Chapter 12: How do we move forward?
The night passed with no interruptions and once again Crina woke up before dawn. After checking on her Grandfather, who was still fast asleep, she walked back to her room to prepare for her hunt, the candle she was carrying providing a small amount of light as she walked. However, as she made her way back, she noticed that the door to Gabriel's room was open, making her raise an eyebrow. Turning into the door, she peaked in and saw both Maximus and Anna resting near the bed where Alucard slept, their soft snores filling the room.
'They must have snuck in during the night…normally they would come to my room…guess they were just curious about their guest…' Crina thought to herself.
She was just about to move on when a murmur caught her ears.
"Mother…"
Crina recognized that voice as Alucard's as it echoed through Gabriel's room a bit. She then heard a little bit of heavy panting, and it wasn't coming from the dogs. Realizing that it was Alucard that she was hearing, she slowly made her way to him. Once she was close, she set the candle on the bedside table, turning it a little so the holder was blocking the light from Alucard's sleeping face, but was just enough light to show it. From what Crina could see, it seemed like Alucard was having a nightmare about his mother, eyebrows furrowed in either anger or fear, breath getting heavy, words muttering in his breath as he tosses his head a little. Unsure of how to help, she did the only thing she could do at the time without waking him, similar to how she comforted her Grandfather during the past year. She reached her hand out to gently touch Alucard and gently stroked his head from forehead to the back, as much as she could get before touching the pillow, similar to how one pets a dog, being careful not to wake him. She did this a few more times until Alucard calmed down, his breath slow and face relaxed, giving a sigh as Crina started to slow her strokes. Once she was sure he was fine, she removed her hand and brought it to his face, gently moving a stray strand of hair out of the way as he turned his face to the side toward Crina and sighed again.
For some reason, Crina couldn't stop staring at the young man's face. She didn't understand why, because at first, this was all for her Grandfather's sake, but over time, she realized that she and Alucard had indeed become friends. The moment the two of them met, she knew that he was someone that no one wanted to be on his bad side and for a while, that scared her. But over time, she got to know him, to understand him and in turn, he did the same with her. But while she still had plenty of demons to hide, Crina wasn't too sure about Alucard. What if one day, he decided he wanted nothing to do with humans anymore? What would happen to the bond between him and her Grandfather? To the bond between themselves? The thought of him going back into the abyss of loneliness and distrust made her feel sick to her stomach. The thought of seeing this man, this kind and gentle handsome soul going back to-
Wait…what? Handsome?
'Did I seriously think that he is handsome?' Crina thought to herself as she realized what happened. For some reason, the thought of seeing him as handsome brought a light dusting of pink to her cheeks. But then she shook her head violently.
'No, no, no, no Crina. You can't have this happen. Not again. You were in love once before and you made a vow, for everyone's sake, that you would never fall in love again. Besides…your last love was-'
'My Lily of the Valley'
'C-Crina…m-my…l-lo…'
'It's all my fault!'
In a few mere seconds, flashes of memories burst through Crina's head like bombs exploding on a battlefield. All of the same situation, involving the same people, herself and one other. A person who Crina had nightmares about before, one moment relaxing in his embrace, the next seeing him as a dead corpse with his blood on her hands. The horrible memories of that night caused her to go completely stiff and silent, all while forcing those memories to the very back of her head to try and not have that remerge again. Even though her attempts have failed before. After taking a moment to try and calm herself, she decided that it was time to get ready for her hunt. So, quietly as she could, she grabbed her candle, hiding the light from Alucard's eyes, softly walked her way out of the door and made her way back to her room.
Only when was she in her room, candle placed roughly on the bedside table and the door shut did she gasp and clutch her head, shaking as the suppressed memory from earlier came back. Her heart started to race, breathing became ragged and uneasy, eyes wide from fear only to clench tight in pain as the memories of that incident played over and over again in her mind. Tears also started to fall as she thought of his face, the face of her first love. After working to push through the memory, Crina then moved to her bedside table and took out a small bottle from the drawer, removing the cork and bringing the bottle up to her nose and breathing slowly. In that moment, the intense smell of Lavender and Bergamot filled her nose and after a few more inhales, she started to calm down and slowly counted to 20 eventually becoming calm again. Reaching once again into the bedside table, she pulled out a small cloth, dabbed it with the oil and started to rub the oil around her neck and collarbone, letting the scent fill her nose as she then worked on getting dressed for the day.
