I apologize for the sheer length of this chapter. She's a long one, but she's a good one. Please excuse the grammatical errors, I was feeling a little lazy today and just wanted to share this as quickly as possible.
Trigger Warning: graphic descriptions of blood and violence.
Chapter XV
Each day usually started the same way for Bucky. Wake up, eat breakfast, and try to stay alive.
It was that simple really, and he found his schedule rarely deviated. The fighting was more intense than he had ever anticipated, and slowly the number of men he made friends with began to dwindle. Each time it happened, Bucky found it a little more difficult to recover from it all. He wondered what exactly was the point of making friends when most of them would just die off anyway.
Abe 'Goodluck' Anderson's dog tags weighed heavy in his pocket from that morning. It was supposed to be a fairly simple mission, but it had turned into a bloodbath within a few short minutes. Abe paid the price for Bucky's mistake, and he felt a gut-wrenching amount of guilt on his conscious.
They had been attempting to gain a small Italian town, which they assumed had all been abandoned by the Italian and German forces. It wasn't, as it turned out.
As Bucky had led a team from the 107th infantry around a corner road, he was blissfully unaware of any enemy that was remaining. He noticed a church off to the side which looked like a significant landmark. For a moment he debated on whether or not to bother Dr. Heinrich with it but then figured she'd be happy either way to go run amuck in some old church ruins.
Her small grin appeared in the back of his mind, and the image Lucy Heinrich's infuriating yet beautiful expression was all he could see. Figuring having to put up with her annoying presence for a little while was worth it to see her smile; Bucky decided to do the right thing and call her in.
He stopped for only a moment to talk to the Private in charge of the radio to contact Dr. Heinrich to alert her of the old-looking church in the town she might like to play around with.
He did it partially due to the fact he was obligated to. But also so he could see that very expression he was thinking about moments earlier. For some reason, even though it vaguely irked him, her smile also enchanted him. However, her pretty smile didn't make him dislike her any less. And even though they were now treating one another more civilly, he still wasn't a fan of hers.
Although, if he was being honest with himself, Bucky had been amused by their conversation the other day. For a moment, he considered taking Dum Dum's advice and giving her a chance to prove that she wasn't as bad as he originally thought. Besides, if he had to be around her, it would be much nicer to see her smiling than scowling at him.
It was rare to see people smiling these days. And although they had very little interaction and she never seemed to see him around the base, he saw her. Often, it was at the mess area, and her nose was in a book and she was oblivious to the rest of the world. She was so occupied by her book that he would watch as her coffee became cold. She would grimace when she finally brought the metal tin cup her lips and then throw it out due to its cold temperature.
Bucky caught himself too often just staring at her. Dum Dum's voice rang in his head, and he thought for only a second he may have been right. Perhaps he was attracted to her? Or, maybe it was that he was so desperate for the touch of a woman that he was fantasizing about Satan's Mistress herself.
Bucky was able to clear the idea out his head rather quickly though, much to his relief. He knew the woman would drive him mad.
But still…. She was surprisingly charming. In an irritating, vexing, stuck-up, and know-it-all kind of way.
Bucky's stomach lurched at the memory of how radioing her in was the reason why Abe Anderson was gunned down instead of him. He had stopped only for that brief moment to tell the Private to radio her. Abe walked past him, taking the front. As soon as he rounded the corner of the building sounds of gunshots rang through the morning air and agonizing screams filled Bucky's ears.
Where Abe had stood laid a body too disfigured and too damaged to even recognize. Instead of a human, it looked like a mass of meat, cut through by the wave of bullets from the heavy artillery gun that sliced him into small pieces. His body was pulverized into a bloody pulp, and the thought of it alone caused bile to rise in Bucky's throat.
The only remnants suggesting Abe had once stood there was a bloodied, chunk of a leg with only one standard boot attached. What Bucky assumed was a clavicle and half of his chest was also obvious. His uniform that remained was blackened with blood. He almost got sick going back for the dog tags after the fighting had ended.
Trying to choke back his vomit, his fingers became coated in the blood of his dead friend as he tried to fish out the silver metal tags. He was scared to look at the remains but knew this was something he had to do. He owed it to Abe to send back the little remaining thing left him to his tribe.
Bucky had spent the rest of the fight in a haze. He didn't know what happened, only that he ended up where Abe had stood.
He had survived by sheer luck, and his friend had paid the price of his carelessness. He should have been more careful and listened beyond the spies' reports that the town had been emptied.
He should have sent his scouting crew and a few men forward, instead of blindly trusting one man. Bucky blamed himself for what happened, and he wanted nothing more at that moment than to shrivel up in a corner and sob.
