Feline-ious

by

Jeremy Harper

Disclaimer – Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is the property of ZagToon. Catwoman is the property of DC Comics. Both are used without permission.


Chapter 3

Concealed five blocks from the jewelry story, Selina pursed her lips wryly as she peered through a pair of night-vision binoculars. As expected, Ladybug was stationed on the roof, standing alert and watchful. Cat Noir was not currently in view, but Selina had caught a brief glimpse of him earlier.

Not bad, thought Selina as she stowed away the binoculars. Have Ladybug out in the open to draw my attention while Cat Noir surprises me. Shame I'm not going to fall for it. She tapped her lips with a forefinger as she considered her options. Simply out-waiting them was a valid plan – the Heroes of Paris were teenagers obviously without any adult support. No doubt they had responsibilities during the day, most likely school that they could not avoid. That would limit their time out. She could wait for them to depart then make her move. However, Ladybug had done something earlier in the day that had taken Selina off-guard. According to the Ladyblog, the young heroine had visited the store in the morning and spoken with the management.

Selina chuckled softly. She needed to get out of Gotham more often; having it as her primary territory was making her rigid in her thinking. In many ways Gotham City was an anomaly in the heroic world. While Batman's working relationship with Commissioner James Gordon was legendary, the Dark Knight rarely interacted directly with ordinary citizens, even those under imminent threat. Not all super-heroes were so aloof. With the jewelry store forewarned, they would no doubt have changed some of their security measures. While Selina was confident she could circumvent them on the fly, this was her first heist in Paris, and being in unfamiliar territory made her cautious. She considered her schedule and decided she could afford to wait another night.

Tomorrow morning I'll scout and re-assess. After that it will just be a matter of patience. She smiled as she stood and started away. I'll be back in Gotham Sunday at the latest, with a nice addition to my private collection. But for right now, I'm in the mood for Chinese and an early night.

She had traversed three blocks via rooftop when coarse, raucous laughter caught her attention. She paused, looking in the direction she heard it from. More laughter echoed up from a nearby street.

"Come on, don't be so shy," a male voice said, greasy with lust. "We just want to be friends."

Selina frowned sharply and stalked to the edge of the roof she was on, looking for the source of the commotion. She spotted three men, dressed in t-shirts and jeans, surrounding two women pressed back against a wall. The women were young, mere teenagers. One was tall and willowy, with long black hair dyed with purple highlights, dressed in a dark Gothic inspired fashion. She was obviously scared but was trying to stand up to the men closing in around her, shielding a trembling blonde pixie of a girl.

Selina scowled, flexing her fingers, cracking her knuckles. Her heart sped up slightly as a hot, far too familiar anger began to kindle in her.

"Typical," she muttered to herself. Then her scowl transformed into a cruel smile, like one could find on a cat who just spotted a plump and very stupid mouse. "Oh well, I could use the diversion. All work and no play makes for a dull girl."


Juleka glared at the three men pressing in around herself and Rose with a false ferocity she found difficult to mimic. Her mouth tasted full of copper and her throat was thick with fear. Her body ached from her terror, but feeling Rose's trembling hand on her back, hearing her breath rasp with fright, made the taller girl strive even harder to force her own fears away.

"Leave us alone," she growled.

"Or what, you gonna cry?" one of the men laughed. "Be a shame, ruining your mascara like that. How long did it take to cake that all on, honey?"

"Hey, you know what they say about girls that young wearing make-up," another said with a gross leer.

God, this is a nightmare, Juleka thought despairingly. The situation reminded her of the opening of a hackneyed crime drama – young women out at night being accosted by frickin' Apaches. Such a situation was nearly the last thing she ever expected to happen to her. Admittedly, she and Rose were out late for a school night, but a Louvre arrondissement independent theater was holding a Studio Ghibli marathon, and the girls had gotten permission from their parents to attend as long as they returned at a reasonable hour. They had not been concerned because even though Paris suffered from an akuma attack every week or so, paradoxically ordinary crime had dropped precipitously since Ladybug and Cat Noir had started their patrols. Running into men like these had been extremely bad luck, and Juleka hoped desperately the Heroes of Paris were nearby and would soon intervene.

The third man walked up to Juleka and tried to touch her face. She slapped his hand away, and he frowned in response.

"You got spirit, but I'm getting tired of this. We're gonna give you a choice – either the two of you get on your knees right now and get ready to make nice with us, or else we beat the hell out of you and take you for everything you got. So, you gonna be smart or stupid?"

Rose let out a choking squeal of fright while Juleka began to shake, her stomach twisting with such violence she nearly vomited. She forced out a deep breath, getting ready to fight, to run, to scream, to do something, when suddenly a new voice spoke up.

"Hey guys, why are you bothering with those girls when there's a woman right here? Oh wait, I already have the answer – because you're just a bunch of little boys."

