Sirius woke up to the feeling of hands laced in his; a body curled against his own. He inhaled sharply, smelling coconut and vanilla, opening his eyes to a face full of curly blonde hair. He tightened his grip on her a little and Marlene stirred in her sleep. She rolled over, her blue eyes glossy from sleep.
"Hi," she said softly. They'd fallen asleep like this after the party, the curtains around Sirius' bed drawn. Quiet. Calm. It felt strange, waking up like this. No sneaking out. No look of shame. No one was whispering apologies, pretending the night hadn't occurred.
"I'm waiting for you to tell me this was a mistake," Sirius admitted. He was whispering, unsure of what time it was and how many of his roommates were still in the room.
"I feel guilty..." Marlene traced circles into her arm as she spoke, a form of distraction. "He's only been gone two months…"
Sirius wanted so badly to tell her to just be selfish. He was so sick of all the fucking around, the screw-ups and the fights. He just wanted it to be simple between the two of them, no more blurred lines. They couldn't just be friends; the fact had been proven more than once. It was impossible to stay apart – they were magnetic.
"This has also been the best night I've had in a long time." Marlene's blue eyes met Sirius' gaze, brightening. She smiled, shifting her head across the pillow towards his, her mouth finding his, lips brushing.
"Hey, lovebirds!" The pair jumped apart as quickly as they'd found one another. "You better come get breakfast quick. We're all supposed to be in Dumbledore's office in twenty minutes." It was Frank's voice snapping at them, shutting the dormitory door behind himself.
"Do you think Dumbledore's finally figured out that you've shagged in every broom closet of this school?" Marlene teased Sirius with raised eyebrows. He glared at her, sitting up and snatching his discarded jeans from the floor.
"They all know we've been shagging," Marlene sighed, still cozy beneath the covers. "Don't they?"
"Oh, yeah," Sirius confirmed. "If they're anything like the people I know, they're all down in the Great Hall right now, gossiping about it."
Marlene crawled out from underneath the covers over to Sirius, who sat, shirtless, on the edge of the bed. "Hey, you." She wrapped her arms around his chest from behind, her face nuzzling into his neck. The gesture sent shocks through Sirius' skin. "We should probably talk."
"That sentence never ends well," Sirius said, rubbing at his forehead. He could already see how this was going to end. She couldn't be with him, not when Henry was barely cold in his grave. She wished it were different. She wished Sirius hadn't spent all those months denying the truth.
"Sirius." He turned around, finding a face filled with fear and anxiety. This wasn't easy for her. He knew that he did. He just couldn't keep the sentiment in his head, not when it meant what was hurting her so much was him. "Please don't make me feel like I'm just self-destructing here."
"You're not," he assured her. "I'm just…not ready to hear what comes next. It just feels like a thousand different moments I've already lived."
Marlene curled her feet beneath her, bowing her head. Sirius couldn't see the expression she wore, her hair disguising her face, but he was certain it was nothing happy. "Marls…"
"I'm just…thinking." Sirius wished she'd stop doing that for once. Thinking never seemed to do the two of them much good.
"What about thinking while we get some food?" Sirius suggested. She grabbed his shoes out from under the bed, tugging them on.
"Okay." Marlene sat up, her blue eyes swarming with concern.
"Stop worrying," Sirius instructed her, watching as she climbed from bed and grabbed her faded blue jeans from the bedpost. She did a little jump as she pulled them up over her hips. She was still in Sirius' red Quidditch sweatshirt, the one she'd stolen when she'd got cold in the night. It was a crimson red, with gold print across the back which read: BLACK 8.
"Since they already know we've been in here shagging, do you think it'll make much difference if I wear this down?"
Sirius laughed. "You're really going to put the nail in the coffin now." She tugged at the strings dangling from the hood.
"It's so comfy, though!" Marlene gave him a little pout, running her fingers through her shoulder-length blonde hair.
"I'm pretty sure you've worn that jumper more than I have."
"I get cold, okay?" she snapped back defensively, Sirius pulling back the curtain around his bed. He led the way towards the door, his mind elsewhere as he thought of what waited for them once they left this room.
Marlene's hand pressed lightly against his back, Sirius freezing up. He turned around and her lips pressed into his before he could get out a word. She slipped her tongue into his mouth, as though letting it do all the talking needed to be done.
"I don't regret it, okay?" she told him as they pulled apart.
"Yeah, me neither."
"I just…I don't want to screw up. I want to do something right for once."
"I get it," Sirius assured her. "Why don't we try not worrying? Just for this morning."
Marlene exhaled heavily. "Yeah, yeah," she agreed, less than enthusiastic.
