Emmeline had grown used to the sounds of St. Mungo's hospital. The Healers' squeaky shoes on the linoleum floor, the moans of ailing patients, and of course, the endless alarms which rang throughout the halls to signify all kinds of different emergencies. Just as soon as it had all grown familiar, she and Mary had been approved for release and were sent straight back to Hogwarts, as though none of it had ever happened.
It was harder than she could have anticipated – settling back into a routine at school. Emmeline could not simply forget that she had spent a solid week lying in a hospital bed, too weak to move. Those who knew about what had happened in Diagon Alley would stop her and Mary in the corridors to check in on them and offer well wishes. It was touching really – the number of strangers, from all houses and years, who made the effort. Still, despite all the sympathy, Emmeline was unsettled.
For starters, she could not sleep. Relief evaded her when she closed her eyes at night. Flashes of that horrid morning would always return, the memory of her painful injuries and the fear which overcame her when she woke up alone and delirious in St. Mungo's…
Hogwarts seemed entirely unchanged by the recent events, which only left Emmeline more on edge. Students ran through the corridors, giggling, sneaking off together to hookup in broom closets, not a care in the world for the war which raged beyond the castle walls. Emmeline could barely stomach it, considering she still got stiffness in her left arm which the Healer told her would never fully go away due to the damage that had been done. Just be glad it was not your wand hand.
"Emmeline?" her violet eyes flickered up from the textbook she had stopped reading long ago, focusing instead on Gideon, sitting across the table from her. They had come to study between the stacks in the library, something they had only recently begun doing together – since Emmeline's return from the hospital. She could see in Gideon's soft brown eyes what she noticed in everyone these days – pity.
"Sorry…"
"Are you alright?" Gideon put his quill down, frowning. "You don't seem yourself."
I guess I'm not," Emmeline sighed, stretching her left arm across her body as it began to go numb, fingertips tingling. "That's to be expected though, isn't it?"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"What's there to talk about?" Emmeline released her left arm, using her right hand to slam her textbook shut. "The last thing I remember is waking up that morning. The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed with my arm in a strap and a Healer telling me that my spleen was damaged. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, everyone at that restaurant was, and I'm one of the lucky ones."
Emmeline's voice had most certainly risen above a whisper and within a matter of seconds, Madam Pince appeared at the head of the aisle, arms crossed, her thin lips pursed in a tight line.
"I will only ask you to quiet down once," she noted sharply before stomping away. Emmeline began to shove her things into her tote bag.
"Let me help you—"
"I'm fine."
Gideon began packing up his own things, struggling to keep up with Emmeline as she stood and exited through the aisle, striding with purpose toward the library doors. She wanted the hell out of there. In fact, she wouldn't mind getting far from Hogwarts altogether, away from everything and everyone she knew. Perhaps it would feel freeing…
"Where are you going?" Gideon demanded from behind her as Emmeline hit the corridor.
"I need some air."
"Emmeline, wait." She continued to walk, long legs carrying her quickly towards the staircase. "Wait!"
Finally, Emmeline halted, glancing over her shoulder at a rather frazzled Gideon, clutching his textbooks in his arms as he raced to catch up with her.
"I think I have something that might make your day a little better," he told her when they were face to face.
She had forgotten that the Prewett twins were notorious for their "secret stash" of goodies (a wooden box hidden in Fabian's drawers where pot was kept). Emmeline agreed to Gideon's suggestion and followed him back up to Gryffindor Tower, where he rolled for them in the seventh-year boys' dormitory.
"Sorry for being such a bitch," Emmeline apologized, rage slowly changing into guilt. She and Gideon had been acquaintances if anything prior to the last few weeks. Only once he had begun hanging out with the group without his twin brother around had his personality truly shinned. Gideon was witty and smart, and he didn't look at women like they were simply pieces of meat either. At least, he never made her feel the way other men did – like she was only worth a good shag. In fact, Gideon didn't appear all that interested in shagging Emmeline, choosing instead to become her friend.
"You're fine," he assured her, running his tongue along the paper to seal the spliff. "You have every right to be angry at the world right now." He paused, glancing up at her with those dreamy brown eyes, "Just try to remember that you're not alone."
