December had arrived with a fresh dusting of snow and the spirit of the holidays. It managed to cheer everyone up as shop windows filled with Christmas trees and the trimmings of roofs were lined with colourful lights.
Marlene had found her spirits particularly raised after the joy that November had brought. She'd finally moved into her first flat (due to the generous support of her parents) and had got herself her first job working in the office at the Daily Prophet. A simple assistant position to start, something she could do during the days while her nights were filled with Order missions and raids.
She'd decided on this night, a week after she'd officially settled into her new home, she'd host her first housewarming party. The three rooms of her apartment were cramped with all of her friends. Everyone was filled with booze and distracted from the strains of their daily lives by the sound of chatter and music.
Marlene herself had ingested one too many shots of Firewhiskey and stood outside on the balcony enjoying a cigarette with Dorcas and Remus.
"So, how does it feel then?" Dorcas asked. "Your first place, all to yourself."
"It feels like I don't know how to use an oven," Marlene admitted, taking a long drag of her cigarette. "You don't realise that you've been pampered your whole life until you leave home and miss your house elf."
Dorcas and Remus laughed at her, both cosied up close to keep warm in the nipping cold.
"James and Sirius would agree," Remus scoffed. "You three have been living like royalty."
"Well, we don't all have a wonderful girlfriend who does the cooking for us whenever we spend the night at her place," Marlene teased him, eyebrows raised.
"I wish!" Remus cackled. "Dorcas only invites me over when she's hungry so that I'll make her dinner."
"That's not wrong," Dorcas nodded, no shame in her eyes.
Marlene could see the party still roaring on through the sliding glass doors. Emmeline and Gideon were cuddling on the couch. James was switching up the record. Lily and Sirius shimmed around the living room floor despite the fact that the music had stopped. Marlene didn't believe she'd ever felt so content.
"Who do you think's going to get knocked up first?" Dorcas asked suddenly. "Griffith or Evans?"
Marlene and Remus shared a look, shaking their heads. They both knew well what a mess it would be if either of their friends ended up having a baby at this time – the fact that they'd both decided to marry so soon was wild enough.
"I vote neither," Marlene insisted. "They'll wait until they're thirty to have children and at that point, this war will be looong over."
"Agreed."
"Every friend I had that got married straight out of Hogwarts had a kid within the year," Dorcas confessed, tossing her cigarette over the edge of the railing. Marlene watched as it tumbled down into the dimly lit high street of London that she lived along. "It always happens. They get married quick, they're suddenly living together, and they know it's a permanent arrangement. People get lazy."
"Not when they're in the middle of a war," Marlene reminded her. She felt at this point she was really just comforting herself. Not because she feared Lily or Alice would be stupid enough to get themselves knocked up at eighteen – they were the most responsible people Marlene knew – but, more so, because there was a certain dark haired boy dancing around her living room just then that she knew she spent too much time being reckless with.
"I think you're stressing Marlene out, Doe," Remus chuckled, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend's waist.
"Who has she got to worry about?" Dorcas asked absentmindedly. She paused after the words had slipped from her mouth, eyes widening in realisation. "Ohh," she grinned at Remus. "Black, is it?"
"You two are the worst. I'm going back inside." Marlene tossed her cigarette, too cold now anyway, the alcohol only doing so much to preserve her warmth.
"To dance with Sirius?" Dorcas teased, the couple laughing hysterically as Marlene slid the glass door shut behind her.
"Guess what song I've put on," James announced, grinning widely at her as he stood up from the record player. Marlene waited a second before the opening notes of Tiny Dancer by Elton John vibrated through the room. James came sliding across the floor towards her, hands outstretched for a dance.
Marlene rolled her eyes, taking them in her own. She let him spin her around, the two of them moving into the centre of the living room where everyone else was grooving around like idiots.
"Look at you," James said, pulling her in close, the two swaying energetically from side to side. "Living your dream."
"We'll see," Marlene smirked. "Who knows how well it'll all turnout."
"Well, I'm still proud of you. You're doing exactly what you always said you would." He stared down at Marlene with the pride of an older brother.
"So are you," she chimed back. "Now that you're marrying Evans and all."
"Shut up," James laughed with embarrassment.
