It's extremely difficult to get through to a child who has been beaten down, with fists AND words, to have a healthy understanding of how much worth they have in their family/community. That made the questions I had for Lydia about her mother and her mother's role as Alpha damn near impossible to answer. Not that I stopped trying.

"Come on," I took the keys down from the hook near the exit, unlocking Henry's door first. "If you two so much as twitch and make me THINK you're going to run, I'll fucking make sure that running is the last thing either of you can do for the foreseeable future, understood?" I am forever shocked at how formidable I can sound standing at barely five foot tall, but watching Henry nod and swallow hard enough for me to hear it confirmed that he took my threat as seriously as I meant it.

Unlocking Lydia's, I stood back and waited for her to exit. Before she could turn toward me, the main door opened and Daryl stood blocking the sunlight. Well played, I smiled up at him. "Taking 'em for a walk?" I nodded and he stood back, waiting for our charges to join him outside.

This time, since he'd been listening to my issues with the current line of questioning, we worked in tandem. Trying to gather intelligence on how important Lydia was to her people, her mother, and their plans I let Daryl discuss it with her. Henry and I were, well Henry was moral support, I was a tagalong that wanted to tag my ass back home.

I should have known, as the day grew longer, that my visit wouldn't end happily. There was never a day that ended away from the relative safety of my own four walls that didn't end covered in horseshit and sadness. Eventually, anyway.

I was inside, sitting with Tara, listening to her telling me all the reasons she didn't want to lead Hilltop and was ill equipped for it reminded me of how Dad had felt so many different times over the years.

"You're smiling. Why are you smiling?" She was staring at me like I'd grown a third head. And my smile grew.

"People who want to lead are usually ill suited for it, Tara, it's the people who are forced to lead and do it reluctantly that are best at it." I shook my head and then my smile dropped when we heard a commotion start outside. "What was that?"

That, it turned out, was Lydia's people. Her mother, actually, since Alpha was the one who actually spoke. I stood beside Tara, looking down at the crowd of people who looked far more like walkers than humans, staring up at us as this lump of a woman demanded her daughter be returned to them. That they have two of ours, a man named Luke and Alden the blacksmith apprentice. A baby cried, and I felt my heart stop beating in my chest as Alpha mentions that we are all animals, and animals have babies. As the child cries, she demands its mother leave it, since it will draw the walkers and danger. Without hesitation, the woman does. My heart stops, seeing this person sit this completely innocent and fragile infant down and walk away.

The tears fell quietly from my eyes, even as the tiny infant's arms waved, as its pitiful screams grew, and I felt the breath leave my body. Chaos, the cries, the mass of Alpha's people, Daryl, walkers, Lydia- If I was asked later, and Negan did, I couldn't say how long it took. Hours, minutes, days? I had no idea. Forever. No time.

I know that Lydia was greeted with a sharp slap by her mother. I know that Alden and Luke were back among our people. The baby, the tiny infant that was left to die as a distraction for beasts, was saved by one of the people that Judith rescued. Connie, a deaf woman, a woman who offered this baby to me as a gift as though someone told her that I would want it, that I would welcome it. I look at it like someone would look at poison ivy or the plague. Or I did if the look she gave me was any indication.

"She meant no harm, Jessi." Daryl offered, standing next to me as I was preparing to take my leave the next day. Danger or no, I wanted to be home. I didn't look at him, I didn't dare. "Everyone knows-"

"That I'm broken?" I snorted, shaking my head and tightening the saddle on my horse. "Giving me a random baby because its mother is a genetic fucking asshole isn't going to fix my broken uterus, Daryl Dixon." I checked and double checked the saddle, I wanted nothing to slow my trip. "Can you hand me that-" I pointed at my bag and my bow. "The quiver is leaning next to-"

"The table, I got it." He handed me each in turn. "No one said she was gonna fix ya, Jess." He was careful not to touch my skin, remembering at least that much about my twitchy little self. "Can't help but see how much it hurt ya to see-"

I laughed hard then, without a fucking hint of humor. "What fucking asshole wasn't hurt to see it?" My eyes met his then, hot and hard. "Seriously? They left a BABY to fucking die, Daryl. RIGHT fucking there, daring us to watch." I pointed, like he hadn't bore witness too. "I CRIED. So fucking what?" I shook my head and after securing my bags, hooking my bow over the saddle horn, and getting situated myself, I put my quiver within easy reach. "I'm going home. Where people don't usually randomly hand me infants as parting gifts." I waved and headed out. Hoping like fuck I was finished with my part in this madness for a long while.

