Winter was just around the bend and Hiyori was regretting leaving her coat at home. She checked her watch for the millionth time when the train didn't appear. It was on time, but those seconds ticked on the longer her tight-covered legs were in the wind. As if reading her mind, lights started flashing and sirens alerted walkers of the oncoming danger. The thought made her stall. Hiyori knew -not from experience- how deep the hole can be for some people. How hard it was for them to get out, especially when they feel it's impossible. Hiyori sighed down at the tracks as the train's engine got steadily closer. It's deep roar, blasting over the ringing of the alarm bells, was muffled as Hiyori drifted off again.

She gazed down at the thick gravel- having a strange feeling like she's been down there before- Hiyori faintly remembered she hadn't had a narcolepsy attack in some time. The train's siren bursted through her head as it sweeped by and echoed throughout thoughts deep within her. Hiyori gasped as if she had been hit with the train herself. Those thoughts, brought in from the deep shadowed parts of her soul, burst through with picture and sound. Dropping her bag, Hiyori spun on her feet and ran away from the familiar station. There was a reason she went out of her way to use this one when she needed to. It was where he had once saved her.

The phantoms held her down with iron strength. Despite being mere fragments of people's emotions, invisible wisps of existences, they were impossible to fight against. Hiyori grunted as she struggled, the train shaking the metal tracks she was tied to as it got steadily closer. Maybe she should have listened to that crazy guy who called himself a god. He had already proven himself a good fighter against these things, knowledgeable in the very least. She had only just gotten involved in 'the far shore' less than a week ago. Really who was she to take matters into her own hands and try to beat up these creatures head on?

From her left the train blared its horn and Hiyori felt her blood freeze. Her wide eyes stared at the headlights as they got closer, brighter. Hiyori turned her face to a larger light in the sky, praying to beings she knew existed with tears in her eyes. A speck of darkness fell from the light of the sun, getting larger and it dropped directly for her. For a moment, Hiyori thought another god heard her prayer and was coming from heaven to save her. Instead, Yato's track suit and sword became visible. From far away, he swiped Yukine in one smooth motion, it's cut hitting either side of her in a gust of wind. The phantoms holding her down snapped like tight leather but her eyes were stuck to his.

"Jump to me!" Yato commanded. His eyes were bright, just as sering as the sun, and they focused on her. Not needing to be told twice, Hiyori followed those eyes before her mind could catch up, landing heavily on the top of the train as it flew by. Yato was chastising her like the middle schooler she was and Hiyori could only nod. He looked ahead, wind whipping his hair back, sharp eyes already focusing on the next human in danger. Hiyori watched him through the fringes of her hair, noticing for the first time how truly beautiful he was.

Hiyori panted as she dashed down the street. It was all too much but she couldn't help but laugh, as they often did when they looked back on how she saw him. She didn't know anything about him, no one really did, but getting to know him was a painful blessing. Hiyori apologised to the people she bumped into, ignoring the looks they gave her as she ran down the street like her life depended on it.

Yato was rough around the edges, sharp tongued with an even sharper mind but that's what made him so alluring. That's also what made his intitinal personality so off putting. There was something fake about it, something that clearly didn't fit him. Turns out she was right- Yato always said she had good sense- and he was the last person that fit in his own skin. He was awkward and unsure, broken and scared, kind and strong, loving. Someone that was special once you got to know him. They were strangers first, client and god, friends to best friends, then each other's irreplaceable special person. Someone who made a home in her heart and couldn't stand to have out of her life.

But this sort of thing had happened before. The empty feeling she got without that leachy person only growing each day he wasn't making a home on her bedroom carpet. Even so, she forgets him, and every time she did that hole got bigger and easier to slip into, for longer each time. Like an uncomfortable skin of her own or a black hole that she has more trouble getting out of every time she finds herself in it. How long had it been this time?

"I'm going to find Yato!" Hiyori announced as she forcefully slipped her shoes on.

