Hellooo! You're probably tired of my endless apologies, right?
Well... I am too but I still have to say; I'm sorry! It is a very crazy time for me right now and there were so many things I had to take care of and some huge changes in my life. It was very hard to find the time to write, and it frustrated me A LOT. I didn't even get the chance to watch the new digimon series, can you imagine? I hate adult life lol.
But I am so happy that I finished this chapter.
First of all; I always thought that the story started in late September but somehow I ended up writing things like 07/29/15 when someone send a message what resulted in the story starting in July. I corrected this now.
And also; please don't be too confused while reading this.
I do not own digimon but I own my OCs. English isn't my first language so please excuse possible errors.
Have fun!
Burnt land.
Lifeless bodies.
A huge explosion.
I can still hear their screams
We lost. Although we gave everything we had.
We still lost.
We lost everything.
Stay with me
The cheer coming from the tribunes intensifies when I block one of the middle field player's passes, winning the ball back finally. My eyes scan the whole field, following each player's movements while my feet carry me over the slightly damp grass on autopilot. I move faster than most soccer players in my age, making it harder for them to catch up with me.
Years of exercising and engaging in the one sport I love most has prepared me for situations like these. I move through the rows of the defenders with ease, the ball never disconnecting with my feet. The opposite goal is about 35 feet away from me. If I can keep up my pace this will be an easy score.
Out of the corner of my eye I spot Kenji running alongside me, shouting for me to pass the ball to him. I can't help but feel irritated by his sheer presence; usually it would be Sora and me who would play like this. One of us would win the ball while the other one follows and scores the goal.
But today's different.
Today's the first time I am playing an important match without her in my team.
Why on earth she transferred to the girls' soccer club is beyond me. But I respect her decision nevertheless.
It still sucks to play without her though.
And the fact that this new Kenji boy who just joined our team last week has the nerve to even try and replace her outrages me.
Man I miss her – OUCH!
The sudden clash with what feels like a bulldozer knocks me down on the ground. I lose my orientation almost immediately and the next thing I know is that I am lying on my back, looking straight into the endless blue sky. The air is knocked out of my lungs and my sights blurs because of the sudden lack of oxygen.
A massive headache kicks in and the sun suddenly seems brighter than before.
I feel sick.
Several different voices sound from all around me. In my disoriented state I have trouble to make out the source of these voices. One of them sounds an awful lot like the one of my sister. Suddenly another voice sounds; a much angrier one. The girl is shouting for the referee, telling him to brandish the red card. However the two girls are drowned out by more shouts coming from what must be the crowd; boos and curses mostly.
I give my best to ignore my headache for a second and try to sit up somehow but the dizziness worsens as soon as I try to move. My body acts on its own, shaking violently and I have to bring up all of my self control not to give in to the feeling and throw up. Fear spreads through me as soon as I realize that I have absolutely no clue what the hell is wrong with me. Or what happened for that matter. The only thing I can make out beside my headache is the fact that I can't get enough air and a weird stinging in my chest.
I must have bumped into someone.
All of the sudden the sun stops blinding me and I stare straight into the worried eyes of my coach. I can see his lips moving but the shouting from the tribunes is too loud for me to hear what he says. The frown on his face deepens as soon as he realizes that I did not understand a thing coming from him.
"Tai!"
Now this is a voice I would recognize everywhere.
Coach is pushed aside by a certain auburn haired girl; the same one who shouted at the referee I am sure. She kneels down next to me and her eyes pierce right through me. I can feel her hand on my forehead, easing the headache somehow.
"Tai we already called 911. Just stay conscious now okay?"
Yeah. I can do that.
"Tai do you hear what I say?" The worry in her voice grows and a frown appears on her face. She wears a similar expression as my coach who is now kneeling on my other side.
Of course I can hear you. Why?
"Why isn't he talking?!" Sora turns towards her ex – coach. She places her hand on my chest what causes an apocalyptic pain to shot through my whole body. I obviously must have made some sound because she immediately withdraws her hand. Both of them stare down at me in shock.
"He must have a broken rib", coach says before he turns towards someone, shouting something I don't understand.
"That asshole hit you good. I'll kill him I swear", Sora mumbles, anger clearly visible in her eyes. Suddenly I feel very sorry for the guy who bumped into me...
Her hand grips mine and although the pain gets worse with every minute passing, I feel weirdly comfortable with her being so near to me.
I try to tell her somehow that I'm fine but no matter how hard I try to force my sight on her, it seems that I'm not able to focus on anything. A weird feeling of weightlessness overcomes me and the image of Sora hovering over me darkens. The voices grow distant and the only thing I can make out are wide, crimson eyes.
