Hi, readers! It's been a while. It has been five years since I started writing my Divergent Fan Fiction. I am almost 29-year-old, but I can never be old enough to love the Divergent universe. It is sad to know that the series is not doing well in the cinema. I don't know how many of you still like this series and rewatching or re-reading the book, I am still doing it.
When I read my old fanfiction after 5 years, I'm surprised that I could ever write so well. This is a skill that I need to hone and sharpen. I've been busy growing up, I guess. Of course, my view of relationship changes in 5 years. I feel the relationship between Eric and Susan is not made for the real world. This is pure fantasy—so I hope you readers are wise enough not to model your relationship after theirs. However, I am trying to add in realistic touch based on my personal experience and reflection to show how love should be and to make it more genuine and relatable.
Divergent Series is written and created by Veronica Roth. Story transpires before Divergent.
THE DREAM
I know how bad my dad wants a son figure. can never become one for him. No matter how strong I make myself to be, I can never change myself to be a man… and not that I want to be a man. I've seen too much ignorance and violence that men bring upon themselves. Nobody calls them out. Especially not in Dauntless.
Good for him because now he meets Eric. Eric Coulter basically lives in our quarter now. He is like the step brother I wish I never have.
Dad gives good words about Eric to the leaders. It seems like Eric is going to be promoted soon to be our successors. I've heard that he competes with an Abnegation transfer to get the first rank in his class. One time, I see him comes back with bruises in his face. I cannot help but to feel pity for his arrogance. Secretly, I think he deserves it, but I do think he deserves to be the first of his class too. Eric trains hard like no other.
I come back home after my internship at the surveillance, and I find my Mom calls me. "Suzy, come to the kitchen. You have a cake to bake."
Great. I think this is all what Dauntless women have to live with, the double standard. Becoming soldier on the streets and the caretaker at home. Not that I do not enjoy baking or cooking. I find domestic activity—or what I usually call—Amity chores very therapeutical. Secretly, I think Amity is the best faction ever. They lead a stress-free, they seem to be always happy, and Thank God for those black market Amity Serum that can make me fly.
I approach the kitchen with heavy footsteps and of course, Eric has to be at our home. He is just a foot away from me, reading news from his tablet and drinking up some energy drink. He watches me, carelessly knocking a mixing bowl. I almost drop a bag of whole wheat flour with my hips. I am not going to lie. I do not feel like doing anything today. Surviving work is enough.
"Need a hand?" Eric offers his help. I do not realize that he is standing so close to me. So close, I can even smell the whiff of his perfume. He smells like a petrichor—or so everyone says, the smell of raindrops on the soil. I am stunned for a moment.
"No, I am fine." I hold up a whisk on his face. "This is a woman's work. Just sit down."
Eric chuckles. "Sit down? Do you think I am a puppy or something?" He moves away to the fridge and unloads some few ingredients—butter, eggs, milk and the chocolate bar.
"Could you take some hazelnut cream on the cupboard?" I ask.
Eric maintains his soft arrogance gaze at me. "Okay."
I notice he has new tattoos on his neck. "You got new tattoos."
He hands me a jar of the hazelnut cream that I ask for. When I try to get a hold of it, he lingers. "You notice, huh?"
"I'm not blind."
"You don't have a lot of tattoos for a Dauntless."
"It's a personal choice, right?" I crack open the egg and almost drop a piece of egg shell onto the flour mixture.
"Be careful with that. I don't like having weird texture in my cake." He comments.
I sneer. "Then, stop talking to me."
Eric is taken aback. He steps back and holds his hands up on the air, a sign of regression. "Okay." Okay—has to be his favorite word. He is back at the counter. Maybe he is reading up the news or watching my back as I move in the kitchen. It's strange, but I like to think that he desires me in such way. I am wearing my favorite jeans today and I have been working out a lot.
As I grow older, my body is transforming. My breasts have become full, so have my butt. I am lucky enough to be born with extra weight, it allows my lady parts to blossoms well. Margo keeps on telling me that I need to have an adventure while I'm young. But I don't want to have sex or be sexual just because my friends are starting to hook up and I don't. I need to make sure that I find someone that I like—and hopefully likes me back.
