"Don't pack much. We can get whatever we need on the road. If anyone manages to get in, we want to make sure that there's no sign we left." For the first time, Elena had seen Damon Salvatore completely frazzled, a side of him she never even knew that he possessed—and it was not very becoming. It looked as if he hadn't washed his hair in days; maybe he hadn't. He sure hadn't taken the time to style it at least. Damon looked oddly human as he struggled with dusty duffel bags and ancient pairs of pants that had clearly gone out of style.
"Then don't pack those shorts." Caroline scrunched her nose in disgust. "It looks like you're going to play tennis in the senior's club."
Elena chuckled a bit at her friend's comment and nodded in agreement. "I wish you were going with us, Care."
Caroline shrugged. "Someone needs to stay here for Matt, and Bonnie is coming back soon."
"How long do you think it'll be until we get back?" she asked, serious.
Damon shrugged his shoulders, throwing the hideous, white tennis shorts behind him. "As long as it takes, Elena," he replied in an exasperated tone. He rolled his eyes. "Maybe never." With that, he strode out of the room to start some other mission.
She sighed, tired of Damon's attitude, and went back to folding. The sun was just beginning to rise above the horizon, and she could tell by the heavy burn in her eyes that she needed to sleep. Or maybe she had cried a little too much that night. Both were very probable.
They all sorted through drawers for a long time until Caroline tilted her head up. "It's quiet up there," she said simply, like a parent watching over a child. "Sounds like Stefan finally fell asleep. I could hear him turning for the past hour. I wonder what kept him up." Elena's heart dropped at the memory of last night. She felt… stupid, foolish… so foolish for trying to make an advance on him after such a terrible fight. Of course she couldn't cure everything with the three words that used to settle everything between them. When they were together, when everything was perfect, when Damon was not in the picture, she would whisper "I love you" and he would know—his faith in her was pure magic. He would smile and believe her; he would fall victim to her promises of always and forever. But maybe now, even without his memories, Stefan had come to learn that that was all they were and would ever be from her: words, a meaningless jumble of letters that she had never been able to hold onto. She'd abused the dreaded, "I love you" so much that even Stefan, without a single memory of her, knew not to trust them. And she hated herself for that.
"Hey," Caroline interrupted her thoughts sympathetically, as if she'd just read them. " When he wakes up, why don't you go see him?"
Elena shook her head quickly, pushing her hair out of her face as a way to distract herself. "I can't," she said sharply, forcefully throwing a shirt into a bag. "He hates me now."
Caroline raised an eyebrow. "I highly doubt that," she chuckled. "Last I checked, he thought that you hated him. I think it's a problem in communication."
Elena bit her lip, taking a seat on the edge of Damon's bed for a split second before remembering that it all started here. She lost Stefan in the first place because of her presence on this bed… she'd moved from the right side of Stefan's bed to the left side of Damon's. She shuddered and quickly stood up. "I don't get it," she huffed. "I started to apologize for lying, and he said he understood." Caroline smiled at that, but Elena kept going. "I wanted to apologize anyways though, and so I started to tell him that I do love him, but he stopped me."
Caroline furrowed her brows. "Huh."
"I just don't know what to do." Elena exhaustedly ran her hands along her face. "I know I don't deserve it, but I can't imagine myself with anyone else."
"I think you guys need to talk."
She agreed slowly, closing her eyes for a long minute. "I just… if he wanted me to… If it was what he really wanted, I'd do it. I'd leave him alone and never look back."
Caroline tilted her head. "But…?"
"But losing him scares me more than anything."
Stefan shook his head and said nothing as he ran his fingertips along the dusty desk in his room, spending hardly any time on objects that once had meaning. He brushed past the letter that, based on the worn and frayed ends, seemed to have always been there. It was from a girl named Lexi. He was going to read it, but as he grabbed it, his heart fell and his throat clenched, so he set it back down, right where it had been. He didn't even care about the pen –his journaling pen, he presumed—and instead ended up staring at a little empty, leather box. Tilting his head to the side, he picked up the tiny box and effortlessly opened it. For a moment, he could have sworn that he'd done it before, but he shrugged once again and set the pretty, little box down.