They made sure to wear jackets and bring along some blankets in order to brave the chilly outdoors. To avoid being caught by any Professors – or ratted out for smoking by a lurking Prefect – they snuck down to the river, where few others dared to go in such weather, and settled with their blankets under the oak tree, snow dusting the grounds.
"It's beautiful," Emmeline said, watching her breath expel in a white cloud of smoke, her gaze fixated on the icy surface of the Great Lake. The sunlight reflecting off of it made the surface sparkle magically. Gideon used his wand to light the end of the spliff, handing it to Emmeline after he'd taken a puff.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"I can't promise I'll answer," Emmeline replied, inhaling.
"Why are your parents so chill?"
Her eyebrows rose, lips turning up slightly. "Chill?"
"I mean, like, allowing Mary to live with you indefinitely, letting you live alone in a flat in London…" Emmeline's smile faded, face falling as she passed the spliff back to Gideon, her fingers shaking from the cold.
"I don't know if I would call that chill," she corrected him. "Irresponsible is more like it."
"Were they always that way?" he continued curiously.
Emmeline was sitting in front of Gideon but looked back over her shoulder at him, smirking. "Have I never told you that I was born when my parents were teenagers?" Gideon's brown eyes grew larger with wonder.
"Really?"
"Mum had me just after her final year at Hogwarts," she nodded, the pair continuing to pass the joint between them as Emmeline broke open, spilling the truth to Gideon – her study buddy and crush. She told him about the years she spent following her dad about on his Quidditch tours, moving from one hotel to the next, sometimes spending weeks in the tent they pitched outside of Quidditch stadiums.
"Now I just feel like a dick for telling you that was chill," Gideon confessed, Emmeline shrugging the whole thing off. In truth, it was nice to have someone actually ask.
"Honestly, my best years were the ones spent at my Nana's. She had rules, a curfew and chores I had to do around the house."
"Sounds like my mum," Gideon quipped.
"It's nice to know that someone actually cares about you," she told him, recalling her Nana's old cottage with nostalgia –the kettle that never whistled quite right and the fidgety doorknobs which often left one trapped inside of a room.
"Molly, my sister, she did a lot of that stuff for us," Gideon told her, drawing his knees up to his chest to keep warm, his back rested against the trunk of the oak tree. "She was ten when we were born so she got stuck taking care of us a good deal of the time. Before Arthur that was."
"Her husband?"
"Yeah," Gideon nodded, rubbing his hands together, "he's a good lad."
"We should get back inside," Emmeline suggested, "you're shaking."
"How on earth are you not?" Gideon shook his head in disbelief, teeth chattering. Emmeline stood up, brushing her jeans off.
"I run warm. Perks of my Veela blood."
"As if being absolutely gorgeous wasn't enough," Gideon replied, Emmeline, turning to face him in awe. She knew she was beautiful, of course, she did, she'd been told so from the time she was a little girl, staring out of her pram at passersby with those glowing, purple orbs and her perfect ringlets. Somehow, it felt different though, coming out of Gideon's mouth. His cheeks were rosy, though it was difficult to know whether that was simply from the cold.
"We should get back to the castle before my hands fall off," he advised, blankets gathered in his arms. Gideon started back up the hill, towards the castle, Emmeline following behind him, breathless. Her left arm was tingling, muscles going numb, but for the first time since the accident, she barely noticed the sensation.
Lily was eight years old. Petunia had her best friend, Sharon, over for a sleepover and she emerged downstairs to find the two of them discussing a bike trip to the local zoo.
"Oh, please let me come!" Lily begged, standing there in her elephant jammies. The girls were all gathered in the kitchen, Mr and Mrs Evans watching from the table.
"You're too young," Petunia stated, long nose stuck up.
"I don't mind," Sharon shrugged, trying to play peacemaker. "If she'd like to join us—"
"No," Petunia shook her head. "I don't want to worry about looking after her."
