"He can't be serious." Elena paced back and forth in the Salvatore's parlor, running her fingers through her hair anxiously.
"Shhh." Damon furiously put a finger to his lips, followed by a quick point upstairs. They'd kept Stefan up there on a mission to search for Vervain, though truly, it was nothing but a distraction at this point. Upon hearing his demand to be turned, both Damon and Elena circumvented the request and made halfhearted excuses to go downstairs. Now, Damon was shrugging his shoulders. "It was just an idea. I'm sure he'll forget about it within an hour."
Elena sent him a fierce glare. "It's Stefan. He doesn't forget anything. He wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it."
"Well, if he wants to be turned—"
Whipping around quickly, Elena gave him a deadly look, making Damon freeze immediately. "You are not turning him. Stefan is not going to learn to hate himself again." After erratically moving from location to location, she sat herself down on the couch, her face buried in her hands. "It's been so amazing to see him like this. The guilt… it's gone."
Damon eyed her hesitantly for a long moment before taking a seat beside her. "We both know that the kid upstairs isn't Stefan. He's confused and he's—"
"He is Stefan," she snapped, her anger beginning to make her blood boil. How could Damon say something so foolish? "You know him better than anyone! He may not be our Stefan, but that's who he's supposed to be! That's who he was supposed to be before Katherine came along… he wasn't supposed to hate himself, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to live forever. This is who he is."
Letting out a deep sigh, Damon gazed into the empty furnace. "All I'm saying is, he's different. Maybe if he turned now, it'd be good for him. That's who he's been most of his life. Whether you want to admit it or not, being a vampire is part of Stefan now; it's practically tapestry. Maybe he'd get a better idea of who he is."
"That's not true!" Elena tried to keep her voice low, but it was getting increasingly difficult. "He's wanted this for the past century, and I'm not going to let his blissful ignorance ruin that. Stefan told me… before everything… when we first learned about the cure, that he'd dreamt about being human for so long," she started, staring at the ceiling. She collected her thoughts for a long second, and Damon waited patiently. When she spoke again, her eyes were wet. "You know, sometimes I think about that day when he sacrificed himself. He didn't seem scared; if anything, he was ready. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe he didn't die for me."
Damon interrupted, "But he did—"
She waved him off. "No, I know he died for me. But a part of me wonders if it wasn't all about that." Trying to keep her voice from shaking, Elena finally looked Damon in the eyes. "I think he wanted to die… because it's the most human thing that a vampire can experience. I think he kind of wanted to experience the dependence that you have on someone before your life is ripped away. It's the opposite of vampirism, I guess." She watched as Damon opened his mouth to say something, but she cut in before he could speak again.
Damon exhaled deeply. "We can't rip this away from him," he concluded.
"Yes," she agreed. "It's not every day that someone dies and turns human. So I guess we'll just have to fight to keep it that way, right?"
After a long moment, Damon grinned, and for the first time in a long while, it felt genuine.
"What are you guys talking about?"
Stefan turned the corner into the parlor, causing both Elena and Damon to jump in response. They exchanged worried glances before Damon smoothly took over. "Actually, we were talking about you. How's that memory treating you, brother?"
"Great," the younger Salvatore replied with a smile so wide that his forehead crinkled. Elena, assuming that he had not overheard them, released the breath she'd been holding. Stefan continued, "Hey, guys, um, I think I found a vial of Vervain extract or something… I don't remember what it looks like though. It's up on my bed."
Damon grinned proudly. "That's my baby bro!" he dramatically complimented, standing up to pat Stefan on the shoulder before running to the stairs. He then glanced back at Elena. "Well, let's go check it out."
Stefan nodded. "Hey, I'll be right behind you." Elena, confused, sent him a baffled look, so he quickly replied, "I'm thirsty."
"Me too. I'll go with you." After giving him an affectionate look, she placed a slow, gentle hand on Stefan's arm. His gaze instantly landed on the location of her touch, his muscles going rigid.
When he spoke, though, his voice was soft. "No, it's okay. I'll get a drink for you." And before Elena could protest, he rushed into the kitchen and turned on the faucet. He listened very closely until he heard her converse clicking up the staircase. As soon as she was out of earshot, he turned the sink off, glanced around, and walked into the parlor. Hurriedly, Stefan grabbed Damon's leather jacket from the coat hanger and put it on, reaching into the pocket to find his brother's car keys. When he found them, Stefan exited the mansion and took one last look around the house before stealthily closing the door behind him.
He'd heard it all.