"Stay with me Tai!"
Stay with me...
I am.
I am staying with you Sor...
"Babe?"
The sensation of her hand on my cheek I've felt before is gone. The image of my girl's worried face fades away and something dark appears in my sight. I blink several times before I realize that I am staring at a carpet that seems oddly familiar. My confusion only grows when I feel something oblong in my left hand. I loosen my grip I have on the item and stare at the deep red marks on my palm I got from gripping it that hard. My gaze shifts towards the item and I feel my heart sink; my car keys lay in my hand.
What the fuck?
Where am I?
A certain smell of a mixture of roses and vanilla fills my nostrils, accelerating my heartbeat in an instant. There's just no way in hell I could ever forget that smell.
"Baby?" The voice that snapped me out of my dream sounds again and nearly sends me into cardiac rest. I unglue my sight from the keys I am still holding and look up to the person who is leaning on the door frame of what I finally realize is my bedroom.
I catch a glimpse of her toned stomach before her hands block my sight. She's buttoning the last buttons of her white dress shirt, staring at me with her deep crimson eyes. Her Bordeaux hair falls down on either side of her face like a fiery curtain. She's wearing tight black pants and if I recall this sight correctly she'll round this outfit up with a leather jacket; the exact same outfit she wore when we went to college a couple of weeks ago.
What the hell happened?! Why am I seeing my dead girlfriend?
The sight of her is so relieving but at the same time so terrifying that I have trouble to react, let alone to speak up.
Her frown only deepens when I fail to answer her. She takes a step forward, her hand reaching out for me. Her fingers graze my wrist and I can't help but jerk at the sensation of her touching me.
Now I even feel my dead girlfriend touching me?!
Never in a million years would I have thought that I would feel this again.
Let alone see her again. Tears dwell in my eyes and I can feel my heart beating painfully against my chest.
"Sor – ? ", I start but I can't hear myself think right now. My hands are trembling lightly and so is my voice.
I can't believe what I'm seeing right now.
"Tai? Are you okay?"
Her voice feels like heaven and suddenly her hand on mine doesn't fulfill my need to touch her anymore. I want to get up and wrap her in my arms but at the same time I'm scared that she'll disappear the moment I do so. I look down on her fingers that intertwine with mine and subconsciously make a decision.
Whatever the hell this is. I can make the best out of it, right?
I get up from the bed and wrap my arms around her tiny shoulders, clutching her harder than ever before. My heartbeat accelerates even more and I feel like I am suffocating because of all the different emotions that are flooding my mind right now. Pain because I'm not sure if this is real or not. Fear of losing her again... and immense relief because she's with me again. I can feel the tears escaping my eyes but I bury my face in the crook of her neck so she won't catch sight of that right now. Her hair tickles my nose and I dive in the sensation of safety that overcomes me.
I can feel her hesitating for a moment – clearly being a little bit taken aback from my sudden affection – but she places her hands on my shoulder blades, holding me with equal force.
"Tai, please talk to me. Is something wrong?"
I silently shake my head although she can't see it. "No. Not anymore."
Now you're here with me again. I've been drowning for the longest time, and now I can finally breathe again.
"What do you mean? What was wrong before? You're freaking me out right now", she pushes me away from her lightly, just enough so she can look me right into my eyes.
"How can I see you right now Sor?" My voice is higher than usual and I'm still shaking. But no matter how hard I try, I can't put a lid on my emotions right now.
Her eyes widen and her mouth is left slightly ajar; "What are you talking about?"
"Sora y – you were dead! Daemon killed you, you – "
"Did you just say Daemon?" She interrupts me, her eyebrows once again knitted in confusion.
"Yes Daemon! We were fighting the demon lords and – and we got in some trouble and then I – I lost you", I force the last three words out before my voice breaks again and the sight of her blurs from unshed tears. The sheer memory of her dying in my arms sends me back into the depths of the worst kind of pain I've ever felt in my life.
"I lost you and Dylan... and even Kazumi." Although the memory of the twins is a blur, I can still feel the pain of losing them.
The color slowly drowns from her face and she takes a step back. As soon as I can't feel her touch anymore a certain coldness washes over me, making me shiver.
"Who are Dylan and Kazumi?"
What?!
I feel like I've been punched directly in my gut. All of the sudden I feel sick and the longer I stare at her, the worse the feeling becomes. How can she not remember our children who came back from the future?!
"Sor... are you okay?"
Maybe she was sent here after Daemon tried to kill her and somehow lost all her memories?