"I could drive ya," their father suggested. Still, Petunia was insistent, Lily was not to join. She would ruin the fun that day simply by her presence. Heartbroken and frustrated, she had gone running up to her bedroom, slamming the door without ever actually touching it – a perk of her magic. Unluckily, the force of her magic also caused two picture frames hanging on the same wall as the door to crash to the floor, shattering. Lily ignored the mess, collapsing on her bed in a puddle of tears.
"It's alright love," her father said when he came upstairs to comfort her. "Siblings can be difficult sometimes—"
"She hates me!" Lily sobbed.
"No, she's jealous is all," her dad assured her, rubbing circles into Lily's back as she lay on her stomach, face buried in a pillow.
"I'm a freak."
"You're unique. One day you'll see that's a good thing."
"I hate it," Lily swore, "I want to be like you and mama."
"Ma' and I've got our own troubles."
Lily found herself lost in a familiar memory as she lay on her bed, a recent letter from her mother laying on her chest. Vernon's father would be walking Petunia down the aisle. Lily understood, of course, that was her father alive, things would be different, and yet, still, the reminder of his absence stung. It felt as though he was being replaced.
There came a knock at her door, Lily rolling over to find Alice peeking her head into the room.
"Sorry, is this a bad time?"
"No." Lily swung her legs over the side of the bed, arms stretching overhead. "What's up?"
"The, um, patrols for tonight…" Alice began to explain, stepping into Lily's room so that she could close the door to the corridor. "I was wondering if I might be able to swap with someone else. I know I promised I wouldn't allow my breakup to affect my work but since the party…" Lily put up a hand, silencing her friend.
"It's fine," she assured her, Alice sighing with relief. "I'm just so sorry you have to deal with this in the first place." Lily felt exhausted. Not just with the start of her final semester at Hogwarts, but also the growing toll of the war that was taking place outside the castle. She was lucky that at the end of the day there was always James' arms to fall into. Alice had lost that comfort and now she was forced to watch the man she loved move on with another.
"Don't feel bad for me," Alice told her friend as Lily rose, pulling on her shoes. She knew that if she didn't head to the Prefects office right away, she would never remember to change the schedule. "I created this whole mess myself."
"Grief makes you do funny things." Lily knew that well enough herself. Her father had been dead over a year now and still, she did not feel quite herself without him around.
"You're a good friend Lily," Alice smiled tiredly. Lily offered her a reassuring nod before making for the stairs. It was ten to five, dinner would be on the table in the Great Hall within twenty minutes and so the Gryffindor common room was filled with students – the busiest time of day. All along the staircase, and castle corridors, Lily ran into classmates of all houses, everyone enjoying their freedom from classes for the night.
The Prefects office was empty, the lights all off when Lily entered, and the heavy curtains were drawn across the windows. She made for the desk where the official schedule was kept and used her wand to switch the lights on in the room.
"I was looking for you." Lily glanced up to find James stepping through the doorway, hands tucked into the pockets of his grey slacks. "Have you been avoiding me?"
"Nonsense," Lily rolled her eyes, making her desired changes to the schedule with a spare quill. "I just trying to find some balance."
"Balance?" James stood before the desk, frowning at Lily. "What does that mean?"
"It means that ever since we started dating, I've barely given my friends the time of day," Lily confessed. Truthfully, she'd been feeling guilty about it since Marlene had confided in her a week prior. Lily and James were in love and in the midst of their happiness they had forgotten to come up for air.
"I think it's good," Lily continued, looking up at her boyfriend, "if we try not to spend all of our time together."
"Are you breaking up with me?" James frowned, dark eyebrows drawing together with concern.
"Of course not." Lily came around the desk to face him, drawing James towards her by the fabric of his shirt. "Never."
"Never?" he chuckled, leaning in for a kiss. "That's quite the promise."
It was a fine moment – the first-time all-day Lily had felt like herself – but, as always, her happiness was short-lived. The sound of someone entering the room drew James and Lily apart from their embrace, Lily's face dropping when she turned to find Severus Snape standing in the doorway, face drawn in disgust.
"I didn't realize the room was in use," he sneered, turning to leave.
"What do you need, Severus?" Lily stopped him. She would not allow her smug-faced, ex-friend to shame her for a couple of seconds of intimacy with her boyfriend.
