*Paul Wesley's voice* Previously on Barely a Memory…

"What's it like to be a vampire, Katherine?"

"You don't have to care if you don't want to. It's like a switch." This caught Stefan's attention, and so she kept going. "You don't have to care about anything."

Leisurely, Katherine raised the knife and drew the blade over her wrist until the deep red liquid began to well. She offered it. Stunned but suddenly fearless, Stefan held her arm with both hands and clasped his lips around the wound. Then, hesitantly at first, he began to drink.

"When were you going to tell me that I died?" Stefan questioned flatly, and Elena's heart twisted.

"Damon and I wanted to protect you," she offered, her voice suddenly a lot quieter than it had been a moment ago.

"When were you going to tell me that you were the girl from my dream?"

Elena froze. "Stefan…"

Elena watched as he slammed the car door shut and drove away.

For the first time, she realized that she had actually lost Stefan Salvatore.


Stefan was biting his lip so hard that he was half expecting it to start bleeding any second. If he held the ancient steering wheel any harder, it would surely break. The blood was boiling in his veins, his face hot with fury and betrayal.

He had pulled over in Caroline's driveway moments ago; there was no way he was heading to the boardinghouse. It had been a miracle he hadn't killed himself while driving, for he had been unable to concentrate on anything but his newfound headache and Katherine's lingering words.

You don't have to care about anything.

And, god, did he want that more than anything. He didn't want to care about his past, he didn't want to care about Elena and Damon. He simply wanted all of his pain, all of his fury and agony to vanish. And then he'd leave town. He'd leave Mystic Falls and never look back. Surely Elena wouldn't care.

He shook his head hopelessly and practically kicked the car door open. The air was thankfully cool, a drastic contrast against his heated face. He spun around for a long moment, his hands going to the back of his neck as he tried to collect himself. Is this what Elena was talking about? Is this what the crash after the fall felt like?

No, he stopped himself. This was her fault. He shouldn't have fallen; if he hadn't, he never would have hit the bottom in the first place. It's all Elena's fault, he tried to tell himself. It's her beautiful face, and her smile, and the way the room heats up when she walks in. He punched the side of the car before going around to the back of the trunk, pulling out a stolen bottle of Damon's bourbon. He took a long swig, and then one more, followed by another. When it was half empty, he threw the bottle and watched it shatter into pieces. He stared down at the shards and for a long moment thought about how easy it was to shatter something, to shatter something so much that it was beyond repair, to shatter something so terribly that it leaves nothing behind but ugly, sharp ends.

"I love you," he whispered. "God, why do I love you?" The words infuriated him; they shook him to the core and rattled his bones and he wanted nothing more than to explode, to explode and collapse upon himself and burn up into nothingness. So, he tilted his head up at the sky and yelled until his throat was dry and he couldn't breathe and his eyes had no tears left. He breathed in and out, in and out, until he said brokenly, "Why did you let me fall in love with you?"

Just then, the side door opened and Caroline stepped out, barefoot. "Hello?" she asked hesitantly, quickly identifying the hunched silhouette. "Stefan?" He didn't move, didn't speak. "Stefan, are you okay?"

Slowly and hesitantly, she tied her robe a little tighter around herself and stepped out into the cool night, her face filled with concern. "Hello, earth to Salvatore." Her attempt at humor did not even get a halfhearted chuckle out of him, so she continued to step closer, until she felt a sharp jolt of pain at her foot. Confused, she looked down, discovering the shattered bottle. She winced when she pulled out the shard; it healed quickly.

"Sorry," he finally said, his voice hoarse and replete with exhaustion.

She knitted her lips together. "Are you drunk?" He shrugged. Puzzled, Caroline finally turned so that the garage lights were on his face. "Oh my god," she immediately gasped out, feeling her stomach twist. "Why are you crying?"

His face instantly hardened, and he hurriedly tried to wipe them away. "It's not like I'm sad…," he lied. "I'm just angry. I'm so angry."

"Why?"

"Maybe I should have stayed dead," he muttered, staring at something beyond Caroline that only he could see. She shook her head, opening her mouth to protest, but he kept going. "I think I love her. I don't think I ever stopped loving her." There was a long pause as Caroline realized what exactly he was talking about. Finally, he looked the vampire in the eyes, stricken with grief. "But… why did she stop loving me?" His breathing was beginning to get rapid. "Why did she do this to—When did she stop—" He couldn't breathe anymore. He was confused, and furious, and hurt… And damn it, he was going to start crying again. Do not cry, Stefan, he told himself. You're better than that.