Eric spends so much time at my home. It causes some gossips around my circle. My friends think Eric and I are seeing each other and that we are getting serious because Eric has been seen very close with my dad. The truth is, I don't speak much to Eric. He doesn't speak much to me.
"You know, I don't consider cooking only as a woman's job. When I was in my previous faction…"
"You mean, Erudite…"
"Yes, that."
"Why can't you name your old faction?"
"Because, I don't want to." This time Eric's voice deepens. He seems to be annoyed. "My point is, I used to help my sister with preparing some biscuits for tea time."
"Erudite has afternoon tea?" I ask.
"Yes. They say, it is an English tradition."
"That sounds classy." I say. "Dauntless food is great, but they can be very indulgent." I give my chocolate mixture one last stir. It is just the way I like it. It glistens with the right amount of melted butter and sweet with hearty aroma of chocolate powder. I bring the mixing bowl over to him and push a spoonful of chocolate cake batter to his face.
"Try this." I am offering him cake batter, but it feels like offering myself too.
Eric's hazel eyes pierce at me. He moves his face closer; his soft pink mouth opens and he takes a bite out of the spoon. The spoon slides away from his tight mouth. His square jaw clenches and I can see the movement of his throat as he sucks the cream. I can almost see how the cream swirls into his mouth. How can he be so attractive? I ask myself. He is just not an ordinarily attractive. As I watch him savor the cake batter, my mind flies away and I am thinking about something so decadent and intense—like sex.
Sex with Eric. Thinking about it makes my body shiver. I am disgusted by myself, but at the same time, I realize that this desire is completely natural. I am growing to be a young woman; sexual desire is normal. But Eric? Is it because he's the only available guy—or because I actually desire him? I cannot tell. I am too naïve to be a Dauntless.
"How does it taste?" I try my best to hide my lewd thought.
"It's good." He answers in a much lower voice tone, as if he reciprocates what I am thinking. I feel so naked and so ashamed. He grabs my hand and forces to move the spoon to him for one more time. He licks the remaining cream off of the spoon surface. I just watch in desperation. "It's so good, I want more."
I take the missing bowl away. "No!" I say. "This has to go to the baking oven."
I begrudgingly pour the mixture into the mold and throw it inside the pre-heated oven. Eric sees how flustered I am right now and he has that confident smile on his face.
"Baking a cake?" Darius, my dad walks over and Eric's spines straightens. "Sir…" he says.
"Eric. Join us for dinner, okay. Susan bakes the most delicious Dauntless cake." Dad says. I roll my eyes—I can wield a knife, I train hard but the best thing he can say about me is: I make a mean Dauntless cake, which I am. But that's not the only Dauntless thing I am good at.
I can see the Amity farm from the moving train. The Sun is about to rise. Perfect time to take a quick bath at the secret lake. I jump from the train platform and continue to run. I think everything is clear, nobody is following me so far.
The lake's surface is sparkling like gold. I unzip my jacket and I strip my clothes away, hastily. I remove my undershirt, then my pants. I take my sports bra and lastly I slide and kick my underwear off of my legs. I am aware that I am being naked. The wind sends chill to my skin, I can feel it in every pore of my body. But this coolness is better, than Dauntless' air.
I wade into the water and I swim. The water is at the right temperature—it is warm and yet fresh enough to cool the tension in my body. I dive my head under water and come up again. It feels so refreshing to be with nature. My home smells of coals and concrete. Dauntless does not have the best living environment.
Just a few minutes of touching the water, I hear someone yelling from afar. "Get off from the lake!"
It is a male voice. Sturdy and low. It seems like I might be familiar with the voice. I turn around then I see Eric, lowering his gun as he sees my presence.
"You cannot be here, Susan. Get off from the lake, now!" he shouts. "You are way too close to the border. Nobody should be here."
