No smut in this chapter kiddos, but some dirty thoughts on Lucy's part which deals with things of a smutty nature (You're welcome?) It serves a purpose though, I promise.

ONCE AGAIN, IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN I PUBLISH THE SEQUEL, FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE BOTH THIS STORY AND ADD ME TO YOUR AUTHOR ALERTS

Trigger Warning: Graphic Descriptions of Gore.


Chapter XLVIII

For the next three and a half weeks, Lucy couldn't stop imagining the feel of Bucky's lips on hers. He had kissed her so many times that the feeling had been ingrained into her brain so she would never forget it, but still, it wasn't enough. She wished for nothing else than for him to return safely to the base as he could give her a refresher on just what exactly it felt like. All she wanted was him to be safe, and back with her, so an end could be put to her constant worrying.

In those lonely times, Lucy often thought of how Bucky took her in the grass beside the abandoned villa. Of how he slammed into her with his sharp trusts, dragging his cock through her tight walls as she milked a release from him. She had cried out in soft gasps for him, and he let out a couple low grunts as his hips were flushed against hers as his mouth trailed up her heated skin, pressing open-mouthed kisses to her pulse.

She didn't know why she had orgasmed as much as did that night within such a short amount of time. And without any foreplay, no less. As Bucky felt her clench around him for the fifth time in only seven minutes, he only asked in wonder "Again?" surprised that she could do it without even having any clitoral stimulation.

Following Bucky spilling his seed deep inside her with a pleasured groan, he rolled off from her and tucked himself back in his trousers. He helped Lucy gather pants back up, and he leaned back on the grass beside her on his elbows to stare down at her.

"You alright?" He asked her with a chuckle as he saw her flushed face, sweat plastering hair to her forehead as her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, but she was glowing nonetheless.

Lucy could only answer with a smile after getting completely fucked out. Bucky let out a low chuckle as he watched her in all of her post-coital beauty trying to chase after her breath. He praised her, telling her she was such a good girl for him, and how much he loved her. The coolness of the grass definitely helped settle her down, and his soft kisses finally brought her back to life. They laid there for a couple minutes afterward, just resting in one another's grasp and dreading the moment they would be torn apart.

Replaying that memory was her favourite fantasy, along with many, many, others which she often flashed before her closed eyes like a dirty film in her head in the most inconvenient of times. It led to some very restless nights, where she tossed and turned on her cot in frustration.

All she could think of was Bucky roughly pressing her body to the surface of the small desk in their hotel room as he spread her legs and took her roughly from behind. The echo of their skin colliding against one another along with their heavy pants and moans filled the room.

Lucy recalled tightening her thighs together as she was alone and practically crying from her frustration as she thought about how Bucky had her legs wrapped around his hips as he fucked her against the wall of their room. It reminded her of the time they did it in the barn of the abandoned farmhouse, Bucky's hips snapping up into hers with bruising vigour as he chased his release. That memory only increased her neediness as she buried her face into the crook of her elbow and wanted to scream in those few moments she pictured it.

Lucy was insatiable while he was gone, never needing him as much as she did in those weeks.

She partially wondered why all of a sudden she was so sexually frustrated. She had never been the type of person to crave it quite so much. With Daniel, they would only do it once in a blue moon after their kissing got too heated and they couldn't resist themselves. They spent a long amount of time afterward feeling remarkably guilty, though. With Bucky, it was different. Lucy never once felt guilty with him. How could she when it felt so goddamn right?

Their two weeks in London had been the most Lucy had ever had sex. He showed her all the ways he made love, kissing her sweetly as he gently moved inside her and brought their bodies together. In those moments of passion, Lucy's heart felt so filled with contentment and joy. She adored the man who worshiped every inch of her body, claiming it as his own. She felt as though she would burst with love in those quiet moments, never thinking that such a wonderful thing would have been possible for her.

Lucy felt so full as they rocked slowly against one another as he whispered the sweetest words and promises into her ear. Lucy never wanted to be separated from him, knowing his body belonged in a place where it could be joined with her. As his slow, deliberate, thrusts dragged in and out of her heavily, she felt more like they were one entity rather than two separate people.

Lovemaking was for the mornings. While the remnants of their long night of sleep still gathered in the corner of their eyes, they could kiss lazily with their warm morning breath which neither of them minded too terribly. He would slowly take her as they spooned as his arm draped over her protectively. Lucy would throw her head back and her eyes would roll back to the base of her skull from how pleasure lit up her body like the New York skyline on the darkest of nights.

Bucky didn't just make love, though. He fucked — roughly, too. On the floor, against the wall, in the shower, and against every other surface they could find their hotel room. He left bruises on her hips from how hard he gripped her as he slammed into her while she was on her hands and knees in front of him. Purple love bites peppered her breasts and stomach, evidence of where his mouth had been.

He left reddened handprints on the globes of her porcelain behind after he decided to punish her for being too mouthy. Which, she was known for doing often, just to get a rise out of him.

The most notable evidence though was the one Bucky loved the most, and what Lucy secretly enjoyed also. She would never tell him how a tightly rung coil would snap in her belly each time he pulled out of her after he had finally finished. It was unmistakable that his eyes were drawn to where he had just pulled out from, glued to the pearlescent essence that he had filled her with.

There was something so primal and wrong about it. Lucy never felt dirty about their bedroom activities until she felt the aftermath drip from her onto the white bedsheets. Bucky always got up first from the bed, walking away and coming back with a cloth that he would help her clean up with as they kissed tenderly.

Whining into her army-issued blanket, Lucy wanted to simultaneously scream and cry at the same time as she thought about it. The longer she was frustrated in the damned army base, Lucy began to want to figure out why. Of course, it made sense that in Bucky's absence it made her want him more. The longer she was away from him, the more sexually frustrated Lucy became. Every little thing around her triggered her into a fix of desperation.