"Sorry? The boy who once told me he would die if Lily Evans didn't finally accept his endless offers for a date wants me to stop rubbing in that he finally got what he wanted?"
"Are we making fun of James for his endless ploys to date me?" Lily asked. She and Sirius danced towards James and Marlene, both laughing at the memory of a fifteen-year-old James, trying desperately to get the attention of the girl he was enamoured with.
"Remember the cake he got the house elves to give you that literally said 'One Date Please'?" Sirius recalled.
"What about when he tossed paper aeroplanes into her hair during class that had drawings of the two of them on a date?" Marlene reminded them all, clutching her stomach she was laughing so hard.
James rolled his eyes, cheeks gone bright pink. Lily smirked at him, transferring dancing partners as Marlene and Sirius stood back to watch.
"You figured it out in the end, though, didn't you?" she told her fiancé, hand pressed against his cheek.
"I hope so." Lily leant in for a kiss – not quite a quick peck that you'd expect in public – and Sirius and Marlene were forced to turn away.
"You know, if he'd only followed our advice all along they might've reached this place sooner," Sirius announced, peaking behind his shoulder at the pair. Their lips were no longer locked as they swayed around, the tempo of the music dropping.
"Yeah, but look where all that tension led them." Marlene felt like a proud parent watching the two of them across the room, lost in a world of their own. It was how she'd imagined being in love was supposed to look.
"So, am I never going to see you now that you've got your own place?" Sirius slid in casually. Marlene could tell he was too afraid to pose the question he really wanted to ask. What were they?
"It depends on what context you'd like to keep seeing me in."
"You sound like you're upset about something."
"Not upset," Marlene clarified. "Just wondering if we're seeing each other outside the confines of your apartment."
"I thought you wanted to keep things quiet for a while?" Sirius reminded her, taking a step closer so that the gap between them closed. Marlene could feel their friends watching, all waiting to see what came next, to see if the two of them could put the final piece of the puzzle in place.
"I don't need you to propose to me," Marlene shrugged. It was difficult to keep her emotions under the surface when she was drunk and suddenly brimming with feelings. "I just…I want to know that this isn't the same road we've been down a hundred times before."
"Ah," Sirius nodded with understanding. "I get it." He gave her a funny look, placed the drink he'd been holding down upon the coffee table behind them and kissed her.
"Wha—" Marlene began to ask before his lips pressed against hers. She inhaled sharply, hands wrapping around his neck as he pressed into her, Marlene's back arching backwards as she supported their weight.
The pulled apart to the sound of hoots and whistles. James and Lily stared at them like two school children who'd just seen Santa Claus.
"Just so everyone knows," Sirius announced, arm wrapped around Marlene's waist, "Marlene Elizabeth McKinnon is off limits." He stared directly at Calder Ashton as he said it.
Hungover and sleep deprived, James had been called into his father's office early in the morning for a special "one on one chat." The younger Potter wasn't particularly thrilled for what he expected to be a watered down scolding.
"You want one?" Alec asked, offering one of the cigars he kept hidden in his top desk drawer to his son.
"I quit," James shook his head.
"You're a better man than I." His father informed him, pulling one out for himself. James watched as he lit the thing, amber flames sparking up as he inhaled, a puff of smoke being exhaled into the room a few seconds later. "I wanted to have a chat," his father explained, "before everything gets a little crazy around here."
"Before I'm a married man, you mean?" James teased him.
"You know, I still don't understand why you two can't wait."
"I'm not going to have this argument with you again—"
"I know, I know," his father raised his hands in defeat. "Still, I thought I should give you the same talk my father gave me before I got married."
"There's a talk?" James asked, raising his eyebrows with curiosity.
"When I married your mother, my father - your grandfather - told me that I should prepare to be the head of the house." James couldn't quite imagine his mother's reaction had she been present for that conversation. "Of course, your mum and I didn't do very well following through on that one."
"With good reason," James nodded. "You were two of the most successful Aurors the department ever had."
His father laughed gruffly, breaking out into a heavy cough before taking another inhale from his cigar.
"Well, those days are behind us now. You're the young ones now, you and Lily. It's a gift, you know, the chance to grow old with someone you love, I mean really love."
