I woke up in Negan's arms. On top of him, actually, since his prison cot was barely big enough for him. All cried out, for now, and feeling stiff and still tired I tried to lift up, but his arms held on tighter.

"Don't you dare." I smiled at the roughness of his voice. It had been so damn long since I'd heard it first thing in the morning or in this case pre-dawn. "This fucking cot sucks, but having you on top of me does not."

Propping my chin on his chest so our eyes could meet I smiled up at him. "I love you, do I tell you that enough?" One of his arms released me so his hand could cup my cheek. "I wish you-"

"Hush." Negan shook his head and smiled down at me. "You tell me you love me every single time I see you. " His thumb was tracing under my eye and I saw him swallow hard. "I'm so fucking sorry, Jessi." I started to ask why he would be sorry, but he stopped me by answering. "For this entire fucking mess." He glanced at our surroundings. "I should have forced Rick to listen to what Carl really wanted. I should have fucking stopped it before it fucking started. You-" His thumb brushed my lips and I saw his eyes tighten. "You should have been enough to leave this fucking bullshit to your people." Another swallow. "And I am so fucking sorry that I gave up. That I wanted Lucille. That I told Maggie to kill me. That I forgot that YOU were here. That I need you just as fucking much as you think you need me." I moved up so our faces were lined up, but before I could kiss him, he gave me one more gift. "I fucking love you, Jessi Grimes, and I'll die before I think of leaving you again."

Our lips met, and I was thankful that I'd woken before dawn. It meant that we could find new comfort in one another. Comfort we hadn't had for as long as I hadn't heard his voice straight from sleep. If anyone asked me how our clothes ended up on the floor, I wouldn't be able to answer, but I could tell them how he kissed the scar I couldn't bear to look at when I got out of the shower because it reminded me of everything I'd lost. How he watched my face as he entered my body after so long and how we both still felt like we were made for one another.

I was under him, the cot making the most irritating sounds that a cot could ever hope to make, but no one came to check. No one interrupted us. No one could have, honestly. We both needed to be together. Like this. Like we needed air, or food. And as I went over the edge one last time, taking him with me, I knew that I had to find a way to have this feeling again.

I left once we heard Alexandria waking up outside. The guard came down to see if I was ready, and after kissing Negan goodbye inside the cell, much to the embarrassment of his jailor, I left for home. I'd sent word, through yesterday's guard, to Michonne that I was staying with Negan. I expected her to be awake when I walked in, RJ was an early riser as most babies tended to be, a thought that brought me a fresh wave of pain.

"Morning." She offered to me as I closed the front door behind me. She was cradling my little brother and rocking him as he had breakfast. "You look like you slept poorly."

I rolled my eyes. "That cot is made for one. And it might be made more for someone my size than his." Rolling my shoulders as the pain started to remind me of my Negan mattress.

"Are you planning more sleepovers?" She was grinning at me, so I knew she wasn't irritated or surprised.

"Possibly. I need a shower. I smell like a wet dog." And sex. "Not sure RJ isn't allergic to dog dander, so I'll clean up first, and then snuggle his cute little self."

"Jessi!" Judith's little feet slapping against the hardwoods gave me too short warning of her impending launch, and then she was wrapped around my knees.

Smiling, I lifted my not so little sister into my arms. "Hey, sweetie." She tugged on my braid, something she'd begun to do when I got out of the infirmary and she wanted my attention. "Did you sleep well last night?" Her pout told me more than words ever would. "Sorry I wasn't here to keep you company."

"Why couldn't I sleepover with Negan, too?" I could see the mirth in Michonne's eyes over the top of Judith's head. Guess Mom could smell more than wet dog on me, or she was making some assumptions.

Biting my lip and hoping my blush wasn't burning as bright as it felt, I cleared my throat and gave my best non-answer. "I need a shower from my trip yesterday, want to keep me company?" Diversions still worked with her, thank god, and so we set off for the bathroom while I listened to Judith regale me with what she'd done the day before while I was gone.

The shower, accompanied by Judith's storytelling, was heavenly. Once I was dried, dressed, and had my hair pulled up in a long ponytail, I sat my little sister down and told her that I was planning on visiting Carl.

"And the baby?" She asked, her tiny hand on my stomach.

"Uncle Daryl and I named her," we were snuggled on my bed. "Wren Mae, do you like it?" She nodded. "Her cross is being made right now, but we haven't visited with Carl for awhile and I thought we should go catch him up, what do you think?"

"Can we take a picnic?" I smiled, it was one of the ways Dad and Michonne had worked out to keep Judith's life on a more normal keel. Kissing the top of her head, I assured her that a picnic was more than doable. "Can we visit Negan after?" I sighed, not because I didn't want to visit him with her, but I didn't want her life to be more complicated due to my relationship with him.

"Of course," my need to be near him won out. It always would.

Judith and I sat in the sunlight, and I listened as she retold her tale of a day without me. My eyes landed on the tiny grave that was next to my baby brother's. The artisan had told me it would take a few days to finish what I'd asked for, but I could picture it. Guarding over Wren's grave, keeping watch when I couldn't, standing far taller than my little one ever would.

We ate sandwiches and drank cool water while we sat on one of the thinner blankets that the community had saved. It was a temptation to lay down and take a nap in the warmth of the sun, but I fought it. I could just imagine the rumors that would run rampant about my mental state if Judith and I were caught sleeping in the cemetery. Instead, we gathered our blanket and leftovers up, I took her hand and we walked to visit Alexandria's only prisoner.

"Well, well, well," his voice greeted us as we came into the light streaming in from the newly opened window high in the wall of his cell. "What do I owe to this honor?" He'd dropped to his knees so he was close to eye level with Judith.

"We visited Carl and," she looked up at me for confirmation, and I nodded and reminded her of my baby's name. "Wren, and had a picnic." She was beaming at the fact that she and I were spending our day together and I had to think about how long it had been since we'd had one. "Jessi said we could come see you."

"Jessi is an amazing woman," Negan's eyes met mine and I could see his dimples were deep with happiness. "And a wonderful big sister." His fingers brushed through Judith's long curls. "Thank you for coming to see me, angel."

She sat down on the hard floor and regaled him with her activities of the day before as I sat down behind her and let her curl into my lap.

Negan's eyes kept meeting mine, his dimples deep, and his smile wide. He needed these visits too. To keep him sane and with me. To remind him that life, any version, even this one was worth living.