This is probably some sort of limbus... Maybe she didn't really die but was instead sent here? If so, we can get out of here together. And then she'll be back with me. We'll be together again.
We'll be together again and –
"Are you seriously asking me that? You're the one who's talking weird stuff...", she trails off before she bends down and grabs her bag.
"Listen, I know you must be confused right now and after being here all alone you surely – "
"All alone? Tai what the fuck? We've been living here together for months!" She raises her voice, clearly getting irritated by me.
Oh no... she must be thinking that she's in the real world.
"...With Kari. Speaking of; she's in the kitchen making coffee for us. We should get downstairs right now I really don't want to be late on the first day of the new semester."
Our first day?!
"What did you just say?" I interrupt her without even thinking further. She wears a weird expression on her face; one I have trouble reading.
"What day is it Sor?"
Although the answer scares the shit out of me, I have to know.
"September 28th. Our first day? Did you forget about it?" Her frown is back and a lightly nervous undertone appeared in her speech.
The sickness intensifies and suddenly I am not so sure about my limbus theory anymore. September 28th was the first time I ever dreamed of Alec and his visions.
Maybe I'm the confused one here?
Maybe I didn't stop hallucinating? Maybe all of this was nothing but a terribly long and way too real dream?
A nightmare and nothing more?
"It felt so real", I whisper more to myself than to anyone else. My hands are still shaking and the feeling of a certain kind of fear spreads through me, paralyzing me.
"Babe", her voice is so soft and her touch is a welcoming distraction from my clouded thoughts. Her fingers caress my hand lightly.
"Did you think about what Joe told you about seeing a therapist? I know that you thought you'd be fine but I really think you should see a professional about these dreams you have."
Her words awaken a long lost memory of Joe talking to me about the nightmares I had after the whole Myotismon incident. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, terrified of the images I saw in my dreams. Back then he tried to convince me to go and see someone, to talk about what was bothering me.
But that was all before the real nightmare really began...
Back then before the 28th of September.
If I recall all this time I've spent in the digital world since the demon lords declared war correctly, it should be the end of November by now.
I silently grab my mobile phone and check the date only to be left even more confused than before. There's no doubt that wherever the fuck I am right now, it is the end of September.
Could it be?
All the battles I've fought, all the enemies I faced and all the pain I've felt... was it all an illusion?
"Tai?" Her fingers wrap around mine. The sensation is enough for me to snap out of my deep thoughts and stare into her crimson, worry – filled eyes.
Damn she feels so real.
Remembering that she's still waiting for an answer I clear my throat:" Y – yeah. I'll find a therapist."
Maybe she's right. It's nothing unusual for me to have weird dreams... these kind of nightmares were haunting me for a while now. They just intensified...that must be it.
"I'm sorry Sor, I didn't want to freak you out."
She gives me a warm smile before she leans forward, giving me a peck on my lips that leaves me on fire.
"Don't worry about it. Come on now. I need some caffeine."
She exits the room and only a second later I can hear my sister's voice greeting her cheerfully. As soon as she's gone, doubts come up again.
What if this is some kind of sick game the demon lords are playing with us now?
I take Sora's absence as an opportunity and enter my bathroom. I splash ice cold water in my face in an attempt to somehow calm my nerves but it's of no use. My flawless mirror image only worsens my confusion. The last time I looked at myself my face was laced with several cuts and bruises. The deep scar I had over my left eye is gone too and there's absolutely nothing that somehow would prove the events that took place during the last two months.
Have I gone completely crazy now?
"Tai we have to go! Come down now!" Kari shouts from downstairs. I haven't heard that carefree tone in her voice for weeks.
I exit my bathroom again and grab my bag and car keys before I walk down the stairs, meeting the two girls in the lobby of our penthouse. They already pushed the button for the elevator what gives me the time to look over my home.
It is as tidy as ever – indicating that I am living with two very organized women. The late September sun is shining through the wall – to ceiling windows, engulfing our living room in that beautiful golden light I love so much.
What makes me stop in my tracks however is a certain chair I am sure I have broken when I got drunk a couple of weeks ago. That was the night where Sora had to call Matt because I scared the shit out of her. I don't blame her... I wasn't myself back then.
But that chair being here means that evening never happened either...
"Tai?" The girls call in unison and I snap out of it again. I unglue my gaze from my living room and turn around, entering the elevator.
The elevator doors close and I turn towards my sister; I remember this day so her next words don't surprise me.
"Are you sure you can drop me off?"
However, I'm too stunned by the fact that I knew the literal words she'll use than to respond. Instead my mind drifts off to the memory of this exact elevator ride and my gaze shifts towards Sora; because she's the one who'll respond to that.