It wasn't until she was on-site one day outside of Rome in a buried villa that dated back to days of the Roman Republic that it became evident to everyone else that something was up with Lucy.

Mosaics lined the floor, little chunks of it missing. She tried to not walk over it, in fear of breaking some of its small tiles. Gilbert Whitney was sweeping at it with a large paintbrush, blowing away its dust as he went and muttering complaints about how boring this job was. Lucy only snickered as she saw that Charles gave Whitney the most monotonous job on purpose, probably due to his bad behaviour.

Lucy was perplexed as a laugh rang out from the next room of the crumbled structure. The sun beat down on her as she made her way to where Daniel had just let out the amused noise in what they were guessing may have been the bedroom of the villa's owner. Sweat dripped down the back of her neck and she was wishing she had worn something other than her olive green mechanics' jumpsuit.

Manoeuvring around the pillars and the crumbled foundations, Lucy arrived in the other room where Daniel was working. "What's so funny?" She inquired curiously as she caught sight of him.

"Just uhh, this very blessed gentleman here." Daniel gestured to an iconographic figure of a man carved into the wall with a remarkably large phallus.

"Oh!" Lucy gasped in horror as she beheld it. It wasn't unusual to see such things in Roman buildings. Especially in private villas, bathhouses, or brothels, since they were the symbol of virility. Whenever a family wished for another son, they would often decorate their homes with them.

Hell, even some of their gods were depicted with it just hanging out! One of the most common ones Lucy had seen was the statue of the Herms, composed of only a male face and his genitalia, which they had left out in the front of their property for everyone to see.

The sight of it immediately made her cheeks redden and blood gathered there in embarrassment. She averted her eyes quickly, the back of her hands going to her face with the hope it would cool her down and lessen the beet red pigment. Sweat was dripping down the back of her neck even more as she stood there as bashful as a new bride.

Once again, her thoughts immediately turned filthy, leaving her panties soaked and an uncomfortable pit to knot into her stomach at the thought of being aroused in front of others. She couldn't help it though, as her mind drifted to how she had pleasured Bucky on her knees, taking his full length in her mouth as he cussed. He used to go absolutely mad when she would hollow out her cheeks, causing all the blood to rise to his head as she fondled him. His moans that were released were carnal as he moved himself in her mouth, and Lucy greedily accepted each light thrust of his hips. Nothing made Lucy feel more empowered than watching him become completely undone for her, turning into a desperate mess while simultaneously swearing and calling out her name.

As Lucy thought about such things, she was left wondering what in the hell was wrong with her? Why was she so incredibly frustrated all of a sudden?

Daniel frowned as he looked at her in confusion regarding her flustered reaction, "This the first time you've seen one, Luce? You're blushing like mad! Woulda figured your American husband would have shown you his at the first chance he got. They don't necessarily believe in romance over there." He teased her with a smug grin.

"Oh, he's shown it to her alright." Whitney came in with his arms across over his chest, looking remarkably smug.

"Knock it off, you buffoons!" Lucy scolded as her complexion mirrored the same colour of blood against snow. She quickly covered up the phallus with anything she could find, not wanting to see it any longer. Lucy nervously tried to get it out of her sights, seeming jumpy and odd to Daniel.

"When did you become such a prude?" Daniel laughed, "It's just depictions of genitalia!" He had known she had seen countless paintings and statues of nude figures. After all, it was part of her job.

"Don't mock me, Daniel Réhal!" She pointed around his accusingly, making him take a step back in utter shock at her ferocious tone.

"Jesus, you're tense, woman!" Whines criticized, "Maybe you should be spending more quality time with your husband. It might relax you a little."

A fire burned in Lucy's eyes as her head whipped around to peer menacingly at Whitney. Immediately he realized his mistake and he swallowed in fear.

"Whitney, if you utter one more word I will make sure you're punished for the next month! No— Until the war is finished! I will personally make your life a living hell until the end of this goddamn war!" She spat in malice.

"Lucy," Daniel touched her elbow, wondering where her odd behaviour was coming from, "Calm down, he was only teasing."

Suddenly, it all became too much for Lucy and she burst into tears. It was as though a dam had been broken, allowing waves to go crashing among the shores. She was sobbing as the men looked on at her in utter surprise and horror at the large alligator tears that flowed down her cheeks. It wasn't pretty crying either, it was maniacal bawling that she couldn't stop no matter what she tried. She eventually collapsed to her seat on the foundational walls, unable to stand up in those moments.

Charles came stumbling in, having heard all the racket form the other side of the villa he had been working on. "What in God's green earth— Oh! Oh, dear." He frowned as he saw Lucy sobbing madly on the foundational walls.

"Dr. Heinrich, are you alright? What happened?" He looked at Whitney and Daniel accusingly, "What did you two do?"

"Absolutely nothing!" Whitney quickly defended themselves, "She just started losing her mind out of nowhere!" He took care to pass her a handkerchief, handing it cautiously over to her like she was an animal about to strike. Lucy took it eagerly and blew her nose loudly.

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me!" Lucy wailed as she balled up the handkerchief in her hands and stared down at it the best she could so she didn't have to stare at their gaping mouths and utter shock at seeing her unusual reaction, "I j-just can't stop crying!

"One of you better fess up this moment! Dr. Heinrich doesn't just cry!" Charles looked between them angrily, wondering who was responsible for upsetting her. He had never known her to cry and had even suspected once or twice she didn't have tear ducts.

Even Daniel looked concerned, only even seeing her twice since he had known her, once after he admitted to having an affair, and the second time on her wedding day.

"Well, she's a woman! Aren't they all hormonal and shit all the time? Especially when they're on their…" Whitney stopped himself from saying the words that were going to come out of his mouth. His eyes shifted uncomfortably between the men and with a tight swallow he said, "On their you-know-what'."