There were dark, black rings under Katherine's eyes as she exited the bathroom, a cloud of steam following her. As soon as she saw her reflection, she rolled her eyes and tried to wipe the makeup off as best as she could. She always hated staring at herself like this; she looked so… normal. Plain. Her hair was even beginning to dry in lazy waves around her face. Sighing, she opened a drawer to pull out an outfit to sleep in. If she was too lazy to do her hair tonight, she was going to wear something comfortable as well.
Just as she was going through her drawers for one comfortable thing that she owned, Katherine was startled by a knock at the door. "Just a second, Mrs. Flowers!" She yelled, rolling her eyes at the woman's relentless pounding. Still, the woman did not stop. Katherine huffed, pulling her towel around her tightly. Annoyed, she opened the door, only to be met with a face she had not expected to see. "Stefan?"
Without even looking at her, he walked inside, pacing back and forth. "It's a lie," he said quickly, running his hands through his hair. Katherine scoffed a bit at that action; Stefan messing up his hair was just about as rare as seeing a polar bear in the desert. "I didn't go missing. They lied to me. They've been lying to me this whole time. They played me for a fool."
Now, he had Katherine's attention. She raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
Stefan shook his head, still rapidly pacing, eyes on the floor. "It all makes sense. I'm such an idiot. Waking up in a coffin and still assuming that—"
"What is going on?" Her voice was rough, harsh, enough to make Stefan stop and look up at her. She bit her lip when she saw the tears in his eyes, quickly reminding herself that now was not the time to care. His gaze was clear but unfocused, the gears in his head surely spinning behind his glistening eyes.
"I died," he answered flatly. "I died, and Damon and Elena…" He trailed off. Instead of finishing his sentence, Stefan looked at Katherine, as if he were expecting her to finish for him. His chest was moving with every great inhale and exhale, and without even thinking, Katherine approached him.
While keeping one hand on her towel, she raised the other one to his face. "Damon and Elena have been keeping everything from you," she finally finished.
Stefan nodded, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. He closed his eyes, his voice trembling. "And, Elena, she…"
Katherine nodded along with him. Slowly, sensually, she ran her slender fingers along his shaking lips. "Elena killed you, Stefan." He opened his eyes at her words, and Katherine tried to contain the way her body seemed to rush with adrenaline. She kind of liked this… she liked the fact that Stefan was running to her and not Elena. She was very good at keeping her grin at bay, though. In fact, she gave him the most empathetic look she'd ever been able to pull off. "Not directly… but Elena broke you. She had you in her palm and she squeezed and squeezed until you were dust. Stefan, you died for her, and she let you do it. She didn't blink."
Now he began to shake his head, his chest wracking with sobs as this sense of confusion flooded through his head. "She wouldn't…"
Katherine kept going, taking advantage of his vulnerability at the moment. "You made her human just to please her. And I don't think she even thanked you once. I doubt she even missed you."
Stefan paused, the entire world beginning to freeze over. Did Katherine mean those words. Did she even understand what she had just said? He blinked a few times over and over, trying to comprehend those words.
You made her human.
Made her human.
Elena. Made human.
Elena had been a vampire.
And then suddenly –he didn't even know why—but it made sense. Elena was the girl on the roof. Elena was the girl on the roof who he loved to the ends of the earth. He died to make her human. It all clicked together: her talks of how love never lasted, the way she said there was no such thing as happy ever after. She didn't love him. Not really. Maybe she never did. Not like he loved her, and he died for her… he'd died for nothing. And here she had been, listening to him trying to find someone who was literally right in front of him. He was suffering, breaking down, and Elena hadn't said a single word. His heart twisted.
Maybe he should have just stayed dead. It sure would have hurt a lot less.
"It hurts, I know." Not even fully comprehending the extent of his current thoughts, Katherine now placed her hand over his heart, feeling it pound. "But you need to know that I would never do that to you. I wouldn't lie to you or betray you."
He tried to contain himself. He was not going to keep crying. Not in front of Katherine, not right now. He wasn't going to let himself cry over Elena. He wasn't going to let himself cry over someone who didn't deserve it. "What's it like to be a vampire, Katherine?"
Taken aback by his question, Katherine eyed him curiously and stepped away, but not before slowly wiping the tears from his cheeks before he could. "You don't have to care if you don't want to. It's like a switch." This caught his attention, and so she kept going. "You don't have to care about anything."
He clenched his jaw, thoughts going right back to Elena. "It's that easy?"
Katherine grinned. "It's that easy." She then strolled back to the vintage drawer, pulling out a tight t-shirt and boyshorts. Without giving any notice, she turned away from Stefan and dropped the towel. He was momentarily distracted by the magnificent curves of her back, but, amazingly enough, forced himself to glance away. How incredible it would be to get lost in Katherine, to forget about Elena, to stop caring… As she dressed herself, Katherine kept speaking, her voice soft and low. When she began, he naturally turned his head. The blood rushed to his face when he met her eyes. "Elena, the way she's betrayed you… It can all go away. I mean, it has to bother you, Stefan." Now fully clothed, Katherine approached him again. "What else is she keeping from you?"