And no shit. She does.
"God you know how to get on your brother's nerves huh?" She says, her glance directed at her mobile phone. I remember her texting with Mimi that morning, so I don't even bother to take a look at her screen.
Instead I turn towards my sister who's burning me up with the look in her eyes. I try to hold eye contact as long as I can but I can tell she's seeing right through me. She can tell when I'm hiding something and I know her good enough to know that in her head she's already planning an interrogation.
This is why she'll ask me for lunch before I'll drop her off.
We all climb into my car and I steer the vehicle out of the parking lot of the apartment complex. I stay silent during the ride and the girls eventually stop their attempts of engaging me in their conversation. I really don't feel like talking right now. This is all so fucked up.
My head is a collection of confused images and thoughts that make no sense to me right now.
Although there is a high possibility of me being nuts and the whole demon lords incident being a massive, very real hallucination, I am certain that I have already seen all of this. I lived this day already. And if I lived this one I surely lived through the following ones too. This however means I haven't imagined a thing.
So... maybe I'm not crazy after all?
But why on earth do I feel like my memory is fading away? As if it really was a dream?
The harder I try to remember the base I spent so many hours in, the foggier the memory becomes. And the more I think about the twins, Alec and his brother, the more I seem to forget about them.
I can hardly recall the sound of Kazumi's voice anymore...
And that hurts me in a way I didn't know was possible.
"Tai you have to stop here. Tai?!"
Kari's voice snaps me out for what feels like the hundredth time already and I push the brakes, halting the car in a not so elegant way I usually do.
Sora shots me a confused glance and my sister – kind as always – brushes it off by chuckling lightly: "Looks like someone is in bitter need of caffeine huh?"
"Y – yeah. Sorry", I mumble an apology before taking Sora's hand in mine, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
"That's what you get for dawdling in the morning", Kari says before reaching for the car door.
I'm already exhaling in relief when my sister turns around again, locking eyes with me through the rear-view mirror:" Are you up for lunch today Tai?"
Yep... I've been expecting that question.
"N – no Kari. I really don't feel like eating out today", I try to act as nonchalant as possible but I can tell by her expression that she's not buying it. She furrows her brows lightly at me before she climbs out.
"Okay big brother. Thanks for the lift you two. I'll see you at home." Her smile doesn't reach her eyes but I can tell my girlfriend's mind is too occupied with the worry for me than for her to notice that.
But I sure as hell do.
Kari shots me one last glance before she turns around and enters the schoolyard. T.K and Davis are already waiting for her. I'll watch her greeting the two boys before Davis turns around and waves towards us, a bright smile on his face. T.K follows his example before the three of them enter the building, laughing like they haven't a care in the world.
I sigh quietly and steer the car back onto the road, focusing completely on the traffic so I have an excuse to ignore Sora whose presence is still freaking me out in a weird way.
I can feel her hand squeeze mine before she speaks up:" You're so quiet."
Her words feel as familiar as this whole damn morning and I can even recall the exact words I used when I replied to her.
Just enjoying the silence love...
But instead of giving her an answer now I just shot her a small smile:" I'm fine Sor."
Once again she frowns at me what makes me feel guiltier than ever. She's worrying about me and instead of talking to her about it I'm pushing her away, again.
Well... technically I tried to tell her what was going on and she told me to get help. So maybe pushing her away is the best option at the moment?
"Okay... I love you", she speaks up again, her voice so soft and the meaning of her words so pure that I can literally feel how I'm breaking apart on the inside.
I thought I'd never hear those words coming from her again. Now I'm here and living the impossible.
Don't let it get to your head. This can't be real.
"I love you too Sor", I whisper quietly, driving into the parking lot of our university.
I kill the engine and follow Sora out of the car and into the building. As naturally as ever she takes my hand and leads me through the hallway to the right room. I hear several other students greet us in the hallway but I don't pay any attention to it. People know that I'm not a morning person so I guess they won't take it personally.
We enter the right room and Sora leads me up the stairs. I scan the room and feel my heart skip a beat when I spot Matt and Mimi who are already seated in our usual seats. As soon as Mimi catches sight of us she smiles brightly and waves, causing Sora to take a turn and approach both of them.
I don't know why but the sight of my best friend makes me even more nervous than spending time with my dead girlfriend. Sora plops down next to Mimi and doesn't pay me any more attention which I am more extremely grateful for. I sit down next to Matt and mumble a 'good morning' before I lean back in my seat and try to calm down my nerves. I feel like my head is going to explode soon.
If I am remembering this day correctly, Phoenix will enter this room any minute and introduce himself as our new professor in world religions.
