What's that saying? There's always a calm before a storm…
I never really thought about those old sayings. Not until the world turned upside down and inside out. I'm not sure most people did. Not really. We mostly just went about our days, putting one foot in front of the other, and did the same routine as if nothing would ever change. And maybe, if nothing had, we would have never noticed the sayings. Other than for cross stitch samplers or needlepoint pillows, like what my grandmothers used to have on their walls or the sofas we weren't allowed to sit on.
When the first signs of the world going asshole over teacups happened, no one really thought about those cutesy sayings either. I think we were a little too busy worrying about whether or not the mailman really bit that annoying little dog down the street in two or was that a figment of our overactive imagination.
Wrapped up in Negan's arms, after Mom and Judith rode off to enjoy the fair at Kingdom, having sated our physical urge for one another, I never once thought about calms before storms. All I could consider was how to make the feeling permanent. What way, other than leaving Alexandria, my sister and brother, my family behind could I have Negan's naked flesh against mine every single night of the rest of my life?
So excuse me if I didn't see the massive shit (and snow) storm coming our way.
The first salvo is always the bloodiest. At least in our world it is. I learned, late, far too late to be of use, of the deaths. Henry, Enid, Tara, Tammy, Addy, Rodney, Frankie, Ozzy, Alek, and DJ lined up as heads on pikes like a gruesome homage to Vlad the Impaler. With Siddiq tied to a tree as the marker, alive but broken. I thought of Carl, how he'd been in love with Enid, or thought he was. I thought of Henry, how he wanted to save Lydia but ended up dead. Of Tara, the reluctant leader. Each one a message and each one a pin in the heart of their loved one.
Negan's purpose changed, he was still caged, but he was a body with a purpose. He could be utilized for work. Laundry, cleaning, labor. He didn't bitch, much, and he was in the fresh air, which was better than nothing. But he wasn't free. And it was like the world held its breath. First salvo, remember?
I left Alexandria before the first flurry fell. And I would forever curse that decision. I wanted to be next to Mom, to stand beside her, as Rick Grimes' eldest child, to show strength and unity. I left Judith and RJ behind with Negan and Dog in the care of people that I had doubts about, but I told myself that it would be for a day or two.
Who could have foreseen the blizzard? Not me, clearly. I was trapped with my ex and Carol and HER ex. I was trapped with Connie and with Mom. I was trapped with people that honestly had me considering frostbite as the lesser of many evils. Hell, at times their company had me considering becoming a WALKER being the lesser of ALL evils.
First of all, I have NO clue what is going on with Carol and Ezekiel. Losing Wren was hard, losing my ability to have another child was hard. Losing Henry was something that Carol felt far deeper than I can ever contemplate experiencing. After having lost Sophia, she'd been so careful at guarding her heart, but letting him in happened and now this? She was lost.
Add in her and Daryl's strange relationship, which I had always seen as somewhat maternal/sibling like, but now it was becoming something else. Something vaguely intimate and uncomfortable for me to witness. So I tried like hell to NOT witness it. EVER. I dare you to try that shit in close quarters during a blizzard, seriously, do it.
Also, toss in Ezekiel in the mix. My ex, Carol, and now a lovestruck fake king. Fun stuff.
Connie and I made peace. Look, she offered me a free baby. It was a sweet, if bizarre gesture, and if I was going to get up in arms every time someone offered me a free child in the apocalypse, well I was going to be expending a lot of time being aggravated.
All I could focus on, between moving from one snowy as fuck area to another snowy as shit place, was Judith, RJ, Dog, and Negan.
"Can you imagine the conversations going on right now?" Mom asked, as we sat side by side in front of a fireplace at the Sanctuary of all fucking places. I shook my head and held my hands out.
"They'd better not smother him," I muttered, as she snorted. "Do you think they're-"
"They're fine," she promised, her hand reaching for mine and clutching it. "We'll be with them soon and you'll see."
We were all together soon. At Hilltop, RJ and Judith were playing in the snow, laughing as uncle Daryl pelted them with snowballs. Running to me and Mom and hugging us both tightly, Judith breathed into my hair that Negan was fine, just in the infirmary.
I found him, leg propped up on a pillow and a grin on his face that smoothed out the tension that had him strained as I walked in. "Jesus, are you ever NOT prone when I walk in?" He laughed and I felt my own stress relax. "What the fuck?"
"Your sister," he shook his head, but held open his arms, which I took as the invitation it was. Curling into his arm, I sighed. "She was so damn focused on that fucking dog." He was breathing in the scent of my hair, his hands roaming down my back, curling over my hips, checking every inch of me he could reach. "Damn near broke my fucking neck making sure they both survived."
"I'm glad you saved both of them," I muttered into his shirt, breathing him in. Then I worked my mouth up, kissing the scar my father gave his throat, smiling as he moaned. "I like this bed, Negan, and the fact that you aren't-"
"Handcuffed?" Mom's voice teased from the doorway. "Sorry to interrupt." She didn't sound it, and I was tempted to make her sorry by continuing my tour of Negan's body. "Seems like we met here before."
I barely listened to their back and forth, and by the time I woke up, because apparently the very scent of Negan and the warmth of him was soothing enough to put me to sleep, it was dark outside the infirmary. His heart was steady under my cheek, his arms tight around me, and I listened for a moment, trying to decide if he was asleep too.
"You awake?" I smiled, lifting my face to kiss his pulse point, answering him without words. "Thank God." And then, with a groan from the pain in his leg, but that was the only sign of his injury, he had me under him and we were taking full advantage of a real bed.