His attention lingered on a newer picture. The frame had been flipped over so that it was face-down, and puzzled, Stefan flipped it over. He could instantly feel the smile curling onto his lips. There he stood, in a jersey, smiling up at the camera as he held a blushing Elena tightly against him. The look in his own eyes startled Stefan a bit when he realized he really did not recognize this man; he was happy. He'd almost forgotten what that felt like.
He ran his teeth along his bottom lip and quickly stuffed the photograph into the bottom of his duffel bag.
Don't bring much, Damon had told him a few minutes ago. Only bring what you need.
Of course he didn't need a picture—he wasn't foolish, but Stefan decided that this could be the one exception.
The sun was shining bright over the little town of Mystic Falls, and Damon was in a rush to leave. Elena was, too, if it meant that they could all be a little safer. Stefan, on the other hand, was a little more hesitant.
Elena watched from a safe distance while he talked with Caroline about calling and texting and whatnot, and she couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Why didn't Stefan try so hard like that with her? She pushed the thought away, forced a smile, and waited for her turn to say goodbye to her best friend.
Elena grinned at Caroline and pulled her into her arms, giving her a squeeze that was a little too tight. "Take care, Caroline. Call if you need anything."
"Aww." She chuckled and gave Elena a light squeeze. "Will do. I'm sure Matt will want to hear all about your 'leaving Mystic Falls' adventure when you get back. Who would have ever thought that any of us would actually escape this little town?"
Smiling fondly, Elena stepped away and nodded, beginning to open the door of Damon's mustang. Stefan, strangely quiet, opened his door as well. He was just about to get in, too, but he swiftly turned around and pulled Caroline in for a hug, burying his face in her shoulder. Elena gritted her teeth, but once again, made herself smile. How sweeeeeet.
"The old Stefan was never such a hugger!" Caroline observed, pleasantly surprised. She gently rubbed his back for a long moment when he did not bring his head up. Eyebrows furrowed, Elena watched as her friend whispered to him, "Hey, this will be good. You're going somewhere. No one knows you there, no one expects anything of you. Where you're going, you're not Stefan 2.0, okay? You're just… Stefan." He finally lifted his head and stepped away, holding onto her every word. "Just be who you want to be. I'll be here when you get back."
Elena had never seen him look more like a child than he did in this moment. "Promise?" he swallowed.
Caroline grinned. "Promise. Now get in that car. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back, you knucklehead."
Stefan laughed and gave a playful wave before retiring to the backseat of the car. Trying to keep a straight face, Elena waved as well.
As soon as she closed the door, Damon sped off.
They drove for hours until they were a good four hundred miles outside of Mystic Falls. Elena glanced out the window and did not see much of anything: fields, an occasional McDonalds.
The entire drive had been tiring. When she wasn't arguing with Damon, she was worrying about Stefan, who hadn't said two words the entire trip. Whenever she glanced back, he was staring out the window, lost in a world that she couldn't even begin to fathom. The things she would do just to be able to step into that world, just for a moment...
"I'm tired," she finally blurted out.
"Tough," Damon muttered under his breath. Elena sent him a glare.
"Damon, we need to stop and get something to eat. I need to sleep. We can't drive to an unknown destination and never get out."
"We'll go to a drive-through. Sleep in the car."
Elena huffed, annoyed and furious. She did not feel like dealing with Damon for the rest of this trip. She was hungry, exhausted, and already miserable.
Suddenly, a voice that Elena hadn't heard all day finally spoke up. "Let's go there." Surprised, she turned and looked back at Stefan, who was pointing at a Motel 8 coming up on the corner of the road. "I'm tired, too."
She cracked the slightest smile. She knew he wasn't that tired.
It definitely was not the Four Seasons, but it was good enough. Two beds and a couch –which Damon had already claimed—seemed to be the only furniture in the dingy place, but Elena didn't really mind. She just couldn't wait to finally close her eyes!
But for some odd reason, as she heard the water of Damon's shower go on, she was anything but tired. The bathroom door was closed, and for the first time since last night, she was alone with Stefan. She sat on the edge of her bed and silently watched for a long moment as he flicked the lamp on and tried to examine his head wound in the tiny mirror. He twisted his neck at uncomfortable angles and winced at some, so, with a sigh, Elena moved to her feet and strode over to him.