About roughly an hour and a half later, Crina was out the back door, clad in her hunting garb, hair pulled back in a simple braid, and stomach full of a pre-hunt snack as she made her way to the stable. She then made a gentle clicking noise to indicate to Gabi that she was coming, waking up the gentle beast from slumber. Once inside the stable, Crina started to prepare Gabi for riding, giving her hooved partner a good meal of oats, as well as taking out the weapons from above the stall. Among her hunting items were her halberd, a simple bow with arrows and a bag of alchemy stones that she got from the Gateway a few years back. When Crina finished saddling up Gabi and mounted her, horse and rider set off into the waking dawn to hunt for the morning.
As she rode on, she thought about what she had been through the past few weeks. From the hint that Trevor and Sypha slipped her about Alucard to meeting him for the first time, from earning his trust to him meeting her Grandfather again. All that occurred within this short amount of time and she also thought of how close she and Alucard have become, from strangers to acquaintances and then to friends. It was weird for her to think of having friends after five years of exile from the friends and homes she once knew. Sure, she still visited as she had an occupation now, but she stays away from most people, mainly because of her guilt. However, it had been lonely for the past five years, and the bond between her and her mother and Grandfather grew stronger, but she knew that the latter wouldn't be around much longer. And now that she had accomplished her ultimate goal of helping her Grandfather live out his final years in peace, she wasn't sure what to do now. Since she introduced Alucard to Alister and told him about the Gateway, eventually she would take him to go and see about said place, but that wouldn't be for another month as she had her occupation as a trader to think about, and some items couldn't be obtained in just one day. Yet her duties weren't able to fill the now growing hole in her chest, the emptiness that came from a lack of duty, a lack of responsibility, a lack of purpose. She could follow her siblings and try to settle down, but the nightmarish memory that haunts her to no end made her put that dream in the far back of her priorities. Just in that moment, she wondered what it would be like if she and Alucard were more than friends, but the thought was literally whipped out of her head as a low tree branch did just that to her face, filling her mouth of leaves. After spitting the leaves out while riding, Crina eventually came to a stop at her usual hunting grounds. As Crina unloaded her weapons, she took a moment to stop and tell herself to put her thoughts aside to focus on the hunt, as survival prioritizes pointless daydreams.
'No point in thinking about something that is never going to happen…' she thought to herself. She then gave a groan as she rubbed the insides of her eyes, 'What the hell is wrong with me, thinking like that? I doubt that Alucard committed a sin like I did. And I highly doubt that he'd be interested in a person like me anyway…' she added in thought as she lowered her hand, eyes slightly hazed with depression and sadness.
Taking in a breath of forest air, Crina's gaze hardened and she then takes off for the forest to hunt, unsure what she could find for the day, just as the sun began to rise over the mountains in the distance.
_*v*v*v*v*v*v*v*v*v*_
Alucard didn't wake until the sun flooded the room and started to get into his eyes. Slowly his eyes fluttered open to greet the new day, but then he shut them and turned his back toward the sun, trying to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, his attempts were interrupted when he felt hot breath on his face and the sound of panting in his ears. Opening his eyes, he found himself at eye level with Max, the male St Bernard, who then greeted him with a few licks to the face.
"Ugh…ehk...bla…ok, ok, ok, I'm up. I'm getting up. Down boy" Alucard said as he fought against the kisses to get up out of bed. Using the blanket to wipe his face of the dog's saliva and slobber, he got up and stretched a bit before moving to where his clothes were. After a few moments, Alucard was fully dressed and made his way downstairs with Max right behind him. Walking through the halls to the kitchen, Alucard could tell that this place was indeed a nice home to inherit. The bright white walls with ornate gold colored framing and detail, lined with either vases full of different flowers or ornate wall decorations. Nearing the end of the hall, the scent of fresh baked bread and apples filled his nose, instantly making him feel a little hungry as he turned the corner and made his way to the kitchen.