"You're what?" Yukine exclaimed, "Hold on! Hiyori!" His pleas went unheard as Hiyori jumped onto the nearest telephone wire and took a deep inhale. She understood why Yukine was sitting patiently, she was proud of him for that, but there was something unsettling about just waiting for a missing person to return home. Even if it happened often, Yato was happy with them, wasn't he? There was no way he would just up and disappear, without a single tweet no less! He could always be off doing important god stuff but Hiyori didn't like not worrying about the idiot. She felt better when he was here, answering her late night online thoughts and crawling through her window with little charms for her. She never thought she would be unhappy about not having to constantly check her windowsill.

No, that hole was only filled when he was in her arms again, chewed up and spit out by the underworld. A smile finally made its way onto her face- another thing that had been gone from her life without her noticing- and happiness filled her chest. It lit up her cheeks and she couldn't help but run her fingers through his hair and press him closer. Wanting him to make a home back in her heart and never leave again. But more importantly, he was here. Warm and breathing, tangible, not like a memory or a feeling, but a person she counts on. Someone she looks for to be there.

Someone who comes bursting into her room when she's feeling down with tickets to a certain amusement park. Someone who dedicated the entire day to making her smile. Someone who would grab her hand and hold it under the fireworks, look her in the eyes and ask for her loyalty, but never touch her any more than that. Someone who would embarrass her, make her laugh, and make her feel included. Like she was the most important thing in the world and belonged in his little family.

Hiyori shivered but it wasn't from the cold. That was the first time he touched her in such a gentle way but it was far from the last. It was funny how in these bursts of recollection, Yato's touch is what came to mind first. Then again it really wasn't; after all his touch is what made the biggest impression on her. The emotions that would burst throughout her body with each brush of his fingertips were what she thought about the most.

The neighborhood she found herself in was starting to look familiar, very familiar. Taking a step, Hiyori winced at the pain from her feet. She had to keep moving, this was the sort of thing that hurt him the most. The thing he was most afraid of, more than his father, more than disappearing. Hiyori forgetting about him when she meant the world to him, breaks his heart like nothing else. Hiyori hopped awkwardly as she tried to take off her shoes while moving forward. Thin straps were tugged and ripped apart as the short heels finally came off her feet. She thought about dropping them, but the face Yato would make at her hurt feet caused her to hold onto him. Hiyori kept moving forward, as fast as she could with the cool air beating her lungs. Yato would give her that bittersweet smile when she arrived, knowing what she would say but loving her anyway. After all, he forgave her long before she would realise her mistake.

It was cold, freezing in fact, but the ice in her veins had nothing to do with the weather. Hiyori's mouth opened to say something but all that came out was a puff of warm air. Her pink fingertips clenched at the front of her coat in a desperate attempt to stop her heart from hurting so much. He had to be kidding, he was smiling after all. But no, even with Yato smiling as simply as ever, he wouldn't joke about this sort of thing, not ever.

"If you read that notebook, you should understand!" Hiyori desperately tried to shout over his talk about reincarnation, "There was a time I'd completely forgotten about you!" Those damned words were finally out in the open. Hiyori felt time stop. It had been her guilt for so long now, a weight behind every smile and every laugh they shared. Her confession should have made her feel lighter, but it did not. Instead it made her feel worse, like her sin wasn't real until she just admitted to it.

So she waited. Waited for something to happen. For Yato to gasp, to frown, to scream, to get angry, to cry. Hiyori waited for something other than that smile he gave her while she forced herself not to break down. Maybe he was in shock, maybe it hadn't sunk in yet that she did the one thing she could do that was fatal to a god. Her god. Well good, maybe her instability as a believer would make him rethink this crazy plan. Hopefully he would forgive her soon enough and his hatred would be quick.

