Chapter 15: What is wrong with me?

Alucard was looking into Crina's eyes when suddenly he saw them change from one of calm to one of pure fright. Once lidded and laying bare her soul quickly changed to wide with fright as her breath became uneven and very shallow, her body shaking from the experience. Sensing panic rising within his own body, he caught Crina as she passed out.

"Crina!" he shouted, turning her so her head faced him, eyes now rolled to the back of her head and limp from exhaustion and blood loss, though jolting a little from the mental shock she was going through. He shook her a bit to try and wake her up, saying her name at the same time, but it didn't work as she still remained the same.

Alucard never had this type of encounter before and really wasn't sure what to make of it, but he only knew one thing: He had to help her and fast. The question was how. After calming himself a little, he looked over her symptoms and finally pieced that she was having a panic attack of some sort and one thing that he knew helped with these were some sort of fragrant herb. Looking around, he then noticed a large area near the trees consisting of nothing but peppermint. Picking Crina up and placing her inside the wagon, he grabbed his boots and shirt, putting them on before rushing over and after growing out his nails, started cutting pieces of peppermint until he had a nice big bundle. But just as he turned around, he heard a voice.

"Heeeey! Alucard!" the voice called.

Alucard looked around for the source but didn't find it right away. He kept looking until finally his sights fell on a single figure in the distance, a certain silver haired dhampir. But to be sure it was him, Alucard squinted his eyes to try and see a bit better.

"Alister? Is that you?!" he called to the figure, unsure if it was him.

Just then the figure had a red glow around him and just in the blink of an eye, it teleported to Alucard and appeared right in front of the young dhampir, spooking him a little.

"Sure is" he said with a large smile on his face, but the smile disappeared as he noticed Alucard's state, "What's wrong? Has something happened?" he asked, now concerned.

"Crina passed out after going through frightening episode. I think it might have been a panic attack. I'm gathering peppermint to try and help her recover," Alucard said as he held the mint in his hand, "I just hope that its not going to harm her" he said as he turned to the wagon.

Just then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hold on, how did Crina pass out? She never passes out in a panic attack" Alister asked, causing Alucard to raise an eyebrow.

"Wait, you sound like this has happened before…" he said, picking up that last bit that Alister mentioned.

"More than you know. Anyway, the peppermint would work, but if she's passed out, something big must have occurred. So, what happened?" Alister asked, giving Alucard a dangerously serious look.

Alucard then explained what both he and Crina did earlier today and what Crina did to try and gather food for their meal. He did all this while Alister listened very intensely.

"I see. Well, energy loss, weather through her ring or through hunger, or in her case both, can lead to passing out if I remember what some of the doctors at home told me. Unfortunately medicine isn't my strong suit, but I do know one recipe that her mother has told me that may help with this situation" Alister said as he shuffled through his bag. He then pulled out a small flask filled with a clear liquid. "Give me the peppermint, I'll work on this. You go and try to wake her up. If you still have trouble, come find me and I'll give you my secret wake-up call" he said with a smirk, "An old favorite from the training days" he added. He then left to get started on the cure.

Alucard looked on a little suspiciously, but he let it go, turning his attention to Crina. Moving back into the wagon, he looked Crina over, who appeared to be asleep for the time. Seeing a few pieces of her hair out of place, he gently moves his hand to her face and delicately moves them out of the way. As he does this, Crina appears to react a bit, moving her face toward his touch.

"Mmmm….cold…." she murmured as she started to stir. Soon her eyes fluttered open and there before her was Alucard, hair still pulled back but in his shirt and boots while still wearing his swim pants. She then blinked and sat up slowly, rubbing her head as she did so.

"Al-Alucard? W-What happened?" Crina asked as she rubbed her eyes a little. She then moved to sit up against the edge of the wagon so that she wasn't using so much energy to sit up.

"When you had the duck you turned around to grab something but then….um…." he trailed off, unsure if he should retell their eye connection, but he sighed and got to the most important part, "you had some sort of frightening episode and passed out. I caught you and put you in the wagon for shade. I went to gather Peppermint, but then Alister showed up. He's working on something for you, I think it's a medicine…" he explained, trying to be slow for her to let her get the information to sink in.