"Do you think you chose the right person?" James asked his father. It was a question he'd never dared to ask before. He'd seen his parents through highs and lows, moments where he'd feared they might sit him down and announce things were done for. Somehow, though, despite the tension which could arise within the Potter house, they'd always found a way through.
"Undeniably," his father smiled proudly, a puff of smoke engulfing his face. "Your mother will always be my best friend. There's no one I would rather have spent my life with. You can't quite understand what it's like until you reach it."
"Reach what?"
"The end," his father explained, ruffling his sandy hair – messy just like James'.
"It's not quite the end yet, though?" he asked his father, stomach dropping just the slightest.
"No," his father comforted him. "Not quite."
"I love her, dad," James told him surely. It was the only thing in the world he'd ever been certain of. "I know it doesn't make sense to you guys, why we can't just wait, but I don't want to. If there's anything this war has taught me it's that there's no point waiting when you love someone. Why spend another year or two waiting for someday when I could be her husband now?"
"I'm proud of you, James," his father said, a smile worn on his face, one that made his eyes crinkle and glisten with joy. "I can't quite believe you've managed to get so old right under my nose."
James didn't feel quite that old himself. Despite the fact that he was getting married – soon to be someone's husband – he felt nothing more than a young boy, one who still desperately craved the approval and guidance of his parents. It was hard for him to sit across his father's desk and realise that they were equals now.
"Now, on the matter, we discussed earlier." His father cleared his throat, sliding the middle drawer of his desk open to reveal a large envelope. "I've got it all sorted out."
"What!" James gawked; jaw dropping.
"Yes, yes, and I haven't told your mother, just as you asked. It'll be a surprise."
"Dad…" James felt a lump growing in the back of his throat as he clutched the envelope in his hands.
"Consider it an early wedding present," his father winked, resting his half finished cigar in the ashtray that sat on top of his desk. "I guess everything's all sorted out for the big day then? Your suit fits right? You've got your vows all ready?"
James froze up at the mention of vows. He stared back at his father like a deer in headlights – the same guilty face he'd worn all his life when doing something wrong.
"Do - not - leave - it," his father warned, opening his centre drawer once more. "Here, some inspiration." He passed James a yellowing piece of parchment with a messy scrawl covering its surface.
"What's this?"
"My vows, from the day I married your mother."
James' eyes widened, realising the importance of what lay between his hands.
"See if anything in there gets the creative juices flowing," he suggested.
James nodded, standing up with the two very important documents in his possession. He paused at the door, a funny feeling settling in the back of his throat.
"Everything is alright, though?" James asked, turning over his shoulder to look at his dad once more. "With you and mum?" So much had changed over the years. James could still remember the younger and hardworking Auror who had once greeted him from behind that old desk. Now rested a man who looked tired and worn out. Dark circles under his eyes, hair gone grey, half an arm missing.
"Yes," his father smiled. "Same as ever."
James sensed something, hidden behind his father's voice, but he was much too scared to think too hard on it or badger him with any more questions. Instead, he nodded, accepting the simple comfort his parent offered and wandered out the door just as he had a hundred times before.
Mary woke up early, as she had been doing most days in recent weeks, to make sure Patrick was fed and ready to head off to school with enough time to catch the bus. This morning went a little differently, though.
After rushing Patrick out the door with only five minutes to spare, Mary turned back in towards the living room to see Emmeline – emerged from her bedroom – waiting on the couch.
"Is he off then?" she asked.
"Yes. You're up early, aren't you?"
"The movement out here woke me up," Emmeline admitted. "I couldn't fall back asleep."
"Shit," Mary cursed, rubbing her hands along her face to wake herself up a little. "I'm so sorry—"
"No need to be sorry," her friend assured her, patting the space beside her on the couch for Mary to join. The living room was a mess, as it had been where Patrick was sleeping, his clothes strewn along the floor and the couch covered with a sheet.
"I love that we live together," Emmeline told her friend with a smile. "Because you're my best friend and these past few months have been so much fun—"
"Why do I feel like there's a but coming," Mary groaned in anticipation.
"But, I think it may be time to reevaluate our living situation."