Max pushed passed Alucard as he entered the kitchen while the young dhampir stood in the entrance way, watching the daughter of his grandfather figure cook breakfast for the morning. Maria turned around with a loaf of bread in her mits when she noticed her guest in the entrance.
"Oh, Alucard, good morning. Did you sleep well?" she asked the young man, giving him a gentle smile.
Alucard smiled and nodded, "Yes, I did, thank you for asking. Truth be told, that was probably the best sleep I've had in a long time" he said.
Maria's smile grew, "I'm glad to hear that. Sorry, but Crina's not back from her hunt yet. Until then, I'm cooking up some apple dumplings for us to have. It won't be ready for another few minutes, but father is outside with a bread, meat and cheese tray if you wish to have something to tide you over until then" she said.
Alucard nodded, "Thank you and that sounds wonderful" he said. He was about to head out when he thought back on what Edmund told him the morning he left his father's castle, about how he was separated from his daughter and wife and how he wished to get back with them after being gone for so long. In a way, he did feel like his father did cause this family a bit of turmoil and sadness, but his father never had the chance to repent for his actions. Alucard, being a man of intense responsibility, decided it was better late than never to make things right. Sighing deeply, he made his way to the kind woman.
"Maria?" he asked, sounding a bit unsure.
The woman turned to him, "Hm? Yes?" she asked. She then noticed the look on his face, "Is there something wrong?" she asked, concerned.
Alucard looked to the side and then looked back at her, "I…I feel like I need to apologize…" he said, trailing off a little.
Maria looked at him a bit bewildered, "Why do you say that? What do you need to apologize for? I see no need…" she said, unsure why the young man was apologizing.
Alucard then cleared his throat, "I feel like I need to apologize on behalf of my father, for him taking your father away from you when you were so young. If he didn't do so, your life probably would've been better. Edmund often told me that he would watch you from his distance mirror, wondering the streets all alone, often fighting to survive. If my father hadn't taken your father away, maybe things would've been better" he said, explaining his thoughts, a look of regret on his face. He then bowed his head, "Please forgive me and my father for such actions" he said.
Maria stayed silent, but she understood what he was saying. She then set the loaf of bread she was holding on the counter and looked at the young dhampir, "Alucard, I appreciate you apologizing, but there really is no need. It's true, life was hard for me after Father left. But the truth is, if it wasn't for what your father did, I wouldn't be the person who I am today. Yes, I did go through a lot growing up, losing my mother to an illness, begging on the streets for food, becoming pregnant after trying to earn money and then losing those two children to illnesses, life was indeed hell. But I also found a good life as well. I made a friend who I gladly call my sister figure, we learned to survive on the streets until we were picked up by the members of the Gateway" she said.
Alucard raised an eyebrow at that, "Is that so?" he asked.
Maria then gave a face of slight fear, "Oh, did Crina tell you about the Gateway?" she asked.
Alucard nodded, "Yes, she told me about it" he said.
Her face then turned to one of relief, "Oh good. Anyway, I do appreciate you apologizing on your father's behalf, but there really is no need. If anything, I think I'm the one who needs to apologize to you" she said.
Alucard furrowed his brow, "Why?" he asked.
"My father left you for his family when you were still rather young, correct? It must've been hard for you growing up without the man you had as a grandfather figure" Maria said.
Alucard thought back on his past and then nodded, "Yes. Yes it was. But, if you don't mind me borrowing your words, if that didn't happen, then I wouldn't be who I am today either" he said with a small smile.
Maria returned his smile, "There, now I think we're even, wouldn't you say?" she said, earning a nod from Alucard. She then went over and gently patted his shoulder, "Now, while I do hold some resentment for the father, I could never resent his son. So much so, that I'm happy to say this. Please, don't hesitate to come by if you ever feel lonely. Crina has said that there are times when you feel rather lonely, and I'm sure Edmund would love to spend more time with you. So please don't hesitate to come by when you wish to have some company. I'll even cook for you when you come over" she said with a smile.