"Let me," she said softly, moving his hands away from his head. Placing one hand on his shoulder, she used the other to add slight pressure to the spot where he had hit the tree. When Stefan gasped out, she knew that she had found it. "It looks a lot better," she promised, wishing he would just say something. "It's healing already. Maybe if Damon gave you a little bit of his blood—"
"No!" he sharply cut her off, and Elena stopped talking. Leaning her head over to the side to get a good view of his face in the mirror, she placed the hand that had previously been in his hair on his other shoulder, caressing his exposed skin along the way. He chilled.
When her fingertips brushed against his neck, Stefan closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds. The air between them was electric, magnetic, and he wished to god that she would just stop touching him. He wished to god that he could gain the power to tell her to stop touching him. She wasn't even doing anything at this point, but the simple energy of her hands against his, the contact… it was like a live circuit. He opened his mouth to try and speak a few times, but every time he did, he met her hopeful and afraid eyes in the mirror, and he lost the ability to speak. "You really… shouldn't," he managed to spit out.
Elena moved away, causing Stefan to breathe out slowly. Touch me again, he wanted to tell her. Just one more time. Make me feel something other than pain again. He could still see her face in the mirror, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe the hurt off of it. "Shouldn't what?" she asked.
Stefan closed his eyes. "Shouldn't love me," he said after a pause. "You shouldn't love me." I don't deserve it.
Elena simply nodded. "I know."
A slow breath exited his lips as he turned around to gaze into her eyes, deep, chocolaty eyes that he had nearly taken the life out of. The thought made him want to die all over again. "And I shouldn't love you." You deserve more.
Where was he even going with this? Was his goal to hurt her even more? He internally cursed himself the moment the next words escaped Elena's lips.
"Well, do you?"
He didn't want to answer her. Couldn't answer her. Elena closed her eyes and quickly wiped the back of her eyes before the tears could fall. He wanted to ask her what was wrong –his mind and heart were screaming at him to ask her—but he forced himself to turn around. Make her hate you, he told himself. Make her hate you. It's easier.
"You can't shut me out," she finally said, rougher than usual. Stefan froze, but did not face her. "You've done this before, you know? I know that you can't remember, but you do this when you're afraid to get close and I hate it when you shut me out."
Stefan did not speak, and Elena felt her eyes beginning to fill with fresh, burning tears. "I know I made a mistake, Stefan. I made a huge mistake and I'll never forgive myself for the things I said to you. Yes, I lied all this time, and yes, I stayed with Damon after you died. I was alone, and I was confused, but—"
He abruptly spun around. "Why do you even care about me?"
Elena froze, unsure of how this even related to what she was telling him. "What?"
"You were so nice to me. When I came back, you hugged me. And here you are, taking care of me, and I just can't figure it out. Why?"
She swallowed nervously, her posture stiffening. "I… I'm sorry, Stefan, but I'm not following."
He quickly approached her, now inches away. His green eyes searched hers for answers, though she was nothing but baffled by his sudden question. Now, though, when he spoke, her stomach fell to the floor and the earth beneath her feet began to quake. "How can you love a monster, Elena?"
And then she finally recognized the expression in his cold, green eyes. Stefan was not angry, not tonight. The consuming emotion that had been present on his face all day had been guilt.
She was just about to bring her hand to the side of his face and tell him that he was far from a monster, but she did not get the chance, for a knock on the door snapped them out of their moment.
They exchanged confused glances. Who on earth would come to their room at this hour?
AN: Hello! Sorry for the update. Not much happened, but I promise that the next chapter will be a little better. I had some major writer's block for this chapter, but I wanted to have something, so this is what I came up with. I think it is best if Elena is aware of Stefan's guilt now, because it gives them a lot to work on. It's going to be an uphill battle to get past all of their problems, but will they be able to do it?
Please leave a review letting me know what you thought, what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see. You all know by now just how much every comment makes my day and makes me want to keep going. As long as you want me to, I will continue to write.
Who is at the door? Where on earth are Damon, Elena, and Stefan going to end up, and will Stefan and Elena be able to overcome this obstacle?
Thanks! Xoxo
Sara