"It's called a menstrual cycle!" Lucy all but screamed at him, balling her fists into knuckles angrily. "You can say the word! It won't hurt you!" Whitney was no help whatsoever. Lucy wasn't even on her period! She had it about three weeks ago, after she and Bucky had intercourse.

Lucy continued to cry into her hands. She felt so embarrassed that the men were only watching her, unable to do anything and she sniffled over and over. They looked on at her in shock. Whitney seemed remarkably uncomfortable, while Daniel looked at her with sympathy in his eyes. Charles just tried to comfort her.

Her little friend sat down beside her and gently rubbed her shoulder, trying his best to help her feel better. Still, the waterworks didn't subside for even a moment. Because she was embarrassed Lucy only cried more, unable to understand why her emotions were so out of check at that moment.

It was like she was feeling everything at the same time. She was sexually frustrated, regularly frustrated, stressed, exhausted, overworked, and hungry. Of course, she missed Bucky and was worried about him as well. All of those things made her want to burst out and cry. But still, she didn't think it would actually lead to her in tears like this.

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong?" Charles asked Lucy as he sat beside her.

But as Lucy was there still weeping, she couldn't form any words. She didn't know what was wrong, all she knew was that she felt like crying.

To her absolute utter horror, she didn't have the answer for once in her life, "I don't know." Was all she could say terrifyingly.


A few days passed since her dramatic fiasco. Lucy was humiliated and utterly mortified about how she behaved. What was worse, was she still wasn't sure why exactly she had been so emotional and completely unhinged. Apparently, the war was getting to her.

Charles kept looking at her as though he didn't really know her. He was staring at her as though she was a ticking time bomb like he didn't know what to expect from her behaviour. Daniel treated her for the next couple of days as though she was made of glass. He kept trying to cater to her until finally, Lucy lashed out.

Thank God none of the new recruits had been there to see her breakdown. She would never ever gain respect then, and the men would continue to believe that women weren't made for leadership roles due to them being too emotional. But Lucy had seen far more grown men burst out bawling than she had women do in her lifetime. Especially in the war, the women who were the ones who never cried. The nurses never let the men see them become unhinged, knowing it would make them more scared.

Gilbert Whitney — bless him, was the same pain in the ass he always had been. Lucy was thankful for the fact he at least was still treating her somewhat normally. He was perhaps a little kinder to her in those days, asking what he could do to help her so her workload wouldn't be so overwhelming.

He even attempted to get her to laugh a couple times. Albeit, his jokes were a little untasteful, but Lucy appreciated the efforts anyway. He was funny and sweet in his own ways even though he was an asshole most of the time.

He worked hard and actually followed Lucy's directives quite well. He complained the entire time, of course, but that was to be expected.

Whitney was a loyal guard dog though and often stood up for Lucy while the other archaeologists talked smack about her. After all, once witnessing everything she had done for her country, he didn't like that those men criticized her without even knowing the sacrifices she had made.

Lucy wished she had become friends with him sooner, appreciating his bluntness and dark sense of humour when everyone had been treating her as though she would break at any moment.

Strangely enough, he was the only she would tolerate being around a couple days after her little episode. It was why they were the two surveying the general vicinity of their new site, attempting to see if there was anything worth noting on the surface that they could see while Charles and Daniel worked away on the actual building with the others.

It was cooler than it had been the last couple days, now Mid-March in Italy. But still, sweat continued to drip down Lucy's back and gather on her skin so her shirt clung to her body. It was humid, and there was something heavy in the air which made Lucy think perhaps a storm was coming.

They had been surveying in silence until Whitney finally spoke up, breaking the quiet with his southern accident.

"You miss him, don't you?" Whitney asked as they walked about fifteen feet across from one another, peering at the ground, "That's why you were acting crazier than a bag full of cats the other day?"

Giving a long sigh, Lucy nodded, "Among other things. Three years of this shit gets exhausting." She and Whitney didn't talk about such things. They didn't talk about anything remotely emotional, and discussing home was strictly off-limits.

Their common ground which they had was a shared interest in was liquor, and Whitney was something of a connoisseur, as it turned out. He liked whiskey and beer, and she liked vodka and wines, but luckily they could agree that pretty much anything was good.

"We don't have to talk about it." Lucy quickly said, knowing that if she thought about Bucky and the danger he was putting himself into, she would likely start crying again. A deep pit formed in Lucy's gut as she thought about her guy out there somewhere with a sniper rifle in his grasp. Lucy had to admit there was something about the way he looked while he was in his little outfit made her want to jump him. His brown trousers that clung to his thick thighs and a blue coat that brought out his steel coloured orbs, a rifle completing the ensemble was his battle gear, and as much as she loved to picture him in it, Lucy didn't want to think about him in the middle of nowhere with his life at risk.

"Agreed. Let's leave the weepy shit behind," Whitney said gruffly, "But uhh, you should know he probably misses you too. The man became damn near intolerable to be around after he thought you fell. I mean, more so than usual, at least." Of course, he had to get in his one cheap shot, but that was just his style, "Never seen a man love a woman so much. It's disgusting, actually."

Chuckling and shaking her head as the Italian sun slightly peeked through the darkened clouds Lucy only said, "Thanks, Whitney."

He gave her a polite smile in return. They were silent for a little while longer until Lucy finally spoke up again. "Y'know, you're a lot more pleasant to be around than you were before."

"Please, I was always pleasant to be around." He shot back with a roll of his eyes, "You were just more irritating."

Lucy continued, ignoring what he said. "You've really grown up, Whitney. And you're a good worker—"

As Lucy continued on, rambling about something, Whitney was suddenly hesitant to keep moving. He began to slow his walk, his ears picking something up, "Lucy, shut the fuck up for a moment!" He came to a halt as he stood in the field with her. Whitney's eyes were alert, flashing everywhere nervously as he had his gun unslung from his back. He was looking at something in the distance, but Lucy couldn't see anything.