He wanted to go home. Back to Brooklyn, to his apartment, or his childhood home with his sisters and mother. Back to Steve, and their boring-ass job where he never once had to wake up and wonder if that day was going to be his last.
Bucky felt as though a cloud of regret, remorse, and pain, hung over his head. It followed him, casting its shadows and its darkness and he couldn't help but feel it trying to swallow him up. The darkness it brought often filled his days and nights, and Bucky usually woke up in a cold sweat and clutching his chest, worried his heart would find a way to carve its way out given how fast it was beating.
He found himself grasping at any happy memories he had. All he had to do was distract himself from the present. Due to the desperation of blocking out the horrors, he found himself reminiscing often. Lost in the feeling of nostalgia, his mind sometimes drifted to happier, simpler times.
He recalled how he and Steve went skating in Central Park. It had taken them a while to maneuver their way in Manhattan, but once they got there it was worth it. The park was transformed in Winter, and although they usually avoided the busier parts of the city at all costs, that time they went it was nice. They had probably been about fourteen years old, and Bucky remembered falling on the ice and breaking his wrist. Usually, it was Steve who was the clumsy one. But due to his small figure, he had a better sense of balance and skated with greater ease than Bucky did.
Bucky longed for New York and Brooklyn again. He missed sleeping in his bed, and doing the same mundane tasks at work. At least there no one was shooting at him.
He recalled one day while on the bus in 1940 heading back home from work. He and Steve sat in their seats, exhausted from the long day. Summer had just begun, and the heat was getting to them. It was the Summer before the bombing of Pearl Harbour and before the U.S. joined the war efforts. He still remembered the way his sweat dripped down the back of his neck on that hot day. He wanted nothing more than a cold beer and to get out of the heat.
A pregnant woman got on with them, a small child holding her hand. Immediately, despite the long day, Steve offered his seat to them. Bucky got up as well, opting to stand and hang onto one of the overhanging rails instead. He didn't mind giving up his seat, but after a long day of work, he couldn't wait to get home and rest.
"Game's on tonight," Steve mentioned as they stood there quietly.
"Oh yeah?" Bucky rose an eyebrow and nodded, "You heading over to the stadium to watch it?"
"I don't think so." The man sighed, his eyes drifting to the posters staring back at them as they came to a stop. They advertised war bonds and buying certain products to help the Allies. They were hanging in the bulletin boards, and Bucky could sense Steve's desire to help; the posters only reminding him of his inadequacy and failure if the United States did end up joining the war. "Think I might just stay at home."
Bucky shrugged, "I'll listen to it on the radio. It's been a long day, I don't feel like going out much."
As he stood there, an attractive redhead walked onto the bus. She didn't look up as she sauntered on at first, but when she did, she noticed Bucky. She gave him a soft smile, which he half-heartedly returned.
Steve noticed, and also recognized how Bucky hadn't been his usual self when it came to women. It had all started a few weeks back after he met a woman in a bar who he connected with on a level he had never felt with anyone else before.
"You gotta get out of this funk," Steve noted, "It's been really depressing."
Shrugging again, Bucky only exhaled deeply. He didn't want to talk about it or focus on girls. Lately, he had been searching in every dame he met since that night for something that he wasn't even sure of. "I know, but I just don't want to. I think I want to take some time to figure out what I want. You hear Tommy's thinking of proposing to Betty?"
Steve chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, I heard. I'm happy for them. When do you think he's gonna pop the question? Any day now?"
Bucky pursed his lips and confirmed, "Any day now," His hand went into his pocket as he continued speaking. "You know Steve, I think maybe you were onto something about that whole 'right partner' thing."
This was one of the first times Bucky ever admitted Steve was right about anything that had to do with women. Steve's eyebrow rose curiously and he asked with a small smile, although he was trying to hide it, "What or who changed your mind?"
"Emma." Was all Bucky said, "Or, whatever the hell her name is."
Steve groaned. He couldn't believe Bucky was going on about her again. Never before had he been that hung up on a girl.
"You have got to stop going on about her! Seriously, it's not healthy!" He tried to convince him, "You said she was engaged. You know nothing about her— not even her real name, apparently! Plus, we were all drinking that night. Are you sure you even remember what she looks like?"
If Bucky was being honest with himself, most of that night was a blur. He wasn't sure if he could pick her face out in a crowd if he saw her again. But the things he did remember was her long, dark, brown hair. He remembered how it smelled like lemongrass as he rested his chin against her head. He remembered how soft it was against his skin, and how her hand felt against his.