"Is this because of Patrick? I know I should've talked to you before moving my teenage brother into our living room, it was just so spur of the moment and—"
"It's not just Patrick," Emmeline promised her. "It's the fact that we're both in different worlds now. You're at work half the time, and when you are home you're either with Reg or taking care of Patrick and I'm always out at all hours of the night, on missions or at meetings. Not to mention, it feels a little strange sneaking Gideon in here while your kid brother is snoring on the couch." Mary had to admit, the past few weeks had been a little difficult to manoeuvre with Patrick in such close proximity.
"So," Mary led, "what're you suggesting then?"
"I think, perhaps, it's time we look into getting our own places."
"I hate the sound of that…"
"It doesn't mean we're any less of friends," Emmeline reminded her, grabbing hold of Mary's hand. "It just means that we're going to have separate lives. It'll be a big adjustment but we can make it work. Besides, it's not like we aren't going to be spending all of our free time at each other's homes."
"I know I just…I kind of liked imagining us living here forever. Two crazy spinsters."
Emmeline snorted with laughter. "Two crazy spinsters bringing their boyfriends over every night?"
"Well…spinsters deserve a little action too."
The only way the thought of splitting up with Emmeline didn't make Mary sad was joking about it. For the past year, the two had lived together non-stop, not including their little spat that kept them apart for a while. From Emmeline's home to Hogwarts and then their own apartment – it was scary to think about a life that Mary might lead where she wasn't seeing her best friend every day.
"I don't think Reg will mind the news," Emmeline said, trying to cheer her friend up. "I think he's been hoping to get you to himself for a while now."
"Well, not exactly by myself seeing as my brother will be tagging on wherever I go."
"Yeah, well, he won't mind that either. You're happier when Patrick's around. It's like you were missing a piece of you before."
"I was," Mary smiled. It was a comfort now to know her brother was safe, away from the verbal and physical abuses of their old home. Mary didn't know what her mother was doing now, whether she'd tried to make any changes in her marriage, but she hoped for the sake of her young sisters she did.
"You'll probably be seeing a lot of me regardless of dinner dates," Emmeline informed her. She stood up, stretching her long limbs as she made the five-foot step into the kitchen – divided from the living room only by an island.
"Why's that?"
"I've heard you're the new go to for injuries on missions."
"Oh," Mary rolled her eyes, "that."
She'd been woken up abruptly weeks ago by an Auror she'd never met demanding that she come help an injured person. When Mary had arrived in front of the Longbottom's home her heart had been in her throat. She'd had to Heal Frank's wounds on top of a dining room table with what little medical supplies she had on her.
"It's not really what I was hoping to use my Healer training for."
"You mean saving your friend's dying husband is no fun?"
Mary stuck her tongue out at Emmeline.
"I suppose it's my duty, though," she shrugged. "If I can't fight, I can do this."
"It's noble," Emmeline nodded.
"It's something."
Mary couldn't help but shake the feeling that she was slacking in her war effort, especially next to her friends. She knew that Emmeline had not taken lightly to her decision not to join the Order and she often regretted it. Yet, when she saw the relief on Patrick's face – now that he was out of a home filled with violence and fear – she knew she'd made the right decision. She couldn't be selfish with her life, not when there were so many people who needed her to stay alive.
"So, I suppose you'll move in with Gideon then?"
"Well…" Emmeline blushed, buttering a piece of toast. "While I'm sure he wouldn't mind getting out of his mother's house, I think I might try living on my own for a while - not that he won't have his own drawer and all."
Mary couldn't help but think about their giving up of the apartment without feeling grief. She'd wanted longer. More happy years shared in their flat of "freedom" as Emmeline had called it when Mary had moved in.
"You'll live with Reg then?"
"I don't know," Mary shrugged, standing up to stretch out her limbs. "I don't want to force it. Living with someone I haven't even been dating for a year feels like a bit of a jump, although everyone else we're friends with seems to be doing it."
"That boy is head over heels for you," Emmeline observed, taking a mouthful of toast. "He'd move in with you in a heartbeat."
"And if it goes south? And I have to force Patrick to move yet again? I couldn't do that to him—"
"Mary," Emmeline said in her motherly tone. "You're not his mother, for Merlin's sake, you're allowed to fuck up without ruining his life."
Mary approached the island, snatching the piece of toast from Emmeline's hand despite her look of protest.
"I'll think about it," she agreed, taking a bite of toast.
Remus had never met the parents before and now that the event had arrived he was less than enthused.