"Frightening episode?" Crina asked. She thought about what he meant but then she realized what it was. "Oh damn it, not again…" she said to herself. "I'm sorry you had to witness that…I…I haven't had one like that in a long time…" she said, guilt layering her voice. She then looked at Alucard, who had a gaze that seemed to be a combination of both hurt and confusion.

"Why…did you not tell me before about this?" he asked frankly, hurt evident in his voice.

Crina looked at him, feeling guilt rise up more in her being, knowing that she hurt his trust. She then looked away and sighed, "I should've told you. There is no excuse, but…" she trailed off, unsure of what to say. She thought that by keeping her problems to herself, she wouldn't burden anyone with her issues. Its been this way for her for a long time, mostly during the time after Lumin's death, but while she did open up a little to her parents, she still kept most of it hidden. But now, seeing how it hurt the man that she has grown close to, she feared what would happen to him after this. She had heard similar incidents like this of people with trust issues getting their trust broken, only ending up with said person reverting back to their old ways of not trusting others and getting worse from it.

"Do…Do you hate me now?" Crina quietly blurted out, but loud enough for Alucard to hear. She regretted saying it after, but it was too late.

Instead of the look of pure anger that she was expecting, Crina saw the young dhampir turn to her with a look of shock.

"What?" he asked.

"I…." Crina paused and then gave a sigh, "I asked you 'do you hate me now'? 'Do you no longer trust me?' is what I meant to ask though" she clarified.

"Hate you?" he repeated to her, "No. Crina, that could never happen. You've been an amazing friend and still are. And no, I still trust you. Am I hurt that you didn't tell me this problem, yes. But I know you well enough now that you don't like sharing your problems because you don't want to burden others. It is admirable, but it's also troublesome" he said.

Crina looked at him, unsure of what to say, but she stayed silent and let him continue.

"It's troublesome because we've known each other for a few weeks now and I know you have your secrets and that is fine, but if you hold back things such as this…it will not only cause you more harm than good but it will also cause others harm as well" he paused, both recalling what he remembered from his mother's works and letting Crina take this in before continuing, "When you had that episode, I honestly thought you were going to die on me…and…just the thought of that…" he trailed off, fist clenching and shaking lightly at the thought, looking away with evident sadness in his eyes, almost looking like he was about to cry. He then took a deep breath and sighed, "The loss of both of my parents is still fresh in my mind, even after all this time, and it put me through a dark and lonely time. Taka and Sumi once gave me light but then put me through the darkness again, putting me through solitude. And now, after getting to know you, seeing old family, and spending all this time learning more about the world beyond the castle, just to have all of that go in a single flash of an eye…it…" he trailed off and looked at her deep in the eye, "it almost made my heart stop out of fright…thinking that I was going back to that darkness again…" he said, voice shaking slightly.

Crina looked on at him in slight shock at his reaction and it was then that flashbacks of all her friends and family came to her mind. After spending two weeks with Alucard, sharing stories of the past and talking about her old friends, she recalled all that she told him and everyone she talked about. All those who care and love her, those who appreciated her help, those who respected her, everyone in her life that she came across in the past came back to her. Everything that she tried to do to hold back the pain she carried, only to realize that it might have hurt others all along, it made her heart grow sore with guilt as she didn't want to cause anymore pain for anyone. But now, seeing Alucard like this, it made her realize just how much pain holding back could cause others around her, even more than that of a raid of night creatures.

'This man is amazing, in more ways than one…' she said to herself. She then sighed and looked at him.

"You're right. It has been causing harm, I just haven't realized it because I've grown so used to it" Crina started, not moving her gaze. "As you have said, I held back because I didn't want to burden others with my issues. But now that you've said this, it makes me wonder just who else I've hurt by doing this" she said, looking to the side in thought. Crina went silent for a moment but then gave him a look of new determination, soft but strong. "Alright, from here on out, no more holding back secrets. From now on, I will promise to try to be more open about my problems. I can't guarantee success right away, as it'll take a while for me to be comfortable enough to open up about this, but I'll do my best" she said. Her gaze softens a little, "Do you trust me with this promise, Alucard?" she asked him.