She reached out for Sirius' hand, gripping it as the two of them strode down from the Dorms, headed for the Great Hall. Sirius was certain they'd run out of time to eat. The whole group would be waiting for them with stern looks, ready to get up and going.
It felt funny, walking along with Marlene so casually. All Sirius knew were one-night stands and sneaking between bedrooms. Never had they been so open with the affection between them. They grew closer to the Great Hall, Marlene's grip on his hand tightening.
"You regretting the jumper yet?" he teased her. She turned to him, not a glisten of fear upon her face.
"Please," she responded, always ready for a challenge. Marlene stepped inside, the Hall filled with cheerful chatter. Sirius walked a few steps behind her, letting her guide the way towards the end of the table where their friends all sat around in a group. Sirius was a little scared, although he'd never show it.
He was scared that they were making a mistake. He was scared that he should have never admitted the truth: that he wanted Marlene more than he'd wanted anything in his life. It was James' eyes Sirius locked with first. His friend's face remaining placid for a few seconds. Then, his eyebrows rose, a smirk growing across his lips like a spring bloom.
"Well, will you look at that," Remus announced as the pair reached them all. Frank wolf whistled, turning a few heads.
"I'll murder you, Longbottom," Marlene warned him very seriously, Alice stifling a laugh.
"So, just a quiet night for you two?" Emmeline joked, a sparkling grin upon her face.
"Oh, it was not quiet," Fabian assured them all, the girls laughing infectiously.
"I did tell you two twenty minutes, didn't I?" Frank reminded them as Marlene moved to sit down between Lily and Mary. "We were supposed to be at Dumbledore's office five minutes ago."
"Can't he wait?" Marlene complained, reaching for a piece of toast.
"Because the two of you stayed up too late shagging? I doubt it," Mary informed her friend, wrapping an arm around Marlene's shoulder as everyone got up to make their way towards Dumbledore's office.
James knew exactly what they were doing heading up Dumbledore's spiral staircase at ten in the morning. He'd known the day was coming for months, it just felt funny now that it had finally arrived. Alice was at the front of the group, leading the way towards the office's front doors. James lagged a little, Lily climbing the stairs one by one beside him.
"Come in," a voice called out after Alice's quiet tap against the thick, wooden door. James' heart was suddenly pounding at twice its normal rate as they all began to file inside. All of a sudden, he didn't feel ready. His palms were sweaty and his throat all closed up. All this time he'd wanted so badly to be seen as an adult, someone who could handle responsibility and danger. Now, he just wanted to be ten years old again, hiding beneath his blanket.
Everyone seemed to be in the oval shaped office - his parents, the McKinnons, Kingsley, Dorcas, Professor McGonagall, Alastor Moody, a few Aurors James didn't recognize.
"Thank you for coming," Dumbledore greeted the group of them warmly from behind his desk. James slipped his hands into the front pocket of his jeans, slowly gravitating to his parents sitting in chairs on the side of the room.
They looked thinner than James remembered – frail, almost. It was a sight that sent shivers up his spine. Where his father's left forearm had once been was nothing, only a stub of a left arm remaining.
"Hello sweetheart," James' mother said cheerfully, standing to give her son a big hug. Sirius came forward as well, Ms Potter holding on to him almost as tightly as she'd clutched James.
"How are you?" His father smiled weakly at James.
"Fine," he assured him, too afraid to turn the question around.
"I'm sure you're all quite confused about what you're doing here," Dumbledore spoke from behind his desk. All the heads in the room turned towards him, James wandering back towards his friends slowly. Lily and Mary were standing up near the front, James pushing his way in beside his red headed fiancée.
"Everyday, Voldemort grows stronger and stronger, taking more of us down with him as he goes," Dumbledore prefaced. "You all know just as well as us that this cannot stay as it is—"
"Cut to the chase, Albus," Moody grumbled. "Some of us have work to return to." Alastor Moody was leant against the back wall, his right hand rested on a cane, a new accessory since he'd lost his leg.
"You want us to help fight," James spit out, forgetting he wasn't supposed to know that.
"Well…yes," Dumbledore confirmed, caught a little off guard. "Precisely."
"What exactly does that mean?" Mary asked, clearing her throat.
"You'll be doing what the rest of the Order has been. You'll be sent out on missions if we know the location of where the Death Eaters are keeping someone. You'll be sent on raids, to search out locations. Sometimes we'll have you on individual tasks that are to be kept completely confidential, for safety purposes."
"We aren't as strong as we were at the start of the year," Moody spoke up. "We've lost strength, a lot of it. We need young people, young fighters specifically. You need to be willing to put your life on the line for this work."