"I was coming to check the schedule." He would barely look her in the eye as he spoke.
"In that case, I need you to swap places with Alice tonight," Lily told him, leaning back against the desk.
"So, your friends just get out of patrols whenever they please?"
"She's Head Girl," James stepped in, chest-puffing out. "Show some respect."
Lily could feel the venom in the glare Severus shot James from across the room, eyes narrowed.
"Fine," he agreed begrudgingly. "I'll take Griffith's patrols."
"Thank you."
For a second Severus paused, lingering in the doorway. His gaze caught Lily's and for a second, his face softened. He looked as if he wanted to say something, mouth opening, but James put a swift end to the whole interaction.
"Something else, Snivellus?"
Severus turned, stomping from the office in a rage and Lily turned to face James with a look of pure disappointment.
"Don't do that."
"What?" James snapped, quickly growing defensive. "Defend my girlfriend?"
"Antagonize him."
"He was the one who started it—"
"And you're okay with sinking to his level? That's the kind of man you want to be?" He stood before her, answerless, frowning, and Lily simply waited, arms crossed, until she saw his shoulders slack and he let out a sigh of defeat.
"No," he finally agreed.
"You're better than that James." He stepped towards her, Lily reaching her arms out to wrap around him. "Act like it."
"I hate when you're right." His forehead pressed against Lily's.
"I'm always right."
Remus had never felt better. He had received an outstanding grade on his most recent Transfiguration essay, there had been chocolate cake for pudding tonight, and he now found himself in bed, naked beneath the sheets, Leila wrapped in his arms. He had his face nuzzled into the nook of her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of the soap she used. He could not quite describe the elation of the past two weeks – having Leila back in his life. Since the New Year's party, they had spent nearly every day together, shagging, talking, returning to one another in full.
For the first time in Remus' life, he had a girlfriend who knew everything. Leila could ask him anything she wanted about his past or the reason behind his monthly disappearances, and Remus need not lie – though she asked very few questions about his transformations. In fact, they avoided discussing Remus' affliction all together, treating it like the dirty little secret it was.
The curtains were drawn around Remus' bed – though he had locked the door in case any of his roommates tried to enter. For now, they were alone – only the dull yellow light from Remus' bedside lamp to illuminate the room.
"I could fall asleep right now," Leila confessed, back turned to Remus, his arms wrapped around her warm body.
"Me too." He kissed her cheek. "I could think of a few things I'd like to do right now before anyone else comes back…"
Leila giggled, rolling over onto her back, facing Remus once more, and they shared a long kiss.
"Have I mentioned how much my life sucked without you?" Remus asked as they drew apart, Leila smiling up at him.
"Mine too. No more secrets," she said, holding his gaze, "promise."
"I promise." He kissed her once more, Leila's arms looping around the back of his neck, his body pressing into hers, when there came a loud bang at the door – Peter demanding he be let in.
Quickly, both Remus and Leila changed back into their clothes, their blissful moment alone come to an end. When Remus opened the door to the dorm room, he found Peter waiting outside with an armful of textbooks and an exasperated expression.
"I've been waiting to get in for nearly an hour you know!"
"Sorry mate," Remus winked at his friend as he and Leila passed by, heading for the staircase. Downstairs, the Common Room was relatively full – following the post-dinner rush – students crammed around tables doing homework or playing games – every surface in the room occupied.
Remus spied his friends near the fire – their usual spot – James, Lily and Marlene crammed onto the couch, Sirius and Alice in the two armchairs. Leila and Remus joined them, sitting on the carpet by the fire, Remus' arm wrapped around his girlfriend's shoulder.
"What have you two been up to?" Sirius teased; lips turning up.
"Studying," Remus replied, the whole group laughing with disbelief.
"At this rate, you two should be top of your class," Lily jibed, James, smiling proudly at his girlfriend. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits and Remus was pleased to finally have Leila back around his friends (even she and Alice seemed to be on cordial terms). The whole evening was going quite well before Frank came striding into the Common Room, hands locked with Cecily Turner – the only witch in the school who could give Emmeline Vance a run for her money in the looks department. Cecily was tall, with sharp, striking facial features, sparkling blue eyes, and a head of perfectly coiffed blonde hair. Everything about her seemed perfect. Remus could tell from the look on Alice's face, as she watched them stride proudly into the room as a couple, that she felt the same way.