But Yato did none of those things. Instead his eyes softened at the sight of tears pricking her pleading eyes. He took careful steps forward, a smile still effortless on his face, and brought their hands together. Her fingers were too cold for her to realise what was touching them, but his warm hands lit a fire along her skin as he brought her to grab an object. Faintly she recognized the shape and the weight of his shrine. His prized possession, given to him by her as a solid promise that she wanted him to exist. Hiyori couldn't look down to be sure, Yato was so close and his eyes held hers like a bright summer afternoon, she didn't want to look away. Surely he could feel her trembling? Their breaths mingled and his hands still covered hers. From this close she could see how serious he was in his decision. That resolute gleam in his eye dulled with a thousand-year-old sadness and acceptance of the consequences.

Yato leaned in, those lips that she focused on before filling her vision. They were just talking about kisses afterall, and the beings of his family had a record of stealing lips as well as lives. (Of course Yato recently decided he preferred one over the other but she wouldn't find that out for some time). Even with the situation being what it was, Hiyori felt her whole body wind up with anticipation. She could smell him from this close, her human nose filling with his scent, and she could feel his hair tickle her own. What she didn't notice was how he was pushing his shrine to her, or how she naturally grabbed onto it.

Sorrow clouded her mind as it searched for something to make him stay, or something to hit him with, but there was nothing. Naturally her mouth opened just a little, prepared for this experience and wanting it. She wondered what he would feel like, if he tasted as good as he smelled. It made sense that he would, at the very least he would be much better than Fujisaki. Especially since this is something she wanted, something she thought about often. But instead, he moved his mouth to just above her ear and Hiyori felt distant disappointment somewhere in her chest. Still, she bowed her head so she could drink in every word, the weight of his shrine conveying finality.

"Take care of this for me," Yato pleaded. How could she say no? He took a step back and smiled wider now she held his existence. He was right in front of her, she could see him less than a foot away, yet that hole in her chest stretched wider. In hurt, she didn't want this, she wanted him to stay and kiss her properly.

"Wait!" She reached up toward the light he vanished from, leaving just as he came. But it was too late. Hiyori could only pray for her god's safe return.

The streets to Kofuku's house were the same as she remembered. A car or two was parked along the sides of the road while an elerly couple walked their dog. Brown leaves from the surrounding trees were caught in piles along chain link fences. Were they even home? Hiyori frantically tried to remember the date, time was such a strange concept when she thought of the far shore. It was a typical Wednesday morning, Daikoku would have taken out the garbage and Nora would help Kofuku open the shop. Yukine would already be awake to help, showered and dressed to face the day, while Yato would be sleeping through the second alarm. Once the food was prepared for the day, Yukine would stomp up the stairs and shake his master awake, throwing off the blankets and getting in a shouting match with the god. Daikoku would hollar at them to keep it down and the two would blame each other, pointing at each other's sides before Yato decided enough was enough and his kid hasn't been tickled in a while. Yukine would dissolve in shrieks and giggles while trying to fight his dad off, eventually escaping with a time limit for Yato to get ready. Then he would call her, Hiyori would pick up and listen to his cheerful complaints until she would hang up after telling him when she would be there.

Tears were starting to drip down her face and she had to stop to rest. Before she knew it she ran at least a mile through the streets. Something else was wrong, she wanted to call to tell him she was coming; to just wait a little longer cause she was just around the corner and she was so sorry she fell back into the hole again. But something was stopping her. She had dropped her bag back at the train station but her phone was in her pocket, Yato's number the first speed dial. So what was stopping her? Why did she feel so sad coming to Kofuku's house? What was holding her back? Normally she was so happy when he memories returned, like she was taking a fresh breath of air after drowning for so long. The massive hole in her heart was filling with each passing second but it wasn't full yet. Something was missing, something important.

The graduation went without a hitch, which was surprising since Kofuku sat through the entire thing. It must have been the other gods of fortune that surrounded her and kept the goddess in check. Hiyori couldn't describe how happy it made her to see them clap for her as she received her diploma. Outside, the cherry blossoms flowed in the wind as Hiyori took tons of pictures with her friends, her family, and her friends' families. Masaomi followed her around, holding all the bouquets of flowers everyone brought her. Kofuku and the other god had given their congratulations when she first walked out and then said they would be waiting for her at the after party. Ami and Yama were with their own families and promised they would meet her at Kofuku's for dinner. That only left her own special little family.