He remembered her small smile, and how it seemed to make his heart race just a little faster, he also recalled the deep brown of her hazel eyes, and how they had a honey colour that lined them.
Her laugh also stood out, ringing through his brain as he remembered being charmed by it. To Bucky, that's really all he needed to remember. Nothing else mattered, and he'd likely hold on to that memory for a long time afterward. It didn't matter what she looked like, only how she made him feel.
And he was scared he would never feel that way again.
"No, but it doesn't matter!" He explained to Steve, "I knew she was the one."
"You were drunk. You could have been with anyone that night and thought she was 'the one'. Besides, I saw the way she looked, dressed, and moved. A dame like that would never go for a couple fellas like us. She comes from money." It was the hard truth, but Steve needed Bucky to hear it. He couldn't be longing for an idea of a woman he could never be with.
"You're right," Bucky admitted, defeatedly. "Even if I could find her again, she's engaged. Plus, she deserves a life way better than the one I could give her. She deserves a hell of a lot better than me." The words felt weird exiting his mouth. He had never considered himself to be the most successful, but he liked to think he would be worthy of whomever he ended up with. And he was definitely not worthy of her. He wasn't sure what kind of a man deserved her, but he imagined he had to be a pretty stellar kind of guy.
Bucky had asked about her fiancé that night, but she never went into detail. He only hoped that he would be the kinda guy who aimed to make her happy every single day. Bucky knew if he were so lucky to be the man she went home to, he wouldn't let a day go by without making her smile.
"She's better off with her fiancé. You'll find someone better suited for you, and you'll forget all about her one day."
"God, I hope you're right." He agreed. "This feeling is awful! What's it even called?"
"Uh, having emotions?"
Bucky only pursed his lips together as he replied deadpanned "Oh, yeah."
"You'll move on. Don't worry. You're just doll dizzy for the moment because you can't have her. And you've usually tended to gravitate towards what you can't have." Steve was right. Bucky usually did love a challenge. It was a toxic behaviour or unhealthy habit he needed to break.
"You're right." Agreeing again, he began to see the logic in his friend's words and understand that's what it had to be. "I'm just being an idiot, that's all."
"Damn right you are." The little man replied in a snippy tone. Bucky couldn't help but chuckle.
He was right. He was being an idiot, and he hated the way he was acting. Never before had he acted this way, and he would have never even thought of pursuing an engaged woman. Usually, when he found out a girl wasn't available the attraction faded. But not that time; that time was different. Perhaps it was because he felt she knew him even better than he knew himself? Or even more than that, she believed in him.
He was ashamed of how he felt, and also annoyed that he wasn't able to get her out of his head. She shouldn't have affected him so much, especially since the entire interaction lasted only fifteen minutes. But to him, it seemed like a lifetime. Somehow, he knew she felt the things he did too, even if she didn't say it.
Regardless though, it didn't matter. He didn't even know her real name, let alone where she lived or how to reach her. Their time had gone as fast as it had come, and Bucky knew Steve was right. He had to get over her, and the best way to do that was with someone else.
Bucky was about to talk to the redhead who had smiled at him when all of a sudden something caught his eye outside. A woman walked by on the street, with long brown hair and a familiar face. Emma.
At that moment, Bucky's heart dropped into his stomach and his palms got sweaty. His mouth fell open for a split second before he regained his composure from the initial shock of seeing her.
"Hey, can you stop the bus!" He yelled at the driver, moving to the front, trying to act quickly.
"Next stop is a couple blocks up, pal!" The bus driver called back, looking in the rearview mirror at the flustered young man.
"Buck, what the hell? This isn't our stop!" Steve yelled out as Bucky raced forward, his heart pounding fast.
"I'll meet you at your apartment!" He said hastily before forcefully pulling the lever for the doors open as the bus stopped at an intersection.
Bucky jumped down the steps as the driver yelled obscenities at him. He dived in front of a cab that just missed him so he could get across the street. The driver honked at him and swore out his window but Bucky chose to ignore it, adrenaline rushing through his veins.
He ran forward, searching for the woman he had seen from the windows. He saw her in front, walking leisurely. Her dark brown hair was down, blowing slightly from the wind. He raced towards her.
Bucky didn't even know what he would say to her once he caught up. His feet moved on their own, and his mind raced with words he didn't quite know how to put into a sentence.
In his head, he began to run through different scenarios. He couldn't believe he found her, and as he went forward he tried to think of what he wanted to say.