"Tai? Did you hear what I said?" Matt's voice snaps me out and I turn to him.
"N – no. What did you say?"
"That you don't look so good", he looks at me, his deep blue eyes full of concern. Usually I would turn this into a joke, saying something like 'well you don't look that handsome either but that's no news' but I really don't feel like myself right now... so why act like it?
I debate for a second to try and talk to him about how I cannot remember how I ended up here or how I'm not sure anymore what is real or not. But seeing how Sora reacted and how worried she already is I decide to just drop it for now. There's really no reason for me to worry my best friend too.
And damn... what prove do I have that I haven't been dreaming all of this anyway? All my injuries are gone, my digimon partner isn't here. My friends don't remember a thing and seem more carefree than ever.
Maybe Sora is right after all and I really lost it.
Maybe being held in Myotismon's castle and seeing a good friend die in front of me did more damage to my subconsciousness than I assumed at first?
Maybe I really do need help.
"I'm just tired. First day and all ... ", I trail off but my lie is obviously reasonable enough for Matt to buy it and just drop the subject.
All of the sudden the door opens again and I feel the sickness come back in an instant. Dressed in dark washed jeans, a white shirt and a black blazer, Phoenix walks up to the desk and places his bag on it before he takes the chalk and writes his name on the board; Mr. Hawkins.
He starts with greeting every one of us and explaining his whole lecture, how we are going to write a journal and so on. My friends all wear similar expressions of interest and the girls write down some notes. Much to my dismay however they don't even look the slightest as if they would recognize him.
"This guy has a degree in occultism. God only knows how he ended up teaching world religions", Mimi whispers, getting a chuckle of Sora in response.
"How do you know that?" I ask her.
"Look at him. He's hot; I googled him the second I knew he would be our prof."
"O wow Meems I'm impressed. Did you google me too?" Matt asks, a wide grin plastered on his face. Mimi just smiles lightly before turning her gaze back to Phoenix who started a group discussion about silence.
Rather than engaging into that discussion that left me very confused in the beginning of the semester, I just lean back in my seat and close my eyes. Since this is what I usually do during lectures the others leave me alone for now. Thank god.
"Well I'd say you appreciate the silence after... let's say an explosion caused by two immense energies colliding." I can hear Phoenix' words through my light slumber and my eyes dart open.
Images of WarGreymon standing in front of us appear all of the sudden and the sound of digimon screaming out in pain rings in my ears. I feel light headed all of the sudden and I grip the edge of my desk in an attempt to make it go away.
I look up to Phoenix and gulp nervously when I am met with his ice blue eyes staring directly at me.
The image is gone as suddenly as it appeared, leaving me more confused than ever.
What the hell was that now?
Am I remembering something?
"But you can be trapped in silence too, right?" A student who's sitting a few rows in front of us asks.
Phoenix turns towards her and crosses his arms:" You mean like being trapped in your mind? A coma, maybe?"
"Y – yeah." I can tell I'm not the only one he's making nervous.
"I wouldn't say that you'd be faced with silence when you are knocked out", he starts.
His gaze searches mine again and when our eyes meet he continues:" when someone experiences something so awful that it leaves one traumatized, our brain makes something very interesting; it fades out everything around us. It literally creates a world – a parallel world – that feels like a dream in the beginning but the longer you're in it, the realer it becomes. This is our bodies' way of protecting us. Obviously your brain doesn't think you're strong enough to cope with what is really going on right now."
The further he goes with his explanation the sicker I feel. But he also leaves me wondering about something ...
My hand shots up without me even intending to do it:" How do you get out of this dream then?"
He smiles lightly at me:" well, you just have to wake up I guess."
The room is dead silent and I can tell no one knows what to say to that anymore. I can feel the surprised glances of my friends but I choose to ignore them for now. Instead I focus on Phoenix who holds my gaze for a while before he turns towards the whole class again.
"I think that is enough for today. Your first assignment will be to write one or two paragraphs about what exactly silence means to you and whether it is a good thing or not. You can spend the rest of today's lecture to start. Or you can leave now and hand it in by the end of the week."
"Oh I like this guy", Mimi says before packing her things and standing up immediately. We follow her example and walk down the stairs again.
I look over to Phoenix who's sitting at his desk, reading something in what looks like a very old book. It kind of reminds me of those he used to read back in the base. Although the memory is kind of foggy right now I am sure they looked like this.
"Eh guys. I'll catch up with you later okay?" I don't even bother to wait for an answer. Instead I jog over to Phoenix' desk.
I feel my heartbeat in my throat but I just have to at least try and get some answers. And if not him, who else could tell me what the fuck is going on?