Alucard's face softened at hearing that, "Thank you. I'm deeply grateful, Maria" he said. And as if right on cue, his stomach gave a soft groan, making the young man blush a little. "That…wasn't on purpose, I promise" he said with a hint of embarrassment.
Maria gave an amused huff, "It's alright. Like I said, it'll be a while for the apple dumplings to fully cook, but Father is outside with a plate of bread and cheese if you want something to settle your stomach for now" she said.
Alucard smiled and nodded, "Sure. And thank you again" he said, earning a nod from Maria. He then made his way to the back door and gently pushed through it. Once outside, he walked a little bit until he found Edmund sitting in an outdoor structure, a gazebo, looking out at the sunrise. This brought back memories for Alucard as he remembered looking out many of the castle windows only to see Edmund standing outside watching the sunrise.
'He's never lost the habit of waking up with the sunrise' Alucard thought to himself with a small smile. He then made his way over to the gazebo to meet Edmund. When he got close enough to look at Edmund, he could tell that the man was in deep thought.
"Edmund?" Alucard asked, hoping to get the man's attention without scaring him.
Sadly it didn't work as Edmund jumped a little bit as he turned his head to look at Alucard. "Oh, sorry Adie, I was lost in thought. I didn't hear you come up" he said, trying to look at him through his good eye.
Alucard gave a sad smile, "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, it's just that you looked so deep in thought that I didn't want to break you of it" he said.
Edmund tilted his head, "What?" he asked, but then he realized what the young man meant, "Oh, right. That" he said to himself as his face fell a little.
Alucard's eyes furrowed a little, "Is something wrong?" he asked.
Edmund then sighed and patted the table to an empty chair, "Come and have a seat, lad. This may take a bit to explain" he said.
Alucard felt concern rising but he nonetheless went over to the chair and sat, taking a piece of bread, a slice of cheese and a bit of meat, layering one on top of the other before taking a small bite.
"The reason why I was deep in thought is because I'm worried about Crina" Edmund explained. He then looked at Alucard and saw the confusion in his eyes, "I'm worried because while Crina is indeed kind hearted and willing to help, it's mostly because of a lack of purpose, something that has been occurring with her for a while, my boy" he said, "Ever since that incident five years ago, she's been like this. Practically leaving her old life behind for exile because she believes that she is dangerous. But tell me Adie, do you see her as dangerous?" he asked Alucard.
Alucard swallowed a bite of his meal and looked at Edmund, eyes furrowed in sadness as he shook his head, "Of course not. If it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. In fact…if it wasn't for her…I'd probably embrace my lonely lifestyle, not trusting humans, being in the dark, far from society, and…and becoming the monster my father became" he paused, thinking about what would've happened to him if he hadn't met Crina. "But now, I feel like there are people who I can trust, such as you, Crina, Maria and…and even Alister, although I'm a little nervous about him" he said as he took another bite.
Edmund chuckled, "Yes, Alister is an interesting one. Anyway, I'm glad you see the same way I do about Crina. I know her well enough to know that she would never kill someone innocent. And despite her saying that she was the one who killed Lumin, I have doubts that she did it with the intention. Taka and Sumi got what those two deserved after double crossing us, but on the other hand, they are completely different from Lumin" he said.
Alucard raised an eyebrow, "Lumin?" he asked.
"Yes, a close friend of Alister's and, from what that rascal has told me, I think that Lumin and Crina were something more. And that's why she says that she's a murderer, because she claims to have killed the one she loved" Edmund explained. "I don't remember much from that night, but I do remember seeing Alister carry Crina into the house on his back with her arms completely covered in blood. When she recovered and woke up the next morning, she was a wreak, repeating the phrase that she killed Lumin, fighting off any contact from her mother or even me, mostly because she was afraid of hurting those around her. It honestly felt like she became a completely different person, someone that no one recognized. Where once was this social, confident and proud fighter, now was this depressed, frightened and broken soul who wanted nothing more than to die. Of course, we helped her out of the thoughts of suicide, but she has lost faith in herself and her abilities, leading to a lack of purpose for her. We've done everything we could to help her but, …" he then paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, "I fear that if I die, which I know will come its way here eventually, then she will either fall back into that old shadow of herself or worse," Edmund paused again, hand clenching and shaking a bit as his face fell in fear and fright, "that she would follow me in death by suicide soon after I leave this world" he said, letting a tear fall from his face.