I persist. "Stop telling me what to do, Eric. I won't be afraid even if you harass me with your stupid gun."
I turn my body around and swim on my back. My chest, arms, legs and stomach are facing the morning Sun. The shine is blinding my eyes.
I am not afraid to show my nakedness. I believe this might annoy him. Eric doesn't shy away nor lower his gaze at me. He remains still. His gun is pointing down the ground—he's not going to shoot me. I look at him from my shoulder and I smile, so very slyly.
"Don't make me come at you." He yells again.
"Oh, Eric. Stop being so uptight, will you." I twirl my body and now I am swimming to get further away from him. Eric dives into the lake. I can feel that my leg is dragged. I cannot resist his strength. He is placing my body on top of his shoulder now. How can he do this? My body is not light but he carries me like a ragdoll.
As we reach the surface, he places me down to the ground. I notice he has taken of his shirt too and I am completely naked under him.
"What are you going to do now?" I raise my eyebrows at him—I like watching becoming hotheaded. I can see his pupils widen; his nostrils enlarged. My hand is under his chest, and I can hear his racing heartbeat. He must be running out of breath or he thinking about something that excites him.
I dare him. "Do you want to punish me?"
His eyes search from signs of people within our vicinity, but there's none. We're alone in the middle of nowhere. His deep hazel eyes find me again. "Don't wish what you can't handle."
I bite my lips and I push my knees to his groin. I can almost hear him growling like a hungry bear. He slips his finger inside my body when I am not ready. I arch my back as I take the surprising pleasure.
"Ah…" My palms are clenching onto the fists. I close my eyes as Eric whisper bad words that excite me.
"I'm going to punish you." His finger finds the soft spot inside me and he kneads in like it is a toy. "I can make this as slow as I want it to be. I want to see how long you last."
He thrust it again deep inside me. My inside is getting softer and wetter. "This is not a fair trial."
"You deserve it for breaking the laws, soldier." He whispers. "Next time, I'd crucify your naked body on one of these trees and I'll watch how you dance there."
My eyes soften and meet his hard gaze. "I'm sorry, I won't break anymore rule." I plead, finally. He, arrogantly responds. "Good soldier." And he lowers his face to kiss my cheek, then down to my breast. He moves his hip away from me as he unbuttons his jeans. He lowers his body again against me. I don't mind the dirt or being exposed in the nature. If this is how I am going to lose my virginity, I prefer it here.
I know certainly, Eric doesn't insert his finger anymore. I close my eyes as I can feel the thrust is getting heavier inside me, faster and stronger. I feel a hot sensation on the top of my head and my heart is racing wild. I can't explain how I feel, but I can feel the fluster on my face and my head is getting light—and the pleasure is climbing up, until I cannot contain it anymore.
"Eric…" I let go.
Before I open my eyes, I realize that I am not sleeping on top of the ground. My body is clothed and not wet. I am being sheltered by the comfort of my blanket. I am inside my room, surrounded by the granite wall not the beautiful outdoors.
I sit up straight and I hold my head with my hands. I may have been dreaming. I may have been dreaming of sex with Eric. This is just a dream. I inhale and exhale. I feel slight relief I cannot imagine; how awkward it will be. Yet, I can tell that I want him. I go to the bathroom to relief myself and I can tell that I am getting aroused by his imaginary seduction. I wash my face a couple of times; I brush my teeth and gargles and take a long hot shower—as if I can wash away his kisses and touch. They are all imaginary, I know, but everything is so overwhelmingly new to me.
I wake up earlier than I expect. It is 5.30 a.m. I'm about to brew myself a cup of coffee, when Eric is standing in the kitchen. He pours me a cup of a freshly brewed coffee and hands it to me. I forget that he always reports early to my father. But today he's surprisingly early.
I freeze.
"Good Morning." He says, without a smile. I take the coffee, quietly and lower my gaze.
"Morning." I answer almost silently and I move away to the balcony. I can feel my heart beat pounds faster and my cheeks become red. I hope Eric doesn't notice anything different with me.
