Lily had been woken in the middle of the night, her door pounded on by McGonagall.
"You need to get up, Evans," she instructed her. "Come to Dumbledore's office immediately." Lily knew right away that something was wrong. She'd scrambled to get dressed but was too anxious had opted instead to just throw a sweatshirt on over her pajama bottoms. When she reached the bottom of the staircase James was waiting for her, an anxious expression upon his face.
"What do you think has happened?" he asked as the pair made their way for the portrait hole.
"Something bad," Lily replied surely, her stomach all knotted up. "For them to wake us up in the middle of the night... it must be pretty bad." McGonagall waited beyond the portrait hole for them, her wand lighting the way.
"Come along you two," she said with a somber expression. "Dumbledore is waiting."
The Headmaster was in fact waiting in his office, the other three heads of houses' inside as well. "Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter. I'm glad to see you," Dumbledore greeted them. Lily couldn't understand his casual manner when something was so clearly wrong.
"We need to gather all the students, Albus," Professor McGonagall said urgently. "Gather them in the Great Hall for the night, until we know the threat has passed." The threat? What threat? Lily stared at James beside her, both sharing expressions of confusion.
"I agree with Minerva," Slughorn spoke up, "it's the safest option for now."
"What threat?" Lily blurted out, staring at the teachers around her expectantly. Someone had to fill them in. Dumbledore gave James and Lily a long, hard look.
"There's been an attack," he finally told them, "in Hogsmeade." Lily's eyes widened with shock.
"What kind of attack?"
"Some kind of explosion," Professor McGonagall informed them. "That's all the information we received, we know very little know except that, we haven't a clue who's been injured." Lily felt lightheaded. She couldn't imagine Hogsmeade, one of the most peaceful places, lit up in flames.
"Gather the students," Dumbledore decided finally. "James, Lily, we need you to go down to the Great Hall and help to direct students. Can you do that?"
"Of course," Lily answered for the two of them, James nodding in agreement.
Fifteen minutes later the Head Boy and Girl were at the doors of the Great Hall, directing confused and tired students towards cots that had been arranged, the tables pushed aside. Lily and James looked drained themselves, neither quite sure what the hell was going on. Lily kept staring over at her boyfriend, the pair sharing a reassuring smile. She just had to keep going, to complete her job and then she could let herself worry about what was happening to their world.
"Lily!" Mary came rushing into the room, throwing herself into the redhead's arms. "When I didn't find you in your room I was so scared."
Lily realized now that none of the other students had any idea why they were being roused from their sleeps and dragged from bed, and her friends must have thought something horrible had happened.
"I'm okay," Lily promised, Emmeline and all the boys coming in quickly thereafter.
"Where's Marlene?" James asked the rest of the Marauders. The three boys shared blank expressions.
"She didn't come to bed, I figured she was with the girls?" They looked towards Mary and Emmeline who shook their heads.
"No…she and Alice weren't there when we went to bed?"
"What do you mean Alice wasn't there?" Frank asked, a horrified expression upon his face.
Lily's stomach dropped. No, this was a dream; this was a very bad dream.
"Maybe they went to the bathroom?" Gideon suggested hopefully. "They were up talking and then they slipped off before making their way down here?" Emmeline looked about ready to break into tears.
"This cannot be bloody happening again," she exclaimed, Lily never having agreed with her more. She wasn't a particularly religious person yet all she could do was pray. Pray that if there were any gods or goddesses out there they could promise her that her friends would walk through the Great Hall doors any second now, confused as to why everyone was so worried about them. For once Lily just needed everyone safe.
"Frank?" Fabian asked worriedly. Frank's face had gone pale, he looked ready to pass at any moment.
"Come on," Remus prompted him, guiding his roommate towards a close by cot, "you need to sit down."
"You okay, Wormtail?" Sirius asked his friend, who'd gone nearly as pale and sick looking as Frank.
"F-fine," Peter stuttered, staggering after Remus. The rest of the group followed, leaving James and Lily to continue guiding students. Lily didn't know if she could, she could hardly keep her head straight.
During a lull she turned towards James, fear stricken. "I can't lose them," she told him, clutching on to his arm. "James, I..."
"Hey," he said sternly, cupping her face, "you aren't losing anyone, Lily. Not tonight." She hoped to god he was right. Lily gulped heavily, a fresh batch of Ravenclaws distracting her. Suddenly she heard the sound of the door in the Entrance Hall, looking ahead to see four figures making their way inside.
"It's them!" Lily exclaimed loud enough for the whole group behind them to hear. She couldn't have cared less about her duties as Head Girl in that moment as she rushed forward, sprinting towards her friends. She waited to see them smiling, to see that they were okay. She didn't, though. She'd never seen her friends look so far from okay.