"You're going to be fine," Dorcas assured him for the hundredth time. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs crossed, watching Remus with amusement as he threw shirts on and off, looking for something he felt comfortable in.
"What happens when they ask me what I do for a living?" he demanded. His work situation was not very promising. He'd held down a position at an antique shop in Diagon Alley for a few months before the shop owner noticed a startling pattern in the days Remus called in sick. It'd put a quick end to that source of income.
Since then Remus had been living off Dorcas' generosity, searching desperately for something that would help him pay the bills. He knew she didn't mind – she was too kind to ever complain about helping out someone she cared for – but he did. He hated feeling like he was mooching off of her, or that he was in debt to anyone. He hated even more that this probably wouldn't make the best impression on her parents.
"You'll say you're working with me."
"So I'll lie?"
"No," Dorcas corrected him. "Just…gloss over the details. You are working with me, just…not in the traditional sense."
She stood up, coming up behind Remus to run her hands over the surface of his shoulders, squeezing out the built up tension.
"You put too much pressure on yourself," she reminded him, hugging him tight. "They'll love you. You're very loveable." With that she wandered off into her closet, picking out her own outfit for the evening.
"Okay, go over everyone's names again," he told her, straightening out the blue button down he'd put on.
"Well, there's mum, her name is Vera. She doesn't work and spends most of her days doing art. She's a very talented painter, if you can get her to give you a look around her studio you will most definitely win brownie points. Then there's dad, Carson, he works at the Ministry. Bring up Quidditch and you'll have him going on for hours."
"Good to know…" Remus nodded, trying to straighten out his dirty brown hair.
"Edie is the oldest of my siblings, after me. She was a year older than you guys, a Ravenclaw, she's been living at home, training to become a Professor. Then there's Bingham, he's a sixth year so he's still in school right now and then you've got Beatrice."
"The youngest?"
"Yep. Better known as the "oops" baby but it's probably best you don't repeat that at dinner. She's ten, very chatty, she'll keep the conversation going."
"Great." Remus wiped a line of sweat from his forehead. "Nothing to worry about, right?"
Dorcas emerged from the closet in an orange turtleneck sweater dress with black tights. "Nothing," she assured him, giving his cheek a soft caress.
X
One Sunday roast - and several glasses of wine - later, Remus found himself quite comfortably situated around Meadowes' dining room. That was until the dreaded subject of Remus' occupation popped up.
While Dorcas and her siblings assisted their mother in clearing the table, Carson Meadowes leant back in his chair; hands clasped over his stomach and turned his gaze towards Remus.
"I don't think I asked what you do?" he noted casually.
"No," Remus nodded. "I, um…" he raised his eyes to sneak a quick glance of Dorcas, who was giving him an urgent look, disguised behind her father. "I work with Dorcas," he answered simply.
"Ah, so I suppose that's how you two met?" Remus squirmed a little in his seat. That hadn't come up in the conversation quite yet either.
"Well…not exactly…"
"Remus was in training," Dorcas interjected, "when we met."
"Oh?"
"We didn't start to see each other until afterwards," Dorcas clarified.
"Look at this little cougar," Edie teased her older sister. Dorcas gave her a good kick in the shin before they retreated into the kitchen with their piles of dishes.
"I might be bothered that you're my daughter's junior if it weren't for the fact that this is the happiest I've seen her in years," Carson informed with a threatening glance in Remus' direction. That doesn't mean I don't have my eyes on you, the look said.
"Well, I feel like I'm the one who's lucked out with your daughter, sir," Remus assured him. "She's one of a kind."
"She's reckless."
"I think she's brave."
Carson gave him a long stare, one that made Remus feel like his every thought was being analysed, before sighing deeply.
"She's not in any danger, though," her father clarified. "Is she?"
Remus wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. Was he meant to follow it up with another white lie or tell her father the truth? That every time Dorcas went out on a mission or showed up to work there was a chance she might never return home?
"She's got good people looking out for her," Remus answered, jumping around the question. "She's smart and strong—"
"But is she safe?" her father pressed.
"Are any of us?"
Carson frowned, watching the entrance to the kitchen for any signal of the women's return.
"Promise me you'll protect her," he said, leaning in close.