"Hey, hey," she whispered, quickly pulling a very human –and very vulnerable—Stefan into her arms. This was a side of him she'd never seen before; as a vampire, Stefan had always been so guarded, so stoical, and until now, Caroline had realized that this was a side of Stefan she never wanted to see. He was so lost and broken. Who wouldn't be? To be honest, she was amazed he'd gone this long without falling apart. "It's okay," she promised, her hand resting on his back as he shook. "She does love you, Stefan. Elena loves you enough to—"

"Enough to what?" He stepped out of her embrace, his eyes growing harder, full of a bit less agony and more fury. "You're right, you're right. Enough to let me die, right? Enough to lie to me this whole time. Enough to move on and date my brother. My own brother."

Caroline nodded. "Stefan, she wasn't herself when she let you die. You have to understand that. Her relationship with Damon, it wasn't real." She paused for a moment, her expression twisting with disgust. "And don't ask me why she stayed with him. I still don't get that."

He sighed, shaking his head. "It's just—she's been lying to me this whole time. I started to remember her—us. I didn't know it was her though, and I've been looking for the girl from the memory. Elena never told me it was actually her. She just went on, watching me wait and suffer."

"I think you need to talk to Elena, Stefan."

He bit his lip, quickly changing the subject. There was one more thing on his mind. "I have vampire blood in my system," he said bluntly.

Her blue eyes became unnaturally wide. "What?!"

Stefan nodded. "I think I want to turn." He intently watched Caroline's face, though it was not showing much, and he knew her well enough to know that it was not a good sign. "It will make me strong enough to stand up against whatever's coming." To protect Elena, he'd almost said, but he caught himself, shaking his head.

Caroline was able to see right through him, and she shook her head. "You know about the switch, don't you?"

When he did not reply, she closed her eyes, letting out a long exhale.

"Look. Life sucks, okay? Life sucks for all of us. Not everyone can just turn off everything they care about. Life sucks for me ninety-nine percent of the time, Stefan, and I still haven't even gotten close to flipping that switch. Yes, it's tempting, but it has consequences. Why on earth would you even want to do that to yourself? It changes who you are!" she chided.

"I don't know who I am!" Stefan argued. "And I'm tired of trying to figure it out."

Caroline looked at him roughly, eyes harsh and jaw set. "That's not a good excuse."

"There's nothing worth caring about anymore," he reasoned, feeling the urge to get into his car for the second time today and drive without a destination.

She shook her head. "Elena," she began, trying to keep calm, "is worth caring about. You wouldn't rush over to my house crying if you didn't care enough to make things right." Once again, he had nothing to say. There was a long, awkward pause, where they just stared at each other, Caroline fuming. "The Stefan that I knew would have never walked away from her. He didn't solve his problems by shutting off everything he feels. He was a fighter."

Stefan sighed, staring at the ground. "I guess he's long gone," he concluded sadly.

Caroline's gaze visibly softened. "No," she said. "He's just lost." This got his attention, and his gaze filled with confusion. Caroline smiled softly. "He needs to remember that some things are worth fighting for."

With an aching and tired heart, Stefan slowly agreed. "Let's fight for him."

She smiled softly and pulled him into another hug. "Tomorrow," she promised. "Let's get you home safely so you can sleep off the blood. And no, there's no way you're driving. You smell like a liquor store."

He laughed and thanked her.


Elena anxiously chewed her fingernails, staring at the door, unblinking. "Where is he?" she said to herself.

Damon shrugged and strode over to his liquor table. "I'm sure he's fine. I know my brother. He's many things, but impulsive is not one of them. He likes to brood and think things through… Where is my bourbon?" Elena rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Anyways, I'm just saying. New and improved Stefan or not, he's not going to kill himself."

She hoped he was right. "I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if he turned again…"

"And he won't!" Damon let out an exasperated sigh. "I know Stefan."

Elena buried her face in her hands. "That's the problem. He doesn't know himself. He went to Katherine so she would turn him. It's a miracle that she didn't snap his neck right then and there."

He poured himself a glass of scotch and sat beside her, so close that she could feel his breath on the side of her cheek. She hated the way that it still made her chill. "He's fine. Trust me, Elena."

She scooted away, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm trusting you on this one. Don't let me down." She sent him a half-smile, and he smirked in return. Elena let her smile linger a bit longer as she looked at the fireplace. Gentle, friendly, tension-less conversation with Damon. This was nice. She had missed this.

As much as she enjoyed this possible, new friendship with Damon, it did not hold her concentration. She wanted to see Stefan. She needed to see Stefan. If he would just let her explain…

Her heart was breaking because he had no idea it was breaking. He needed to know that she loved him. She needed him to know before he killed himself, before he turned everything off… Although it would not change anything, although their relationship was beyond repair, Stefan needed to know. And then he could make his choice, whatever it would be.

The simple thought brought tears to her eyes, but she quickly hid them. When she looked back at Damon, he was tense and frozen. "What?" she asked urgently.

"Do you hear that?"

...

"Here we are," Caroline smiled, bringing her old car to a stop. "The Salvatore estate."