"Congratulations Hiyori," Yato said, handing her a single red rose. Next to him, Yukine and Nora repeated his words while handing her the rest of the bouquet. They wore matching outfits, Yato wanting to wear his heaven kimono and Yukine wanting to wear his. Yato had made Nora one to match too, her pants having butterflies surrounding her ankles.

"Like we haven't said it enough." Yukine rolled his eyes. Nora agreed but still gave Hiyori a hug, one of four so far. Letting go of his jab, Yukine gave her a hug too, even going so far as to say he was truly happy for her. Yato confirmed this to be true and the kid's whacked him, a blush spreading across their cheeks.

"Thank you, it means a lot to me," Hiyori wiped away any tears. Whether they were out of happiness or otherwise she didn't care to think about. Today was a day of happy memories. As if reading her mind- or maybe he just knows, Yato always seemed to know- Yato gave her a more serious smile.

"We're very proud of you, Hiyori. You did great," Yato said. He put his arms on Yukine and Nora's shoulders. The two of them stepped closer to him, sharing his pride.

"Yes, truely," Nora agreed.

"Especially since you missed so many days trying to deal with the far shore," Yukine joked again. This time, Hiyori did laugh and Masaomi said people were starting to leave.

"I'll be over for dinner and the party!" Hiyori assured the plans and the group nodded. Yukine and Nora already began to walk away, Yato turning to follow only for Hiyori to grab his sleeve.

"Hiyori?" Yato cocked his head. Masaomi's back was turned as he struggled to find the car.

"I, uh, I never gave you your hug," Hiyori stuttered. She opened her arms up but found it difficult to look at Yato's overly-excited face. With red cheeks, Hiyori reached to wrap her arms around his neck. Yato's breath puffed against her neck causing goosebumps to raise along her skin. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tight to him, both of them couldn't help but smile. Just before she lost her nerve, Hiyori turned her head and pressed her lips to Yato's cheek. When Yato leaned back to look at her with wide eyes, both of them had trouble letting go. Her eyes dropped to his lips again and Yato did the same. But instead of coming forward, they separated, a pained smile matching on their face.

"I'll see you tonight," one of them promised. Luckily, Hiyori wouldn't have to wonder what could have been for long. After her friends left the party, the gods were passed out drunk, and Yukine and his friends turned in for the night. Yato had gone off to drink on the porch and Hiyori didn't like to be without him. They chatted about her future, her dreams, her feelings. His feelings. Soon Hiyori got the answer to her question; Yato did taste as good as he smelled.

Bad feelings or not, Hiyori had to push through. Yato always fought his battles- big or small- regardless of his emotions. She would do the same. Another right and then a left, Kofuku's house would be there just as it always was. Faintly she realised her phone was vibrating, she had several missed calls from her co-workers and people that needed her. She was normally in and ready by now. Hiyori pocketed the phone anyway, nothing was more important than what she was doing right now. The hospital would just have to do without her so that she could be selfish with the one she loved just one more time, missing piece be damned.

The building was empty, it's floors polished and walls coated in fresh paint. The photos of her ancestors lined it's halls in elegant frames above red marble slabs. Tomorrow, Hiyori would stand by her family and all the people that helped them, as they cut the ribbon to the new hospital. Their reputation wasn't what it used to be, but through hard work and good service they were acknowledged as a family that made amends for a mistake out of their control. Right now, her family was at home getting ready for the event, Hiyori was still in the building because she had hired the handyman who was just finishing up the final touches.