"Alice!" Frank called out the second he caught sight of his wife. He pushed forward hurrying towards her. She collapsed into his arms breaking out in hysterical sobs. Lily's eyes widened fearfully. What the hell had happened? Dorcas and Kingsley were watching them; their shoulders slacked, their faces drawn.
"Dorcas," Remus spoke, stepping forward towards his friend. She met his glance, hardly mustering a smile.
"You guys should get back into the Great Hall," she croaked. "Take care of these two."
"Meadowes! Shacklebolt!" McGonagall pushed through students to get to the two Aurors. "Dumbledore needs you in his office immediately."
"Okay," Kingsley nodded, leading the way. McGonagall paused for a moment, taking in Marlene's expression and Alice's form as she continued to sob into Frank's shirt. She looked like she might scold them for a moment, might say something about their having been out of the castle past curfew. Yet, she didn't.
"You should all head back into the hall," she informed the group before turning to leave them.
"What's wrong?" Lily heard Frank whisper to Alice. "What happened to you?" The trembling witch couldn't seem to get a word out. Everyone stood around, watching on in horror.
Lily looked towards Marlene, her face pale, her eyes facing the ground. She was about to ask her what had happened when the blonde turned right around, heading for the door. Lily raced after her, everyone but Frank and Alice following in her wake.
"Mar.." Before Lily could finish Marlene let out the most blood curdling scream she had ever heard. It brought tears to her eyes, her hands shaking. She had never seen Marlene break down, hardly ever seen her shed a tear. Yet, here she was, her best friend, unraveling in front of her. Lily stood back, too horrified to approach, but then someone pushed past her. She thought it was James at first but the head of black hair proved her wrong.
Marlene's back was to them, Sirius touching her shoulder delicately.
"Marlene," he spoke softly. She continued to scream, echoing through the silent night. Sirius' arms locked around her, Marlene inconsolable. She was sobbing like Lily had never seen before. It was as though a dam had collapsed, everything spilling out from inside.
"He's dead!" She sobbed. "They're all dead."
Lily's hands shook as she watched, completely helpless.
"Come on," Sirius prompted her. "Come inside Marlene."
"No," she continued to cry. "No." Lily felt sick. She'd never seen anything like it, she'd never seen such a strong person suddenly so small. Marlene wasn't the one who broke; she was the one who was always saving people. The scene was unbearable to watch. Sirius began to drag her away kicking and screaming, she seemed barely conscious of her actions. It was all Lily could do to stand there, trembling with tears.
Remus couldn't sleep, not when he knew one of his friends was in such pain. It had taken Frank hours to get Alice to fall asleep. She'd been traumatized, shaking uncontrollably. Friends, people they'd worked with, people she had been laughing and joking around with only hours earlier were dead, burned alive. It was horrific.
It was still dark when Remus stood from the cot he was tucked into, his eyes going tired of the starry sky above the Great Hall. He tiptoed along, sneaking out between the lines of sleeping students.
They hadn't been able to get Marlene to calm down she'd been so hysterical. Finally, James and Sirius together had hauled her off to the Hospital Wing. Remus couldn't believe it. He'd already been through so much, he'd come close to death himself, but this was the first time he'd felt as though it'd truly left a mark. Their luck had finally worn thin.
He traveled through the castle, up towards the Hospital Wing. If he couldn't sleep at least he could sit with Marlene, offer her some sort of comfort. That had to be worth something.
"You're not supposed to be up here," a voice said quietly from across the hall. Remus looked over to see Dorcas, watching him. She approached, her steps long and measured.
"I couldn't sleep," he replied honestly, "I thought seeing her might help."
Dorcas shook her head. "It won't," she assured him. "She's a mess."
Remus pressed his hands to his face, taking in a ragged breath. "What happened?" He hadn't gotten a clear understanding of the whole situation all night.
"We took Marlene down so she and Henry could talk," Dorcas explained, her voice thick with emotion. Her brown eyes had fallen to face the floor, refusing to meet Remus' glance. "Alice, Kingsley and I waited with the others downstairs. We were having a laugh." Remus gulped nervously. "Marlene came down, she was smiling, she was happy. For a little while it felt good. It felt like a puzzle we'd finally put together." A light seemed to go from Dorcas' eyes. "Then it was gone. We were walking back up towards the castle and they just showed up, three of them, out of the blue. They set the whole place on fire and then they were gone." Dorcas' voice broke on the last part, her eyes filling with tears.
"It must have been really fucking scary," she said, her voice shaking. "Being trapped, struggling to breathe, burning up…they must have known." Remus clenched his eyes shut, hardly wanting to imagine it.
"I'm sure they didn't even have enough time to realize what was happening before they passed out." Dorcas looked up at him once more, her bottom lip trembling.