He knew it wasn't something he could promise. It was an impossible request – even for the person that he cared for so dearly. Despite it all, he looked Carson Meadowes in the eyes, heart pounding, and told him what he wanted to hear.
"Of course."
Lily stepped through the rooms of her old house, empty. The furniture was gone. The walls stripped bare of all reminisce of the lives that had once been lived inside its four walls. She felt her throat close up as she realised it was no longer her home but simply a memory. A bid had been put in and soon the new buyers would move their furniture in. The place would be filled with new children and memories. Lily hoped happier ones.
She could see herself learning to walk in the living room. Waddling into her mother's arms as her father filmed the whole ordeal, Petunia watching from the couch with interest. The images of her and her sister running through the garden laughing and holding hands. The Hogwarts letter that had landed on the raggedy old foot mat in front of the door, sealing Lily's fate. The kitchen, in which, her mother had wasted countless hours preparing family meals.
"One day you'll have a home, Lily, then you'll see how important it is to fill it with all the memories you can with the ones you love," her father had advised.
"I want to live here, daddy! Then my kids can live here after me and we'll never have to stop filling it with happy memories!"
Her father had laughed, most definitely realising the naivety of her statement. "That'd be nice, my love." He smiled.
She hadn't done it. No, her children would never know the halls of her childhood home. They'd never remember the smell of her mother's famous oatmeal raisin cookies wafting from the kitchen or the disgusting floral wallpaper that covered the walls of the living room.
Lily gave the home a final look before stepping outside and locking the door, tucking the key beneath the doormat for the real estate agent.
She took to wandering the streets of her old neighbourhood, looking up at all the similar houses, remembering how it'd felt to bike down along the suburban roads towards the playground at the end – the one she now wandered to at the ripe age of eighteen.
Lily climbed to the top of the hill in the middle of the park, lying beneath the oak tree with its bare branches for winter. She would miss the sight of the blooming leaves and the lush greenery that filled the area when spring arrived. She'd never witness it again. She'd miss a lot of things…
"Lily…"
The sound of her name caught her by surprise and she shot up to greet her visitor. Severus Snape stood there, hands dug into a tattered looking brown trench coat. His eyes were disguised by the long black hair the hung in his face, making it difficult for Lily to see the expression he wore.
"Never thought I'd see you here again."
"I'm saying goodbye," she informed him cordially. Lily pulled her knees into her chest, breathing in the crisp winter air.
"I saw that your house went up for sale," he noted, standing over her awkwardly.
"Sit," Lily instructed him. She wasn't particularly keen on his company but she figured if she were saying goodbye to everything else from her childhood, perhaps it was time she waved off one more thing.
Rather uncomfortably, Severus settled down on the spot of grass beside her, still crisp from the frost.
"I'm sorry about your mum," he said after a long silence. Lily laid back, eyes facing the stars. She couldn't help but admire how beautiful the night sky looked. The way it sparkled, perfect, despite the chaos and tragedy that lay below.
"I wanted to come to the funeral," Severus continued when she didn't reply. "I just thought…well…I figured it was best I keep my distance."
"I wouldn't have been mad," Lily shrugged, "if you had decided to come."
"No?" He sounded shocked.
"You knew her too."
He had. There had been many summer afternoons spent with Lily and Severus rushing in and out of the house, her mother forcing them to settle down for a quick meal. Dinners that Severus had spent with the Evans when his home situation wasn't the brightest. Her parents had thought fondly of him, even when her sister didn't.
Lily forgot sometimes that Severus had been her best friend for so many years. That while they no longer spoke, he had still played a rather crucial role in her childhood. He could remember her father and his warm smile. Severus had felt his arm around his shoulder and been given his warm words of comfort the same way Lily had.
"I guess Petunia married that boyfriend of hers then?"
"Yep."
Lily caught Severus' gaze fall to her hands, rested on top of her stomach. She paused, her engagement ring fully visible.
"And you?" he asked.
She sat up, shooting him a look that put a quick end to that line of conversation. He could never understand why she loved James just as James could never see why she held such a soft spot for Severus. Why waste her breath trying to convince either of them?
"Are you living back home?" Lily asked casually.
"I have been. I'm moving out now, though, moving in with…" Severus' sentence cut off there, most definitely because the name that came next probably belonged to someone who'd done terrible things to Lily or somebody she loved.