From across the room, Yato sighed and put away the mop and bucket for the final time. Hiyori followed after him, handing him the cloth and spray she used on the front desk. They smiled at each other, sharing a quick kiss before heading to the bathroom to wash their hands of the smell of bleach. He was waiting for her as she existed, leaning up against the wall in his white t-shirt and black jeans. It was amazing how after all this time she still expected him to be in a tracksuit, despite the fact she was there when Yukine forced him to change. He grinned all the same and kicked himself off the wall.

"You want to take a final look around?"Hiyori asked when he walked toward the exit. Yato gave her a curious look but followed her anyway.

"It came out good, no?" Yato said when they walked throughout the first floor in silence. Hiyori quickly agreed, blush already staining her cheeks. He was picking up on her nervousness and that would only worry him. Hiyori beamed and put her hands together.

"Yes! Your design came out wonderfully and thanks to your help we got done in half the time for nearly a quarter of the cost," she held his arm, "you really are amazing you know that?" Hiyori pulled him down and gave him a peck on the cheek. Yato hummed and gave her a proper kiss, following her when she pulled away.

"This place will be your future, Hiyori," Yato hummed.

"Our future,"Hiyori promised him. They entered the elevator, and Hiyori hit the button to the third floor. Yato leaned for another kiss only for the elevator to open and for Hiyori to slip out. Her giggles echoed through the hall as Yato called after her. Dancing around each corner, laughing with him along the way, This part of the hospital was dark, the light of the city and stars above coming in through the new windows. Their laughter echoed throughout the empty halls like they were the only two in the world as Hiyori led them to their destination. Yato finally caught up and laced their fingers together.

"Do you remember this room?" Hiyori spoke. She leaned against him and Yato let his head fall into hers.

"Yeah," he breathed, "how could I forget. You were so freaked." Yato snickered at her. Whacking his chest, Hiyori reached to unlock the door.

"Well what did you think would happen? Appearing in a young girl's bed uninvited," Hiyori huffed. Yato laughed at her as she pushed the door open and tugged him inside. There was a new couch and two comfy chairs. The patient's bed was larger and jacked with state of the art technology. Yato hugged her from behind and pulled her close, lips on her neck. Spinning in his arms, Hiyori kissed him back. The action was deep and passionate, Hiyori pulled him further and further into the room as the space was filled with their gasping. The back of her knees hit the bed and she pulled him down with her.

"Hiyori?" Yato breathed. He was on top of her now, they've been in this position before but never more. Hiyori wanted more.

"You really should let the young girl invite you before sneaking into her bed at night."

Kofuku's house came into view and Hiyori let out a sob. Birds sat on her roof and sang a sweet song in time with Kofuku's wind chimes. There were three cars parked, signaling that they were serving customers right now. It occurred to her, as she walked up the stone path way and around the house part of the building, that she hadn't forgotten about Yato for some time after that. Her face was warm like she was with Yato but she wasn't. Instead it was the hot tears that poured down her cheeks, the heat that closed her throat and had her heaving through a thorny chest. That's when she realised that hole in her chest was no longer something to be filled. No, her heart was gone, it disappeared along with her lover. Hiyori sobbed and raised her hand to knock on Kofuku's door only to stop.

That place that was supposed to be theirs had taken up too much of her time and attention. Once she graduated and started working, Yato would have to come visit her. She had made an effort, sure, but trying to raise a business to its former glory and Yato working for Amaterasu caused strain. Then she had forgotten him once again, only to remember when one of her new doctors asked why there was a bruise on her neck. Just like today, she had run all the way to Kofuku's. The tiny goddess had let her in and Yukine explained Yato had just fainted during patrol, nothing more. He welcomed her all the same, smiled full of forgiveness and kisses full of affection.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Hiyori sobbed in his arms, "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, Hiyori. You're only human, it's bound to happen. It's okay," Yato murmured in her hair. He rocked her side to side, looking off into the distance with a face she couldn't see and a heart she would always own.

