life-saver

Rating: T
Pairing: Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb
Summary: ""Oh, I've never done a nude ritual before," Josh says, catching sight of what he's doing, and Newt freezes.

"Ritual?" he squeaks.

"Yeah, we usually do them clothed…I dunno, is that like, a regional thing?" Josh asks, tilting his head."


"I should be over him," Newt moans, and buries his face in his hands. The other, across the table from him, gives an awkward cough. Newt barrels on, despite his date's obvious self-consciousness. "It's just, like, you know, right? He's always like," he clears his throat, going for Hermann's accent. "'Newton, why are you always hounding me?', or 'Newton, why do you never shut up', or 'Geiszler, you are the bane of my life, why won't you leave me be!?'."

"Er," his date opines, and Newt continues.

"Like, what am I supposed to say? Throw my arms up at the sky and shout, 'Because I will never be over you, Hermann!'?" he huffs; shakes his head. "Nah. So, anyway, enough about me."

That's the right thing to say, apparently, because the man across from him perks up, finally, no longer poking at his food. "Well," he says, "the recent kaiju attack's got everyone excited, you know." He shoots Newt a look—searching, with something Newt's not sure he understands.

Still, he grins; this is his headspace, basically—the kaiju. "Yeah," he agrees, "I mean, did you see her? Like, fuck, man, I've never seen that kind of enhancement before—I mean, like, with the way she was like, practically tailor-made as an opponent for Hyperion, just," he pauses for a breath, and then, knees jittering beneath the table, "like, wow, you know? Just...wow. Wow."

"Yeah," the other—Josh, Newt remembers, finally—"marvellous, right?"

"Uh huh," Newt hums, and twirls his spaghetti around his fork. "They really are, dude. Beautiful, too, you know?"

Josh's smiling, now, too, broadly; Newt's earlier misstep with his moping about Hermann forgotten. "Oh, yes," he breathes, "beautiful creatures, truly—and to think, there are those who don't appreciate them!" He laughs; shakes his head.

Newt nods. "Yeah, man, I feel you," he replies, "I swear, everyone I work with is like...they just don't get it, you know? But you—you do—"

"Are you guys done?"

It's the waiter—he's got the bill. Newt glances down at his plate; finds it empty, as is Josh's. Huh. Time flies.

For the barest second, something flashes across the other's expression before it's gone. "I have an appointment I need to get to soon," he says apologetically, "but, uh, if you want, we can do this again...?"

"Uh—yeah, yeah," Newt stumbles over the words, "uh—" before he can grab the bill, though, Josh's got his card out, and, with a charming smile, hands it to the waiter. Newt rubs his neck awkwardly. "I'll pay next time," he offers, "uh, I don't know when I'll be free next, so—" he pats down his pockets for his phone; unlocks it. "I'll, uh, text you, if you can just—"

He hits his elbow against the table while handing the phone over and gives a hiss of pain. Josh doesn't notice; he's not moving, even, eyes fixed on—

Ohh, Newt thinks. "Uh," he laughs, and tugs his shirt-sleeve down, "look, dude, I—"

"No, no, it's quite alright," Josh reassures, finally takes the phone, puts his number in, "I understand—I've just never seen anyone with that style before."

A wave of relief crashes over Newt, and he smiles slightly. "Yeah—I got the first one in '13—I was at MIT then, and I knew a friend of a friend who owed me a favour, so..." he tugs at the cuff of his sleeve. "Usually people get pretty worked up about them, but you're chill. It's nice meeting others, you know?"

Josh nods. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," he replies, and flashes Newt a smile before rising from the booth.


"—Newton!" Hermann yells, rapping his fingers against the desk.

Newt blinks, raising his gaze to find the mathematician red-faced, smoke practically pouring out of his ears. "...ye-es?" he asks, and turns his phone over, thumbing the on/off button.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" Hermann snaps.

"Uh..." Shit, shit, shit. Think, fast. "Nope, I kinda tuned out when you started saying stupid shit," he replies flippantly, and then wishes he could smack himself in the face. Wrong move, stupid, stupid, stupid!

Hermann purses his lips tightly, looking a bit like he's been sucking on a lemon. "I cannot believe—! Newton Geiszler, you—you—you!" he shouts, brows furrowed, a glare on his face; reaches up, without thought, to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose to better focus the laser-like intensity of his gaze upon Newt.

Newt sneaks a look at his phone.

"Newton Geiszler!" Hermann roars, and shakes a finger at him, red as a beet—which is to say, verging on an ugly purple, which cannot possibly healthy... "I am trying to speak to you about important matters, and you cannot even have the courtesy to pay attention?"

Newt feels a tad bit like he's in highschool again, too young, and sitting in the principal's office for setting fire to the science portables. "Well, I haven't set anything on fire," he mutters, "so I don't know what all the fuss is about."

"You spilt kaiju viscera on the clean cups and nearly poisoned me when I went for my morning tea!" Hermann retorts, loudly, "would it kill you to follow OSHA guidelines for once in your life, Newton..."