Everyone started and turned in the direction of the voice, and Juleka's jaw dropped at the sight of the newcomer. A tall woman stood leaning a shoulder against the wall, arms folded beneath her breasts and a look of cool, contemptuous amusement on her beautiful face. She was dressed head to toe in a black bodysuit, a hood adorned with - of all things - cat ears pulled over her head, spiky black bangs peeking out from beneath it. Red-lensed goggles rested on her forehead and a multi-pouched belt was cinched around her waist. Juleka also noted the woman had what looked like a whip coiled at her right hip. The teen blinked and swallowed; she had no idea who this woman was, but she looked formidable. A warm feeling of relief and hope melted away the cold fear clutching her. She reached behind her and took Rose's trembling hand, squeezing it.

The three men stared at the woman incredulously. "What the hell are you suppose to be?" the one closest to her demanded. "A Cat Noir cosplayer?"

The woman's melodious laughter peeled through the night as she pushed off the wall. "Hardly. I'll admit I'm not the first person to work in public dressed like a cat, but my style is all my own." She took few leisurely steps towards them, sensuously stretching her arms out to the side and rolling her neck. "No, I'm just a concerned tourist staging an intervention, that's all."

The thug closest to the two girls snorted and sneered. "Whatever, bitch. Get your ass out of here before we mess you up."

"I dunno, man. I think I want her to stick around," one of his friends interjected. His eyes roamed greedily over the woman's shapely body. "This bitch is wicked hot. Check out the tits on her."

The woman let out a put-upon sigh, shaking her head. "Specimens like you make me forever grateful that I can switch-hit. Couldn't you at least be a bit more imaginative? I swear, every time I do the hero thing I hear the same trinity of gendered insults over and over – bitch; slut; cunt. Boring!" Her nose scrunched slightly. "Alright, I'll admit 'cunt' sorta gets to me. It's an ugly little word for such a pretty part of a woman's body - far more aesthetically pleasing than the silly things dangling between your legs." She grinned brilliantly. "Not that you have much dangling there in the first place."

"What do you mean by that?" the first man demanded.

"Well, if big strapping guys like you have to resort to harassing young teenage girls, it's pretty obvious you have some serious shortcomings. Say, I'm curious - just between you and me, how long did your last woman laugh when she saw you without pants?"

The man flushed beat-red, his face suffused with wrath. He stepped up to the woman and lashed out with a punch. She leaned away, his fist missing her chin by inches, then with a casual motion struck him across the face with an open hand. The thug let out a shriek, staggering back with a hand to his cheek. He pulled it away and stared at his palm; it was stained with blood. Four long, ragged cuts slashed from the corner of his left eye down to the line of his jaw.

"She cut me!" he shouted in disbelief.

"What? You mess with a cat and you're surprised you get scratched? Just how stupid are you?" The woman smiled wickedly, settling into a slight crouch, making a come-hither gesture with her right hand, the tips of her gloves wet and red. "Hurry up, boys. I don't have all night. Come get some."

The first man let out a howl and tried to punch her again. She slapped his arm aside and spun, her elbow smashing into the back of his skull, sending him sprawling on the sidewalk. The second leaped forward, attempting to grapple her, but she checked him with twin palm strikes to his shoulders jolting him to a stop, then grabbed him by his short brown hair and threw him into the wall. The third man snarled and rushed her. She ducked his wild haymaker and struck him with a closed fist in the pit of his stomach. He gagged, eyes bulging and turning slightly green as he hopped back.

The first thug had recovered, regaining his feet, and charged her from behind. Without even bothering to look the woman struck out with a back kick, folding him in half and sending him flying. The second had gotten up as well, stumbling forward with a punch. She evaded with a sway of her lithe body then slapped him, the sound of leather against flesh popping like a gunshot. As he goggled in pain she grabbed him by the hair again, this time with both hands, and drove him face first into the wall with a sickening crunch. He fell to the ground, curling into a fetal position as he clutched at his flattened, gushing nose, wailing in agony.

The woman strode up to the third man, strutting cockily. He managed to straighten as she came near, lashing up with a clumsy upper-cut. She easily evaded it and retaliated with a palm thrust between his eyes before grabbing him by the wrist and collar of his tee-shirt and throwing him over her shoulder. He landed hard on his back, breath rushing out of him in a great gasp. The woman kept hold of his wrist, twisting and locking his arm and placing the sole of her boot against his torqued shoulder.

"Do you want to hear it crack?" she asked pleasantly. He stared up at her uncomprehendingly for a few seconds before wildly shaking his head.

"Good." She scanned for the other two men. The thug with the broken nose was still down, but the one she had kicked had managed to get back up and was running away. She took something from her belt and threw it at him. Flexi-steel bolas wrapped around his ankles and with a scream he planted on his face.

"Aren't you tired of eating concrete?" she called out. "Do us all a favor and stay down." She glanced down at the thug she had incapacitated. "That goes for you too." He nodded fervently. "Good boy."