She immediately reached for the pistol on her hip, her fingers itching for it. Lucy became a bundle of nerves in those moments, her hair standing on end as a bad feeling settled in her gut.

Her eyes scanned the horizon for any sign of danger. Adrenaline ran through her and suddenly she was more focused than she ever had been. It was like her eyesight, hearing, and even her sense of smell became hyper-alert.

Whitney let out a relieved sigh and smiled, "Looks like a false alarm. I bet —," He took a step, and immediately Lucy opened her mouth to yell at him to stop.

As soon as Whitney put his foot on the earth, an explosion lit up underneath him in violent red and yellow flames. The shock sent Lucy to the ground, the air leaving her lungs in a thick puncture. Earth rained down on her like a black storm, coating her body as her ears rang. Time moved slowly in those moments as a haze fell over her. It was like she was stuck in tar, her eyesight growing fuzzy and the warmth of blood running down the side of her face.

The words landmine caught in her throat as she saw the crater of the earth where Whitney had stepped. She struggled to stand for a second, feeling dizzy as her center of gravity was thrown off. Her ribs felt a little bruised from the impact, but she knew she would live.

Shuffling to her feet despite the fact Lucy couldn't breathe she raced to where Whitney was. Her heart pounded, knowing there could be more mines and she would have to follow her exact tracts back to the villa if she wanted to make sure she wouldn't get blown to pieces.

Lucy fell to her knees in front of him, practically collapsing in a heap as bile filled her mouth. He was breathing hard, his lower half completely reddened by blood.

"Gilbert!" Lucy winced as she fell beside him on her shaky knees. She clutched his hands as he shook like a leaf. Tears welled in her eyes and she saw the stumps where his legs once were. Blood soaked into her pants, but she didn't care. All she could stare at was the dying man before her.

His face was dirtied with dirt and filth. His lips were cracked from biting them so hard. Lucy has never seen anything so gruesome, and she was unable to look past his waist. Spots began appearing elsewhere in his soaked uniform, showing he had more injuries than just his blown-off legs. The puddles looked like watercolours on paper, spreading across the landscape of his uniformed figure and growing more and more until it was soaked.

Whitney wheezed as he tried to take in air. Lucy looked at him with wide eyes with tears that threatened to spill over.

"Give me to me straight, Doc." He trembled, stuttering as he clutched her hands, "How do I look." His eyes looked up at her, wide and frightened. For the first time, Lucy saw him for what he was. He was just a scared little boy, dying in a foreign place far from his home.

With a pursed smile, Lucy tried her best to control her breathing, "As handsome as ever."

Whitney chuckled as blood filled up his mouth. He coughed some of it up, making a gurgling sound. His hand that wasn't holding hers was reached up and tried to wipe the blood off her face that she knew was trailing down from her ears. Beyond that and some bruising, she was relatively unscathed.

Lucy's eyes flashed back to his missing limbs and she felt vomit rise in the back of her throat. Blood continued to leak from his wounds, making Lucy see a pool of crimson and ivory from his shattered bones.

"Will you stay with me?" He requested, blinking and looking up at her, through a stifled expression of pain. Whitney was trying to show he wasn't suffering, but Lucy knew better.

"Of course." She nodded as a tear leaked down her eyes and fell down her nose, "Of course I will."

He nodded, already accepting his fate, "Good. I'd rather die looking at your pretty face than anything else." He tried to even out his breathing, although he exhaled a pained groan as he coughed again. "Damn it," He wheezed, "I thought this job had fewer risks,"

Lucy shook her head as another tear fell. She was so sick and tired of seeing people die. She just wanted it to be over. But it never would be. Even when it ended, she would see the same horrors in her dreams each time she closed her eyes.

As she saw Daniel and Charles running forward into the field to help Lucy screamed at them to stop. They came skidding to a halt just on the outskirts, realizing there were mines all over. They looked on in worry, their eyes wide and panic on their faces. Lucy didn't pay attention to them though, only on the poor broken man who rested in her clutches. Lucy's lip trembled as she wished there was something she could have given him for the pain, but she had no morphine on her, and the best she could hope for was that his body went into shock so he wouldn't be able to feel anything.

"I'm sorry," He coughed again, his voice was strained as he met her eyes. Lucy tried to wipe some of the dirt and blood off his face, "I'm sorry how I treated you, and everyone when I first came here."

With a small voice, Lucy could only say, "Don't worry about that."

"You'll tell Sarg I'm sorry, won't you? And Gabe? I'll never forgive myself for how I treated Jones. I was just s-stupid a-and—-," Streams of tears fell down his face, leaving a glistening trail down his dirtied cheeks.

"Shhh," Lucy shushed him after she saw he was getting worked up, "It's okay. They know you're sorry. You don't have to worry about that right now. Just worry about yourself. We're gonna get you help." It was a lie. No help was coming, but Lucy didn't know what else to do. She tried to remain calm, but her soft sobs began to give her away at how scared she actually was.

He tried his best to chuckle, although he still looked in pain. "I think we both know that ain't happening, Doc." Whitney continued shaking, gripping her hand tightly. Lucy knew he was going into shock from the blast, and that it would be unpleasant and painful and scary, "They can't get help over here. And if that h-happens…" He coughed again, blinking back tears as he swore. He looked so frightened and unhinged, Lucy didn't even know what to do, "I'm gonna be bleeding out for hours like this." He was shivering like it was a cold winter's day, but it was just his body shutting down.

"I'll stay with you," Lucy promised him, trying to keep herself from showing how scared she was and how worry had overcome her. "I'll do anything you'd like."

"What you're going to do," He licked his lips and began shaking even more, crying out as he bit his lip to keep from screaming, "Y-you're going to take that pistol on your hip and use it to put me out of my misery."

"No! Whitney, I can't!" Lucy's tears released as she sniffled. Her vision grew blurred again and suddenly she was drowning in a sea of tears, "You can ask me to do that."