He would explain to her that he knew that they didn't know each other. They were complete strangers, who met during a drunken stupor at a crummy bar in Brooklyn. He would tell her how in those few moments with her, he had felt more alive than he probably ever had.
Laughing with her as they danced in the streets flashed through his brain again. He would tell her he knew that she felt the same way he did at that moment. They had been in some other place together. An entirely different dimension where they were the only two people in the entire world for those few moments. He would say he never needed anyone as he did her. She was engaged but that didn't matter because she wasn't sure if she wanted to get married anyway. Everything that evening happened for a reason, and she was supposed to meet him that night. They were supposed to meet, dance, laugh about nothing, and form a connection unlike any other.
He would beg her to give him a shot if she didn't begin telling him off first. And he would say how they owed it to one another to try, and that he was positive that there was some driving force in the universe calling them together. It felt more natural than any other experience, and Bucky knew deep down in his gut that she was the woman he was supposed to be with.
If he was able to convince her of that, as well as admit to her own feelings he knew she had, everything would finally feel as though the pieces in his life had fallen into place. This is how it was meant to be, and he was more sure of that than anything else in his entire life.
Bucky's mind raced with the words that came from the very deepest parts of him. His heart pounded more, and he slowed his pace as he approached her. Reaching out to touch her arm gently and her get attention, he couldn't believe she was there. That had to have been a sign, right?
Tapping her on the shoulder, the woman turned around with wide, curious eyes.
He was met with a face he had never seen before. His stomach sunk, and the woman's eyebrows raised as she asked if she could help him.
Looking down, defeated, Bucky's spirits sank as he answered with a quiet, "Uhh, no...Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
The woman kept walking, not giving him a second glance. He stood there in the street as people passed by him. He stood there for what felt like too long, feeling the disappointment and sadness that welled up inside him. He put his hands in his pockets and decided to walk back to Steve's, feeling both defeat and misery.
He took his time walking back, not ready to face his friend in his shame. He tried not to think about Emma, and also the embarrassing situation that had just happened. He was in way over his head, and he was losing his mind obsessing over some girl.
Steve was right, he had to get over her.
When he made it back to Steve's, it was already dark. Steve was waiting for him on the little porch he shared with his neighbouring unit. An extra beer was waiting there for Bucky on the table, Steve had already figured he would need it.
Steve only sighed and Bucky walked up to the stairs slowly approaching him. "You thought it was her?"
Bucky clicked his teeth before he nodded deeply, crossed his arms, and leaned against the rail of the porch. "Yup. Like a fuckin' shmuck."
"Sorry, pal." Steve could only purse his lips and say sincerely. "There's more beer in the fridge if you need it once you finish that one."
"Thanks," Bucky said slowly and then looked up to Steve, "You're right. I need to get over her. This crossed a line."
"You think? You nearly killed yourself trying to get across the street to chase after a random woman!" He teased him, a lighthearted smirk on his face. "I'd say that definitely crossed a line. That crossed all the lines."
Bucky chuckled, "Yeah, yeah, I don't want to hear it, punk." He had lost it over her. Bucky swore to never be like that again over a dame.
After a few drinks, he decided it was best to forget her and move on. And that was what he did. He attempted to expel her from his brain, and not think of her again.
For the most part, he was successful. That is, until that very moment three years later. He was feeling more broken and empty than he ever had in Italy. He had just lost a friend, and death sometimes caused people to have some silly reactions.
Emma's name popped into his head with the memory he had been reminiscing about. Suddenly he recalled what happened in 1940, being in Brooklyn and absolutely out of his goddamn mind for a stranger he had met literally only once.
He forgot not being able to get her out of his head. All it took was that memory and suddenly there she was again, out of the blue, and making him feel all things he was sure he had forgotten.
What once was a happy memory he wished he could forget his sorrows with was now tainted by the fact that three years later he had completely forgotten all that he felt for her. It was like she had ceased to exist after he told himself to get over her. Because he knew if he dwelt on her longer he would go mad.
For the first time in years, he thought about her due to that distant memory of a warm Summer's day. He wished he had that feeling again; to feel alive and like something mattered. She had made him feel that way, and Bucky had completely forgotten all about that.
As he thought about her, Bucky's gaze shifted to a truck that arrived near the church where the fighting took place. It came to a stop, and the door swung open.
He watched as Lucy Heinrich hopped out of the truck. His mind raced from the memory that he had relived. He had completely forgotten all about the mysterious woman he went crazy for and the way she made him feel. He had forgotten what she looked like, her voice, the smell of lemongrass on her skin, and the way her smile could make his heartbeat all that much faster.
