winded, we managed to hold hands for several minutes. It was bliss seasoned by the slightly naughty fear that we might be caught and have to explain. As I was not sure that the exchange of tokens quite meant we were courting, I had no desire for her cousin to question me about my intentions. While it was possible my aunt might have said something to him, I imagined that if she had, he would have already discussed the matter with me and perhaps berated me for breaking my imagined engagement to Miss de Bourgh.
Miss Elizabeth pulled her hand away quite suddenly when Mr. Collins turned fully round to look at me, perhaps no longer trusting that Mrs. Collins was providing an ample screen. The loss of such contact, the absence of that pressure against my hand, was almost painful.
"Now, then, I know I am most unworthy of such condescension, but what advice can you offer me?" Mr. Collins asked.
I said the only thing I could think to say, "It seems you have it well in hand."
Later when I told the tale to Georgiana as we were walking back to Rosings, she skipped a bit ahead of me and then chortled in merriment before slowing and telling me, "Miss Elizabeth, and Mrs. Collins too, are sly and clever. It seems to me they arranged it all together. What a pretty picture has formed in my head of you two holding hands while Mr. Collins was none the wiser. If I am not mistaken, Miss Elizabeth was courting you!"
When we returned to Rosings, I found a letter from Bingley waiting for me. As I had anxiously awaited his response to my letter encouraging him to give Miss Bennet another opportunity, I was most curious about what he would write.