"Yes, you can. Please." He said softly through gritted teeth, "I know you can." As Whitney looked up at her, Lucy could see him pleading with her from the timid look in his eyes. He was so frightened, and as Lucy choked away some tears, she wondered how long he would suffer here for. Would it be until nightfall? Her heart broke as she thought about it, glancing back at his non-existent legs and how she could see his torn arteries and muscle and things she wished she never had to see. "Please, Lucy. I-I c-can't…" He wasn't able to finish his sentence, into too much pain as blood began to spill from his nostrils as well.

With a nod, another tear fell down her face. He breathed out a sigh of relief and almost looked peaceful.

"Write my folks, tell 'em I wasn't scared?" He swallowed a lump in his throat, "Even though it's a lie." It was the first time he had ever admitted to Lucy about being scared. She promised she would, and he struggled to get something out of his front breast pocket. He winced as he did so, and Lucy told him not to move.

Lucy got what he was reaching for, seeing it was a picture of a petite woman with a cheery face. She had a large smile and innocent-looking eyes, and she looked as though she was incredibly happy when the picture was taken.

"She's beautiful," Lucy whispered through a cracked tone as she set up the picture so he could see it. His hands continued to shake in her grasp and he grit his teeth through the pain. The red contrasted with his once handsome looks, and the scattered earth covering him looked like it was already trying to bury him.

"Penelope." Whitney choked out. He tried to move to make himself more comfortable but cried out as he did so. Lucy could feel the warm stickiness of blood coating her body, and she feared that when she tried to wash it would never truly come off. She would always be able to feel it eating away at her skin, no matter how many times she tried to rid herself of the stain.

Lucy moved back a little on her knees. Her hands were covered in crimson, creating red little handprints on his clothing which could have looked like a child's finger painting in another life.

She could feel her own sticky red liquid dripping down her chin from where it leaked out of her ears. Her heart hurt in those moments and she bit her lip to keep from crying more, attempting to muffle the broken sounds.

The gun in Lucy's hands felt like ice as she touched it. However cold it was though, it also managed to burn her. It felt weighted in her hand, much heavier than it actually was. Perhaps it was due to the weight of what was to come which made it feel that way.

Flaming burgundy liquid coated its handle, staining its pristine condition. She stared down at it in her blurry gaze, barely even able to make out its shape and she sniffled in again and choked.

"D-Don't…" Whitney swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tried to stutter out. His eyes met hers, and she could see how they were turning red with broken vessels. The white outer parts of them were soon filled with the same dreadful colour that painted the ground, "Don't be a-afraid." It should have been Lucy telling him that instead.

She choked out again and lowered her head in heartbreak. She muttered something he couldn't hear, wishing things could be different. As Lucy gripped his hand tightly and readied the gun, it felt like led in her grip as she aimed it against his temple.

"It's okay now." He whispered peacefully, although his body still shook like he had caught a chill. He was jerking so much that it was causing pain to Lucy, and she just wanted it all to stop.

She could hear Bucky's voice telling her not to forget about the safety. With a click, Lucy released the safety from the weapon and prepped the bullet in the chamber.

Lucy thought back to the night she first saw someone with a gunshot wound to their head. Her mother's scared eyes stared up at her as she looked down at Whitney. Lucy saw the same acceptance in them as she had seen in the woman who raised her that night.

They both knew what was to come.

Lucy hadn't even noticed how it began to rain. Before that moment, she couldn't even recall seeing that many clouds. She would have laughed at the irony if it weren't for the awful situation she had found herself in. The similarities played in her mind and it was like she was watching that fateful night in a twisted movie. Only now she was her worst fear. In the end, her father had won. She had become exactly like him. And her victim — a deeply flawed person. Not a saint, not a devil, but a person nonetheless.

No matter what Lucy did in her life it always came back to that night. Almost as though history was destined to repeat itself. But she didn't want to be like her father. Everything she had done was for the greater good and to help people, but no matter what she always seemed to fail.

As the rain began to soak into her bones, she once again felt like a small child. She had always hated thunder, effecting her to the very core of her being. The good thing about the heavens opening up was at least it washed away the blood. Yet, no comfort was offered to Lucy.

As the raindrops mixed in with her tears, Lucy bit her lip. Her hand gripped Whitney's in a tight squeeze and with an exhale, her finger pulled the trigger.

The echo of it boomed through the open field just as a clap of thunder would. She was left with an empty feeling in her chest, as silence settled over her.

Lucy took only a moment as she sat in the rain to wipe the splattered blood off her face and the tears from her cheeks. She got up from her knees, which were still sticky and coated in red. Wiping her hands on the back of her pants, Lucy tried to exhale a shaky breath as she closed her eyes and tried not to look at the lifeless body before her.

Turning to the side, she was suddenly heaving. Her hands were in her thighs as she vomited in the grass, anything that had rested in her stomach came up. Her head was pounding and her throat was raw from the expulsion of bile from her system.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Lucy turned to see Charles and Daniel still standing there with wide saddened eyes.

She walked back carefully in the same footsteps that she took to get there. There were a few places she was a little unsure of, but she found herself caring very little as she placed her feet down. The gun weighed heavily on her hip, and Lucy wondered how she would ever rid her mind of such horrors.

As she arrived back to Charles and Daniel, she had sorrow in her expression, trying to keep her breathing in check and not completely lose it.

"Are you alright?" Charles asked cautiously, already knowing the answers as the light rain pelted them.

Lucy shook her head and sniffled again as she continued to cry softly.

"You did everything you could." The little man responded sympathetically.

Lucy swallowed a thick lump in her throat as Daniel walked over to her, trying to see if her pupils would dilate. She clearly had suffered from a head wound from the impact of the blast and had a hard time determining if the blood on her face was her's or Whitney's.