Getting out of the truck, Dr. Heinrich walked to church and looked up. A smile appeared on her face from excitement as she stood in front of it.
Bucky's heart dropped, and immediately it began to race. No, he thought. That can't be possible. It wasn't possible.
He suddenly knew why she was so familiar, and why he didn't recognize her before. After spending so long attempting to get her out of his head, of course he wouldn't recognize her.
Fate really was a cruel entity, to throw them together again.
Lucy found herself slowly fitting into an unusual routine in Italy. She found she still didn't like it very much, and beyond the landscape and the surrounding area, there were very few things she enjoyed about it.
However, there was a plus side to being in Italy. And their names were Charles, Peggy, and Elsa.
She found that with the taxing work of attempting to organize the artifacts they had saved, as well as the reports and research she had to do, Charles was a God-send. She found he often gave up nights of sleep so she could have a full night's rest or even a few quiet moments to herself as he did her work for her.
He ate, slept, and breathed his job and Lucy loved him for that more than anything. Since they had been there, she found herself getting closer with him and confiding in his friendship.
She found herself often falling asleep while finishing reports or labeling objects. Lucy usually awoke to a blanket draped around her shoulders. Charles would always be a few feet beside her, emerged in his work.
Elsa, like Charles, had become a close companion. As someone who never had many close girlfriends growing up, Lucy found it a new experience to be in such close quarters with one and be excited to see them at the end of the day to discuss what happened.
When Elsa wasn't at the hospital or in the field and the two of them weren't too exhausted they would lie in their opposite cots and talk. Both of them would look up at the dark ceiling of their tent, sometimes laughing and one time in particular, crying.
Lucy had never had a relationship like that with anyone except her sisters. She welcomed it, and it made the new transition to Italy far easier.
Peggy was a different story. While the two of them were usually remarkably busy, they almost found time every morning to sit and have breakfast and coffee. Although their friendship was not as deep and her and Elsa's, Lucy still cherished it with her entire heart.
She and Peggy didn't usually discuss such emotional matters as she and Elsa did. Mostly, they discussed work issues and problems they had with their fields. Peggy was always interested to hear about Lucy's work and vise versa. Of course, Peggy couldn't give her all the information since most details were classified, but she told Lucy what she could. On some occasions, she even told her a little more than what was allowed. Lucy liked that since it showed she trusted her and proved the strength of their friendship.
Lucy was ripped out of her thoughts as the trucks she was riding in pulled to a stop. She hopped out quickly and immediately started getting to work after happily gazing on the church she was supposed to work on.
When she had received a call from the 107th, telling her about what they found, she and Charles had been close to discovering where the Tesseract was located. They had spent hours pouring over the books sent to her by many of her various colleagues. One in particular about the cult of Odin that was written in ancient Scandinavian looked very promising. Unfortunately, although Charles was an expert in ancient languages, he was finding it difficult to understand.
They had been so close to discovering the location when she had been ripped from her work to complete another project.
Lucy wasn't at all disappointed though, and she found herself happy to be gazing at the church that the 107th had informed her about. She looked forward to her new project and although it was just another thing being added to an already long list of things to do, she was excited about it.
When she had gotten out of the truck, she found herself stopping to admire it.
Lucy brought her hand above her eyes to block the sun out and she smiled as she looked up.
Work was one of the few things that made her truly happy. She loved her job, and she loved her career. Daniel often said she was married to it, and would teasingly ask if she would ever love him like that one day.
Lucy watched as Charles eagerly went into the church to survey it. She noticed how he went in with a little bit more of a hop in his step. She grinned at his excitement, proud of her little prodigy.
Her smile stayed on her face until she turned and saw Sergeant Barnes. Her facial expression fell, noting how she had successfully avoided him for a few weeks only to be once again thrown together with him. She knew better this time than to request him to join her services though.
She had not seen Sergeant Barnes since he had defended her from Gilbert Whitney's harassment. That had been several weeks before, and she was confused about whether or not they were, in fact, on better terms after he had stuck up for her.
As they looked at each other from across the town square, Lucy noticed how his facial expression fell when he saw her. He paled, looking as though he had seen a ghost. A twinge pulled at her belly and suddenly she felt uncomfortable.
She had thought after their last interaction they decided to remain civil. At one point, their bickering had even seemed to turn from hostile to playful. Lucy had hoped that even if they never ended up liking each other (which she was perfectly fine with— she still wasn't his biggest fan) that at least they would be able to get along.
Feeling suddenly self-conscious and nervous; Lucy turned away as he made his way towards her, looking vaguely uncomfortable as well.