I wasn't home for more than a few hours, I fucking swear, when the entire bullshit showed up on my FUCKING doorstep. I wish I was joking. I truly do. I really truly do.

Teenagers. I swear, my dad got off so lucky with me. He might have teased that I had horrendous taste in the guys I dated, and I did, to be fair, but I wish he was around so I could point at Henry and go "REALLY?!"

First of all, he had 'runaway' with Lydia during her mother's demands for her return at Hilltop. Then, once they were found, Lydia returned to her rightful place which I might remind everyone Daryl and I were NOT happy about, he decided to pretend that he was a knight in shining armor and go after her. I swear to GOD, someone (looking at you Carol) had better have a fucking conversation with Ezekiel about these grandiose ideas before they get someone fucking killed.

Which leads me to my doorstep. Or Alexandria's gate. Daryl, Lydia, Connie (of the 'here's your new baby' variety), and Henry (I came to rescue you m'lady, and oops I have a boo boo) all waiting at the gate. I was only excited to see Dog. And so was Mom.

I was with Negan, who was listening to me as I railed against the entire fucking last hours of my visit to Hilltop, when Judith came to let me know we had visitors-AGAIN. Ugh.

"Go see," Negan said, kissing my temple through the bars. "I doubt they brought the baby all this way," he was teasing, I hoped. "Come back, tell me what's going on. I love you."

And after sighing heavily, reminding him that I loved him right fucking back, off I went to see what the high holy hell had gone fucking wrong again.

The gist was our knight was wounded, our damsel was terrified and not sure she was worth it, and the adults were awkward (Daryl) and super unsure of me (Connie). But at least Dog was unscathed. While Henry got sutured in the infirmary, Connie and Mom bonded, Lydia kept her hero company and Judith got time with her uncle. That left me and my four legged pal, which I was pretty fucking pleased about.

I was playing with Dog, ignoring humans in general, when I overheard Mom giving Lydia a horrible nugget of advice that I felt the need to tell her my opinion on, since she insisted.

"Telling a young girl who is the victim of REPEATED extensive physical and emotional abuse that she should take her own safety into her own hands, is a pretty shitty way to lead, Mom." I offered, keeping my eyes down as I ran my hands through Dog's coat. "Don't explain, you asked me to tell you my opinions, this is one."

"She's going to bring it down on our heads, Jessi." Her voice was so low, I felt like her lips would barely be moving. "Can we afford more loss?"

I snorted. "Loss? Is that what we're going to weigh now?" I shook my head and scratched Dog's ears. "Humanity, Mom, count the humanity we cultivate."

She came to me later, not much, just long enough that I'd seen Judith with Daryl and heard her asking him what our dad would do in Mom and the other leaders' positions. Not a fair question, not really. She missed Daryl, I knew that, but I also knew that Daryl felt strained in Alexandria. Too cultured, which was hilarious since the first time it had been destroyed during the Savior War.

"Judith is-" She sighed, and I knew, I could feel it. The rebellion of my little sister. Her thirst for more understanding. To know more. "Negan thinks she'll get it elsewhere if I don't give it to her myself."

"He's not wrong." I offered, handing her a drink. "I know you hate to hear that."

"I do, but I want your honesty, and that's what it is." She smiled, and then sighed. "We're going to The Kingdom. "Do you want to join us?" I shook my head. "Should I tell them to expect a long term visitor in his cell?" I laughed and asked if RJ was staying behind for me to take care of.