He looked concerned, the worry was in his large eyes for her own physical health, but also her mental health as well after having to kill her friend, "Lucy, how are you feeling? We should get you to the infirmary." He placed his hand on her shoulder, but Lucy quickly knocked it off as though it repulsed her.

"Jesus Christ! I'm fine!" She snapped and took a step back. A wave of nausea washed over her again and Lucy felt as though she would vomit once more. She felt dizzy as well like perhaps the blast had affected her more than she let on. "I just, umm —" Lucy cut herself off to close her eyes to stop everything from spinning. "I-I just uhh—" Need to lie down were the words she was looking for. She cleared her throat as she held the palms of her hands to her forehead.

"Luce?" Daniel asked quizzically as he took another step forward. Both him and Charles looked remarkably concerned as they saw Lucy teetering to the side like she was about to fall.

"I need to—," Her eyes were suddenly rolling in the back of her head. It was like she was weightless as she was about to fall to the ground.

Daniel caught her moments before she collapsed and she rested in his arms, completely unconscious. She could hear his murdered voice filled with concern, and Charles quickly tried to get the attention of a medic or anyone who could help them.


When Lucy came to, her throat felt as though she had swallowed glass. Her head hurt and she winced as she sat up as she looked around her surroundings. The smell of rain hit her nostrils, flooding her senses as she heard the soft pellets against the canvases roof of the tent she was in.

The familiar sight of the infirmary tent surrounded her with tired-looking nurses and soldiers who were just barely hanging on. She heard someone crying, although she wasn't sure who. Lucy would rather be anywhere than in the infirmary. But her head ached and her bones felt tired. Although all things considering, she should have been a lot worse.

She should have been blown to smithereens too, just like Whitney. But she wasn't, and instead was left with the responsibility of having to put him out of his misery. As Lucy thought about it, she once again felt a great sadness well over her.

The tears never came, but still, she felt a heaviness in her chest that felt a little like remorse. As she sat up, Lucy looked for anyone who could get her water or anything to ease her headache.

Suddenly, a bounding redhead came up to her with concern in her expression, "Oh, honey! You're awake! And my, you're pale! Here, have some water. You're probably dehydrated working all day in the sun!" Elsa tried to smile at her the best she could, although it looked a little forced, "And umm, you could have hit your noggin a little when the blast went off."

"How long was I out?" She asked as Elsa got a cloth and began wiping the blood off her face after passing her some water. Lucy sipped it slowly, trying not to choke.

"Not long, about half an hour. Daniel and Charles had to take care of… Well, the accident. But Daniel said he would be back. He looked terrified, Luce." Daniel used to fuss over her even when her temperature was slightly raised. Considering all that had happened, he was handling her near encounter with death quite well.

Lucy only leaned back as Elsa wiped off the blood with the damp cloth. It felt nice against her heated skin. It was tinted pink when she finally pulled it away, discarding it elsewhere. "How are you feeling? Your eyes look fine, so I don't think you have a concussion. I'll get the doctor though to make sure."

"I don't feel that bad." At least, not physically anyway. "I feel fine actually," She had a bit of a headache, and her body was sore. Other than that, she felt alright.

Elsa's eyes lowered as she tried to see if Lucy was lying, "I'm sorry about your friend." Daniel and Charles must have told her what happened.

A gut-wrenching feeling filled Lucy as she remembered what happened. She couldn't get the image out of her head, and suddenly she felt as though she could vomit again. "Thank you. We weren't close, but still." He was still a friend, no matter what. The image of seeing him suffer was going to follow Lucy to the grave, and all she wanted to do was scream and cry and break something from how goddamn angry she was. Whitney should have still been alive.

Lucy was breathing heavily again as flashes of red assaulted her brain. She could still hear his gurgling, and the choked breaths he took. She could feel the way he shook in her grasp, as though he was barely hanging on as shock settled over his body.

As Lucy began to throw up again, Elsa quickly grabbed an empty bedpan. She rubbed her back soothingly like a mother would and told her to let it all out.

As Lucy expelled more of the foulness from her body sweat gathered on her brow as the acid burned the back of her throat. Elsa was saying soothing things to her that Lucy couldn't hear. She made sure her hair was out of her face though and stayed with her until all the nastiness was out of her system.

"Better?" Elsa asked gently and wiped her chin.

Lucy nodded, taking another drink of her water. She closed her eyes tightly and counted her breaths, hoping to repress what she had just witnessed. She thought perhaps some repetitive exercises would help take her mind off of it, although she knew it was futile.

Lucy looked up when she heard someone race into the infirmary. Daniel had a look of wide-eyed worry on his face. Concern dripped from his expression, and she was looking at Lucy as though he was afraid she would turn to ashes as he approached. He was drenched in rainwater, his soaked clothes clinging to him.

Daniel stared at her, worrying she would break just like he had for the last couple of days. His eyes held so much emotion as he approached and Lucy wished he didn't still look at her like that. Like as if she was still his entire world.

"How is she?" His attention turned to Elsa. He was a little out of breath, clearly having run all the way from their site. He pushed some of his hair back so it's tendrils weren't dripping down his face.

"She seems fine," Elsa shrugged, "I can get the doctor to give her a look but she's not displaying much of a sign of a concussion. The vomiting is a little worrying though, but I suppose it could be shock. Have you been nauseous the last couple days or has it just been since the blast?" Daniel's eyes flashed back to Lucy, trying to pick up any trace that she was hurt.

Lucy thought of Elsa's question and recalled wanting to puke up her breakfast the other day. But that was just because it was particularly bad and her stomach couldn't handle it that early in the morning. The fact she had two cups of black coffee before even taking a bite could have also had something to do with it.

"Only a bit," She answered and Elsa frowned. She looked her over like she was studying her, her eyes flickering to her face. Her gaze jumped all over to her and she curiously twisted her mouth.