Alucard looked at Edmund with wide eyes, not expecting to hear this. It was then that he thought back to that feeling he had about a dark secret that Crina could be hiding and now that he heard this from Edmund, he figured that this was the darkness behind Crina's warm glow. However, the more he thought about it, the more he put the pieces together. The desire for him and Edmund to have a reunion, her want in helping him trust people again, it did come off as impulsive, but now he understood that it was due to a lack of purpose and a lack of possible self-belief. Doing small things to help the family brought her some sort of purpose but those would only last so long before she could fall into depression again, causing herself mental self-harm. Alucard didn't want that for Crina as he knew that there was a fighting spirit behind that emerald gaze. After finishing the last of his little snack, he then pushed his thoughts aside as he turned to listen to Edmund again, who was wiping the tears from his eyes.
"I know its wrong to have favorites in the family, but of all my grandchildren, Crina is the one who I am closest too and seeing her like this just breaks my heart. All I want for her is to find happiness in life, but I'm starting to lose hope. The biggest thing is that if she knew someone who knew the pain of killing someone they loved, she may be able to get pass her depression. But that's impossible as the only ones that I know of who did such a thing are criminals, and I don't want her anywhere near people like that" Edmund said, explaining his thoughts.
Alucard looked at his hands, he knew what it was like to kill someone who he loved, even though he knew it was what his mother would've wanted if she knew what he was planning. He understood the pain of committing such an act, the grief of knowing that he murdered someone, the painful memories of seeing his father during his last few minutes alive before Trevor and Sypha finished him off, and the emptiness that lingers from losing not just one but both of his parents. He knew that pain and after listening to Edmund's story about his granddaughter, he could relate in many ways. However, considering the thought that Edmund doesn't know how Dracula was destroyed, he had to brace himself for Edmund's response to his actions. Taking a deep breath, he then spoke.
"Well…there is one person who could relate to what she's going through" the young dhampir said.
Edmund looked at Alucard through his good eye with confusion and slight shock, "Who Adie? Who is this person?"
Alucard then hesitated a little bit, eyes drifting a little, "Before I tell you, promise that you won't change your opinion on me, can I ask this of you?" he asked, not wanting his grandfather figure to see him negatively.
Edmund looked at Alucard suspiciously, but he nodded all the same. "Of course, Adie" he said.
"The person who can relate to Crina…is me. As I was the one…who killed my father when Trevor Belmont and Sypha Belnades joined me in stopping him from destroying the human race" he paused, letting Edmund take this all in before continuing again, "Trevor Belmont was the one who decapitated my father's disintegrating corpse and Sypha burned it to prevent resurrection, but I…I was the one who staked my father" Alucard confessed, "I….I know how it is, being haunted by that memory and bearing the responsibility for it, so I can relate to her on that end" he finished, unsure if Edmund would see him as a monster or not.
Edmund looked at Alucard shocked, not expecting the young man to kill his own father. However, taking into consideration what Lisa was like, and how Dracula was after her death, it did make sense to him for Alucard to try and stop his father because it would've been what Lisa wanted, to stop Dracula from harming the humans she loved. Giving a heavy sigh, Edmund turned to Alucard.
"I see why you asked me not to see you in any other way, and even after being told that story, I still don't see you any other way, Adie. You did what you had to do in order to save the Wallachia and the world" he said, "I'm just glad you are still alive after all that. And I'm glad that I could provide you some form of comfort from the grief of losing your parents. And now that I know this about you, I'd like to ask you to help my granddaughter overcome her trauma, but I know that I am asking a lot from you…" Edmund said, looking at the plate in front of him, "but I think Crina needs a friend who understands her, who can relate to what she's feeling, and not too many of us can relate to it. We can put ourselves in her shoes, but she, like myself, believes that you can't truly relate to someone unless you experience it first-hand. And since you have…maybe you can help her" he added, speaking his mind.