Alucard looked at her, trying to sense any uncertainty. He did sense a bit of it in her gaze, but he figured that it was just the lingering fear of having to face her past again. However, the determination to fix her mistakes, the ambition to make things right, both of those emotions shone even brighter than her fear. He didn't say anything for a few minutes as he just took in her emerald green glowing gaze, feeling his heart race a little bit, but when he realized that he was staring, he stopped, his heart going back to normal. He then sighed, "Of course I do. If there is one thing that I know you're good at, its delivering on your promises. And I have full trust in that you'll keep this one" he said with a small smile on his face.

Crina smiled but then her face changed a little, "But, I also want you to make the same promise" she said.

Alucard raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I've known you well enough to know that you have trouble choosing between your human heart and your vampiric nature. Both of which can complicate things if you have to choose between the two. I want to help you with that as well. So, if there is something that is troubling you, I want you to be open with me about it so we can work this through. Seems like a fair deal, wouldn't you say?" she asked.

Alucard blinked a few times as he thought about this, but in the end he nodded. "Fair enough" he said.

"OOOOY! ALUCARD! IS SHE UP OR DO YOU NEED MY BOOT?!" shouted the voice of a certain silver haired dhampir.

Crina heard that and immediately her face turned to one of disgust, "Don't even think about using that trick again! I couldn't eat for a week because of your damn foot odor!" she shouted out from the wagon.

Just then the sound of low growling was heard from Crina's stomach area followed immediately by Alucard's own stomach.

"Oh…I guess I forgot about the duck…hmmm, well since Alister's here, I'll have to get a few more ducks then. Four of them at least" Crina said, rubbing her head a little.

"Wait, four? Isn't that overhunting?" Alucard asked.

"If this was the case for the two of us, yes. But if Alister, who eats like a bear in winter, is here during the daytime, then that means that his daytime bodyguard isn't too far behind, and both of them sure can eat" Crina said as she moved to put her ring on again.

"Bodyguard?" Alucard asked, "Wait, is he a vampiric lord?"

"Well,…not so much a lord. I should've told you this after seeing Simon back when you first met my step-cousin, but…" Crina then slipped her ring back on her finger and turned to Alucard, "Alister, or should I say Alister , is a prince, more specifically the second prince of the Gateway" she said causally.

Alucard looked at her dumbfounded but then put the pieces together, "Oh my god, why didn't I realize this sooner?" he said to himself, mentally cursing while doing so.

"Well truth be told, you were overwhelmed at the time and then we went on our journeys together these past two weeks, which kept us distracted, so I guess it just didn't come up again until now" Crina said, giving an explanation for the cause.

"Fair enough" Alucard said simply with a shrug.

"Now, I better get those ducks-"

"Don't worry about that, Lady Crina" said a voice.

Both Crina and Alucard looked out the back of the wagon to see a young male standing before them. He was a little taller than Alister with smooth jet black hair that was up in a messy folded bun behind his head. A pair of sharp dark brown eyes looks at the pair as the sun shown his pale skin shaped by a few lose black hair strands that came from his pulled hair. His outfit consisted of a simple white long sleeved shirt, a golden kimono robe with black trimming with a black sash and a dark green short sleeved overcoat that reached his hips. He also wore ruddy brown pants as well as a pair of black boots with gold trimming, but they were not as fancy as Alucards and had only trimming around the top of the boots while the rest was black. He also carried a set of arrows and two small throwing daggers.

"Yohei, how many times have I told you not to call me that?" Crina said, acknowledging the man before them as well as giving him a light scolding.

"My apologies Crina, force of habit since I haven't seen you in a while" the young man said, speaking rather bluntly.

"It's fine. But what did you mean by that?" she asked the man.

"I was saying not to worry about that, as I already killed two ducks for you and Alucard. I'm not hungry as I had a late breakfast after sunrise training. You three can eat, and I found some extra greens for you Crina, as they can help you recover the blood you lost" he said, holding up two birds and a bundle of wild greens such as wild spinach and kale. "I'll work on making these beggar ducks for you. In the meantime, you stay in the wagon and try to get some rest. The duck will take a while to cook, so best to try and recover your energy" Yohei said as he walked away without giving Crina a chance to talk.