She sat on the side of the bed, looking Lucy in the eyes, trying to pick up on any oddities. She cocked her head like a curious animal, never once changing her gaze. Her green eyes looked at her quizzically, as though she was trying to read something behind Lucy's demeanor.

Lucy began to grow a little concerned, a frown settling deep on her brow, "Elsa? Are you alright? Do I have something on my face?"

"Shhhh!" Elsa shushed her, attempting to study her further. Lucy shut right up at that moment, still slightly frightened by her demanding friend. Elsa's eyes trailed downward on her body until she was suddenly cocking an eyebrow. Just when Lucy was about to ask her what was wrong Elsa's hand shot out and did something so surprising that it shook Lucy to her very core.

Her hand cupped her breast tightly and Lucy shoved her away, "Elsa Hardy!" She gasped, blushing red from the grope of her breast. Elsa gasped as well, but had a large smile on her face, "Where are your manners?!" Lucy demanded.

"I thought something was strange with you!" Elsa pointed out and got to her feet. Daniel was blushing red from seeing Lucy just groped, "Your breasts are larger and more solid!"

"Well, I put on weight! Thank you for noticing!" Lucy scowled, her hand going to her breast where else grabbed and trying to ease the pain that had emerged after such a violent griping.

"And they're sensitive!" Elsa gasped more and her eyes widened at seeing Lucy's reaction, "Luce, when was your last bleeding?"

Lucy could see where Elsa was going with her finds. She rolled her eyes, "A couple weeks ago! So no need to worry! And it was after Bucky and I were intimate, so it's fine."

"Was it a lot of blood, or just a little?" Elsa asked again, this time with a smirk on her face.

"Should I leave for this?" Daniel blushed further, embarrassed by the conversation that was happening before him. He shifted awkwardly on the balls of his feet, unknowing if he should be present for such womanly talk. But his curiosity was piqued, and regardless of how embarrassed he was, he wanted to see what Elsa was trying to insinuate.

Lucy paled as she thought about it. Clearing her throat, and uncomfortably adjusted the way she was sitting on her bed, her eyes flashed to Daniel who looked remarkably worried. "It was just some spotting," She had thought it was a good sign that there had been blood at all.

After all, the month before following their wedding it had just been some more spotting. But before that, she hadn't bled in months due to the stress of being a captive, and also the massive weight loss. Lucy knew women in situations such as that often didn't menstruate. She had been worried about it after the tank mishap but was relieved after she had seen the little bit of blood that was there.

Elsa bit her lip, "And any changes in your moods? Are you having mood swings?"

As Lucy was about to answer no, Daniel quickly shot up, "Yes. Yes to the mood swings." He said quickly with a nod, his arms crossing over his chest. Lucy knew where Elsa was going with this, and she had to say she didn't like it one bit. She shot Daniel an accusing look, trying to tell him to shut up. He only shrugged, not caring that Lucy was annoyed with him.

With a slight blush, the little nurse then asked, "And umm, have you been experiencing some needs?" Lucy was twisting her hands nervously, refusing to meet neither Elsa nor Daniel's eyes.

"Needs?" Lucy frowned, a questioning look on her face as she was confused. Her stomach still felt sensitive, and she thought if they kept talking she might be sick again. Her pulse quickened with every single one of Elsa's questions and for once she wished that she would stop talking.

"Umm, the type of needs only Bucky can take care of." The look Elsa was giving her implied something dirty. Embarrassment welled inside Lucy and once again she felt even like she was going to be sick. Red appeared deep on her cheeks and she felt heat rush to her face. She was so incredibly mortified but such a question that she didn't even know what to say.

Daniel paled and rubbed a hand over his face, "Christ," He hissed under his breath.

With an embarrassed nod, Lucy confirmed Elsa's suspicions,

"And I already know you were… sexually involved together. How could you not be with a fella like him." Elsa winked at Lucy, making her cheeks turn even more red, even though she didn't even think it was possible, "Were you using precautions?"

Lucy thought back to the packers of rubbers that Steve had given them but went poorly neglected. She had also been stupid enough to beg him to finish inside her, wanting to feel him as he twitched to his end and came to a release.

All feelings seemed to leave her limbs and it was like she was watching things play out in slow motion. Lucy shook her head to Elsa's question, much to her horror and extreme shame.

With a small smile, Elsa said, "Lucy," She licked her lips and stared down at her, "I think you might be pregnant."

It was those few words that Lucy feared more than anything. Her heart sank into her stomach, and it was like it stopped beating completely. She suddenly felt very faint again, and she had to take deep breaths in and out to keep herself from slipping under.

She thought taking in more air into her lungs would help keep her emotions in control but she was sorely mistaken. Lucy broke out in sobs as Elsa and Daniel stared at her, unknowing what to do.

Lucy wailed like the word was ending upon hearing those cursed words. Elsa suddenly was consoling the weeping woman, gently rubbing her back. She said there was no way to be sure, at least for a little while, but once Lucy put together all the signs it was like it was staring her straight in the face. How could she have been so stupid?

Elsa stated they would have to keep an eye on it. After all, she was early in her pregnancy and had just suffered from a pretty harsh accident. The nurse told her to keep an eye out of more bleeding and limit her activity for the next couple of days to avoid a miscarriage.

Was it bad that Lucy was wishing for it to happen? She didn't want this. She couldn't have this. She felt heartless, but she also knew she had never been quite so scared.

All Lucy wanted was Bucky in those moments. She wanted him to be the one to console her instead, to kiss her head and tell her everything would be okay and they would figure it out together.

She imagined him saying as long as they had one another, everything would be okay. He would press his sweet lips to her skin and whisper the most gentle promises to her, telling her all about how they would be happy in the end.

But Lucy didn't have that. All she had, as she found out she was possibly pregnant in a war infirmary, was her friend and her ex-fiancé.

"There there," Elsa said softly as she continued to gently rub her back in the most comforting way she could, "It'll be alright."