"Thanks, Care," he mumbled, already half asleep. She turned her head to look over at him, chuckling a bit. "You're… a… g'd friend."

She laughed and dramatically pushed her hair behind her. "I know!" she teased. "Now let's get you inside. Can you walk?" He nodded and pushed the door open, stumbling a bit on his first steps. Within a half second, Caroline was by his side, holding him up. "C'mon," she laughed.

He steadied himself when they got closer to the door. When they were about one hundred feet from the door, a strange noise startled Caroline, and she instantly tensed. "Stefan?"

"Hmmm?"

She urgently looked around. "Do you hear… footsteps?"

He seemed to sober up a bit in a few seconds, looking around. She could hear his heart rate spike a bit. He definitely felt it too; they were being watched. "I hear someone… humming?" he murmured, turning his head to look around.

"What the hell?" Caroline, now on alert, grabbed Stefan's arm a little too tightly, not that he minded. "Let's just get inside." Slowly, cautiously as to not make a sound, they made their way a little closer to the door when a strong force pushed both of them off of their feet.

Right away, she was on high alert. Caroline fought the hands that were clutching her neck, flipping her attacker around. She tried to see his face, but in the intensity of the moment, all she could make out were fangs and bloody, bloody hands. She clawed at his eyes, but he was faster, digging his sharp teeth into her neck. She screamed and kicked him off with supernatural speed, but he was back on her in a second, trying to throw punches.

Stefan, on the other hand, was still trying to get on his feet. When he made sense of what was happening and witnessed the fight happening in front of him, he panicked. "Caroline!" he shouted, looking around for anything, a stick, a branch, to attack the vampire with. Halfway across the front yard, his gaze fell on a willowing oak tree, with branches low enough for his reach. Now acting on pure adrenaline, despite his clumsy limbs, he ran, analyzing what to grab and how to use it. He made it to the tree quickly and snapped a long, pointy branch from the bottom and ran towards Caroline's attacker at full force.

But just as he was getting to the final stretch of his run, he was right back where he started. The bloody vampire, who had previously been on Caroline, slammed him against the tree, hard. Stefan had to blink a few times to get the spots out of his vision. "It's you," the vampire smirked, eyeing Stefan with pride. Confused, Stefan got a good look at the attacker and, in an act of pure instinct, managed to jab the branch into his stomach. For an instant, the vampire released him and stepped back to pull it out. Stefan tried to run again, but the vampire was too fast, and this time, he was angry.

When Stefan was slammed against the tree now, head first, the action was so fast and forceful that he didn't even see it coming. And for that split second, when Stefan heard the loud crack and felt the sharp pain, he distantly imagined what his skull would look like if it was shattering into millions of little pieces. Kind of like the bottle. If he had more time, he probably would have laughed.

That was the moment Damon opened the door. Within half a second, he had analyzed the scene -Caroline on the right, Stefan and the threat on the left- and was already rushing over to the vampire. Before Elena could even start screaming, he had staked the monster.

And just on cue, Elena screamed.

It was a blood curdling noise that shook Damon to his bones. When he turned to look back, she was running towards Stefan, faster than any human he'd ever seen. There were tears in her eyes, her face twisting in agony when she fell beside his limp form on the ground. "No, no, no, no!" She started screaming over and over again, pulling Stefan into her lap. Damon couldn't make sense of the sight in front of him. There was blood. And Stefan. Or a big, broken doll that kind of looked like Stefan, but not really. And there was Elena. Crying, screaming, hysterical Elena. "No, you're okay. Wake up, Stefan. Wake up, please wake up."

She ran her fingers gently across his forehead, wiping a stray line of blood away. The sound of her cries would haunt Damon forever.

Broken dolls didn't bleed.

Shocked and suddenly taken by fear, he slowly kneeled down beside Elena and grabbed his brother's wrist, praying that he could find a pulse.

And Damon Salvatore was not one for praying.


A/N: OH MY GOSH. I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. That update took way too long. I'm so sorry, you guys. That is not excusable. It's been a month. I was on vacation and got completely off track, but I promise, as long as y'all are still out there and reading, I will be back to my normal weekly schedule.

Anyways, what did you think of the chapter? What on earth will happen with Stefan? Is he dead or alive? And is Caroline okay? I know there was a lack of Stelena this chapter, but I promise that the next one will have lots of SE in it. Those two really need to figure things out. Will Stefan forgive her? Will they be able to move past this right away? And what will everyone do about the vampires? Review to let me know what you think!

Please leave a comment, no matter what it is, letting me know if you want to see more. Tell me what you loved, what you hated, what you want to see. Everything inspires me so much and I love reading every single one. They really do brighten my day so much, and every single opinion helps me write a better story for all of you. Without your thougts/opinions, it definitely wouldn't be what it is right now, so thank you so much!

Thanks! Xoxo

Sara