The aftermath of Jocelyn's visit to Alexandria changed our world in far more reaching ways than just the loss of my baby and Daryl leaving. We locked down. We became more insular. We stopped visiting other communities. Hilltop and the Kingdom were almost mythical it seemed. The Sanctuary, it went under, quickly. Carol's leadership couldn't bandage the lack of land to grow things, the lack of unity that Negan's power had ensured, and the deaths of his people at the hands of their victims was one final straw.

Former Saviors, the ones that assimilated and weren't killed for their past indiscretions found homes in the remaining communities. Michonne, calling her 'Mom' was as natural to me it seemed as inhaling, became more careful. She wanted RJ, Judith, and the other children to be safe. As safe as she could make Alexandria with the dangers lurking just outside our walls. And so, she pushed aside her one time dream of a unified group. Her urge to create a charter, a treaty between our people dropped. Her maternal instincts coupled with her warrior nature won out.

Judith and I still visited Negan. He was given more light, the window that had been boarded opened. He got a cot. He was allowed books. His prison became more livable, even if it was still captivity. Without Daryl to occupy part of my time, without the need to take care of my sister and my new brother, I spent more time with him.

He and Judith continued to play. First it was ball, then as she grew and became more inquisitive, he and I would take turns telling her stories. I spent the visits that I made to him alone, with my side pressed against the bars of his cell, feeling his heat mirrored against his side. I was on the free side of the cage, yet I was just as imprisoned as he was. We talked, and talked. I made sure he never felt that same darkness that forced him to ask Maggie for death and he made me realize that letting go of my baby girl might be simpler if she had a name.

"Surely you and Daryl had ideas." He offered, our fingers linked together through the bars. "Give her a name, sweetheart."

I sighed, and let my fingers trace the length of his. It sounded simple. It could be. But I couldn't, not alone. "I'll have to go to him," it was a breath, but Negan heard me. "She was his baby too."

He didn't flinch. Or sigh. Or make any sign that it irritated him that I'd be leaving Alexandria to go to Daryl to have this conversation. It had been weeks since I'd seen him. I knew where he was, everyone who should know did. He was back at the site. Back where Dad had disappeared. Back to his search, which he felt was more important, more conductive to his pain than being with me.

"Then go," he offered, but his hand didn't leave mine. "But be safe, be smart, and come the fuck back to me, princess."

I left a day later. I had to prepare. Daryl hunted, but God knew what he'd consider food at this point. Supplies, a horse, and I had to take Judith aside and explain. I wouldn't leave her without a goodbye. Without assurances that I would make it back to her. Without telling her I loved her and she needed to be good for Mom. And so, hugging Mom, giving RJ a kiss on his soft and sweet smelling forehead, and one more hug and kiss to Judith, I was off.

My trip was uneventful. Few walkers approached, and those that did were easily dispatched. Knives and arrows, how quickly we learned to adapt. I heard the river before I saw it. I saw his early warning system before I saw him. And then I was at his camp, a dog approaching me with curiosity.

"DOG!" His voice sounded harsh from disuse. And I realized he probably only spoke to the dog, aptly named, and sparingly. The brown haired animal rushed back to Daryl's side and I looked up at the man I once would have happily died for. Would I still? "Jessi." He bobbed his head and gestured toward his makeshift seating arrangement around his campfire.

I sat and he joined me, biting his lip. "You look-" dirty, tired, miserable all came to mind. "Good." It came out as lame as I felt. Why was I here? Right. "I-"

"Still as beautiful as the day I first saw ya." I blinked back the pain in my chest and swallowed down the lump in my throat. "Missed ya."

I nodded absently. Then why'd you leave? Why was camping by the damn river better than laying next to me and working through our grief together? I said none of it. Why bother? "I think we should name her." It came out in a rush. Not my intention, but it did. "I can't-WE can't let her go if she doesn't have a name." My eyes were on the rushing water and I nearly missed Dog coming closer to me. And then his soft head was on my knee and my fingers slid through his rough fur. Soothing, just like I'd read during my short stint in college. Petting animals helped calm anxiety. "She deserves that much."

"Jessi-" I shook my head. This wasn't about us. This was only about HER. "You could have-"

"She was OURS," I met his eyes finally, feeling all my pain and anger coming up. "I shouldn't HAVE to do it alone." I stood up, scaring Dog a bit, forcing him away from me. Walking to the bank of the river I watched the rush of the current, wishing like hell that my dad was here. "You can search for Dad, you can hide in a tent and adopt a dog, but you can't name our baby." I gave a snort of false humor. "Hard shit, sign up Daryl Dixon, the more simple it sounds he likes to sit that shit out."