She was about to turn to the back of the truck to grab something when all of a sudden she heard a slight buzz. She cocked her ear and then frowned. The buzzing grew louder, into a hum.
She looked up to the sky and saw nothing but clouds in the area she was. But she knew something was wrong still, the noise was too constant and too irritating.
She thought nothing of it and returned to unloading the excavation equipment. Looking up, Barnes was still on his way over to her and Lucy felt her stomach do a small flip under his intimidating stare. Lucy wondered what the hell he wanted, and if it would end up in a fight again. She found herself hoping that it wouldn't.
The irritating buzz continued in her ears. Looking around, she realized it wasn't just her noticing it. She paled as it got louder, suddenly recognizing what it was.
It was too late that she realized they were airplanes.
An explosion of yellow, orange, and red light flashed, and flames roared loudly as it erupted from a bomb being dropped. Sputtering bullets rang out, and the humming grew closer still as the soldiers in the square raced to take cover.
Their Air Force was nowhere in sight to fight back, so the two lone German Luftwaffes continued their assault.
Another explosion erupted, a large bang sounded, but Lucy could hardly hear it from the ringing in her ears. One more spectacular and terrifying blinding light flashed forward, the flames erupting looked like something straight out of hell.
Then, all of a sudden, Lucy couldn't see anything at all. There was only darkness, and she struggled not to be consumed by it.
When she came to, a haze had settled over her. Lucy didn't realize she was laying on her back on the ground until she felt pain in the back of her head.
She was lying on the cold, hard dirt, her vision coming and going. Blackness threatened to swallow her again, but Lucy fought to keep her eyes open.
For a second, she wondered what exactly happened. How did she end up on the ground? What was going on?
She could hear the muffled screams around her and was able to sit up only enough to see the world around her set ablaze with fire. She was lying several feet away from where she had been previously standing. The truck she had gotten out of was flipped over, flames licking its metal skin as it lay in ruins.
Lucy didn't know what happened. Only that she was on the ground, and the sticky warmth of blood-soaked the street where her head was. She had hit it, that much was obvious. Everything was fuzzy, and it seemed as though things were moving slower than normal.
Trying to sit up, she yelled in agony. What was once a sunny day had changed to darkness from the smoke rising from the wreckage. The church was crumpled in heaps, and panic rose inside of her as she looked at it thought her blurred vision.
Trying to sit up more, something stopped her beyond the pain in her head. She yelled again, although she could barely hear herself. Lucy attempted to look down to where the pain was coming from. She let out a frustrated groan since she lacked the strength to hold herself up enough to assess the wounds and figure out where the hell that god awful shooting sensation was coming from.
Lucy could barely stay conscious, and all her movements were drawn out as though she were trapped in a dream.
Having trouble breathing, she noticed how she was suddenly leaning against something that was keeping her upright. Her wide, panicked eyes met the concerned, worried ones of Sergeant James Barnes.
She couldn't hear what he said at first, due to the ringing in her ears. She could see his lips moving, and feel his strong arm propping her up so she was able to slump over enough to sit upright without falling.
Are you okay? His lips moved.
Lucy couldn't respond. She figured she was dying as blackness began to settle over her and pain ran through her entire body.
At that moment, Lucy only had one instinct. She had to be rid of whatever was hurting her.
Her hand moved on its own and went to where she was in the most pain. Her ears still rang, causing her head to pound and there was an ache coursing through her entire being that was horrific enough to make her want it all just to end right there and then.
Her vision was still blurry, and she began to have every single one of her senses fade when she felt something in her body that shouldn't have been there.
Something was protruding out of her side. She gripped it tightly in her fist and pulled out, a scream ripping through her body as she clutched it tightly.
Suddenly, all her senses came rushing back to her, and she stared down at what was in her hand and saw a piece of jagged, black shrapnel. Blood began pouring out of her wound and she suddenly felt as though she was going to be sick.
"Fuck! Fuck! Oh, holy fuck! Why did you do that, huh? Jesus Christ! " Sergeant Barnes said in a panicked, fast-paced tone as he pressed his hand urgently to her gaping wound. The pressure felt good, but she nearly felt everything go black again on her once more. "You have to be the dumbest genius I've ever met!" She could hear the laughter in his voice as he tried not to panic too much. Blood rushed over his fingers, "Aren't you supposed to be a doctor or something'?" He teased.
She tried to smile, but it hurt too badly. He laid her down on the ground, and she stared up at him. He looked panicked as he watched her blood flow over his hand and onto the ground. He yelled desperately for a medic. "Not that kind of doctor." She coughed, the iron taste of blood filling up her mouth.