Throat tightening, Stefan kept his eyes locked on hers. There was a long silence in the room, filled with nothing but unblinking looks and hot, suffocating tension. Finally, he spoke. "Damon won't do it."
She smirked. "Do what?"
"Turn me," Stefan replied instantly. "He won't turn me."
Looking amused, Katherine sauntered past Stefan and made her way into the mini kitchen, where she reached for a knife. She ran her finger along the dull end of the blade before lifting her sultry eyes to meet his. "Do you know how you become a vampire, Stefan?"
He shook his head.
Knife in hand, Katherine came a little closer, still treating it like a prized possession. It was almost threatening, but Stefan didn't mind; maybe it was adrenaline. She spoke again, her concentration still on the blade. "You have to drink vampire blood." She paused, before her eyes met his. "And then you have to die." Still, slowly, Katherine was getting closer and closer to Stefan, waiting for his reply. He did not respond. "Do you want to be a vampire, Stefan?"
"I don't want to care," he answered surely. Now, Katherine was inches away, her hands on his chest. She pushed with slight pressure, and he followed her until his back came in contact with a wall. His heart rate spiked.
"Well…" She outstretched her wrist. "I'll let you make that decision. Until then, there's no harm in getting halfway there, right?" She raised an eyebrow, grinning at Stefan, who was currently frozen.
Leisurely, Katherine raised the knife and drew the blade over her wrist until the deep red liquid began to well. She offered it. Stunned but suddenly fearless, Stefan held her arm with both hands and clasped his lips around the wound. Then, hesitantly at first, he began to drink. Katherine gasped at the action, pulling herself a little closer to tell him it was alright. She exhaled, running her free hand through his messy hair. She was immensely enjoying the sensation of having her blood drawn out by him; she wanted him to continue until she was bled dry. She hadn't felt this closeness with anyone since 1864. But suddenly, an idea came to her, and without Stefan even noticing, she wrenched one of his hands off of her arm, extended her fangs, and bit into his wrist deeply. Then, he let go of her arm completely to wrap it around her waist. When Stefan groaned in response, Katherine closed her eyes. Mission accomplished.
He was not prepared for the sensation that was flowing through his veins. Something about the fact that her blood was flowing through him, and his blood was flowing through her was enough to make his heart nearly jump out of his chest. He didn't know if what he was feeling was real, –he hardly even remembered who he was sharing blood with, and quite frankly, he didn't care—all that mattered was that this incredible, sensual experience was completely overtaking his mind and body, and he didn't want it to end. When she yanked her wrist away from his lips, he did the same with her and placed his head against the wall, remembering that he did in fact need to breathe. He closed his eyes for a long moment, and when he opened them, he was gazing deeply into Katherine's brown eyes.
Right, Katherine, he remembered, a twinge of disappointment tugging at his chest. Had he imagined that it was someone else? That would be absurd!
The feeling quickly faded when Katherine pressed her lips against his own, and he was once again overwhelmed by that incredible rush when he tasted his blood on her lips. How strange, he briefly thought… but he didn't really care. She pushed Damon's leather jacket off of his shoulders, and he let her. This felt wrong, -he knew it was wrong- but right now, his body was acting over his heart and mind. Stefan wrapped his arms around Katherine and pulled her closer than ever, getting lost in the feeling of unity she had falsely imprinted within him.
He didn't even hear the rapid knock on the door, and only pulled away from Katherine when she huffed in annoyance after about thirty seconds of endless pounding. As soon as she did so, he furrowed his brows, surprised by his actions. When she opened the door, he wiped the blood from his lips, and jumped when he heard a familiar voice.
"Where is he?"
Almost by instinct, Stefan said her name. "Elena." It was then that he realized what exactly he'd experienced with Katherine, and his face crinkled in disgust. Had he actually forgotten about Elena in those two seconds? He felt dirty suddenly and wanted to wash her handprints off of his skin, wash her blood out of his veins. But then he remembered Elena, and what exactly she'd put him through, and his face went stone cold again.
Upon hearing his voice, Elena pushed past Katherine, rushing to Stefan. "Oh my god, Stefan!" She placed her hands on his chest and looked intently into his dilated eyes. "You weren't downstairs and Damon and I called Caroline and when you weren't there we- What are you doing here? Why is there blood on your shirt?"
Katherine, now leaning against the farthest wall, crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't worry. It's probably just my blood. No wait, it could be his." Bored by Elena's presence, she checked her nails.
