The Marauders never returned to Gryffindor Tower. Not that fateful February evening nor any day soon to follow. The morning after their disappearance (following a sleepless night), Lily was called into the Headmaster's Office where Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall waited to give her the bad news. James, and the rest of the boys, had gone straight to the Potters' manor where they had run into a group of Death Eaters who had broken in to ransack the house. Hours later, a group of Aurors doing a check-in discovered James' backpack, the Marauders Map and his invisibility cloak tucked inside, sitting in the foyer.
Simply put – they were gone, all four of them. The Auror Department was in shambles, Alastor Moody was lying in a hospital bed with his right leg missing and The Potters were still lying unconscious in St Mungos. For the next week, Lily knew no peace. Every night she struggled to fall asleep, haunted by nightmares and woke up in the morning with a pit in her stomach when she remembered what had happened to the boy she loved.
It was near impossible to pay attention in class or finish her homework. Alice had been helping her keep up so far, but Lily didn't see how the arrangement was sustainable. Until James was home her life was at a standstill. The rest of the girls understood – they too were worried sick – but it was Marlene with whom Lily spent most of her days. Together, they indulged in their grief. Maureen, like the Potters, had been one of the wounded in the Auror Department attack, though she was said to be improving from her injuries much quicker. Lily knew that Marlene was not simply anxious about her mother though. James was like a brother to her and Sirius…well, Lily knew that he was more than just a friend.
It was after a full week of the boys being gone that Professor McGonfagall called Lily aside after class, waiting until the other students had filtered out to speak candidly with her.
"I can see that you're struggling," McGonagall said, sitting behind her desk wearing a sombre expression.
"I'll make up the work," Lily insisted, "Once things are back to normal—"
"Please," McGonagall put up a hand to silence her. "You don't owe any explanations. In fact, I've already spoken to your other Professors and they've all agreed to a grace period while we wait on news about the boys."
"I don't know what to say… thank you, Professor…" Lily was beyond grateful.
Professor McGonagall quickly pushed the compliment aside. "I thought, perhaps, you might like a trip home for the weekend?" she suggested. "To help clear your head?"
"I'm not sure home will do that much good…"
Lily watched as McGonagall impatiently brushed aside a strand of dark hair, slipping loose from her bun.
"Is something wrong at home?"
"My mother is sick," Lily explained, biting at the inside of her lip to keep it from trembling, as often happened when she discussed her mother's illness. "She isn't doing great these days…"
Professor McGonagall shook her head in disbelief, "I am so sorry, Evans."
"Staying here at Hogwarts…it's easier for now," Lily admitted. "And I know I'll hear any news right away."
It was a special kind of torture, waiting at Hogwarts, the place she had last been with James, hoping, one day, he would return.
"We will find them," Professor McGonagall stated, tone certain. "They'll be in detention until the end of the year, but they'll be fine." Lily took some comfort in her Professor's optimism, though she herself could not quite muster the same positivity after a week of no news.
Later that night, Lily shared her dorm with Marlene (who'd been keeping her company most nights as neither of them slept very well). Usually, they lay awake in Lily's bed for hours, talking about anything and everything as the hours passed them by, both trying not to think of the possibility that the boys too were awake somewhere, hurting.
"Henry says he's been chosen to join the search team," Marlene told Lily that night in bed. "He says they've got some good leads."
"Have you seen him recently?"
"No," Marlene sighed, "we write…" Lily could only imagine how difficult it was to foster a new relationship with such a distance between a couple.
"I don't know how much longer I can take this," she confessed, exhaling deeply. "They could be dead—"
"They're not," Marlene was insistent.
"One week and not a single hint as to where they're being held…" Lily was near tears. "I don't think I'll survive if he doesn't make it back alive."
Marlene reached across the bed, finding Lily's hand to squeeze with reassurance.
"You're not going to lose him, not yet," Lily didn't know how she could be so certain. "I would know, I would feel it if they were gone, especially James."
With moist eyes and a stomach in knots, Lily turned her head to look at Marlene and finally asked the question that had been on the tip of her tongue all week. "What about Sirius?"
It was dark and Lily could only make out Marlene's profile beside her, her face made of stone. After a second, her hand withdrew from Lily's.