"Do you have to word it that way, Alastor?" James' mother sighed. He could tell the whole meeting was hard on her. This was work for adults, not her son and his friends.
"Sorry Caroline, would you rather I lied to them? I think we've all made clear they're no longer children."
"We don't need definite decisions right now," Dumbledore assured them. "You can think about it. Caroline is right to be concerned, it is a big decision."
You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. The whole lot of them stood there, pale-faced, everyone's mind seeming to be wandered somewhere different. James had been so certain since he'd heard of The Order that he wanted to fight. Now that the opportunity was presented, he was worried of what it meant he'd lose.
"If you decide to join you'll be walking right into the eye of the storm. There's no safety guaranteed." It was Dorcas who spoke to them now, everyone's heads turned to face her. "If you aren't certain then you shouldn't bother signing up."
"To fight means giving up certain privileges," Maureen added. "You can't have everything. If you want to join you have to be willing to lose things."
"What does that mean?" Mary interjected. James hadn't gotten a chance to take a good look at any of his friends. He saw now the uncertainty in Mary's face. She had a deep frown and was fiddling with her fingers endlessly.
"It means that if you're going to be a soldier. Love and children; they're forced to wait."
"You have kids," Marlene snapped at her mother, arms folded. "Three of them. in fact."
"It was hard for me even before I was trying to fight in a war," Maureen informed her daughter bluntly. James felt like everyone in the room was holding their breath. He wanted to be able to have both. Lily. Marriage. A family. He didn't want to give up fighting, either. He couldn't.
"What's most important is that you all think hard about it," James heard his mother say. He looked over to see her looking terribly strained. "It doesn't make you a bad person, to not give up your life for a war."
"You have a lot to think about," McGonagall told them, opening the office door, signalling that it was time to let the "adults" do their talking. That felt funny to think about now. A few more days and James would be one of them. "Be smart," she said, watching each one of them as they filed out.
Smart. James wasn't quite sure what that even meant anymore.
Remus had dragged Alice along for a trip down to the boathouse. It was a nice spot to go and just talk, away from any prying ears. Alice loved the spot, she was sad this would most likely be her last time down there. She liked lying down across the bottom of the boats. She'd hang her arm over the edge, trailing her fingertips through the smooth water.
After they'd left Dumbledore's office Remus had gone on and on about how he thought they should go have a chat. Alice couldn't deny she was a little excited. She knew there was a good 90% chance Remus was going to ask her whether or not he should ask Dorcas out on a date. She'd prepared a nice little speech for him.
"Okay, okay," Alice began once they'd slipped inside, water dripping from the damp stone ceiling. There was a line of wooden rowboats tied up along the dock, Alice carefully lowering herself into one.
Remus, rather carefully, joined. The boat tipping from side to side as they lowered themselves down. Alice sat, legs crossed, an expectant smile upon her face.
"Okay, spill it," she pressed him.
"Spill it? How do you know I have anything to spill?"
"Oh, please," she grinned. "I've known since you insisted on coming down here. It's Dorcas, isn't it?"
"Well…not exactly." Remus looked uncomfortable sitting there across from her.
"What is it, then? If you're nervous about getting serious, I think you should just go for it. What's the worst that can happen, you know?" That didn't seem to be it, though. Alice's reassurance was not calming the look of discomfort on Remus' face.
"I, um…I need to tell you something," he explained.
"Something?" Alice didn't like the sound of that. Something usually meant bad news. People dying or going missing. Her heart suddenly began to race and now she was the one looking anxious.
"Emmeline…wel,l she…" Remus looked like he strongly regretted his decision to have this chat. Alice gripped the edges of the boat, her hands beginning to shake.
"Don't leave me hanging here, Lupin," she instructed her friend. She wanted to keep some measure of humour in her voice but the comment came out shaky instead. Remus' eyes dropped with shame. Or fear. Alice couldn't be sure at this point.
"Cecily is pregnant."
At first, Alice felt relieved. No one was dead. The world wasn't about to implode on them all. Then, the words seemed to sink in. Cecily... pregnant.
Alice sat very still, frighteningly still. She held on to the sides of the rowboat so tight she feared it might split right in her hands. It was the only thing keeping her grounded. The only thing that stopped her from just completely passing out.
"Al?" Remus stretched out a hand slowly, with great care, placing it on Alice's shoulder. "Talk to me."
"I'm trying to remind myself not to freak out," Alice explained, her vision moving in and out of focus, "but I feel very strongly that I'm going to be sick."
"Okay," Remus began in a cautious tone. "Okay...so maybe this wasn't the best idea?" Alice felt as though the room were spinning in circles are her, her stomach heavy as a ten pound rock. No. She didn't think it had been a good decision at all.