"Oh, come on," Lily sighed when she spotted them, watching over her shoulder as they went past the couch. Remus was horrified when Cecily turned her head and gave Alice a quick smile and wave, before following Frank up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Remus didn't think there was any worse way that they could rub their union in Alice's face. He turned to his friend – who had turned white as a ghost – his stomach dropping.
"What a bitch," Marlene exclaimed, glaring at the stairwell Frank and Cecily had just disappeared into. The rest of them were watching Alice. In fact, quite a few heads in the room had turned to get a look at the scorned ex-girlfriend. Alice stood up from her chair without a word and exited the room, making a swift beeline for the portrait hole. At the same time, Marlene and Lily jumped to their feet but Remus stopped them.
"I'll go," he insisted. He knew better than anyone how painful it would be for Alice, having to breakdown before two friends who had both recently discovered happiness in love. Remus was no different but he, like Alice, knew the pangs of public humiliation quite well.
"I think this is really a girl thing." Leila tugged on her boyfriend's arm. Her brown eyes pleaded with Remus to stay but he shook his head.
"Let me talk to her," he said, both Marlene and Lily nodding.
"You're her favourite anyway," Marlene shrugged, sticking her hands up in defeat.
Remus did not look at Leila before he left – certain he would only find a face full of disappointment. He knew that it bothered her – watching him chase after Alice. Even though she knew the truth, she could not erase that small ounce of jealousy she held for the close relationship which had formed between Alice and Remus in just a month.
Outside the portrait hole, Remus found Alice sitting near the bottom of the stairs, sniffling quietly into her hands. He approached, sitting down on the step beside her, using his wand to produce a handkerchief.
"I don't know why I'm so upset," she told him after blowing her nose into the soft fabric. "I deserve it."
"No, you don't."
"I cheated on him—"
"That doesn't mean you deserve to be punished, Alice." Remus hated the idea of Alice spending the rest of her days hating herself for one simple mistake. Something she could never take back. Remus understood self-hatred better than anyone, he didn't want to see Alice fall into the same endless loop of despair he had.
"What Frank is doing is cruel."
Alice rubbed at her red-rimmed eyes. "He has every right to be with whoever he wants."
"Well I'll still hate him for it anyway," Remus proclaimed, wrapping an arm around Alice's shoulders. "I hate anyone who hurts you."
Alice looked up at him, brown eyes glistening, lips slightly turned up. "Dido," she replied, Remus, giving her a good squeeze. "I've got your back," she promised him.
"And I've got yours."
Sirius had been struggling with sleep since returning to Hogwarts. It seemed that with his final semester now before him, the reality of life after Hogwarts – in which responsibility would be required – had truly dawned on him. He had started a terrible habit of waiting until his fellow roommates had fallen asleep before sneaking up to the Astronomy Tower for a late-night smoke.
As usual, he grabbed his jacket and boots from under his bed and made out of the dorm room as quietly as he could - with hardwood floors that creaked endlessly – the door clicking shut behind him. Sirius had almost made it across the corridor to the stairs when he heard a door behind him creak open and peeked back to see Lily Evans sticking her head out of James' room, squinting at him.
"Where are you going?" she asked, voice hushed.
"To get some air." Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Am I about to get written up?"
"Piss off," Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm coming with you." She disappeared back into the room for a few moments, reappearing with a jacket and shoes on, her hood pulled up to disguise her rather recognizable hair.
"Is the Head Girl allowed to break the rules?" Sirius teased as they descended the stairs.
"When she suffers from PTSD she is," Lily replied, before adding, "you brought the map I assume?"
"Filch is downstairs in his office, no professors anywhere near the entrance to the Astronomy Tower right now. We should be good."