"What about Sirius?" Marlene tried to play dumb.
"He told me," Lily confessed.
"Told you?"
"Well, truth be told, I had my suspicions after Alma's…"
"What did he tell you?" Marlene demanded.
Slowly, Lily sat up, rubbing her eyes as she tried to recall the specifics of a conversation, she had weeks ago.
"You were hooking up in secret for like, a year," she recalled, "he asked me not to tell anyone."
Marlene bolted upright. "It was never anything real," she began defensively. "Honestly, it was a mistake…"
"If you ask me, it makes a hell of a lot of sense."
"I'm with Henry now," she snapped, turning her head away from Lily. She, like Sirius, did not handle discussing her emotions very well. It was what made them such a lethal match in Lily's mind.
"I know, I'm just saying," Lily shrugged, Marlene's face still turned away. "It's kind of like James and I, opposites attract—"
"It's nothing like you and James," Marlene replied sharply. "Sirius and I could never be anything more than we were and I'm happy with Henry."
"I'm glad," Lily assured her, "Henry's a good guy. We all love him."
"Besides," Marlene carried on, hardly listening to Lily. "I'm sure what Sirius neglected to mention was that we did try to give it a go. At least, he led me to believe we were," she recalled bitterly. "He humiliated me, trampled all over my feelings just for the fun of it."
"I'm sorry…" Lily had no idea.
"Sirius and I will never be more than a thing of the past." Marlene turned to face Lily again, eyes pleading for belief. "That chapter is over. I'm just… worried about all of the boys. I want them home safe."
"I know," Lily agreed, dropping back down onto her pillow, sick with anxiety. "Me too."
She could not help but picture the four boys, trapped somewhere, cold, hungry and alone. Terrified, perhaps isolated from one another as the girls had been when they were held, hostage.
"Lily…" Marlene whispered after a short silence. "You won't ever tell James, will you? About Sirius and me…" even in a moment of crisis, the four boys missing, Marlene (like Sirius) was concerned about upsetting James.
"No," Lily promised her just as she had Sirius before. "He'll never hear it from me." Though, listening as her friend sighed with relief beside her, Lily could not help wondering why it was that James' closest friends felt the need to hide one of their biggest secrets from him?
There had been a strange vibe to the castle ever since the news had arrived of the attack upon the Auror Department. Frank himself had been in mourning ever since. He had known all the team members affected by the attack, having spent his summer in the Auror office nearly every day. He knew that it would take years before the department fully recovered.
The attack was all that Frank could speak about for the following week – that and the disappearance of his roommates. He could focus on almost nothing else, wondering whether or not the boys were alive, if they were being tortured, how on earth the Auror Department would recover. He was helpless, unable to aid in the search or the rebuilding of the department he cared so much about. If anything, the tragedy had put his own life into perspective.
For starters, what in Merlin's name was he doing with a girl like Cecily Turner? While gorgeous, yes, and funny, Frank had come to realize in recent days that their values were completely unaligned. While he worried about the survival of his friends, Cecily concerned herself with petty school gossip and whether or not Flitwick's grading of her Charms paper had been fair. It was unbelievable to Frank while the war grew worse beyond the confines of Hogwarts, his girlfriend could hardly pretend to care.
On this particular morning, Frank and Cecily walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast together, Frank having met Cecily at the entrance to Ravenclaw Tower as he did every Saturday morning. Usually, it was a pleasant affair, but today, Frank spent the entire journey downstairs listening to Cecily talk about a radio program she had listened to the night before. It was like nails on a chalkboard, listening to her drag on about the lives of fictional characters as Frank's own friends were currently in danger.
"Babe," Frank interrupted as they neared the ground floor, ten minutes of this discussion taking place. "Do you think we could talk about something else?"
Cecily grew defensive, pouting, as she did whenever she did not get her way. "Fine," she grumbled, "what do you want to talk about?"
"How about current events?"
"Oh Frank," Cecily sighed exasperatedly. "It's bloody depressing!"
"We can't just pretend it's not happening though," Frank replied, tone sharpening. "We have friends—"
"You have friends in danger," Cecily corrected him, the pair rounding on the Entry Hall, "not me."
"So, what, you just don't care?" Frank could not believe how selfish she was being. No one in the world mattered to Cecily Turner except for herself.