"Does Frank know?"
Remus shook his head quickly. "No," he assured her. "I don't think so. Emmeline just heard her telling a friend in the bathrooms…"
"Maybe it's not his," Alice reasoned. "They've been broken up three months, there could be someone else…" That was too easy, though, wasn't it? It would be all too perfect for Alice to feel this crisis was averted.
"Maybe," Remus reassured her, his eyes so hopeful. "Shit, I'm so sorry Alice. I...I shouldn't have done it this way. I should have kept my mouth shut."
Alice looked across the boat at Remus, frowning. He looked so guilty. She hated those big puppy dog eyes he got when he felt bad about something. She thought it was probably impossible to ever be mad at him.
"You didn't do anything wrong," she promised her friend. "It's um...it's probably best Frank hears it from me then...isn't it?"
"Yeah," Remus nodded with a solemn expression. "I think so."
Perhaps this was the universe's way of telling Alice she'd been too happy. Things in her life had fit together like a 1000 piece puzzle someone thought they'd never solve. For a while, she'd been on cloud nine. Now she was certain it was her turn to crash.
Slowly, she pulled herself up out of the boat, onto the cobblestone walk filled with little holes and puddles. Alice ran her fingers through her short pixie cut, inhaling and exhaling slowly. She'd been told once deep breaths could calm your body down from anything but right now every breath only seemed to make her feel worse.
"You're freaking out," Remus determined, following her from the rowboat.
"Oh my god, Remus...what if it's his baby," Alice said in terror. She felt her throat closing up, breakfast travelling up her esophagus. She could be sick right now. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
"Alice, hey, Al, Look at me," Remus instructed his friend, spinning her around by the shoulders.
Alice looked up into his hazel eyes, her stomach all knotted up. She was thankful Remus was the one holding her right now. She didn't think she'd be able to handle the news from anyone but her kind-eyed friend.
"Listen, don't start thinking about the worst case scenario," he told her. "You start doing that and it's all game over."
"I can't deal with Cecily in our lives for the next eighteen years and on…" Alice began anxiously. "Oh my god and her child will be brainwashed to hate me-"
"Stop!" Remus snapped. "What did I just say?"
Alice took a deep breath, staring up at him. "Don't imagine the worst case scenario?"
Remus nodded proudly. "We're focusing on only one thing right now."
"Telling Frank…" Alice didn't think she'd ever wanted so badly not to speak to her husband.
Marlene had hidden away on the fifth floor, curling up by her favourite window spot, to read a book. Of course, this scene of tranquillity didn't last very long. Five pages in, the witch heard the sound of footsteps down the hall and looked over to see the Potters approaching.
"Oh, Marlene, I'm so glad we ran into you!" Caroline enthused, opening her arms for a hug. Marlene left her open book rested on the ledge she'd been sat on, hopping down to embrace Caroline.
She smelt like home: fresh baking and a crackling fire, the sound of laughter echoing off the walls. Marlene held onto her a little tighter, taking a deep breath.
"Do you have some time to talk?" Caroline asked hopefully.
"For you? Always."
"Good. Alec and I want to take you out for lunch. Just the three of us, okay?"
Marlene's eyebrows rose. This talk felt rather serious now. "Oh, um, are we able to do that?"
"Oh yes sweetheart, we've spoken to McGonagall already. Come on, let's go see if we can't find ourselves a nice steak and kidney pie down at The Three Broomsticks."
X
Marlene had ordered herself a butterbeer and sat across the table from the Potters as they waited for their food to arrive. The Three Broomsticks was quiet, not filled to its usual capacity, in the late afternoon. Marlene stirred around the straw in her drink, feeling her nerves begin to rise. She wasn't sure what exactly she was supposed to expect from this conversation.
"We didn't get a chance to speak to you after everything," Alec explained, the first to break the roll of small talk they'd been on. "Care and I have been worried."
"I'm okay," Marlene lied. What was she supposed to tell them? That she felt like she was spinning in circles, unable to ever stop. That nothing seemed to make sense anymore. The certainty she'd once contained was lost, along with all those people she'd known?
"Marlene." It was Caroline who spoke now, a sternness to her voice. "I want you to look at me, darling." Marlene raised her blue eyes from their focus on the mug of Butterbeer to stare at Caroline. Her usual smile was not present. She didn't look sympathetic, though. Just concerned. Scared. Like she could see right into the workings of Marlene's mind.
"Did you know that when James was four I got pregnant again?" Caroline informed her, Marlene's eyes widening.
"I…no…" she stammered.