"A few of them did," she told him. Remus felt sick. "We could hear their screams as we were stuck outside, useless." Dorcas broke into tears, Remus throwing his arms around her. He wanted to take all the pain away, all the guilt and remorse filling her eyes. He wanted to fix it. To tell her it was going to be okay. Was it?
"They're all gone," she sobbed into his chest. These weren't just Aurors. They were Dorcas' friends. People she'd spent her days with, laughed with, gone on stakeouts all night with. Now they were just gone and she was left to feel guilty for it.
"Hey," Remus comforted her, "look at me." Slowly Dorcas raised her head, her doe eyes facing him. "You and Kingsley not being stuck in there too was the best thing that could have happened," he assured her, holding her face in his hands. "Because now you're going to make them pay for what they did."
She stared into his eyes, tears still silently streaming down her mascara stained cheeks like raindrops on a pane of glass. Despite all the sadness and remorse, Remus couldn't help but think that she was beautiful. He hated that he did. He felt guilty. His girlfriend was asleep beside his empty cot in the Great Hall and here he was upstairs, admiring another woman.
Remus could feel his palms growing sweaty as he grew more and more nervous. It felt like every second that passed Dorcas' face grew closer to his and then, suddenly, her lips were touching hiS. They kissed. It was slow and wet. Remus could hear his heavy breaths as their lips moved in unison. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. He allowed himself to deeply inhale the smell of her perfume, a scent of lavender and vanilla. Then they pulled apart.
"I'm so sorry," Dorcas apologized, looking shocked by her actions. "That was wrong, fucking hell." She stepped backwards, gripping at the roots of her hair. "I'm not myself tonight."
"I know," Remus nodded, his head bowed guiltily. He was the one who should have pulled away. So why wasn't he?
"You have a girlfriend," she reminded him.
"I know," he agreed, squeezing his eyes shut in pain.
"I'm four years older than you."
"It's just a weird night," Remus said, reassuring both of them. "Everyone's running on high emotions, no one is themselves."
Dorcas nodded, looking like she was calming down the slightest. "Okay," she agreed. "You're right."
"It was a one time thing," Remus promised her. "We never have to talk about it again." She met his glance, swallowing heavily. Remus wondered if she was thinking what he was – maybe he didn't want to forget.
The morning arrived bringing with it a hall of tired and confused students. The heads of each house ushered their students back to the Common Rooms to get ready for the day and allow the Great Hall to be prepared for breakfast.
As Mary was following the rest of her friends out of the hall she caught sight of Reg ahead of her in the crowd. She hadn't seen him when she'd come down in the night and after watching everything that had happened to Marlene she'd been extra antsy to set eyes on him.
"Reg!" Mary cried out, breaking away from Emmeline without a word. It took a few more tries before he heard her, spinning around.
"Hey," he said softly, Mary throwing her arms around him. They turned a few heads, people curious as to what the pair were doing. Mary didn't care. She didn't care if the whole world knew that Reginald Cattermole made her happier than she ever thought she could be.
"I love you," she admitted, no longer afraid of the three words. Reg's eyes widened.
"Wow."
"I don't care if you don't say it back or if you need some more time, you've been so patient with me Reg. You've been so kind."
"Mary," he held her face between his hands. "I love you too."
Mary sighed with relief. The pair kissed quickly, earning themselves a few cheers of approval from passing students. When they pulled apart Emmeline, Alice, Frank and the Marauders were all approaching with curious looks.
"Am I missing something?" Sirius asked curiously, staring between the pair. Mary couldn't keep the grin from spreading across her face, despite all the tragedy around them.
"We're dating," she explained to the group, taking Reg's hand. "We have been since the New Years party."
"That's what you two were on about the other night!" Alice exclaimed, understanding dawning on her face.
"Good job, Reg," Frank approved, clapping the latter on the back. "Mary's a good girl." There was only one person's approval Mary wanted though. She looked towards Emmeline expectantly, her friend giving her a proud smile.
"Don't hurt her," she warned Reg, "or you'll have me to answer to."
He nodded, a nervous look upon his face. "I won't," he promised.
"Where are James and Lily?" Mary asked curiously, everyone's faces growing dim. In light of her joy she'd nearly forgotten the tragedy taking place around them.
"They stayed with Marlene for the night," Remus explained, "to make sure she was okay. I dropped in to see them for a little while."
"I don't know what to do to help," Mary admitted hopelessly.
"I don't know if we can fix this," Alice explained with a long face. "I don't know if anyone can."
Marlene woke up to the sound of someone hovering above her. Suddenly a warm palm pressed against her face and her eyes flung open as she jumped up in bed.
"Merlin's beard," Madam Pomfrey gasped, grabbing her chest in shock.
"What am I doing here?" Marlene demanded, staring around the empty Hospital Wing in confusion. The nurse's face grew somber and regretful.
Marlene paused and then, with a horrible drop of her stomach, remembered exactly what she was doing there. "Oh," she recalled, running her fingers through her tangled hair.