She let him go and turned towards Juleka and Rose, walking to them. Juleka saw a blur of movement and opened her mouth to shout a warning, but before she got a word out the leather-clad stranger already reacted. She turned around, her bullwhip snapping around the rising thug's ankles before he could charge. She yanked the whip, pulling him off his feet, dropping him on his head and shoulders. The man rolled onto his side, clutching the back of his skull.

"Typical," the woman said. "They never know when to quit. Stay put, little boy, else my claws come out for real." The thug groaned in response. She again turned to two teens. "Are you alright?" she asked, tone serious as she coiled her whip. Rose nodded several times rapidly, her eyes wide with awe. Juleka felt her mouth split into a huge grin.

"So cool," she said. "That was awesome. You're awesome!"

The woman threw back her head and laughed, delighted and amused. "Why thank you, m'dear. I have a pretty healthy ego, but it's always nice to get confirmation of my awesomeness. Now, could one of you do me a favor and call the police? I'm afraid I don't have my cellphone with me. I'll stay with you until they show up, just to make sure that our friends here don't run away."

"What's going on here?"

The woman smirked. "Or maybe that won't be necessary."


Marinette stared at the tableau before her, not knowing what to make of it. Cat Noir, with his enhanced senses, had heard sounds of a commotion coming several blocks away from the jewelry store. They had worried that it was some sort of distraction set up to lure them away, but the Heroes of Paris quickly decided they could not in good conscious ignore it. When they arrived a minute later they found three men lying on a sidewalk, groaning and clutching at injuries, Catwoman nearby, looking at her and Cat Noir with a sardonic smile, and Marinette's classmates Rose and Juleka staring worshipfully at the thief.

"Nice to see you sweet things again," Catwoman drawled. "How has your night been?"

"Quiet, up 'til now," Marinette answered, unable to keep a snarl out of her voice. All her frustration and anger at this infuriating woman came seething out in an instant. Next to her she sensed Cat Noir tense up, setting himself for a confrontation. "You mind explaining what just happened, Catwoman?"

"She saved us, Ladybug!" Rose interjected, letting go of Juleka's hand and skipping forward a few steps. "These men were threatening us, and this wonderful lady came by and stopped them."

"It was so awesome!" Added Juleka, gazing up at the older woman almost dreamily. Catwoman chuckled and smiled at her.

Cat Noir's eyes locked onto the three men with ferocious intensity. "They... threatened you?"

Rose visibly wilted. "Yes. It... it was frightening." Juleka walked up behind her and gave the smaller girl a hug.

Marinette pursed her lips, looking at the men with an anger that matched her partner's. "Did any of you call the police yet?"

"No," said Juleka. "This lady... Catwoman?" Selina nodded her head. "She told us to do so, but you showed up before I could."

"I'll take care of it," said Cat Noir. He activated his baton's communications system as he stalked over to the trio of thugs. The man Catwoman had dropped on his head had managed to sit up. He noticed the young hero looming over him and froze.

"Oh hell," he muttered.

"Please, give me an excuse," Cat Noir growled. The man shook his head sharply. "Smart boy."

"Not really," commented Catwoman. "But certain methods of teaching can be quite effective." She shot Marinette a bright smile.

Ladybug stiffened at the jibe, but quickly blew out a breath. "Well... thank you for helping Rose and Juleka out. We know them, and I... appreciate what you did." That had been difficult to say, and Marinette felt a little ashamed by that fact, but her resentment toward the older woman still felt sharp and bitter.

Catwoman smiled knowingly. "You're welcome, Little Miss Ladybug." She stretched her arms over head. "Well, now that I've done my one good deed for the year, I think I'll bid you all a good night. Adieu." She turned away.

"Wait!" called out Marinette.

"Yes?" asked Catwoman, looking over her shoulder.

Marinette hesitated a moment, briefly speechless. "Why?" she finally blurted out.

Catwoman's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why what?"

"Why did you help them?" The younger woman gestured at her classmates. "You're a thief. A criminal. Why did you get involved?"

The older woman scowled briefly, her expression sharp, but then she shook her head, chuckling indulgently. Paris really is different from Gotham, Selina thought. Batman never would have ask that, because he understands. But you have to make allowances for the young.

"Things aren't always black and white, Ladybug," Catwoman answered. "I'm a bad girl, but I'm not that bad." She blew Marinette and Cat Noir kisses. "I look forward to seeing you cuties again." She hooked her whip to her belt and leaped, adroitly scaling the side of the building with graceful bounds and slipping onto its roof, vanishing from sight. Marinette stared after her, feeling confused and conflicted.

Cat Noir noticed his partner's odd expression. "Are you alright, my lady?"

"I don't know, Cat," she said. "I honestly don't know."


Author's Note: Many thanks again to the always awesome PurseMonger for her pre-reading, suggestions, and support. Her input makes my stories much, much better.

Next chapter – even the noblest of actions can have unexpected consequences.