"Let's just hope the Fat Lady keeps her mouth shut," Lily grumbled as they approached the portrait hole. Luckily, they made a smooth exit, reaching the twisting staircase for the Astronomy Tower without any interruptions. Up they climbed together, careful to keep their voices down until they reached the top, where they need not worry about being heard.
"How often do you do this?" Lily asked as they settled near the edge, looking out across the starlit grounds.
"Whenever I can't sleep," Sirius shrugged.
"And how often is that?"
"Always." Truthfully, he'd never had much luck sleeping, not even as a child. Perhaps it was the nightmares which haunted his dreams, reliving scars that still marked his unconscious brain.
"Me too," Lily admitted. "Recently at least."
"Traumatic experiences have a way of doing that to you," Sirius said, lighting a cigarette from his pack. He inhaled, Lily falling silent as they both sat, quietly admiring the view (or at least, that is what was Sirius was doing).
"There's something I've been wanting to ask you," Lily blurted out, "ever since the day of the explosion."
"Alright." Sirius stiffened.
"Why did you run into that building?" Sirius exhaled, turning slowly to face Lily. "Why didn't you just follow the rest of the boys?"
"I had friends in there who were hurt—"
"So, did everyone else," she shook her head, not letting him get away with it. "I might have believed you," Lily said, "had James run in with you…"
Sirius swallowed hard, turning his head away to avoid Lily's suspicious gaze. All along he'd known this day would come – the moment someone figured out the truth. He could feel the colour draining slowly from his face, his skin growing cold.
"She's my friend too," Sirius said, struggling to keep his voice steady and emotionless.
"Is she?"
Sirius would not look at her, he would not speak – he could not. Not even if he tried. The words stuck in his throat and anything he wanted to say came short of the mark. If Lily knew, it was only a matter of time before James found out the truth – Sirius had betrayed him and broken the only promise he'd ever made him.
"It's James then?" Lily realized all on her own. "he's the reason you won't tell anyone."
"There is nothing to tell," Sirius snapped. When his eyes flickered towards Lily once more, he could tell she didn't come close to believing him. "Not anymore at least," he finally admitted. "We stopped it."
"Stopped what?"
"The shagging." He couldn't believe it, not even as the words left his mouth – it was a full confession, out in the open. If Lily wanted, she could destroy every one of Sirius' relationships by exposing him for the liar and the cheat he truly was. The thought made his stomach turn.
"For how long?"
"Like a year," Sirius ran his hands along his face, "maybe longer."
"And no one knew?"
"Nope."
"I mean…I suppose it makes sense…all the arguing and the banter…" Lily looked as though she'd just been hit over the head, her green eyes widening with awe. "I just never put the two together…"
"Lily," Sirius began, anxious to get the next part out right. "I um…I need to ask you a favour."
Lily's head tilted curiously. "You don't want me to tell James?" Sirius simply nodded, his head spinning. It was a cowardly move. "I won't," Lily finally agreed. "Not if you don't want me to."
"Thank you." Sirius felt like crying he was so relieved.
"I love him to death," Lily said, drawing her knees in towards her chest, chin rested on top of them. "But my boyfriend can be one stubborn son of a bitch."
Sirius chuckled, inhaling the last bit of smoke before he flicked the end of his cigarette over the railing, watching it fly down towards the ground below. "He would never approve," Sirius told her, "he wants someone better than me for Marlene."
Lily frowned, arms crossing. "You're his best friend. There's no one he should trust more."
"Well," Sirius scoffed, "I've proven myself rather untrustworthy a few times too many I suppose." Sirius knew that James had his reasons – and valid ones – for being wary. Sirius was prone to bouts of rashness and absentminded thinking. He was not the kind of guy someone wanted to see their baby sister with.
"You're a good guy Sirius," Lily told him, reaching out to give his shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Just because you're still navigating how to be good doesn't mean you don't deserve to find love."
"I don't love Marlene," he quickly corrected her. Lily's eyebrows arched.
"Alright," she agreed with a smile, "whatever you say."
"I don't," Sirius insisted once more, feeling the colour rising in his neck. "Besides, she's with Henry now and whatever it was between us…it's over. For good."
"If there is one thing, I've learnt in this life so far, it's that nothing is ever over for good."