"Your friends just headed out to get changed," Madam Pomfrey explained.
"Am I able to go?" Marlene asked. She didn't want to be stuck in the hospital room and left to her own thoughts for longer than she had to be. Not when her head felt so groggy and her memories of the night felt like a horrible nightmare.
"Of course," Madam Pomfrey nodded, her usual hard exterior cracked away. "Your clothes are laid out on the chair," Madam Pomfrey informed her, pointing. Marlene looked over. Something about the clothing made her feel queasy. Maybe because she could still remember Henry pulling her out of them, or the fact that she was sure they stunk of smoke from the night.
"Is there something else I can wear?" She pleaded, Madam Pomfrey giving her a nervous look.
"All I have are the usual pyjamas I give students if they're staying over night..."
"Fine," Marlene agreed. "That's fine." She didn't care if she went roaming through the hallways in a pair of pyjamas as long as she didn't have to be reminded of last night.
Madam Pomfrey returned with a fresh pair for her and Marlene changed into them quickly, gathering the clothes from the night before in her arms before heading out. She turned into the first girls lavatory she saw, dumping the clothing behind in the trash bin. She didn't care that it was a wasteful act – she never wanted to see the reminder again.
She got a few funny looks as she traveled up towards the seventh floor in a pair of striped pyjamas. She was sure she looked rather disheveled. Her hair uncombed, her eyes still puffy from all the crying she'd done the night before. For the first time Marlene didn't care. She didn't care if she had mascara running down her face or if her cheeks were red and blotchy – none of it really mattered.
There was a steady stream of students emerging from Gryffindor Tower as they headed down for breakfast. Marlene passed all of them with her head held high, making her way through the portrait hole without a second look at anyone. She knew what was waiting for her upstairs. Her friends would greet her with a stream of sympathetic faces and worry filled eyes. She wasn't ready to face any of it and yet she climbed the stairs to the dormitory all the same.
"Marlene," Emmeline gasped with shock as the blonde pushed the dormitory door open. Her friends were all changing for the school day. They paused to stare at her in shock.
"Hey," Marlene replied casually, heading for her trunk. No one moved, their eyes all burning into the back of her head as she rummaged through her clothes.
"Has anyone seem my mustard sweater?" she asked curiously, looking behind her shoulder at her roommates – all wearing identical expression of perplextion.
"You leant it to me last week," Mary finally spoke up, clearing her throat. She moved towards her bed, pulling it out from underneath it.
"Thanks," Marlene mumbled as Mary tossed it across the room.
She began to change despite the continuing looks she earned from everyone in the room. Marlene figured if she just kept ignoring it, pretending like everything was fine, it'd have to stop eventually.
"What class do we have first?"
"Flitwick," Emmeline responded, biting at her lip anxiously. It felt as though all the space in the room had been taken up by the events of the night. It was almost hard to breathe.
"For fucks sake," Mary huffed, the first to crack. "We can't pretend nothing happened, Marley."
"I don't want to talk about it," Marlene warned her, slipping into a pair of faded blue jeans. "It's happened, it's done, there's no point in discussing any of it." Mary's eyes widened in horror.
"No point? Your boyfriend was murdered less than twenty-four hours ago..."
"Ex-boyfriend," Marlene clarified. Mary looked at Marlene as though she hardly recognized the girl before her.
"Sorry?"
"He broke up with me," Marlene explained. "After we followed along on the rescue mission." Mary's hard expression fell, just as Marlene knew it would.
"We didn't know, Mar," Emmeline spoke up. "If we had..."
"You would have felt bad, you'd have tried to help. I know, Em, I'm not angry. I didn't want to tell anyone. I wanted to try and fix things." The idea sent a shiver up her spine now.
Marlene headed for the mirror to brush out her hair short locks. Her hair was frizzy and tangled and she still had yesterday's makeup on. She ran a hairbrush through it and then used her wand to tame the curls into loose waves.
"You're not okay," Mary decided knowingly. "I know you're not because no one in the world could be okay after what you went through." Marlene struggled to keep a straight face. "I'm not pushing the subject to hurt you, Mar. I don't want to pry but I can't leave it alone because I know from experience what happens when you do that. It sits inside of you and festers into a big wound that one day, is going to explode. It's not healthy."
"We have three months of school left," Marlene informed her friend exasperatedly. "All I have ever wanted to do, since I was about thirteen years old, was write. To become a journalist. I'm three months away from making that dream happen, Mary – three months away from acing my N.E.W.T.S and getting a job at the Prophet. If I fuck this up now I will have literally nothing left." Mary opened her mouth as though she might say more but Emmeline stopped her.
"Lets just go to breakfast, Mary," she interjected. "We can all talk after class." Mary didn't look particularly pleased about the plan but after a little more prodding Emmeline tugged her out the door – leaving only Marlene and Alice behind.