"Of course, I care," she huffed, "I'm simply not in the mood to discuss something so heavy at this hour in the morning."
"Oh, forget it," Frank grumbled, drawing away from her. She narrowed her eyes, scowling at him.
"You're right, forget it," Cecily spat out. "I don't much feel like spending my morning with the likes of you." With that, she made a sharp turn into the Great Hall, striding towards Ravenclaw table with her head held high. Frank glowered, stomping off towards his own table. Never had he been so thoroughly disappointed by Cecily, whose vanity appeared to know no ends.
"Hey!"
Frank paused, looking up to see Alice staring at him from the other side of Gryffindor table. She was sitting alone, no one anywhere near her on the bench. He hesitated a second before sitting down in the vacant spot across from her.
"Everything okay?" Alice inquired, stirring her bowl of oatmeal.
"Why?"
She shrugged. "You seem…tense." That was the understatement of the year.
"What makes you say that?" Frank asked. He reached for a piece of toast, smearing it with butter and strawberry jam.
"Whenever you're stressed you do this thing with your eyes," Alice explained, narrowing her eyes to imitate the stare she was describing, making Frank laugh.
"I do not!"
"Mostly though, your shoulders get all tensed up," she told him, smiling, "you walk differently."
"Is that so?"
Perhaps embarrassed by her close observations, Alice nodded, dropping her gaze back towards the table. It was easy to completely forget about his argument with Cecily when he had Alice blushing across the table from him, as if they were back in time, courting each other again.
"It's weird isn't it?" Frank asked. "Being stuck in this castle, unable to do anything helpful."
Alice nodded, still looking down. "Lily's been a mess all week."
"I can't quite believe they left…" Frank just kept wishing that they had stayed put and waited for news…then they would still be safe.
"Do you think…" Alice paused halfway through her question, gulping before trying again. "How likely is it they come back alive?"
It was the same question Frank had been losing sleep over all week. He knew from his Auror training that every day which went by the chances of finding someone grew slimmer. After a week? Well…it certainly wasn't looking good.
"If Moody was in charge, I might have a little more faith," Frank confessed.
"Me too…" finally, Alice's brown eyes lifted to meet Frank's gaze, glossed over. "I can't stand it…the idea of Voldemort actually…winning…"
"He's not. This is a setback, that's all." All week Frank had been desperate to hear someone say those words to him – Cecily perhaps – but instead, he found relief in the calm which came over Alice's face as he reassured her. "There's still a lot of good people on the search team."
"You're right," Alice finally agreed. "You're always right," she added with a roll of her eyes and a smirk.
Not about us, Frank wanted to say, I was wrong about that, wasn't I? He had thought they were meant to be together. He wanted to be married by now – promised to Alice for the rest of his life – and she had wanted…well, he still didn't know what it was she had been looking for in her relationship with Everett. To be honest, Frank wasn't sure it even mattered anymore. The person Alice had been in the autumn was not the same person she was today, sitting across from him in the Great Hall, mirroring the girl he had once fallen in love with at age eleven.
"What?" Alice inquired, head cocking curiously to the side. "What's with the look?" Frank had not realized he'd been staring, the heat rising in his neck.
"Nothing, I just…you seem more like yourself is all. More than you have in a while."
"Oh."
"Maybe that's a weird thing to say…"
"No, it's…it's nice to hear," Alice told him. "It's nice to know that someone notices."
"I always notice you."
Alice looked as caught off guard by the statement as Frank felt saying it, the pair staring at one another in awe before Frank found a stupid excuse to escape, rising from the table before he had even finished his breakfast, too afraid to face his true feelings that morning.
It was a Saturday – the best day of the week – and yet, Marlene was miserable. She wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating well, and hated more than anything that she was in the dark. There was no news, no leads on the boys' location and all the while, time kept moving, the possibilities growing direr.
Marlene had never been particularly good at being patient. One week of no news was a hell of a lot to ask of her and by Saturday afternoon she could no longer stand it. After Mary and Emmeline took Lily to the library for a post-lunch distraction, Marlene snuck out. She took the hidden tunnel to the Honeydukes basement, desperate for a chance to see Henry.