Crina sighed, "As loyal as he is, I swear he's more like a wife than anything…" she said. However, she then looked down at her swimsuit that she was still wearing. "I suppose I better change out of this before I get a cold" she said before looking around for her bag. However, when she couldn't find it, she tried to stand, but due to her blood loss, it quickly started to make her feel dizzy, making her sit back down.

Alucard took note of this and gently put his hand on her shoulder, "Careful, we wouldn't want you to pass out again…" he said. He then looked behind her, "Also, the pillow you were using is actually your bag. I'll go ahead and let you rest and come back for you when the duck is ready" he said.

Crina nodded, "Alright then…also…" she then looked to the side, blushing a little, "I'm sorry for freaking you out and…thank you for helping me" she said with a small smile.

Alucard returned her smile, "It is an honor…m'lady" he said, speaking in a way that came out more flirty than he expected, surprising himself a little while a light dusting of pink was on his cheeks.

Crina then turned to him with a deadpanned look, "I'm not one for formalities, so don't do that with me unless we're in the presence of the Gateway's Chief. Understand? But again, thank you" she said finishing with a smile again, "Now get out or you'll see me strip" she lightly threatened.

Alucard's blush darkened at that and he quickly grabbed his bag that was nearby and went to the woods to change his clothes while Crina did the same to herself.

After he changed his clothes, Alucard made his way over to the small camp area where both Alister and Yohei were sitting sorting feathers and watching the cooking ducks respectively. Alucard made his way over to one of the nearby rocks and sat down, placing his bag beside him so he didn't disturb Crina. Once he sat down, Alister then handed the young blonde a few slivers of dried meat.

"Here, I heard from Yohei that you haven't eaten yet, so its best to get something in your stomach to tide you over while you wait" he said.

Alucard gave him a nod of thanks and gently took the food. He then took a nibble and sighed, but then his attention turned to Yohei. For some reason, the more that Alucard looked at Yohei, the more he was reminded of Taka, mainly because of the fact that he was an archer and the fact that he appeared to look like someone from Japan. And the more he thought of Taka, the more bitter that he started to feel.

Yohei, who felt Alucard's lion like gaze on him, turned to him, "Is there something wrong, Lord Alucard?" he asked.

Alucard looked at him a little more but then turned his head and sighed, "No…it's just that you remind me of someone who betrayed me a while back…" he said.

Alister was about to take a bite of meat when he heard Alucard said that, "Let me guess, Taka right?" he asked.

Alucard jerked his head to Alister, "Wait, how do you know about him?" he asked.

"Crina warned us about those two after they attacked her family. Gave us descriptions and everything. And I also heard that those two got to you too, so it's understandable for you to think of people like Yohei in that manner, but I can assure you, he's nothing like Taka in any way, shape or form. Yohei is very loyal to the Gateway and to those within" Alister explained.

Yohei then stood up, "I suppose I should properly introduce myself then. I am Yohei Nakamura, the daytime bodyguard of the second prince of the Gateway, Alister . It is a great pleasure to meet you at last, Sir Alucard" he said, giving a respectful bow to the blonde haired man, but he didn't smile or anything.

Alucard blinked a couple of times before nodding his head, "Yes and the same to you. Forgive me for my rudeness earlier" he said.

Yohei then sat back down and waved his hand, "Don't worry about it, you had a reason and a good one at that" he said. He then went back to working on the ducks.

"So, seems like you and Crina are doing well. Has she given you any trouble?" Alister asked while munching on some meat.

Alucard looked at him and shook his head, "No, no trouble. If anything, she has helped me open my mind a bit. It actually hasn't been that long since…well…since the castle got teleported here in this area" he said.

Alister raised an eyebrow, "Teleported?" he asked, but then he went silent before realizing what he meant, "Oh yeah! Dracula's castle! Crina told me about that. Hey, is it really as big as I heard it was? That it can easily reach the stars and the moon?" he asked, eyes sparkling a little bit in curiosity.

Alucard raised an eyebrow, "No…it's tall but not that tall…" he said, feeling a little uneasy at Alister's reaction.