The latter had been sitting silently on the end of her bed throughout the whole conversation. She didn't look at Marlene with sympathy – she had understanding in her eyes. She knew what her friend was going through because a part of her was experiencing it as well.
"I look like a mess," Marlene conceded. It was taking every ounce of strength she consumed to hold back the raging emotions inside of her. She felt like a thunderstorm just waiting to happen.
"Go wash your face," Alice instructed her. "I'll do your hair for you."
Marlene did as she was told. Alice didn't ask questions or try to make Marlene tell her how she felt. Instead she waited behind patiently in the room as Marlene headed for the bathroom and when she returned Alice was sat upon her bed waiting.
"I'm so embarrassed," Marlene admitted. She was sat on the floor while Alice was on the bed above her, focusing on the hair slipping between her fingers, braiding back the front two pieces. "About freaking out last night."
"Nobody cares," her friend promised. "They're just worried about you."
Marlene sighed heavily. "They're all going to look at me like that all day, aren't they?" she asked. "Like I'm some kind of kicked puppy." There was a long pause before Alice responded. Marlene figured she was probably deciding whether she should lie or be honest.
"Yeah," she conceded, "they will." Marlene supposed that was fair. If one of her friends had witnessed their boyfriend burned to death she might feel a little worried too.
"There," Alice announced proudly, "all done." Marlene didn't shift though.
Slowly Alice's arms dropped down around Marlene, her chin resting upon the top of her head. "You don't have to go to class today, Mar," she assured her.
"I can't sit in here alone," Marlene replied, shaking her head. Not when she felt so afraid of her own thoughts. "If I do I'll only feel worse."
"None of them can understand," Alice whispered to her. "What it felt like to be there. What you feel like. I keep trying to imagine if Frank had been in that building…" Alice's voice cracked.
"Don't," Marlene told her sternly, pulling away from their embrace. "Don't torture yourself just because you still have something good. I don't want that."
Marlene got to her feet, running her hands along the surface of her pants. She didn't know if she'd ever faced a harder day.
Gideon stepped into the Great Hall for breakfast, the room filled with noise and bustle as all of the students tried to understand what was happening. He traveled down along Gryffindor table, securing himself a seat beside Remus. If he'd gone down a little farther he could have sat with Mary and Emmeline but he doubted that Emmeline would appreciate that – not after their last conversation at least.
"Everyone still in the dark about last night?" Gideon asked, grabbing himself a pancake off the tray.
"Still confused as ever," Remus confirmed.
"Have you seen Marlene yet?" Peter wondered, leaning over Remus to meet Gideon's glance. "Is she okay?" His blue eyes were rounded with fear. Gideon's stomach sank. Peter must have been up all night-worried sick about the state of his friend.
"Haven't seen her," he shook his head. "I heard someone in the common room talking about how she headed through in pyjamas from the Hospital Wing." Remus' shoulders slacked.
"That sounds like a great sign." Suddenly the hall went very quiet and Gideon looked up to see Dumbledore standing at the podium near the front.
"Good morning," he greeted everyone. "I'm sure you are all feeling very anxious and confused right now." Gideon hoped Marlene didn't plan to make her entrance until after the Headmaster's speech was over. "Your professors and I decided it would be best to gather you all together last night quickly – to make sure everyone remained safe. The precaution was taken due to an attack in Hogsmeade last night." Gasps filled the room as students looked towards one another in shock. "One of Hogsmeade's oldest pubs, Donovan's, was blown up by a group of Death Eaters." Gideon bowed his head with remorse. All he could think about were the innocent people – Aurors, patrons – stuck inside while the place was burnt to a crisp.
"I am sorry to say that there were no survivors." The faces around the room were filled with fear and panic. A place like Hogsmeade, somewhere of peace and comfort, had been turned into just another battlefield. "I know that news like this can be tremendously shocking. You are all most likely feeling very overwhelmed. Perhaps you spent your weekend trips in Donovan's, perhaps you knew Donovan himself." Perhaps you were in a relationship with the bartender…
"This year, more than any other, has been plagued with much loss and terror. It is hard in the wake of shock like this to remember that darkness is always followed by light. It is on us to tend to one another's wounds, help those hurting, and to remember that despite houses or age we are all the same."
For a moment Gideon let his eyes flicker across the room towards the Ravenclaw table where his brother sat with Everett Jenkins. "It is the decision of both your Professors and I that classes today shall be canceled, to allow you all some time to process the news we have shared with and to deal with any losses which may be felt."
"Man, the only way to catch a break around here is for someone to die," a third year quipped from Gideon's left. His jaw tightened. What a careless statement made by someone lucky enough to have not felt any loss from the war yet.