The whole journey, her wand guiding the way through the narrow, damp tunnel, Marlene could not help but wonder whether this worrying was all in vain. What if the news to come was that the boys were dead? They had been murdered on sight, their bodies dumped, and the current search was all for nought. The very thought chilled her.
What if this was it? The last time she'd seen any of them would be their final interaction…she could hardly remember the last thing she'd said to them. She had been in her own world that day (worried about her mother's safety) and James' grief had slipped her mind. Maybe, if Marlene had simply been looking out for him (as she always was) things would not have turned out so badly…
Marlene had been carrying that guilt around since the night the boys went missing. She could have stopped them. She might have been able to persuade James to stay, talking sense into him before the Marauders made the biggest mistake of their lives. Of course, there was nothing she could do now, crawling through a tunnel headed towards Hogsmeade.
Marlene reached Donovan's shivering from the cold and anxious to find her boyfriend. There were a handful of regulars spread out amongst the tables inside, three men sat up at the bar. Marlene made a quick scan of the room to ensure there was no Professor there to catch her off-campus before she stepped towards the bar, eyeing the dark-haired guy polishing glasses behind it. It didn't take long for Henry to look up, noticing her with a drop of his jaw.
"What are you doing here?" Quickly, he flipped up the side of the bar, stepping out to take Marlene into his arms. Henry gave her a good squeeze before beginning to chastise her for breaking the rules.
"It's dangerous to be sneaking out of the castle, especially alone," Henry reminded her.
"I had to see you. I'm going crazy trapped in there."
"Just…give me five, okay?"
Henry disappeared into the back, leaving Marlene alone in a pub with a handful of lonely, old men who stared with no shame at the young, blonde girl standing amongst them. She couldn't help but glare, detesting their stares, until Henry remerged with Don behind him.
"Hiya Marlene," the portly bar owner greeted her. Henry motioned for Marlene to join him behind the bar, Don tying an apron about his hips.
"Ten minutes," he warned Henry, "that's all."
"Yes, boss."
With that, Henry led the way back through the kitchen, towards the wooden staircase at the back of the building which took them up to his flat. Marlene felt a weight lifted off her shoulder's the moment she entered the space, warm and cosy as always. Something about Henry's quaint flat was a comfort, Marlene having only spent her best days and nights in it.
"Can I get you anything?" Henry moved instinctively towards the kitchen, reaching for the cupboard where his glasses were kept. Marlene slowly removed her boots and coat, as if shedding layers of stress from her body.
"Tea," she told him, padding mindlessly about the open space in the middle of the apartment. She watched Henry fill the kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil, plopping two tea bags into mugs, clueless to the emotional distress of his girlfriend standing behind him. By the time that Henry turned back around to face Marlene there were tears running silently down her face, shoulders slumped.
"What is it?" Henry panicked. Carefully, he guided her towards the end of the bed, sitting her down.
"Are they dead?" she sobbed, snot and tears mixing into one. Marlene could only imagine what a mess she looked like in Henry's eyes.
"Oh love…I don't have any more answers than you do right now," he admitted, sitting beside Marlene with his arm wrapped around her. "If you asked for my best guess, I'd say no." She burrowed her face in his neck.
"Really?"
"They're fighters, all four of them, and they're all purebloods. That bodes well if Death Eaters have taken them." Marlene did not know how reassuring she found that.
"How are we just supposed to sit and wait?" she asked, lifting her head to meet Henry's gaze. "I've never felt more helpless in my life."
"I know it's hard," he nodded understandingly, "hopefully, you won't be waiting for much longer."
"Can't you tell me something? Anything new?" Marlene begged. She could tell from the uncomfortable look which shifted across Henry's face that there was something he was hiding, some piece of information he was in on that he'd been sworn not to disclose. As if saved by the bell, the kettle began to whistle, Henry, leaping up.
"I can tell you that they've got the best people in the Department on this," he reassured her.
"Rubbish, the best people in the department are dead or stuck in St. Mungo's."
"Not Dorcas, Kingsley—"
"Henry, please, if there's anything, anything that you can tell me—"
"I don't think you understand what it is you're asking of me Marlene," Henry warned her, back turned as he leaned his hands against the counter. Marlene couldn't help herself from pushing, not when it concerned the people she loved most in the world.