"You coulda died." He was closer than I expected and I cursed his ninja-like feet. "You coulda died. We coulda lost Judith. And I couldn't do shit to stop either fucking thing."

"Our baby did die," I was sure he was close enough to hear me over the water. "She's gone, and we don't get another chance, and she's laying under the dirt. She's alone and she doesn't even have a fucking name."

I didn't fight him when he wrapped his arms around me from behind. I didn't pull away when his chin propped on top of my head. I let my tears, the ones I'd held back for the most part after RJ was born, fall. Our little girl deserved so much fucking more. Than this. Than us.

"I'm sorry." It fluttered my hair, his apology. "I have fucked up at every fucking turn with ya, Jessi Grimes." I shrugged. Cannot unspill milk or unbreak eggs. "I couldn't stay and see how-"

"Broken I was?" Sighing, I could feel Dog's body sit next to my legs. "I'm fine. It's fine." It wasn't, not really, but this is me. I reassure. I let go. "Let's name her, and I'll go home, and you can keep searching." For a pipe dream. For a man who is as gone as our little girl.

I was home before dark. Mom seemed shocked. Judith was extremely happy. And Negan was relieved.

"You look tired, princess." He was seated on his cot, but stood as I walked down the stairs. I pushed the chair closer to his cell and practically collapsed into it.

"Don't get up," I waved him off from standing, I was tired enough for the both of us. "I am tired." I smiled at him. "And I probably smell like wet dog." He chuckled and stayed seated. "I didn't expect to go and be back so soon. Not that I'm not grateful."

"Daryl come back with you?" His worry, no doubt. I shook his head. "Damn fool." My smile grew.

"You're biased." I sat forward and touched the bars in front of me. "We named her." I heard the springs of the cot squeak with his body shifting. "I had to stop by one of our more artistic people's places, I want her grave marked properly."

"What did you pick?" My eyes met his and I could see true interest. "What's your little girl's name?"

"Wren Mae Grimes-Dixon." I smiled, thinking of how tiny she was and how the wren was a delicate bird. I brushed away an errant tear. "The man who I stopped to see, he's making her a cross engraved with her name and-"

"A wren?" I nodded. "It's a beautiful name, sweetheart. She would have been-"

"Would have." I clutched at the bars in front of me. "WOULD HAVE." I glared. It wasn't fair. Why did my baby have to pay the ultimate price? Why did I have to KEEP paying? "I can't decide if I'm pissed that you let me live to feel this. Or if I'm pissed that she didn't turn inside me and take me with her."

"Jessi," I could hear his pain and fear. The pain of my loss and grief coupled with the fear of me slipping away again.

"It comes in waves." I brushed more burning tears away. "I don't want to die, but fuck if it doesn't suck to live." Closing my eyes against the feelings, the pain and anger. "I got to hold her." I hadn't told him. I didn't want to relive the pain. "She was perfect. So fucking perfect, even when they put the needle through her tiny fucking skull 'just in case'." I felt the sob come and didn't stop it. "She should be here." It hurt. The steady beat of my own heart like a traitor. "She should have cried. She should have been demanding for my milk. Dirty diapers should be my reality, MY DAUGHTER'S dirty diapers." Instead, I have my brother's. Again. "I'm sorry," fuck why now? I'd felt so much better on the way home. So good when I commissioned her grave marker. And now? Now I felt it all like it was new. "I don't know-"

"Because you bottle it up, Jessi." He was in front of me, his fingers touching mine. "You push it away, you move forward. That's Jessica Grimes." I looked up at him and saw his smile. "Stop being so fucking brave, princess. Let it out." The tears were leaving burning paths down my cheeks. "Stay. Stay with me here, go up, ask them to lock you inside with me, but don't fucking go back to Michonne and Judith tonight. Give yourself this ONE FUCKING NIGHT to be taken care of." I closed my eyes. "It's not a request, princess, it's a command. Go up to whatever moron is lurking upstairs, tell them to open the damn door of this fucking cage and lock you in." I didn't move. "Let me hold you tonight, Jessi. Let me hold you while you fucking grieve finally. Please?"

It was easier than I expected, getting locked in the cell with Negan. I left my weapons easily with the guard, and then I was cradled in his arms, laying on top of him on his cot as he whispered comfort to me while I cried.