"It was the happiest three months of my life. Alec and I were so excited to give James a little brother or sister. All I'd ever wanted was a nice litter of kids." Caroline smiled nostalgically. "Of course, that didn't happen. I miscarried one night. Alec had to wake me up and tell me I was sleeping in a puddle of my own blood. I cried the whole trip to St. Mungo's; we dropped James off at your house."
Marlene did have a vague memory of James being there one morning when she woke up. Her mother had simply told them that Alec and Caroline needed to nip into work early. James and Marlene had spent all day putting together a picnic and playing around in the meadow behind her home. It had been a warm summer's day, bright and beautiful.
"I wanted that baby so bad, Marlene. I thought I was going to just about die when the Healer told me I'd lost it."
"I'm so sorry, Care…"
"I'm not telling you so you feel sorry for me," Caroline shook her head. "I'm telling you because I did survive it. Do you want to know how? I went home and held my little boy in my arms and then I held you. I'm so lucky Marlene, we both are," Caroline said, looking up towards her husband. "We got to have so many wonderful children in our lives, all by chance."
"Three steak and kidney pies," Madam Rosmerta said, delivering their plates with a wink and smile. She was always so friendly. It was hard for Marlene to muster back a friendly glance, especially when Caroline was staring at her like that. There was one person in the world Marlene could never disappoint.
"Now, I'm going to ask again, how are you doing?" Caroline continued once they were alone.
Marlene took a deep breath, her throat feeling dry. The room suddenly felt very small as she pressed her palms into her thighs. "I don't want to say, okay?" Marlene admitted, struggling to keep herself from crying. She hated crying. It was why she so often refused to tell people the truth about how she felt inside. Tears just felt so pointless to her, all they did was make you feel worse.
"Okay," Alec said very calmly. He always had a way about him, something that immediately relaxed anyone he spoke too. Even with his face wrinkled and tired, his hair going grey from stress, he could make Marlene feel at ease. "Let's not bite off more than we can chew. Why don't we just start somewhere, okay? Can you tell us why it is you and James aren't speaking anymore?"
"Oh, Merlin," Marlene groaned, digging her fork around in her pie for a moment.
"He won't tell us," Caroline continued. "Besides the fact that he screwed up?"
"I want to tell you," Marlene explained, her voice thick with emotion. She looked across the table at the only two people she'd ever really wanted to make proud. "I'm just afraid that once I do…you'll look at me differently."
"Oh, Marley," Caroline's eyes swarmed with worry. "There's nothing you could say to make us love you any less."
"You're like a daughter to us, Marlene," Alec promised. "You and James are the only two kids we've ever had."
Marlene stared down at her lap. She was fiddling with a loose thread in her jeans, rubbing it between her fingers, twirling it. It offered something to focus on rather than the unsettling feeling bubbling from within her.
"I've been shagging Sirius for the past year and a half," she blurted out, not allowing herself to look up and see the expressions of shock the two Potters were surely wearing. "It happened during the beginning of sixth year. I don't know why it just did. It kept happening until Christmas of this year. We never told anyone, not even James. It was just a secret for the two of us," Marlene smiled sadly, beginning to choke up. "Then Henry…he showed up and…everything got so screwed up. I know that's what everyone says. It's not an excuse for my behaviour. I hurt him. I let myself be selfish with my feelings. I let myself…" Marlene's vision was blurred with tears. "I let myself fall in love with him but I never let myself get over Sirius, not really. I was always just waiting. Waiting for him to grow up and realize what we had between us."
It was the first time Marlene had ever really allowed herself to put it all into words. Before this point, it'd been broken up pieces of history. Things which slowly glued together. It felt strange, and weirdly relieving, to explain the whole thing out loud. To put her shame and guilt into words.
"After Henry died…after I watched him burn to death inside of that building…" It was no longer possible to hold back the tears. Marlene sobbed, her eyes squeezed shut, her breathing broken and short. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sat there with clenched fists.
Without warning, a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. Marlene hadn't even heard Caroline rise from her seat but there she was, holding on to Marlene with great care.
"It's okay," she reassured her. "Don't say any more, okay? We understand."
Slowly, Marlene opened her eyes, staring at Alec across the table. His hands clasped, his lips turned down in a frown. "Do you still love me?" she sobbed.
Caroline's lips pressed into her temple. "Yes," she answered without a hint of doubt. "Always." Marlene sobbed a little harder, turning heads in the pub.
"We've known about you and Sirius for a while," Alec explained, a hint of a grin shadowed upon his face. "Care, um…well, she caught you asleep together one morning when she came in to wake you. Sometime last year."