"Shit," Remus cursed, staring up the hall. At the back of the room - right in front of the doors - stood Alice and Marlene. The later was shaking, looking about ready to erupt with emotion. Gideon's stomach dropped. All she'd needed to do was been a few minutes late. Within seconds she had spun away, rushing back out, Alice chasing after her.
"It's going to be a long day," Peter realized nervously. "Isn't it?"
"Yeah, Pete," Remus sighed. "I think it is."
Gideon stood up, barely having touched his breakfast. "I'll see you guys later," he said, making his way up and across the hall. He paused in the middle of the Ravenclaw table, his pride tucked far away.
"Fabian," he said, turning his brother's head. "Can I have a word?" Fabian paused for a moment, looking uncertain about the suggestion, before nodding his head.
"Okay," he agreed, getting to his feet. He followed Gideon from the hall and out into the courtyard, both boys taking a seat on one of the cold stone benches. Gideon was tapping his foot nervously against the cobblestone, clueless as to what he was supposed to say next.
"We've done everything together," he finally began, "since we were little boys."
"Yeah," Fabian scoffed, "the curse of having a twin."
"It was nice though – to know someone always had my back. When I used to fuck up or screw around with Molly and she'd run to mom. I always knew that you would cover me."
Fabian smiled nostalgically from beside him. "We were partners in crime," he shrugged.
The next part was hard for Gideon to get out. He knew it needed saying, he had since the moment he'd stopped talking to his brother. "I didn't have your back," he admitted, swallowing back tears, "the night you told me the truth." He closed his eyes, pacing his breaths to try and prevent himself from crying. "Since I was a child I've known everything about you and then suddenly…you were someone else."
"I'm not," Fabian told him earnestly, "I'm still your brother. The same guy you used to spend hours playing Quidditch with in the back garden"
"I should have known. I've always known things about you before anyone else did."
"That's the problem though, isn't it?" Fabian said with a sigh. "Since we were born we've been told we're the same person. By mum, by Molly. I remember she used to get so mad at us – Molly did – because we'd always be in on some joke together that we never let her in on." Despite how frustrated she would get Gideon knew she secretly loved their naughty side. A part of her craved it too. "We aren't the same though, Gid," his brother determined. "We can't always know each other perfectly."
Gideon nodded despite the painful sentiment of it. A part of him had to let go of his little boy fantasy that he and his brother could be as they always were. Things changed – it was the way the world worked."I don't understand it," he admitted. "You and Everett."
"You don't have to understand it," Fabian stated clearly. "You just have to accept it and you have to still love me despite it. I'm your brother."
"Of course I still love you," Gideon said, looking beside him. "You're my best friend, Fabian. Always have been." And he always would be.
The day had passed much too slowly for Sirius' liking. Without classes to distract everyone they were stuck together, the whole school gossiping about the event at Donovan's. Every time he got a chance he would peak across the room at Marlene – trying to see if she was showing any signs of breaking – but she stayed strong all day. It was just after dinner when he lost sight of her, the blonde disappearing off on her own.
The whole group ate dinner together, and Marlene's absence was gravely noticed.
"You have to eat," Frank pestered Alice, who'd barely touched a thing on her plate.
"I'm not hungry," she told him. She hadn't looked well all day. You could see on her face the scars the night had left behind.
"You didn't eat breakfast or lunch either. There's nothing in your system to keep you going," her husband pushed her. "Come on, just half the plate at least." Frank took the fork for her lifting some green beans up to her mouth. Alice hesitated before opening her mouth – allowing her husband to literally hand feed her. Sirius watched the exchange with curiosity. He figured that had to be love in it's purest form.
"Should we be worried?" Lily fretted. "About Marley not being here?" She looked towards Sirius specifically. Why was it his responsibility? He was sure the last person Marlene wanted comforting from right now was him. Just because they'd had a nice time shagging didn't mean he had to take care of her.
"Yeah," James told his girlfriend honestly, "but truthfully I think we'd be worried even if she were sitting at this table right now." He was right, of course. It was impossible not to be worried when the strongest person among them was most definitely breaking inside.
"The best thing we can do is not pester her," Emmeline suggested. "If we keep pushing her she'll just crawl deeper into her shell." Sirius focused his attention on cutting up the roast beef on his plate, trying to distract himself from the conversation. The truth was, he'd felt guilty all day. For months all he'd wanted was for Henry to disappear. Now he had, forever, and Sirius just wished he'd come back, to take that haunting look out of Marlene's eyes.
"Hey, you're McKinnon's friends, right?" Sirius looked up to see two Hufflepuff guys standing before them.
"Yes?" Mary replied first, staring up at them expectantly.
"Uh, do you know that she is currently sitting on the edge of the bridge?"
"She doesn't look quite right," the second one concluded. Everyone around the table shared looks of horror, jumping up at once. They went running from the Great Hall – rushing at top speed out into the dark and chilly night, hurrying towards the bridge.