"Fuck, you're gonna be alright, okay doll? You can't die on me, you got that?" He said as his voice shook. Lucy wasn't concentrating on his words, she was focusing on the way his face looked. It was dirty from the explosion, but his deep eyes still were shining through. He looked scared and nervous for her; his lip trembled. A trail of blood was running down his nose and Lucy figured he had to have fallen and hit his head as well before he made his way over to her.
"Why? You worried?" She teased him, and he scoffed, but his grin showed through.
"Yeah, who else will be a pain in my ass if you're not around?"
"I'm sure there's no shortage of people who dislike you." She quipped back.
He chuckled again and pushed harder on her wound to keep the bleeding manageable. She hissed in pain and he flinched at the noise and said quickly "Sorry, sorry! Shit, I'm sorry, doll."
"Doctor," She coughed, still giving him grief even when bleeding out.
"Whatever you say, Doc. How the hell are you still this annoying when you've just yanked a piece of shrapnel out of your ribs?" His eyes couldn't focus on her. They went everywhere from her face to her wound, to their surroundings. He was alert for more bombings, but also keeping an eye for a medical truck.
"Someone's gotta—," She coughed again, the pain settling more but also fading at the same time. She figured her body was going into shock, "put you in your place."
"God, you're fucking annoying." The words he said were harsh and insulting in any other circumstances, but Lucy could tell he was joking. He tried to offer her a small smile, and Lucy felt as though she was calmer in his presence.
A thought flashed in her mind, and suddenly she was up in a second but the pain kept her back down. She winced as he quickly urged her back to her place on the ground, worry in his voice. "Charles? Where's Charles?" Lucy had never been so scared in her life. She looked to the remains of the church as her tears blurred her vision as dread filled her very soul.
"He's—he's alright, I think," Barnes said as she looked around. People were stumbling out of the church as it kept collapsing, and although he didn't see the little man, the number of people exiting looked promising.
"I have to find Charles!" She said again with her voice breaking, the heartbreak notable in her tone.
He looked down at her and saw how worried she was her friend's well-being, he licked his lips and put more pressure on her wound, "Don't worry about him. Just worry about yourself, Doc. He'll be fine." He tried to comfort her. He had never heard her so concerned about someone before, and the feeling of worry she had for her assistant reminded him of his own concern for his men.
She only nodded, too weak to argue. There was nothing she could do for Charles at that moment anyway. Lucy only put her head back down as he kept looking down at her, his expression unreadable but he looked flustered and scared.
He looked around, unable to gaze at her. He hated seeing her like that, and there was something uneasy in his stomach beginning to build. Focusing on anything but her wounds, he kept his hand still pressed to her sticky, blood-soaked garbs. Her eyes kept fluttering open and closed, with each passing moment she became too weak to stay awake.
"Hey, look at me." He urged her, "Keep your eyes open." His voice slightly shook. He wasn't sure if he could handle any more death around him.
"I'm just so tired," She said barely above a whisper, "So tired," Lucy's eyes continued to flutter. She felt her hand grasp for her Star of David pendant as she always did whenever she was scared.
"I know, but don't go to sleep. You have a bad bump on your head and you can't sleep. Just keep talking to me." Lucy was shocked at the effort he was going through to make sure she got through this.
She recalled one of their interactions a few weeks before, trying to give him a weak smile, she said "Thought you said that if it came down to it you wouldn't save me," He had said as much in the cavern below the church. She would have figured he would have left her for dead.
Bucky gave her a defeated smile, he felt himself grow a little woozy at all the blood she was losing, and he tried to keep it together with the best he could, "I lied," He said with a soft reply, his brows furrowed with worry.
She tried to return a weak smile, and he brushed a piece of hair out of her face, "I knew you were full of shit, Barnes."
"Yeah, all bark and no bite." He then pursed his lips before deciding that he didn't want things to end on bad terms with her if this was going to be their final moment, "And it's Bucky." He added for good measure, growing serious to mock her for the way she had demanded to be called by the proper titles, "To you."
"Bucky?" She asked curiously for a moment and then coughed, "God, that's the dumbest nickname I've ever heard."
He only clicked his teeth, "Yeah, so I've been told." He didn't take her insult to heart, knowing by her expression that she was joking.
"I like it." She added. Bucky, she thought as it repeated in her head. She liked the way it sounded.
"I like Lucy too." It suited her more than Emma, he thought. He had never believed that Emma was her real name, and he was right. Bucky was only angry that it had taken him so long for him to realize who she was, and now that he found her, he was worried she would be taken away. Not to mention, he had wasted so much time quarreling with Lucy that he never even took the time to get to know her.