Marlene's crying stopped abruptly, her face growing still. They'd known? All this time, the sneaking, the nervous giggles when asked about where they'd spent the night, and Caroline and Alec had been in on the joke?
"Oh my god." In the midst of all the tears and horror, Marlene laughed. A slow, rumble of relief, travelling through her.
"So what? You two like each other. I quite like the idea if I'm being honest," Caroline admitted, returning to her seat now that Marlene had calmed down. "We did always want you and James to be together, so Sirius is the next best thing."
Marlene pressed her trembling lips together. "You don't think it's a mistake? That we're destined to ruin each other?"
Caroline and Alec shared knowing smirks. It was Marlene who suddenly felt like they'd known something all this time that she'd been missing.
"James, he couldn't see it because he's too close to the both of you. He sees the good and the bad, it's harder to sort out all that grey area. We see it, though."
"Is that what happened then? James wasn't happy when he found out?" Alec asked knowingly.
"No," Marlene shook her head. "He…he made Sirius make this stupid promise, before sixth year. That he wouldn't go near me."
"Oh, James," Caroline sighed, shaking her head with disapproval.
"Sounds like him," Alec scoffed. "Sticking his nose where it doesn't belong."
Marlene was glad to hear she wasn't the only one that felt that way about the youngest Potter.
"Can I let you in on a secret?" Alec began. "That boy loves you more than anything else." The admission caught Marlene off guard. Really? She'd gotten the idea there was a long list of things James Potter cared for before Marlene's name was reached.
"I don't know if that's true," Marlene laughed in disbelief, taking a bite from her barely touched food.
"Oh, I know what you're going to tell her," Caroline grinned.
"Do you remember that summer we took James to Spain for a week? One week, that was it. We thought he was going to have the best trip. He spent all seven days crying about how much he missed you. Complaining about this and that, going on and on about how he wanted to be showing you everything, nothing was as fun when Marley wasn't sharing in it."
"That's sweet Alec but…he was seven at the time." Marlene didn't mean to sound ungrateful for the sentiment but she doubted James still felt that way.
"The thing is Mar, you're still that person to him."
"Have you guys not met Lily Evans yet?" she asked them with a shake of her head.
"Yeah, he loves that girl, I won't deny it," Caroline agreed. "Perhaps she's the love of his life. Maybe they'll travel the world together but it won't mean a thing to him if he doesn't get you to share all those experiences with, Mar. I'm not just saying this because he's my son and I want to see him happy. It's because I hate to see the two of you like this. Mad at him or not, I see it in your eyes; you miss him too. It's like me and your mum, imagine one without the other. Do you think Maureen could stay sane without me?"
Marlene laughed. She couldn't deny that one. Having Caroline around had saved her many fights with her mother. Somehow, she always knew exactly what to say to calm Maureen down. They had a way with one another.
"It's…" Marlene couldn't seem to find the right words. "Too hard," she finally finished. "Every time I look at him I just see…" Marlene winced. "It's just a reminder, okay? A very bad reminder. He wasn't there for me, this whole year, and instead of being there for me he screwed around with my personal life, and why?"
"Because he loves you," Caroline responded simply.
"He's far from perfect, that's for sure, but I'll be sad to see you throw everything away over that," Alec sat back in his chair, crossing his arms. He stared at Marlene like an intellectual reading a book they couldn't quite figure out. She squirmed in her seat.
"He's not just a friend, Marlene, he's family. Whether you like it or not."
She wasn't quite sure she liked that very much anymore. She wasn't quite sure of anything.
"Well, I do know something," Caroline cleared her throat. "You are the most talented girl I have ever known. I don't say that lightly. I know you'll do extraordinary things. I just hope you remember to keep close the people who really love you when you do."
Marlene mustered only a weak smile, sinking in her chair the slightest.
Lily had spread herself out across James' bed, watching as he struggled to pack all his things up into his trunk for tomorrow. She was on her stomach, lazily going through the morning's Prophet.
"You know, this is just an idea, but you could help?" James suggested, sighing heavily as he failed to close his trunk once more. Lily looked up amusement glistening in her eyes.
"Oh, it's much better watching you do it, babe." James glared in her direction, Lily closing up the Prophet and tossing it aside. It was too depressing reading it anyway.
"You can't close it because you're just shoving your clothes in," she complained, pulling everything from the trunk. "There's a reason that folding your clothes is a thing."
"What would I do without you?"
"Waste money on a bigger trunk, probably."
Lily busied herself folding James' clothes, handing them over to him to place in the trunk once she was finished. It reminded her of the Sunday afternoons she'd spent with her mother as a kid. Her mom would pull clothes down from the line in the backyard, and Lily would fold them up, placing them in the laundry bin. She'd loved those days. She'd get to waste time in the garden, picking flowers when her mother's back was turned.