The Hufflepuffs hadn't lied. Marlene was standing right on the edge, her arm wrapped around one of the beams for support.
"MARLENE!" Lily shrieked in horror, grabbing the blonde's attention. She looked behind her, her blonde hair blowing in the wind. There was a half finished mickey of vodka dangling from her free hand.
"Come on, Mar," James prompted her, reaching a hand out cautiously. "Come down."
"Come to rescue me have you James?" she teased him, a drunken grin upon her face. James had never looked so serious in his life. Marlene laughed wickedly. "Isn't this a startling turn of events? James Potter rescuing me."
"Just come down and then we can all talk," James promised her. Marlene looked upon him incredulously.
"Bullshit," she declared. "What's your plan then, James? Get me to come down from here, give me a short pep talk and a hug and then disappear?"
James shook his head. "What are you talking about..."
"As if you've cared about anything happening to me up until this moment."
James' face fell. He looked as though he'd just been struck across the face. "That's not true..."
"You've pushed me aside all year, don't pretend you haven't. This has been the shittiest year of my life and all I wanted was my best friend, James Potter." Marlene spit out the words with such contempt. Sirius could see that she was breaking James' heart but she was too drunk to care. Maybe it wasn't even the alcohol. Maybe it was a year's worth of pain she'd racked up and shoved aside bubbling to the surface.
"Marlene the savior, the strongest one in our group," she said patronizingly. "Such shit."
"You're scaring us, Mar," Remus said calmly, stepping forward now. "You're scaring me, standing up there." Marlene looked down at him, her gaze softening.
"I can't," she admitted, "I can't come down. Not now. Not ever again."
"All those mornings you spent with me in the Hospital Wing, after my transformations..."
"Transformations?" Sirius heard Mary whisper to Emmeline behind him.
"You took care of me during my most vulnerable time. Let us take care of you now."
"You see, that's what hurts. It wasn't once, Remus - it was month after month I showed up for you. Where have you been, though? After I was tortured, after I got beaten up trying to save Lily and Alice from you during a full moon, after the attack in Diagon Alley? Where were you? Where were any of you?" Everyone bowed their heads guiltily.
"People aren't perfect," Gideon informed her. "We fuck up Mar, we miss things."
"And sometimes we just don't care," she told him harshly. "That's the truth, isn't it? None of you cared enough to ever look out for me. Not when it was so easy just leaning on me all the time." Marlene's eyes scanned the crowd before landing on Sirius, his stomach sinking. That wasn't a good sign – especially considering how much alcohol Marlene had consumed.
"Not you, though," she said, everyone turning to look at Sirius. "You never pushed me aside." Sirius bit anxiously at the inside of his mouth. Marlene laughed bitterly, her voice thin and cold. He felt like he stood on the edge of a volcano, seconds from erupting. He could feel lava pushing its way up from deep inside him. "Which is very ironic," she exclaimed, swishing around her bottle of vodka sloppily, "considering we were fucking for half the year." It seemed as if everyone gasped at the exact same time, Sirius cringing. There went the explosion.
"Well," Remus said, running a hand through his hair. "That explains quite a bit." Peter was staring at him with wide eyes and his jaw hanging to the ground. It was James' expression that truly burnt, though. His eyes were brimming with betrayal, his muscles all tensed up.
"James…" Sirius tried to explain. He hadn't a chance though, not before James' fist had flown into his jaw, knocking Sirius to his knees.
"What the fuck!" Lily bellowed above him, rushing to Sirius' aid along with Remus and Peter.
"You asshole!" James spat, looking over Sirius who was trying to stunt the flow of blood from his nose.
"What are you doing, James?!" Peter squealed.
"You fucking promised," James shook his head, his lips turned into a scowl.
"What are you talking about?" Lily cried at him, helping to get Sirius' off the floor.
"Summer before sixth year, I knew he was interested in her, I could see it every time she entered a room," James explained to the crowd. "So I made him promise me that he wouldn't go near her, he promised me that of all girls, Marlene was off limits." James shook his head with detest. "He stood in my fucking bedroom and promised me that he wouldn't start anything up, for me." Sirius had never wished to turn back time so bad.
"How long was it then?" James demanded. "When did you start?"
"James, it wasn't meant to turn out this way. I wasn't try to..."
"ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!"
"Jesus Christ, James, what the hell does it matter? Why would you ever make someone promise you something like that?" Lily asked, standing up to him. She got to her feet, staring him down. "What made you think you had that kind of authority to control not only Sirius's life, but Marlene's too?"
"Did you know?" he asked, his eyes narrowing down on her. Lily stood unwaveringly, not shaking the slightest.
"Yeah," she nodded bravely. "I did."