She only snorted, "Don't get too familiar with it," He rolled his eyes at her, "It's still Doctor or Lieutenant when this is done." Lucy tried to frown to prove that she insisted on it, but she found herself unable to.
"Anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?" He shook his head as he looked down at her.
"Once or twice. I've been known to be quite vexing."
"No! You?"
Lucy tried to laugh but ended up choking. She cringed as her body stung more and she hissed. She closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain, "You sure are putting in a lot of effort to keep someone you hate alive,"
Bucky frowned at her words, his heart dropping in his chest and his eyes growing sad, "I don't hate you."
She smirked, egging him on, "Not even a little?" She could feel the ground below her getting more and more soaked with her blood.
Trying not to grin too much, he chuckled before admitting, "Yeah, okay. Maybe a little." He looked down at her wound again and his smile disappeared, he got a serious look in his eyes. He swallowed a lump forming in his throat, causing his Adam's apple to bob up and down. She looked at him and saw the expression of concern on his face. Shock filled her entire being as she realized he actually cared if she lived or died.
"Relax," She hissed again in pain. Her eyes began to flutter closed. It was getting more difficult for Lucy to stay awake with each passing moment. "Don't look so nervous. You're not the one dying here,"
"You are not going to die." He grit his teeth as he insisted. He put more pressure on where she was bleeding with his hand, "You have to live, okay doll? So that way, I can kill you the next time you irritatingly insist on being called Doctor."
"Ah-HA!" She nearly cried as she exclaimed, whimpering as pain ripped through her again. Bucky hissed with frustration as he couldn't stop the bleeding. "I knew you had an alternative motive! Couldn't let that lousy Luffewafe steal your glory."
He chuckled before shaking his head, "No Ma'am." His voice was quiet and smooth. It reminded her of whiskey or velvet and she closed her eyes remembering the echo of it.
Her eyes fluttered open again briefly for only a moment as they looked at each other. Bucky felt his heart break while she laid on the ground, little streams of blood trickling down both her nostrils on the side of her face. More blood slowly fell out of the corner of her mouth. He didn't even want to look down at the hole in her side either, knowing there would be more blood than he could stomach. The crimson of it was a stark contrast compared to her porcelain skin, and he was shocked that she still looked so beautiful. It was horrific and terrifying, and Bucky knew he would remember this sight for the rest of his days and it would haunt his dreams.
"You're not allowed to die." He whispered again, "Do you hear me? That's an order."
Lucy's eyes closed again, and at that time she didn't have the strength to open them. She gripped the little pendant around her neck even tighter, not letting go for even a second. "Bucky?" She said weakly.
"Yeah, doll?"
"If I tell you a secret, will you hold it against me?" Her voice was barely above a whisper and Bucky wanted to scream at how frustrated he was knowing that he was completely useless in saving her.
Bucky let out a pained chuckle, almost as though he was trying to keep it together, even though he was completely unhinged, "Probably. But I might let this one slide, all things considered." He was trying to stay positive for her. He figured if he could at least get her to joke around with him again everything would be alright.
"I'm really scared." Was all she admitted, her voice barely audible.
With those words, Bucky's heart damn near broke. He whispered back, clutching her opposite hand that wasn't holding her necklace in his free one tightly, "Me too."
Lucy didn't recall what happened after that. Her vision faded in and out into black as she was lifted onto a wooden board that was found from the wreckage of the church and carried to the medical truck. As she was moved, Bucky's hand continued to grip her own as he walked alongside her.
When she finally felt his release, her eyes opened just enough to watch him as he waited there while she was lifted in the back of the truck. The engine started, and Bucky continued to stand there, his brows furrowed with worry and a sickening, gut-wrenching, feeling in his stomach.
As the truck began to move and drive away, she kept her eyes on him. His face was the last thing Lucy remembered seeing before being sucked into a void of darkness.
100,000 words and FINALLY Bucky remembers who Lucy is! Geez, talk about a slow burn. I won't apologize for it though, because I love torturing you all. Trust me when I say the wait is worth it once things finally get a little spicier. ;)
I know I said this chapter is my second favorite, but I've been writing like a madwoman the last couple days, and the next two chapters I have planned out are really, really good. They're the perfect amount of fluffy, sad, funny, and just ughh! There is some exciting stuff comin, let me tell you.
If you love me and wish for updates to come in faster, please leave a review. And don't forget to follow and favourite!
-Amelia