I come to a halt in front of him, causing him to look up to me in interest. I'm not sure if I saw a hint of recognition pass by in his eyes or if I'm just imagining things now.
"I can tell you were very interested in my lecture today", he says, the sarcastic tone being obvious.
I give him an apologetic smile:" I'm no morning person."
"I can tell."
He stares at me with that intense glance of his and I can't help but feel uneasy. This guy is supposed to be dead but he's sitting in front of me, literally piercing me up with his gaze. His expression softens before he offers me his hand:" I'm Will."
I shake his hand but before I can stop me from saying what I think it's already too late:" Why lie about your name?"
The sympathy is wiped off his face as soon as the words are out and he withdraws his hand. He stands up slowly and examines me with deep interest.
"How would you know?"
I ignore his question for now.
"I get it now. Phoenix – Hawkins. Funny really. But why would you lie to me and tell me a false name?"
He cracks a small smile that doesn't reach his eyes – much like the one of his older brother.
"I'm used to students researching about me. But you sure as hell did your homework very well. I'm impressed."
I can't deny the disappointment I feel by hearing his answer:" You don't know who I am, do you?"
He knits his eyebrows in confusion:" Should I?"
I lower my gaze and sigh deeply.
It's useless. Everything I was so sure I've experienced was an illusion. I'm a freaking psycho.
"Are you okay Tai?" I can feel Phoenix' hand on my shoulder and him calling me by my name ignites that tiny flame of hope inside of me again. I look up to him and this time I am sure that he knows who I am, although he acts like he doesn't.
"I didn't tell you my name yet."
"What did you want to ask me?" He ignores my statement completely.
"I uh – why do you think I wanted to ask you something?"
"There must be a reason why you come to me. Usually you seek advice from someone who's related to me. But you haven't seen him yet, did you?"
I can't do anything than to stare at him wide – eyed. He caught me completely off guard.
"So you do know who I am?"
He ignores my question again:" Ask me what you really want to know."
"I – don't know I – ... just tell me that I haven't lost my mind. Please."
I just need someone to tell me that the last two months weren't a hallucination.
"Why do you think you did?"
"I – I was in the base. We were fighting against the demon lords. You, Alec, the digidestined and – "
And who?
"Me, Alec and... ?" Phoenix frown deepens and his grip on my shoulder hardens.
Phoenix, Alec... my team. And there were two more. But who?
I can feel my heart ache all of the sudden and fresh tears dwell in my eyes.
How can I not remember them?!
"You're forgetting already. " Phoenix states before he lets go of me.
"N – no I'm not forgetting a thing! I – I'm just confused right now. For all I know I could have just imagined things."
"You and I both know that it wasn't a hallucination. But you want it to be, don't you?"
His words feel like a punch in the face. I look up to him in shock and although every cell in my body screams at me to deny what he just said, I stay silent.
"You found a way to get out of it. To be with her again. I can't blame you for wanting to stay here forever", Phoenix says, packing his things in his bag and shouldering it.
"But you seriously should stop running away from your fears. This is not what you stand for." He shots me one last glance before he exits the room.
It takes me several seconds to process what he just said.
So that means everything was real and something must have happened that knocked me out somehow, otherwise I wouldn't be here.
But what?
The last thing I remember is walking with my team through the desert after losing Sora.
Where were we headed? And what happened afterwards?
And why on earth can't I remember the other two people who were accompanying us?
Judged by the pain I feel by the sheer memory of their presence they must have meant a lot to me.
Then how could I ever forget them?
I jog out of the room, hoping that I'll catch up with Phoenix again but a tiny little voice in my head tells me that he won't be there anymore. And no shit; the hallway is empty. I'm all alone.
I slowly walk towards the exit and feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. While walking towards my car I read Sora's message;
17.09PM, SORA; I'm going to grab something to eat with Mimi, Kari and Yolei. See you at home?
I confusedly stare at the time on my mobile phone and realize only when I look over the parking lot and see that my car is actually the last one standing here, how late it already is.
How is it possibly evening already?! It was morning an hour ago!
I quickly type a response to Sora, telling her to have fun and start walking. I'll come back for my car later; right now I just need so sort out my thoughts.
I walk aimlessly around, not thinking about anything in particular and just enjoy the slightly cold breeze. The streets are filled with people who mostly stare down on their phones and don't notice anything what is going on around them. The sound of the traffic grows distant as soon as I turn around and walk through a very familiar sidewalk that leads me directly to the one place I subconsciously was walking to; the beach.