"Uh, I dunno, man," he shrugs, "I've never tried."

That leaves Hermann sputtering with rage; he'll calm down in a bit—they both know Newt isn't that reckless, really, but he does kind of enjoy pushing Hermann's buttons. He checks his phone again. "Hey, Hermann?" he says, once the other no longer looks like he's about to explode, "do you have anything you need me to do for you tomorrow?"

"No," Hermann huffs, "why?"

"Oh, no reason," Newt says; waves a hand. "I've got a date is all, and I figured I'd be nice and grab you something if you needed it—and give you the peace and quiet you're always harping on about."

Hermann stands stock-still. "A...date?" he asks, sounding slightly strangled.

"Yeah," Newt says, "you know, when you meet people you don't know, go out for food, maybe, in order to scope out possible romantic partners...?"

"Yes, thank you, Newton, I do know what a date is," Hermann snaps. "I was simply...surprised, is all."

"Mm," Newt hums, "well, surprise! I have a date—tomorrow. Nice guy—Joshua Halter, tall, blonde, handsome, likes kaiju as much as I do...you'd hate him."

Hermann scowls. "Well," he says. "Well. Have...fun. On your date." He spits the word out like it's venom.

"Yeah, I hope I have fun, too," Newt grins and throws in a wink for good measure.

Hermann's look grows blacker.


Yes, perhaps searching the internet for information about Newton's date is a bit far and jealousy-driven; Hermann will own up to that.

And yes, perhaps asking Tendo to do a background check on him is a bit of an overreaction; Hermann will admit.

But—

Well, there's something about it that just doesn't sit right with him.

'Just as into kaiju as me', Newt had said—but, well, the only other people Hermann can think of who are just as into kaiju as he is are...well.

Kaiju cultists.

It's probably nothing. Hermann's probably overreacting.

But.

It niggles at the back of his mind, and, well—better safe than sorry, as Newton loves to say.

And right now, he is very, very glad for his paranoia, because Joshua Halter, as Tendo has just told him, is not a fellow kaiju enthusiast of Newt's; he's a fairly high-ranking member of the kaiju cult, the Beauno Kai.

Newton really has the worst luck.

"Fortune favours the brave," Hermann scoffs, dialling, again, the biologist's number and reaching only voicemail. "Fortune favours the brave—hah! You moron, Geiszler, you're going to get killed—or worse, abducted by a cult! Answer, you bastard, answer!" "Uh, Hermann?" Tendo asks, tentatively. "You realise you're probably overreacting, right? Like, Newt is probably just busy on his date—it's rude to answer your phone on a date—"

"He could be dead!" Hermann shouts, and goes back to furiously redialling the utter moron that is his labmate, to no avail.


Newt's phone rings again.

This is a bit of an issue, given that he's currently trying to stumble through the darkened living-room of his date, and the sound is only disorienting him. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he chants, and fumbles to turn it to silent.

Josh waves him off. "Sorry about the lights," he apologises, "the power's been out since yesterday and my landlord can't get anyone to come look at it until at least tomorrow."

"Nah, I've had worse," Newt assures, "okay, so, which way is your bedroom...?"

Josh shoots him a look that Newt can't see properly in the darkness. "My bedroom...?"

"Yes, your bedroom," Newt says, slowly. Jesus, what is this guy thinking... "I mean, unless you'd rather do it out here, though I gotta say, man, that will not be comfortable, for either of us."

"Oh," Josh says, "yeah, you're probably right. This way..."

Newt begins to undo the buttons on his shirt.

"Oh, I've never done a nude ritual before," Josh says, catching sight of what he's doing, and Newt freezes.

"Ritual?" he squeaks.

"Yeah, we usually do them clothed...I dunno, is that like, a regional thing?" Josh asks, tilting his head.

Newt tries not to freak the fuck out and succeeds fairly well, all things considered. "I, uh, I just realised," he stammers, "I left my—my oven on, my flat could burn down any moment, I'm so sorry, I really have to go now—"

"I thought you said you didn't bake—?"

He backs out of the room, leaving Josh confused, but not attempting to follow after him; grabs his boots and slides them on hurriedly, re-buttoning his shirt as he goes, and nearly runs out the door.

He pulls out his phone; fifteen missed calls, all from Hermann.

He hits call back.

It only rings a few times before Hermann picks up. "Oh, thank god, Newton, you're alright—"

"Dude, I've been dating a kaiju cultist!" Newt shouts.

There's a moment of silence. Then Hermann says, "I know. Why do you think I've been calling you for the last fifteen minutes—Tendo just finished the background check on Joshua Halter."

"I can't believe I thought he was just another kaiju enthusiast," Newt groans, "ugh, I need something strong when I get back."

There's a pause, and then Hermann says, "I'll put the coffee on."

"Thanks," Newt sighs, "you're a lifesaver."

"Yes, I am," Hermann says, smugly, and hangs up.