Lucie had snuck out in the morning before Marnie or Shane woke. Jas had seen her standing in the kitchen and when Lucie had mimed writing, brought her some paper and a pen. Lucie had pressed her finger to her lips and shooed the young girl back to bed, before writing a heartfelt thank you note to Marnie, promising to have her and Shane over for dinner one night. She paused after she wrote it and then quickly added in brackets 'and of course, any plus ones you may want'.
Placing it against the kettle, she clicked the pen shut, moved quietly away and hauled the bags on to her shoulders. And she was gone.
The week that followed was glorious. It was like the feeling of calm that washed over you after a long cry, but, weather. The sun beat; warmth radiated from sky and earth alike, a glow of summer sweeping over everything.
Lucie got so much done that week. Her crops were growing exactly how they were meant to, the cow actually produced milk daily and seemed pleased to see her every time she walked into the barn. Even Diogenes, the chicken from hell, wasn't as much of a dick as usual.
He still screamed, but it was an affectionate scream. Like he hated her a little less than usual.
Lucie hummed to herself as she moved around the farm, hummed as she wandered into the town, hummed as she mined. She smiled genuinely at everyone she met, and gave them whatever was to hand, instead of questioning how much money she could get for it before handing it over. Shallow, but she was broke - but this week she did not care. Everyone could have anything, because Lucie was Happy and things were Good.
She waved at Shane every morning for 8 days, offering him anything from pepper poppers (which Marnie had told her were his favourites, then sent her the recipe, and Lucie definitely didn't make a huge batch in order to justify giving Shane a lot of them) to quartz. The quartz didn't go down well, and since he called it trash, Lucie gave him her actual trash the next day, with a shit-eating grin on her face. The grin must have been infectious as he'd unwillingly smiled back, and then binned it in Gus' bin.
Gus would forgive him. Probably.
Lucie had even bought another two chickens, that was how much of a good mood she was in - she was willing to not just double the Diogenes-related-angst, but triple it. She named her chickens Plato and Sophocles, and was almost disappointed that Plato was a quiet, contented chicken. Sophocles squawked at her, but it was nothing compared to the screams from Diogenes. Sophocles sounded like he was saying 'why' when he made his little chirps, it was fantastic. Lucie was sure she'd be annoyed at it within a the next week, but for now, it was excellent.
Then it started raining. It wasn't heavy, not like the thunderstorm of last week, just a little drizzle.
It did damp Lucie's good mood to some degree, but she had waterproofs, and she had work to do.
She popped in to Pierre's, partially to see if he had a bigger bag for sale, but mostly to say hi to Shane, who she knew would be looking at the frozen dinners. But he wasn't there. Lucie forgot all about the bag, and left Pierre's with a half-hearted wave.
He wasn't in the JoJo Mart either.
Or on the Ranch.
Worry set into Lucie's face, burrowing lines into her forehead. She stood in the rain, looking around through the drizzle, peering slightly, and trying really hard not to think of all the times he'd joked (or not joked) about wanting to die. About all the times she had helped him home when he'd drank too much and thrown up in a bush somewhere - luckily he'd never remembered her helping him. And they were getting much less frequent. He'd barely been in Gus's all week.
Her foot hit against an empty beer can. It wasn't tossed to the side, just lying in front of the small bridge across the river. Picking it up, Lucie breathed out a shaky breath and headed towards the cliffs.
Please no.
Shane lay on his back and let the rain fall on to his face. Things seemed to swirl around him, the rain curving as it fell. He watched individual drops, trying to work out which bit of his face they would hit, and got it wrong every time.
Not really that surprising. He often got things wrong. No wonder it was just him, lying here, alone. He rolled over to the side, and reached for another beer.
He downed it in one go, then let his head flop to the ground, lying face down in the mud, can still in hand, the last dribbles of beer draining towards his head. He fumbled for another drink with his free hand, but it collided with a boot. Shane lifted his head slightly. The world was fuzzy, but he knew those boots. He knew the legs in them too. He'd thought about those legs wrapped around him, and he hated himself for it - what kind of creep must Lucie think he was? If she knew some of the things he'd thought about, she'd hate him for it.
"Shane." Oh, shit, she was actually here. He tried to say her name, tried to apologise, but his tongue was too thick, too heavy. He hiccuped out something that wasn't quite 'Lucie' but it was close.
"I'm, hic, I'm sorry." He spoke without lifting his head off the ground, almost taking a mouthful of dirt in the process. Lucie's feet moved around him, and she sat between him and the cliff edge. His head was tilted towards her and he shut his eyes so he didn't have to see her concerned face. Just another person he'd let down. "My life, is just such a joke." Oh no, no he was talking, he shouldn't be talking. "It's.. uh, just, fuck, look at how pathetic this is. I don't know why I even try, why, why do I try? I'm just too small, and too stupid to even-" a sob broke free of his lips, lifting his chest as it ripped itself out of him. "-to even take control of my life. I'm such a piece of shit that I can't even take control of it - I came here a lot. Before. And just look down and here's a chance to actually take control of my life and I'm too much of a coward to do it."
"Good." Lucie's hand was suddenly on his shoulder. When had it got there? He didn't want to look at her, but her voice. It kept going. He clung to it like drowned man to flotsam. "Shane, I am so glad that you're a coward if being a coward is what's kept you here."
"I just feel so anxious." The confession was out. The beer made him keep talking, and he finally looked up at Lucie. His eyes were too blurry to make out her expression, but he looked at her openly. "All I do is work and sleep and drink, and I only drink to… to, to try to dull the feelings of self-hatred that are just there all the time. Why shouldn't I just roll off this cliff right now?"
Lucie's hands suddenly grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back on to his back, rolling him slightly further from the edge. She planted her knees in the ground, staying firmly between him and the cliff edge.
"I'm not moving," she said. "So, if you roll off this cliff, you have to take me with you. But, you want reasons?" Shane nodded blearily at her. "Okay, fine. Jas - you saw how upset she was at the mention that you might not need future plans. Dying isn't fair on her, she's lost her parents, she doesn't need to lose you too."
"She has Marnie." Did Lucie really think Shane hadn't thought about this?
"Good point. Marnie would be crushed as well." Of course she'd twist his words. "Also, you haven't been to that jellyfish festival that Jas was raving about, so there's something to live for. And," Lucie searched in the air for words, for reasons, for time. She threw her arms in the air, and sank down on to her knees. "And I wouldn't cope with losing you. I mean."
Shane forced himself upright. Lucie was crying. She swiped at her nose angrily.
"You?"
"Shane, I am only saying this because I know you won't remember in the morning." Her voice rasped as she spoke, breathing heavily. "I would not cope with you dying, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. And I have been for months."