"And what about the inside? I heard that it's quite elaborate and luxurious and that any vampire would consider themselves lucky to even step inside it" Alister added, clearly interested. However, he then backed off a little, "Sorry, it's just that I grew up on the stories of Dracula's castle from both people from the Gateway as well as Crina's Grandfather, so I've been curious. But ever since Crina went into it, her descriptions have kinda made my imagination run a little wild" he said, scratching the back of his head.

Alucard blinked, but he shrugged, "It's understandable. If you and Crina are indeed cousins, then I shouldn't be too surprised that your reaction is similar to how she was when she first entered the castle" he said as he took another bite.

"Ah, well, technically we're not cousins by blood, but yeah" Alister said as he took a bite of dried meat.

"By the way, I've been wondering, how exactly did that come to be?" Alucard asked the young prince.

Alister looked at him and then back at his food, "Oh wow, now that's a story, but I'll try to give the short version. Basically, both my mother, Minerva, and Crina's mother, Maria, grew up on the streets together. They met over some sort of fight over food, but due to Maria being pregnant at the time, mother gave up her food so that the little ones could live. Maria invites my mother into her home out of kindness and the two of them got to know each other. Eventually Maria gives birth, but the children were still born and she started to get sick from childbed fever. Minerva tried to find medicine as she didn't want her sister figure to die, but it was then that she was approached by a member of the Gateway. The member looked Maria over, and since he was a trade hunter who specialized in medicine, he knew what to give her for her issues. After getting to know the pair, he managed to take both young women from their tormented lives of poverty to the Gateway for both recovery and rest. After their recovery, both of them got jobs, Minerva as a magician's assistant and Maria as a tailor and then a baker. Then as time went by, my mother eventually battled her way to become the chief while Maria met Nero and the two of them got married and returned to the surface for Nero's inheritance. I guess you could say that the rest is history after that" he finished, taking another bite of his snack.

"I see. That does make sense. Especially with Maria's job as a baker, because that woman can cook. Makes me think about her apple dumplings" Alucard said with a smile as he finished one of the meat slivers.

Alister chuckled, "Yeah. But if you think her apple dumplings are good, you should see what she makes during Saturnalia. Better have a very empty stomach if you want to eat all of that great food. Thinking about it now, I can still recall the pear upside down cake that she made last year. Might ask that from her for my birthday this year if the pears are in season" Alister said, daydreaming. Once he realized it, he turned to Alucard, "Oh, sorry man. Maria's baking is something that I often look forward to when it comes to going over to visit" he said, giving an apologetic look.

Just then a growl was heard and Yohei cleared his throat, "My lord, may I ask you to please refrain from talking about food until the ducks are complete? Your stomach is already growling loud enough" he said.

Alister blushed a bit while scratching his head, "Sorry" he said. "But at least Crina inherited that gift. That girl can cook when she puts her mind to it. I mean, she knows her way around a knife, but she also knows how to cook well" he was about to continued but then got a look from Yohei and gave a nervous laugh, "I'm not gonna talk about the type of food she makes, but pretty sure that she'd make a good wife for someone one day" he said.

Yohei nodded, "Indeed, if she was interested, which clearly she isn't, and if she'd stop relying on her alchemy so much to do the cleaning" he said.

Alucard felt awkward in this whole conversation, nibbling on another piece of his dried meat to distract him, but he did agree with Alister on Crina's cooking as he recalled the many times that she cooked for him on their journeys. From whole roasted ducks to creamy root vegetable stew, Crina could cook up one mean meal for a Trade Hunt, and he enjoyed every bit of it.

However, it was then that his thoughts went to Crina again, this time seeing her in the castle kitchen, placing a dish of a stuffed duck along with different side dishes on the kitchen table while candles lit the room. With her sitting next to him, eating the good meal and toasting with a glass of wine, her emerald eyes sparkled with happiness over cooking a good meal and being near the man she was sharing the food with. Just then her eyes turned to his, emerald gaze looking deep into his soul, skin flushed from the taste of wine, placing her hand gently on his and slowly leaning in. Closer and closer the gap between them slowly started to close and just in that moment-

"Alucard? Hello?" Alister's voice called as he gently tapped the blonde man's shoulder, taking him out of his daydream.