"What am I gonna doooo?!" Lucy wailed heartbrokenly, the fat tears trailing down her cheeks. She felt bad that she was having more of a dramatic reaction about what was going on in her womb than she had when Whitney had died.

But that was more of a somber, heartbreaking, moment. This was pure hysterics and panic. And not to mention, perhaps it was a later reaction for Whitney as well. It was an incredibly emotional day, and Lucy didn't know exactly what she was feeling, although terror was definitely one of them.

"I can't be pregnant!" Lucy choked out, her eyes reddened from her tears. Snot was running down her nose, and Elsa quickly wiped it away, muttering something about how she was an ugly crier to try to make her laugh. Lucy didn't find it amusing though and only shot her a scowl, making Elsa quiet up.

She noticed how Daniel was staring at her strangely. He was looking at her as though she was growing another head. Well, technically she was in a way. The thought of which made her weep even more and pain to shoot through her body which she felt directly in her heart.

Finally having enough of Daniel's pressed look, Lucy reacted, "Why are you looking at me like that?!" She practically screamed at Daniel, who jumped at her hostility.

"I just… I-I never…" He stuttered in fear, not knowing what to say.

"Spit it out!" Lucy yelled again and Elsa shot him a death glare, trying to tell him silently not to upset her anymore.

Daniel continued to struggle to get the words out as he stood uncomfortably in front of the two women, "I just never thought you'd be a mother, alright! And I thought that if you were… It was going to be mine. It's just a little hard to process it's with another man."

Her eye was twitching with anger. How was it that he was making this about him? It was a typical male response to constantly need attention on them. "Oh is it? Is it hard to process?" Lucy asked in a sickly sweet sarcastic way, sneering at Daniel.

"God, you are so mean when you're pregnant!"

"Stop saying that word!" Lucy cried more, wondering if she left the problem alone that it would eventually go away, "Bucky Barnes is dead to me! Absolutely dead to me!" How could he have done this to her? It was all his fault! If he hadn't sauntered into her life oozing sex appeal and constantly making Lucy want him, they wouldn't have been in this situation. Also, had she had the sense to put her foot down, she wouldn't have found herself in such a mess.

"Don't say that! You two have been given a beautiful gift." Elsa tried to convince her.

"How? I'll have to give up my job. I'll likely be given a dishonorable discharge! I'll be all alone back in New York and once I have it and they might not ever let me teach again once they find out I'm a mother." Lucy knew of several professional women who had been 'compassionately' let go once having children. Their workplaces thought they were doing the women a favour, saying it was so they could stay home and care for their children. All the work Lucy had done was for nothing. Ten years of hard work and struggle was for not, and she likely would be teaching high school for the rest of her life, never again seeing a university lecture hall or another archaeological site.

"My life is ruined, Elsa." Lucy felt like she couldn't breathe. Her entire world was collapsing, and there was nothing she could do to stop it, "Plus," Lucy's voice broke, "I won't see him anymore." Being discharged meant she wouldn't be on base, meaning she wouldn't be able to see Bucky when the Howling Commandos returned. That was probably the worst of it all. She had always thought if she and Bucky found themselves about to have a baby he would be there for her.

Lucy thought he would be there to take her to all appointments and make sure she was taking all her vitamins. That he would be there to tell her she looked beautiful as her belly became more rounded and as she thought she looked fat.

That it would be him setting up a cradle and helping her paint the baby's room. Lucy never wanted to be pregnant, but she always imagined if it happened that Bucky would be there to kiss her belly and whisper sweet words to the baby growing in there. She imagined him telling it all sorts of silly things as she ran her hands through his hair as he peppered kiss after kiss on her stretch-marked skin.

Bucky wouldn't be there for any of those things if the war was still going on. It broke Lucy's heart as she thought about it, and she found herself crying even harder. How would she even tell him the next time she saw him? It would break his heart to know he couldn't be there with her.

"I don't know what to do." Lucy choked out, her voice breaking. She felt Elsa's hand rubbing her back as the redhead leaned against her shoulder. It offered her no comfort, though. Instead, she was repulsed by the touch. The only person Lucy wanted to touch her was her husband, but he was thousands of miles away in God knows where.

For the first time in Lucy Heinrich's life, she had no answers. This was one problem she couldn't think her way out of and perhaps it was also the scariest thing she had ever undergone.

There were no outs out of this one; no final escape or trick up her sleeve that would allow a last-minute getaway. All Lucy had was herself. And she was terrified to her very core. She needed Bucky more than ever in those moments, and she wished for nothing else than for him to be with her.

He wasn't there, though. It was then Lucy realized his absence was something she was going to have to get used to, given the fact that she was about to embark all alone on the toughest mission she had attempted thus far… motherhood.

And God, she was so terrified.


HA! You all thought the baby talk a couple chapters ago was for nothing. I never do anything without a purpose though, so I'm sure some of you figured it would eventually happen. That's what happens when you're not careful, though!

I know Lucy's reaction seems a little heartless. But she isn't a motherly type, she never has been. Some women don't want to get pregnant. To some, motherhood is a joy, but to others, it's their worst fear. I hate in fics when a character doesn't want to be pregnant and suddenly when they find out they settle into a motherly role easily. That's not Lucy, and I wanted to keep her as in character as Lucy is just not a thing. But, for the love of God, IMAGINE HOW CUTE DAD BUCKY WOULD BE. His reaction to the news is gonna send me into tears.

I'm sorry for killing off Whitney. I didn't want to, but it had to be done. He had a wonderful reception arch though, and I'm so glad I had created him for this little story. He was truly a joy to write, and he'll be in our hearts always.

Until next time,

-A

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Comment/Review, Favourite/Leave a Kudos, AND BE SURE TO FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE TO BE ALERTED WHEN I POST THE SEQUEL/ONE SHOTS.