"I'm not sleeping, I can't eat, I can't bloody focus on anything except the fact that four of my closest friends are lost—"
"Friends?" Henry replied, making Marlene's stomach drop. "Is that really the only reason you're so concerned?"
"Henry…"
"I'm not an idiot, Marlene." He turned to face her; the warmth drained from his face. "You're in love with Sirius, aren't you?" the very question sent a shiver up her spine.
"No!" Marlene insisted – a little too defensively. "James is like a brother to me, and the other three I've known since we were children…"
Henry stood before her, arms crossed, silent, the angriest Marlene had ever seen him, but slowly, he thawed.
"We still don't know where they are," Henry said, tone softening. "Not for certain."
"You have leads though?" Marlene's heart soared. It was the most excited she'd been all week.
Henry shrugged, refusing to answer in words, but for now, the mere suggestion of leads would be enough. Marlene stepped gingerly towards her boyfriend, not sure whether he would pull away.
"I'm sorry," she whispered when they were a few inches apart, looping her arms around the back of his neck. "I haven't been myself."
"I'm sorry too," Henry sighed, the tension releasing from his body. "I overreacted—"
"Forgiven," Marlene replied, kissing him on the lips, finding her first real moment of happiness in days.
Remus moved in and out of consciousness, the two states blurring together into one. Sometimes he dreamt he was home, back in his childhood bedroom (the one he'd lived in before he was bitten…) There were stars which glowed on his ceiling at night, forming the shape of every constellation in the sky. Other times he found himself back at Hogwarts, sitting by the fire in Gryffindor common room or in the Great Hall with the rest of his friends. The worst, of course, was when he was awake, truly awake, and aware of his surroundings.
"We have to go before they get here."
"He's still tied up."
There were two people speaking in frantic, hushed tones behind Remus. He couldn't see them, he could barely lift his aching neck to look around him, staring instead at the soiled floor at his feet. He was sitting in a chair, arms tied behind his back, attached to a post, ankles bound.
"Forget him. We have to go now."
Yes, Remus wanted to speak up and agree, forget about me, please, leave me here in peace. He was tired of being jerked awake in order to be asked questions he had no answers to. There was scrambling, feet racing, panicked voices growing further and further away until Remus could hear nothing except his own, heavy breathing. He was freezing, his toes and fingers numb (though they had been for days now) his breath expelling in clouds of white smoke. He could not remember his last meal, nor the last sip of water he had taken.
His eyes were heavy, the right one swollen shut from a bad hit to the face. I'm ready to die, Remus thought, finally at ease. At least death would bring an end to his misery. He could be at rest in his human form, a boy for the rest of his days – just as he'd always wanted. It was a mery really.
Remus hadn't a clue where the rest of his friends were. Dead? Or maybe they had gotten free, perhaps they had been more fortunate than him and found a way to escape. The last he had seen of any of them had been at the Potter's manor before Remus had been knocked unconscious. From that point on he'd been trapped and alone, in the damp, freezing shack he'd been in for what felt like weeks.
"Please," Remus spoke hoarsely, to no one at all, "water, I need…water…" his lips were dry and cracked, his tongue like sandpaper.
"It won't be much longer, sweetheart," promised a woman's voice. His mother? No…hers was not so soft, so youthful. "Help is on the way. Hold on, just a little longer."
"I can't," Remus whimpered, any strength he'd once possessed draining from his weakening body. "I can't do it…"
Without warning, there was a large bang and Remus struggled, slowly, to open his eyes, light flooding the once dark space.
"He's alive!" Someone shouted, Remus suddenly surrounded by individuals in long, dark robes. Aurors, he thought with a thrill of hope.
"Remus? Can you hear me?" someone crouched down before him, a pair of dark eyes, a long, familiar face.
"Water…" Remus whispered, Dorcas, reaching for the canteen in her bag of supplies. Slowly, water dripped into Remus' mouth and down his chin. It was the first time he'd felt relief in ages, life slowly returning to him.
"You're safe," Dorcas promised. "We're going to get you out of here."
There were others who helped to unbind him, Kingsley and fellow male Auror, helped carry Remus out of the barn he'd been trapped in, giving him his first breath of fresh air since being captured.