Hiyori's hand dropped to her side and she watched the tears fall to the ground. That had happened one more time until she arrived at Kofuku's house and was brought into a somber, quiet home. The goddess sat her down and Daikoku gave her tea as her memories came back once more. Together they comforted her as she tried to remember the last time she saw him, the last time she remembered him. Her and Kofuku held each other as they sobbed, Daikoku answering her questions little by little. Yes, he disappeared a few months ago, after she had forgotten him for roughly three weeks. No, Yukine was not here, he decided against getting another name in favor of disappearing with the man he called 'Dad' and Yato had been in a coma and wasn't able to object. Yes, Nora still came to visit from time to time, to check on them, but couldn't stand the pain the empty house brought. Hiyori had cried for hours after that, taking the next couple days off to cope.

This same process happened the last time she forgot. That time she was on her fourth date with that new doctor and he decided to take her to Capybara land. She was ashamed to say it took her until the firework show- when she expected to see someone else- that she had to frantically leave her date behind. But now, Hiyori couldn't bring herself to put Kofuku and Daikoku through that again. To keep showing up here and have them explain the death of their family members like she was an old widow asking where her husband went. She was so selfish and they were too kind.

"But this is serious! If I keep forgetting you, you'll disappear right? I don't want that! I don't want to keep forgetting you, I don't want you to disappear! I want you here, with me, for our future! Please you have to believe me!" Hiyori shouted through her sobs. The simple smile he held while she cried finally dropped but Hiyori knew better. There was just no changing his mind when he had his heart set. He didn't change his mind when he set his heart on her and there was nothing she could do to convince him otherwise. No, his eyes were sad because she was sad and the thought somehow made her feel worse. They both knew the only thing more important than what he wanted, was her happiness.

"I do believe you! Of course I believe you," Yato pulled her in again, "Hiyori, I love you. I will always love you no matter what and I'm here whenever you need me. If you forget me, that means that you're happy and I've done my job. It doesn't mean you don't love me. I don't think that. I've told you before, you're not responsible for my existence, and I'm sorry it seems that way. But I'm happy to simply dedicate my existence to you." His smile was back one when she leaned back to wipe her tears only for them to be replaced with more. She gurgled out her love and he returned it in a sweet way.

"Besides, you don't have to worry! Yukine is doing such a great job making me into a God of Fortune, that sun lady is bound to give me a promotion, you'll see!" Yato cradled her head in his hands and swiped his thumbs along her cheeks.

"But what about our future?" Hiyori pleaded. Yato's expression darkened for the barest hint of a second before brightening back up again.

"Our future is whatever we make it! We have more than one place to call home and our families are all okay. The hospital is going good and if you ever need help you can call me," Yato kissed her softly, "I promise I'll come no matter what."

Hiyori pulled out her phone, blinking through the blur to process the date on top. Drops of water splattered on the list of missed calls from the hospital. They were busy nowadays. A sob racked Hiyori's body and a harsh laugh sounded, the phone in her hand shook. One year. It had been one year since Hiyori had last seen Yato and Yukine. She found out about their permanent disappearance only three months later. So much can happen in a year; such a short amount of time yet it meant everything to the people she cared most about in the world.

Running back that last time had all been for nothing, she had been so close to saving them yet so far. There was another sound, a cheery constant noise compared to her crying. Hiyori took a deep breath and realized her phone wasn't just shaking due to her trembling. The screen had changed to show a picture of that new doctor she kept running away from and returning to; her husband. Hiyori nearly choked a laugh, this year had been busy yet the ring on her finger never felt tighter.

She denied the call and slipped the phone back in her pocket. Her spouse was kind, forgiving, loved capybaras and making her laugh. The ring is something Yato would have picked out for her, and the dress she wore looked eerily similar to the one he made her. Hiyori turned and trudged away from the place she would always think of as a home. She would have to be strong, go back to work with an easy smile and tell everyone everything was okay. For better or worse people pick up habits from the ones they love. Hiyori wondered once again what could have been, what their wedding would have been like. What their future could have been. Yet this second skin had never felt more comfortable and the black hole in her chest was never more familiar.