Unfortunately, this made Alucard gasp in shock which in turn made him inhale a piece of his meat, causing him to bend over the side and try to spit out the meat, coughing his lungs out. After a few fist thumps to his chest, he eventually succeeded, which left the poor blonde dhampir panting as he recovered from the sudden interruption.

'Now I know how Crina felt when I scared her the first time and she got alcohol up her nose…' he thought to himself as he breathed deeply.

"You alright Alucard? I didn't mean to frighten you like that…" Alister said as he rubbed the poor blonde's back.

After a few more coughs, Alucard recovered, slowly making his way to a stand. "I-I'm alright. You just…interrupted some…deep thinking is all…." he said with a dark blush on his cheeks at the thought of kissing Crina, which he shook his head for.

"You sure you're alright? I mean…" Alister was about to continue when he noticed how red Alucard looked, "Your face is like fire red right now…" he said, clearly showing a face of concern for the taller blonde male.

Alucard looked at Alister and then to Yohei but then to the wagon before looking toward the lake.

'Well… I did plan to ask Edmund about this, but maybe Alister would know more about this situation. After all, better to ask someone of my own kind to make sure this isn't just vampiric instinct, teenage hormones or sexual blood lust' he thought to himself before sighing.

"Actually…there is something that has been bothering me lately, but I don't want to talk about it where Crina is in ear shot, if you don't mind" he said. He then turned to Yohei, "I have nothing against you, Yohei, it's just Crina that I'm concerned about in hearing this topic" he said.

Yohei raised his hand, "It's fine, someone has to keep a watch on the ducks and Crina in case something happens. You two enjoy your talk, but don't go too far from my sight, as I still am considered on active duty right now. Also, the duck will be ready soon, so don't take too long or else the meal will grow cold" he said.

Both men nodded as Alister grabbed another bag of dried meat as well as two small flasks he had with him as he and Alucard started to take a walk by the lake. For a few minutes, Alucard held a face that while at first appeared to be deep in thought, he felt slight fear from telling Crina's cousin this topic. However, it was either keep it all in and let it mentally eat away at him or talk about it to get help, and as of this point, the latter was really starting to look like the only option, so he took a leap and decided to take the plunge.

'I just hope I don't regret this' he thought to himself as he then turned to Alister, ready to speak.

Notes:

New chapter up! This chapter was a little hard to do because of there being so much going on, but I think I got it to work. If there is something you don't understand or think I wrote it out wrong, please let me know. Otherwise, enjoy this chapter! So here we learn that Alister is indeed a prince! However, there is a small fun piece of trivia behind his surname, St. Grace. If anyone can guess it, bonus points for you and if not, then it'll be revealed later. But here's a hint, the surname is a representation of part of Alister's character inspiration.

We are also introduced to a new character, Yohei Nakamura. As time goes by, we'll get to know him better, but for now, his big debut! So, how will Alister take Alucard's thoughts? Will he be creeped out? Or will there be a different reaction? Wait and see!

Now for some fun facts:

-Peppermint, especially the essential oil, can help in panic attacks (Credit to a friend for fact checking that ^^), along with things such as sleeping and alcohol (with restraint of course).

-Yohei is a japanese male name that means 'flat sea', which to me sounds like someone who hides their emotions and doesn't allow them to waver during their time of duty, simular to a certain short 'heicho' that was used as an inspiration for his concept. (Brownie points if you get who it is XD) However, the first time I heard the name Yohei, I thought that it was a girl's name, as it sounded girlish to me, but it's been listed specifically as a male name. But maybe it could be one of those names that was meant to be a male name but could also be for females, such as with names like Blake, Devon, Bryce and so on.

-Saturnalia is the roman holiday that is the predecessor to Christmas. Since it celebrates the winter solstice, something that a lot of cultures celebrate, and considering that the Gateway is agnostic about God, I figured that this would be a holiday that is not so...religiously inspired, for lack of better terms. Considering that this is still the time of the renaissance, Christmas isn't quite worldly celebrated as it is now, so to try and keep it to the times, I figured that Saturnalia would make sense.

-Remember when both Alucard and Crina had their first beggars duck in chapter 3? Look back to that chapter for the 'wine up the nose' phrase.

I think that's everything. Let me know if I missed anything and I will update soon! Thanks again guys!