"So…how do you feel after that meeting this morning?" James asked apprehensively.
Lily stopped her folding, looking over at James. She realized he'd been working up to ask her for a while now, probably since she'd entered his room.
"It's a lot," Lily said with honesty.
"Listen," James pulled his glasses from the bridge of his nose, rubbing at his eyes. "If you don't want to, I won't either. We can aid the war effort some other way. I don't want to give up having a life and family with you Lily, especially not if that's what you want."
Lily sat quite still, letting his words really sink in. While a family was important to her, she didn't think it was the most pressing concern on her mind at eighteen.
"Why would having a family be the most important thing to me right now?" Lily pressed her boyfriend.
"I just meant—"
"Because I'm a woman I'd rather get married and have babies than fight?" Lily crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing down on James.
"Okay, no," James shook his head. "I just…I don't want to give everything up," James finally admitted. "What if this war goes on for years? What if we don't get to ever have a wedding and a house? Little kids waking us up at six in the morning?"
Lily's expression softened as she stared into his eyes now. She understood. Who knew how long a war could persist? They knew better than anyone how dirty and dangerous the whole ordeal could be. It wasn't wrong of James to assume that they could be giving up more than just a normal life jumping right into the eye of the storm.
"Hey, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Lily told him, sliding across the floor towards her boyfriend. She took his hand in hers. "What matters is that we have each other. We always will. No matter how dark or hopeless it feels I want to know I can come home to your face at the end of the night."
"Me too," James said softly, pressing his forehead against Lily's delicately.
"We've been spending the last year complaining about how useless we feel," she reminded him, playing the voice of reason. "This is our chance to do something, James."
"So we agree then? We'll join?" He looked at her expectantly, Lily taking a deep breath.
"Yeah," she agreed. "We'll join."
She'd been waiting all year to get to say that. To join the fight. Become a soldier. Suddenly, the decision didn't feel so easy. All she could think about were the long nights filled with fighting and death. Would they all make it to the end? Did any of them get a happy ending?
"Will you move back in once you get home?" James asked, wrapping a strand of Lily's red hair around his finger.
"I have to," she nodded. "Mum's not well and Petunia will be leaving on her honeymoon the week after we return."
"Merlin, she gets married in a week?"
"Sadly." A part of Lily still hoped her sister would wake up one morning, roll over to see Vernon Dursley, and scream in horror. There was still time to fix mistakes.
"You're my plus one," Lily declared, James' face falling. "I want you on your best behaviour."
"I'll come with my mouth sewn shut," James remarked, Lily punching him in the arm.
"Don't be a smartass! Seriously."
"I will be a gold star boyfriend," James promised, his chest puffed out. Lily moved in for a quick kiss, leaning on her knees to do so. She lost her balance halfway through, toppling into the neatly folded pile of clothes she'd just finished.
"Oh no," she laughed helplessly, James chuckling at her, his arm rested beneath her for support.
"It's a sign we should take a break," he said, his lips travelling slowly down her neck. Lifting up her shirt, finding their way around the surface of her body.
"James," Lily said, her voice hardly louder than a whisper.
"Mhm," her boyfriend replied, a little distracted, as he unbuttoned her jeans, beginning to yank them down her legs.
"Never mind," she sighed, his head between her legs, his tongue inside of her.
Lily's fingers curled through James' hair as she inhaled sharply staring up at his ceiling with the water stain in the centre of it. She let her focus centre on that as her inside bubbled with pleasure. She could get used to this, oh yes, this could be home for her.
"James," Sirius' voice echoed into the room as he knocked impatiently. Lily clutched to her boyfriend's hair a little tighter. "There's an emergency!"
"Just a minute!" Lily called out, trying hard not to let her voice show how close she was. She closed her eyes, struggling to hold back a groan of pleasure.
"Why's the door locked?" Sirius complained, fiddling with the handle.
"James is just in the washroom!"
"Well, can you let me in? We're in the middle of a crisis over here!"
Lily gasped with pleasure, hoping it could not be heard from behind the door, as James hit just the right spot, letting her climax. His face rose from between her legs, the pair sharing a sheepish glance.
Alice waited for Frank in the boys dormitory, rested on the end of his bed. He'd been spending his afternoon hanging out with the Prewett twins, getting up to god knew what. Alice knew she had to stay here and wait, though. Otherwise, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to tell him the truth.
The door swung open, Alice jumping the slightest. She didn't feel ready now. Her nerves were a mess. Luckily, it wasn't Frank. Instead, Peter stood in the doorway.