"We need to get him to St. Mungo's, quick," someone stated, Remus still being held up on either side, his body too weak to manage standing up alone.
"No," came Kingsley's commanding voice in Remus' ear. "We go straight to Hogwarts, take him to the Hospital Wing. We don't need news spreading from St. Mungo's about his rescue."
"He's too badly hurt—"
"Do as Kingsley told you," Dorcas barked, Remus still too tired to raise his head and look around him. He was like a ragdoll, suddenly being torn through space and time as he and Kingsley apparated away, Remus drifting out of consciousness once more.
X
It was hours later when he returned to consciousness, his memory fuzzy. The room was dark, only the white curtains drawn around his bed visible and the woman sleeping in the armchair beside him, head leaning uncomfortably to the side. For a moment it was his mother, then Leila. Remus blinked a few times before the real woman came into focus, Dorcas' long dark hair masking her face.
All Remus had to do was clear his throat for her to stir, her legs stretching out, arms raising above her head. It was a moment before she noticed Remus lying there awake, her eyes widening.
"How're you feeling? Thirsty?"
He nodded, Dorcas, reaching for the jug of water on the bedside, pouring out a glass which she handed to Remus who slowly drew himself upright.
"Where are we?" he asked after a few gulps, licking his chapped lips.
"The Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. You're safe."
"The others?" Remus asked, his stomach dropping as Dorcas' expression darkened, her head shaking.
"They got them out before we could get there."
"It's only me?" the realization horrified Remus. The other boys were still trapped, being held and tortured at some remote location, separated from one another. He did not deserve to be here, alive, safe, staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman feeling relief. No, he should be dead, lying scared in some abandoned barn, one of the other three boys in his place.
Dorcas shifted, sitting on the edge of the bed so that she was closer to Remus, his eyes growing moist with tears.
"We are going to find them," she promised, taking Remus' hands into her own. There was such certainty in her brown eyes, not a glimmer of doubt. "It won't be long. We have a good team, we have leads…"
"I know," he nodded, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. Remus turned his head away, embarrassed to display such emotion in front of Dorcas.
"These next few days will be difficult," she warned him. "There are going to be a lot of questions."
"I don't have many answers," he admitted, tears still rolling silently down his cheeks. Remus had cried more in the past week than he had in his entire life. "They didn't care about me very much. Mostly, they wanted to know if I had information on your secret army and I didn't. They didn't like that."
"Oh Remus…"
He was thankful he couldn't see Dorcas' face as he spoke – probably filled with pity for him though he deserved none of it.
"They asked once if I'd join them, they said they were interested in recruiting my kind." Those words were burnt into Remus' brain, a constant reminder of his difference from everyone else, his "othering." He was not human but rather, a beast.
"You'll get them back for this," Dorcas stated certainly, the mattress shifting as she stood up. "I promise you that Remus."
"I'm not interested in revenge."
"Not revenge, justice," she corrected him, arms crossed as she dropped back down into the armchair, she'd slept in. "You will get your justice. I'll make sure of it."
"I'll let you do all the hard work then," Remus suggested, making himself comfortable in bed. "Wake me up when you've killed Voldemort."
Dorcas chuckled, Remus, looking at her just in time to catch the glisten of her smile – the best thing he'd seen in a week. "Okay," she agreed, "I'll do it, just for you."
"You're one of a kind Dorcas Meadowes," Remus yawned, eyes beginning to flutter shut – though, for the first time in a while, he desperately resisted sleep, not wanting to close his eyes and wake to find Dorcas gone.
"I try," she shrugged, the blush rising in her cheeks.
"Don't leave," Remus said to her, half asleep, breaths growing long and even.
"I have to," Dorcas whispered, her voice sweet like honey. "How else am I going to get all the hard work done for you?"
Remus could have kissed her. He might have if he weren't nearly unconscious in a hospital bed. In the morning, when he woke alone to find her armchair unoccupied, he would chalk such thoughts up to delirium. Dorcas Meadowes was a friend, actually, she was his superior, and she would never see him as anything more than a kid. No, he was drowsy was all, dreaming really, and for the first time since returning to Hogwarts, Remus thought of the dark-haired doe-eyed girlfriend he had waiting for him in the castle.