Swiftly, Elena turned to Katherine with a fierce, burning glare. "You shared blood with him?" Her voice was replete with fury, and almost immediately she turned back to Stefan, checking his pulse and vitals frantically. "Please don't tell me she turned you." He didn't reply. "God damn it, Stefan! Answer me!" Acting out of irrational fear and jealously, she slapped him hard across the face. He fell back a bit, bringing his palm up to his jaw. Whipping around, she was shaking when she directed her words back at Katherine. "Did you kill him?"
"Geez, calm down," she answered nonchalantly. "I wouldn't kill him. Now that he can turn, it's his choice. He knows what to do."
Elena wanted to explode with profanities and violence, but she was unable to do either. There was a long pause before Stefan finally interjected, "Thank you, Katherine." With that, he reached onto the floor for Damon's jacket and quickly strode out of the room. Elena wanted to have the last word with Katherine, but after a few moments, she followed Stefan out, not even looking back at her heartless doppelganger.
Elena ran out of the bed and breakfast doors, nearly missing Stefan. He was furiously reaching into his pockets for keys when she yelled, "What is wrong with you?" Instead of replying, Stefan turned, his eyes cold. "You went to Katherine! You shared blood with her! Do you even know how much that can mess with your head? How could you do that?"
Jaw set, he glared at her. "You mean how could I do that to you."
Elena crossed her arms over her chest, before changing her mind and throwing them into the air. "Yes, Stefan. How could you do that? We were finally in a good place! Why would you just want to throw that away?"
He was now beginning to lose his calm. "Are you kidding me?"
"What? So there's logic behind it? Please do explain!"
Stefan gave Elena the coldest look she'd ever seen, and it frightened her. It wasn't an expression that made her feel threatened, but the lack of love in his eyes was enough to give her pause. "These last few weeks," he began, his breath visible in the cold night air. "How much of it has been a lie?"
Her face twisted in puzzlement. "What are you talking about?"
"When were you going to tell me that I died?" he questioned flatly, and Elena's heart twisted.
"Damon and I wanted to protect you," she offered, her voice suddenly a lot quieter than it had been a moment ago.
Stefan didn't even acknowledge her words, instead twisting the car key in his hand and slamming it into the keyhole of Damon's mustang. After missing a few times, he threw the key on the ground and breathed heavily for a few moments. "When were you going to tell me that you were the girl from my dream?"
Elena froze. "Stefan…"
He lifted his hand to stop her. "When were you going to tell me that I died just to please you? Huh, Elena? Care to tell me about how you broke my heart and stomped on it? Would you mind telling me again about how you've been looking me in the eye and lying to me for all of this time? You saw me breaking over this 'mystery girl.' I was falling apart over it, and you just watched. I thought what we were going through these past few weeks... I thought it was real."
"It was- it is!" She could feel cold tears beginning to pour down her face. "Stefan, please."
He shook his head. "Did I get anything wrong? I mean, it was pretty easy to figure out as soon as Katherine said you were a vampire." In an instant, his face got a little softer, filling with desperation. "Please tell me it's not true. That all of this is just a misunderstanding and you haven't been lying to me this whole time."
Elena swallowed thickly and looked at the pavement. "Please," she begged, confirming his worries and failing to hide the fact that she was crying. "I just… I didn't want to hurt you again."
Stefan shook his head. "Well, Elena, you did." He finally got the key into the whole, biting his lip. "And I know I didn't want to know everything about my past, but…" He didn't even know where he was going with this. His sobs were wracking his entire body and he couldn't think anymore. "You killed me twice."
Elena watched as he slammed the car door shut and drove away. Suddenly feeling numb, she slowly made her way into her dark car, gripped the steering wheel, and just stared.
For the first time, she realized that she had actually lost Stefan Salvatore.
And she had no one to blame but herself.
AN: AAAH! What an intense chapter! So much was revealed here. Stefan's got vampire blood in his system, and he knows about Elena. How on earth will they get over this one? Once again, I apologize for the two-week interim between updates (I promise I'm trying not to make a habit out of it). To make it up to you all, I hope you enjoyed this long update! Please leave a review with your feedback. You all know how much every comment means the world to me. Really, without them I would not be writing fanfiction, so thank you so much for every single comment. Let me know what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see!
What will happen between Stefan and Elena? And what will Stefan do now that he has the choice to turn or not? Will he do it? This love triangle between Stefan, Elena, and Katherine is really beginning to heat up, and it's clear that Stefan and Elena are meant to be, but has Katherine finally completely gotten between them this time? Please comment with your thoughts!
Thanks! Xoxo :)
Sara