"Oh!" he said, startled. "I didn't know anyone was in here."
"Sorry Pete," Alice apologized. "I'm waiting for Frank." Alice bowed her head, her hands clasped tightly in her lap to stop them from shaking.
"Want some company?" Peter asked kindly, stepping forward.
"Yes," Alice replied honestly, "I would actually."
Peter shut the door behind himself, sitting beside Alice on the bed. He remained quiet for only a few seconds before awkwardly clearing his throat.
"So um...Remus told you?" he spoke up, Alice staring at him in shock.
"You know!?"
"I was there when Emmeline told us all," he admitted, biting his lip anxiously. "Sorry, I…"
"Oh, don't apologize," Alice hushed him. "You're just the messenger."
She sighed heavily, falling backwards onto the bed. Alice lay there, her arms crossed over her stomach, her eyes tracing circles into the ceiling. "Have you ever wished you could be someone else?" she asked Peter dreamily. "I feel sometimes like I could handle another person's problems much better than my own."
"I know the feeling," Peter assured her, shifting around in his spot on the edge of the mattress. "Or that you'd like to just turn back time…"
"Oh, how I wish I could," Alice told him. "I'd change so much..." All she could think about were the wasted hours she'd spent questioning whether Frank was the guy for her. All the betrayals. The times she'd let herself go to the darkest places in her mind. If none of that had ever happened Alice wouldn't be sitting here now.
"Alice…" Peter began hesitantly. His tone of voice caught her attention, drawing her into an upright position once more.
"What is it, Pete?" She frowned, pressing her hand to her friend's shoulder for comfort.
Peter shifted in his spot, his hands running through his thin blonde hair, clutching to the ends of it. "I...I'm scared I've made a very big mistake," he admitted.
Alice could feel him shaking beside her, her eyebrows drawing together with concern. "What do you mean?" she asked, trying her best to stay calm. "What kind of mistake?"
"I can't tell you," Peter fretted. "I don't think you'd look at me the same if I did I...I... I'm scared Alice. I don't know who to tell…"
"You can tell me, Peter," she assured him, edging closer to her old friend. "Hey, Pete, you can tell me anything. I won't judge you. I'm your friend, aren't I?"
Peter turned to her, his lips trembling, his eyes wide with fear.
"Is it Aldora?" Alice guessed. "Did something happen between the two of you?"
Peter nodded his head, his eyes clenched shut as though he were in pain.
"Okay," Alice continued, now rubbing his back with care. "So, something bad happened between you two?" Alice couldn't quite comprehend what had him so shaken up. Had she cheated on him? Had they robbed a store together? She'd never seen Peter - kind, quiet, Peter - so terrified in her life.
"Alice," he began very urgently, "she-"
They were interrupted by the sound of a door crashing open, Frank, Gideon, and Fabian appearing in a fit of giggles.
"Oh!" Frank cried out boisterously. "Hey, you two!"
Alice could tell they'd all been drinking, she could smell the alcohol from across the room.
"What are you two doing up here?" Frank asked innocently. How the hell was Alice supposed to tell him the news now?
"Just...having a little chat," Alice replied simply.
"I'll give you two a moment," Peter mumbled, jumping from the bed before Alice could stop him. She couldn't see his face as he scurried from the room and down the stairs in such a rush he nearly bumped Fabian over.
"Should we go too?" Gideon asked uneasily.
"I think that might be a good idea," Alice told them, her voice strained. She'd been nervous before but now, well she was certain she might be sick before she even got the news out.
"I hope we're alone because you've missed me so much for the past few hours," Frank said with a suggestive eyebrow raise. Alice took a deep breath, rising from his bed.
"How drunk are you?" she asked nervously, her hands clasped in front of her.
"Sober enough to tell something's bugging you." That was an understatement.
"I think you should sit down," Alice told her husband, her face pinched with fear. She was trying so hard to stay calm, to be the strong one between the two of them. The task was nearly impossible.
"Al you're not…" Frank's eyes grew huge with fear. "Oh my god, are you pregnant?"
"No," Alice shook her head, watching relief wash over her husband's face.
"Oh, thank god," Frank sighed, breathing a little more easily.
"Frank…" Alice felt like she was on the top of a roller coaster, after a slow incline up the drop. teetering forward and back, a second from dropping. Her stomach was waiting for her down at the bottom now. "It's Cecily," she spit out, "Cecily's pregnant." and there it went. Shooting forward, down the drop, Alice going at a hundred miles an hour.
A/N: Just in case anyone is worried, there's still lots of chapters to come! I'm planning to go all the way through their Order years.