The slightly salty smell of the sea fills my nostrils and I don't waste another second before walking down the shore. At this point I really don't care about the fact that the sand is ruining my sneakers right now. The breeze intensifies, blowing my hair out of my face and allowing me to take a deep breath of fresh air. I feel the headache that accompanied me during the whole day fade away finally and my shoulders relax.
If I really think about it; why do I even bother if this is real or not? My friends are all okay, my sister seems genuinely happy and is going to school... Sora's alive. If what Phoenix said today was true and my brain is really playing with me right now I don't want it to stop. I'm already forgetting what happened and I can't even remember some of my friends I fought alongside with. So why even bother and – BAM
I stumble backwards and land in the slightly damp sand, my headache kicking in at full force again.
"Oh mister! I'm so sorry!" A boy's voice sounds. I shake my head, trying to get my orientation back and look up to the boy who went and grabbed his soccer ball.
The boy has dark messy hair and is dressed in white pants and a matching white hoodie. He slowly walks back towards me and smiles apologetically:" I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hit you."
"It's fi – ", I stop in the middle of my sentence when I look up to the boy finally.
Suddenly an awful image of a whole roof crashing down on a little kid overwhelms me and the longer I stare into his greyish blue eyes, the clearer the memory gets. A house on fire, a best friend who tried to save him but failed... his father who didn't make it on time. And a life full of regrets.
"It's weird isn't it?" The boy says, staring straight at me with an unreadable expression.
I swear I'm going to be sick any minute.
He however doesn't even bother to wait for an answer, instead he just continues:" you'd love to stay here forever. But you know that this is just too good to be true."
"I – I don't know what you're talking about." I shakily get back on my feet and look down at the boy who's still staring at me.
"You should wake up Tai."
"What – "
"Akira!" Another voice sounds and I swear I just felt my heart stop for a second. I turn towards a man who's jogging towards us, a familiar annoyed expression on his face.
"Akira, how many times do I have to tell you not to annoy strangers?" The man grabs what seems to be his son by his wrist and pulls him away from me.
"Mom tells you not to annoy her too but you still do it anyway", the boy replies, a mischievous grin on his face.
The man's features harden and he glares angrily at his son. However the amused glint in his eyes doesn't go unnoticed by me.
I stare at the guy completely dumbfounded. I know him. I certainly do, but who is he?
He looks at me with an equal confused glance. His ice – grey eyes bore into me and I can tell he is waiting for me to say something but the fact that I can't remember this guy's name is leaving me speechless.
"I uh... I know you", I stammer, trying my hardest to remember his name but fail miserably.
He knits his eyebrows, wearing a contemptuous expression:" Do you really?"
What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why can't I remember a thing?!
The man let's go of his son and approaches me slowly. Although he looks kind of dangerous, I don't feel the desire to back off. He places both of his hands on my shoulders and looks deep into my eyes. I can feel the bond between us but no matter how hard I try; I can't remember him.
"Or did you forget me too?"
It's only when I smell the unmistakably scent of bourbon on his breath that my headache intensifies and a name pops up in my head.
"Alec."
He cracks a genuine smile before he let's go of me;" living in a dream is very easy Tai. But you were never the one who choose the easy way, were you?"
No. I wasn't.
"You should wake up man", he gives me a friendly clap on my back before he turns around and grabs his son's hand, walking towards the city again.
"Alec! Wait I – ", but he's gone already.
Man... my head hurts.
HOME
The elevator's "bing" makes me jump but I don't let the images of a glassed elevator in a giant base get to my head now. I walk into our lobby and let my gaze wander over the chair that is supposed to be broken and the clear, white wall that's supposed to have bourbon stains on it. The whole penthouse is silent what makes it obvious that the girls must be either asleep or at least in bed already.
The curtains on the windows are closed – a habit of Kari she took up after she was attacked by Myotismon here almost a year ago.
I silently walk up the stairs and enter mine and Sora's bedroom. She's fast asleep already, the blanket covering only a small part of her back. God only knows how she always manages to get tangled up that much. Her Bordeaux hair is draped over her pillow and she's clutching my blanket. Her tiny chest rises and falls steadily and she's wearing a peaceful smile on her face.
She looks like a damn angel.
The sheer sight of her hurts me and when I start to think about having to live without her again I want to scream out. No matter how hard I try; I can't live without her. And if I'm being honest; I don't want to either.
What if I'm selfish this one time? What if I just forget about what has happened and stop holding onto these foggy memories? I can just stay here in my imaginary dream world made up from my brain to prevent me from going completely crazy, right? I don't have to fear for my friends' lives here and I don't have to feel the pain of losing anyone.
I could be happy here.