Alucard nodded, "I'd be honored to help her. However, I'm not exactly sure how…I could show her more of the castle and even the Belmont Hold that I was bequeathed, but I'm not sure what else to do with that…" he thought, "I mean, I don't know much about this particular area of Wallachia, so I don't think I can help much with that…" he said.
Edmund thought about it, but then his face lit up, "I know, why don't you ask Crina if you can join her on her trade hunts?" he asked.
Alucard raised an eyebrow, "Trade hunts? What are those?" he asked.
"Well, you already know Alister, so I'm going to assume that you know about the Gateway, correct?" Edmund asked, which he received a nod from the young dhampir, "Crina goes there once a month now because she is an outland trader. She gathers items from around the surrounding areas and offers them up for trade in the Gateway, sometimes even taking requests to collect certain items for different clients. Before she went on her year long journey to find you, she would often take trips that would last for a few days to gather materials, treasures and items for the people. Maybe you can join her on her hunts. In turn, you would get the chance to explore this land beyond the castle, and she could have a friend to join her when she feels lonely. The two of you could get to know each other better and help each other with your problems. What do you think?" Edmund suggested.
The young dhampir thought about the offer, taking into account what Edmund said. He weighed the positives and the negatives and figured that it would work out for both of them, but there was still something that bothered him.
"That does seem like a good idea, but I'm a bit uneasy about leaving the castle for long periods of time…I mean, it would basically be a grave to be robbed if I don't occupy it…" he said.
Edmund gave a laugh, "Don't worry, Crina has a way to work that out. By using her alchemy, she was able to create a home alert system that sends a signal to a crystal of her choice when something strange happens. She'd have to explain it a bit better, but she always uses it for when she's away on her trips, mostly to keep an eye on her mother and me, but it works. It might be of some help to you for when you go to the Gateway or go on a hunt or wherever you need to go. I'm sure that would give you some sense of comfort, eh Adie?" he asked.
Alucard thought about it, figuring that it would be nice to have some sort of intruder detecting system. He then nodded, "That does sound nice. I'll have to ask her about it" he said.
Edmund smiled and nodded his head, "Thank you, Adie" he said.
Alucard smiled, "Don't thank me just yet. We don't know if this will work, so it may be best to wait and thank me when results start to show" he said.
"Fair enough" Edmund said with a chuckle.
"Alucard! Father! The apple dumplings are ready! Come on inside!" Maria shouted from the kitchen door while waving her hand.
The former looked over the latter's head and waved, "Coming Maria!" the young dhampir shouted. He then looked to Edmund, "Need some help walking?" he asked as he held out an arm.
The elder looked at the young man, giving him a look of disapproval, but he sighed, "As much as I wish to say no, I know I can't walk too far without help. Might as well" he said as he looped his arm with Alucard's, "Just hate to leave the food out…" he said.
"I'm glad to see you still have that youthful spirit, just as how you were back when I was young" Alucard said amusingly as he walked with Edmund, "I'll take care of the tray for you once your well seated, Old Grand" he added, walking with his grandfather figure back to the house, with the smell of hot apple dumplings filling his nose, bringing a smile to his face.
A/N:
Alrighty! Another chapter up! And here, we get a little insight into Crina's backstory as well as how it's been affecting Edmund. Everyone has a dark side to their lives, and Crina kept saying that she was the one who murdered someone, so here's a small hint into that. So, where will these trader hunts lead? Who knows. Since there isn't much to the land of Wallachia, I wanted to play on that idea a little. Besides, all the items in the Belmont Hold and Dracula's castle had to come from somewhere, right? So lets see where these adventures lead in the next few chapters.
Now for some fun facts:
-Lumin, the name of Crina's first victim, means 'Light'. Interesting name, no?
-Apple dumplings, tasty as they are, can be used as a breakfast item. Never had one myself, but I figured that they would make a nice tasty breakfast meal. Wouldn't you say?
-I tried my best to make it seem like Crina was going through a panic attack, so I'm not sure how it will be received. But if you don't know what she's having, it's a panic attack.
That should be it for now. I'll see you next time guys ^^