"Good," she replied in a robotic tone. "That's good."
It wasn't, though. She felt like she was fraternising with the enemy as she sat on that hill with him. Here they were, neutral, but out in the real world, they fought very different battles. Lily couldn't wrap her head around it even now, how someone she could feel such warmth for could do something so evil. She tried hard not to think about it too much.
"Was it horrible?" Severus asked her.
"What?"
"Everything with your mum."
"Oh," Lily nodded. "It was slow and she was in a lot of pain."
"She was a wonderful woman."
"There's a lot of really wonderful people who've been given less time," Lily reminded him with a harsh crash of reality. It didn't matter how long they tried to tiptoe around the subject; it came up eventually. She could never forget what Severus was. They'd never be the same again.
"I should go," Lily said, getting to her feet unsteadily on the edge of the hill. "I told James I'd be back for dinner…"
"Lily," Severus said with much urgency. He leapt to his feet, standing right in front of her now. She stood there, waiting, wondering what on earth he could say at this point that might shock her. "I know it doesn't matter to you what I think."
"No," Lily told him honestly, "it doesn't."
"I don't want you to marry him," Severus admitted. It was hard for her to be mad at him for saying it when his words came out with such pure honesty. She could see from the look in his eyes that it wasn't easy to say, his hands clasped in front of him.
"I don't want you to be a Death Eater," Lily shot back.
They stood there, stuck at a stalemate. Lily turned to leave, hands tucked in the pockets of her coat.
"What if I stopped?" Severus called out to her. "What if I were to give it all up?"
What if? What if he'd never called her that terrible word? What if he'd been sorted into a different house? Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw perhaps? What if he'd never made friends with those terrible people?
Lily turned to see him slowly approaching, the gap between them shrinking. Would they have ever worked? Could they?
"Would you?" Lily baited him, green eyes rounded with curiosity.
"If you asked me to. You could call the whole thing off," he suggested with a pique of his voice. "We could run away, go live somewhere together away from it all…" He was so close now that just the slightest movement would cause them to lean into each other, for their lips to touch, their hands to graze.
"Maybe it could've been different," Lily told him. "In some other life…"
"It could still be different—"
"I can't run away Sev, can't you see that? This is my fight. How could I live with myself knowing that my friends were putting their lives on the line every day while I was off gallivanting in the countryside?"
"We could be happy," Severus insisted. "I could make you happy Lily, I know you."
He leant in just then, his lips meeting hers. For a moment Lily thought, perhaps, that she could see it. A different life, one in which things had worked out the way she'd once thought they might. That was, of course, until the images of James flooded her mind. The memories of their friends and family and she remembered the life that she had, the one set in reality.
Lily pushed Severus off of her, taken aback by the bluntness of his actions. "You shouldn't have done that."
"Lily, I…"
"I don't feel the same Severus," she told him, trying to cause as little pain as possible with her words. "Maybe I could've if things had been different, but they're not. I'm happy. And maybe if you could really give it all up we could be friends again, but you won't. I don't think you know the difference between right and wrong anymore, not unless there's something in it for you."
Severus stared at her in awe, Lily tucking her hands back into her pockets.
"I hope you can do it one day, maybe then you'll see what I did in that boy I first met here."
And, with that, she left.
X
Lily arrived back at the Potters' a little shaken up, her cheeks rosy from the cold. She was only more surprised when she stepped inside, the sound of soft jazz music wafting from the dining room up the hall, the lighting all dimmed.
James emerged, a guilty smile on his face. "Mum and dad went out to dinner for the night," he explained. "I thought I might throw a little something together…I did have some assistance of course."
"Meaning Mimsy prepped the whole thing?"
"I lit all the candles, though!" James emphasised.
"I'm sure that flick of your wand was quite the effort." Lily strode forward slowly, stripping her scarf and jacket off as she moved until James was right before her and her lips pressed to his. They kissed, long and passionately, Lily's hands pressed into his back.
"I love you," she whispered as they pulled apart, eyes glossy with tears.
"I love you too," he assured her, pressing his forehead against hers. "We're doing alright, aren't we?"
"More than alright," she assured him with a smile.
"Should we eat then?"
"Yes," Lily nodded, feeling exactly where she belonged.