"You knew and you didn't fucking think to tell me?" James asked furiously.
"Yeah, and I'm bloody glad I didn't because look at what you've done." She motioned behind her to Sirius, clutching his bleeding nose.
"How long?" James repeated, staring at Sirius down on the ground. With Remus and Peter's help her staggered to his feet, tipping his head back.
"Halfway through sixth year," he admitted. James looked about ready to lunge for him but then there was a crash behind them, everyone turning their heads.
"Oh yeah," Marlene reminded them. "I'm still here."
"Mar," James began, his voice grown much softer.
"Don't you fucking dare," she warned him, pointing a shaky finger in his direction. James paused. Marlene stood there, frozen on the ledge of the bridge, and then suddenly she let go of the beam helping to support her. Sirius was ready to lunge forward and pull her right down. She looked so delicate and tiny up there, the wind raging against her. He thought she might just float away.
"Marlene," Frank began, speaking very cautiously. "I'm going to step forward and help you down."
"I can't come down," she repeated with trembling lips. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Sirius realized that, besides the night before, he had never seen Marlene cry. Not once the entire time he'd known her had the young Gryffindor shed a tear. It broke his fucking heart.
"I know how it feels, Marlene," Alice interjected, "to feel like you can't face the world or anyone you know. Trust me, I know. After I cheated on Frank and we broke up I had never felt so lost. I was wandering around the castle and I had no idea who the hell I was. Look at me now," Alice instructed her. "I'm okay, I'm alive. I found myself again."
"Just come down from the ledge," Alice pleaded, "please."
"It's all so fucked up now," Marlene said with strangled breaths. "I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm trapped in this world that is suffocating me and I miss him." A quiet sob escaped her lips. "I miss him so much."
"I know what that feels like," Alice told her, tears filling her eyes too. "I know what it's like to feel as though half of you is gone when someone you love dies. I felt it everyday for months when I lost my mother."
Marlene closed her eyes, clutching her fists tightly by her side. Sirius looked beside him at Lily to see tears streaming down her freckled cheeks as she watched the interaction. "Okay," the blonde agreed, taking Frank's outstretched hands.
"I've got you," he assured her as he helped lift her back down to her feet. Alice threw her arms around Marlene, Mary, Emmeline and Lily all quickly joining in. They engulfed her, Marlene standing in the center of it all, sobbing.
"We love you," they all assured her. Fabian stepped forward, unzipping his jumper.
"Here," he put it around her shoulders. "Let's get you inside and find you a cup of tea." Marlene nodded, letting them all guide her back, only Lily and the Marauders staying behind. Sirius turned to James with a drawn expression.
"Just let me explain…"
"I don't care about anything you have to say," James replied coldly, turning away.
"Come on, James," Remus exhaled. "Don't you think you're being a bit harsh?"
"A bit harsh?" James exclaimed dramatically. "He made me a promise and he lied to me! For over a year he's been shagging her behind my back, lying to my face, pretending he'd kept his word."
The truth caused a guilty pit to grow in the bottom of Sirius's stomach. He was ashamed; he couldn't deny it. This was never the way it was supposed to end. It wasn't supposed to happen, and then when it did he was only going to let it happen once. How could he stop himself, though? When every time he was with Marlene it felt so right?
"It wasn't just shagging, James," Lily told her boyfriend with a pointed stare. "I think you know that too, I think you always knew it was more than that and I think you know right now how fucked up it was to try and keep Sirius away from her." James glared at his girlfriend.
"Don't you dare take his side..."
"I'm not just going to defend your actions because you're my boyfriend," she replied stubbornly. "I don't agree with you, I think making Sirius promise to stay away from her was fucked up. In fact, I think making any promise like that is treating Marlene as though she's some kind of property. It's so bloody controlling and, not to mention, arrogant and downright misogynistic."
"Don't bother coming to my room tonight," James told her coldly, walking back up the bridge. The look in his eyes could murder someone if he tried.
"Don't worry!" Lily cried after him angrily, "I wasn't planning to." She rolled her eyes as James disappeared back up to the castle, turning towards Sirius. "Bloody prick."
"You didn't have to do that, you know," he told her, grateful for the defense she'd given him despite it. It wasn't often anyone bothered defending Sirius.
"He was wrong," Lily shrugged, "he should know it."
"He'll never admit it," Remus told her.
"Give him a week without sex," Lily joked, the boys all laughing. For a moment they were just four teenagers, none of them victims to the brutality of war.
"Your shirt is covered in blood," Peter piped up, motioning towards Sirius' once plain grey t-shirt.
"So it is, Wormtail," Sirius sighed, his nose still leaving behind a small trail of blood.
"Let's go get you cleaned up," Lily suggested, wrapping an arm around Sirius. "Put an end to this shitty day." Sirius wanted nothing more – although he was sure this was only the beginning.