So why do I feel so guilty then?
"Babe?" Sora's drowsy voice sounds and she opens her eyes. As soon as she lays eyes on me she seems fully awake and leans up on her elbows. Her hair is a fiery mess and the black tank top she's wearing slipped off her shoulder but she doesn't seem to mind.
"Yeah, I'm here", I answer before I sit down on the bed right next to her. She sits up finally and takes my hand in hers.
The touch ignites a fire in me I thought was damped down the moment I lost her. I don't ever want to let go of her.
"Tai, please just talk to me. What is wrong with you?" She pleads, the worried expression she wore all day coming back.
I just shake my head and wrap my arms around her, inhaling her unique scent. I try to somehow memorize the exact feeling of her in my arms so I won't ever regret not cherishing simple things like that anymore.
"I'm just glad you're here", I whisper quietly.
"I was never gone", she whispers back.
"Yes. You were."
She places both of her hands on my chest and pushes me away from her lightly so she can lock eyes with me:" What is it that you fear so much that it prevents you from waking up?"
What?
"Sor what – ?"
"I was never gone Tai", her expression turns serious and her grip on me hardens.
"But you were! You left me!" I have to pull myself together so I won't scream in her face but she's driving me crazy right now.
Her expression softens again before she lays both of her hands on either side of my face.
"Babe... we'll never be apart anymore. I promise", she says, her right hand running through my messy hair.
Yes we won't. Because I'll stay here with you forever.
"But you seriously have to wake up now." The soft undertone of her voice is gone and replaced by a weird urgency I can't retrace where it is coming from all of the sudden.
No. No I don't want to wake up.
I tighten my hold on her as if I'm fearing that she'll vanish any second.
Vanish... like someone else I loved.
I can remember how both of them just turned into dust all of the sudden. And it left me heartbroken.
Who were they?
"Tai, do you hear me?" Sora's voice grows distant all of the sudden.
I feel like am falling again.
"Tai wake up!" She sounds worried. No. actually, she sounds terrified.
TERRA FORCE!
WarGreymon appears in front of my inner eye, standing in front of what looks like a poor, colorless copy of him. He was determined to kill him, no matter on what costs.
"Wake up damn it!"
We helped him by giving him part of our powers...
"Please Tai! Wake up!"
Who is this?
But WarGreymon didn't consider the consequences of the immense explosion that both of their attacks would cause.
Images of my friends lying unconsciously on the ground come back, crashing down on me. Alec reaching out for me...
Stay with me Tai!
The images change again and suddenly I can see a guy who could easily pass of as my twin standing in the middle of a destroyed battle field, holding onto his chest and looking at us for help.
"Uh guys... I don't feel so well"
I lost him. And his sister.
"Tai! Wake up!"
The twins. It was the twins; Dylan and Kazumi.
The headache intensifies and all of the sudden a shrill ringing sounds in my ear. I feel an enormous pain in my chest, preventing me from taking a deep breath what results in me panting like crazy. I'm sure I have several broken ribs because with every breath I try to take, I can feel a sting in my chest, similar to the one I felt all those years ago when I got knocked over on the soccer field. But this time, it feels worse.
The smell of burnt land fills my nostrils and awakens in me the desire to cough. I focus on breathing through my mouth rather than through my nose because I'm sure if I start coughing now with these injuries in my rip cage I'll probably die because of the pain.
A warm liquid is flowing down my temple and I can feel the specific metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I try to move somehow but the only thing I'm capable of doing is patting the rocky, hard ground I'm lying on.
Something went terribly wrong.
I feel two ice cold hands on my cheeks and the voice that was so distant before grows clearer the more conscious I get.
"Wake up Tai! Please don't be dead. Please!"
As I said before... A voice I would recognize everywhere.
"Please open your eyes!" I can clearly hear her panicking but the fear that I fell into another dream prevents me from opening my eyes.
This is impossible...
She can't be here, can she?
"Wake up!"
I pull myself together, ignoring all the different painful sensations all over my body and force my eyes to open.
My breath hitches.
"Sor?!"
End of Chapter 21.
Phew... are you confused? If so, please ask!
I tried to make it as clear as possible as to what happened here. But you know me already; reading between the lines is important in my fics.
I know this chapter was heavilly focused on Tai... but hey he's my favorite so I guess I'm allowed to focus on him every once in a while. (okay okay I'm always focusing on him hehe)
NoctIsFishing; did you find yourself in this chapter? ;)
How did you like it?
I'll start working on chapter 22 soon. But I'm not making any promises when I'll be able to upload.
'See' you soon guys! Don't give up on me : )
20.08.20
